Talking the Talk

I am 23 years old and remember high school and middle school vividly. Waiting until a "kid" is a "tween" is waiting far too late. Even though legally speaking they are children, biologically speaking, they are not. The idea of "waiting until marriage" was created thousands of years ago when most people were married between the ages of 11-16, pretty much as soon as their hormones kicked in. There was not much of a "wait" till marriage since only children and adults existed, there was no such thing as "adolescence". Now with the necessities of further education as well as extended life expectancies, marriage this early is impracticle.

Abstinence is a perfectly sound choice and it is certainly the safest choice, there is no argument against that. But if someone makes the choice to not do so they need to know the consequences of it and ways to protect themselves. Comprehensive sex education isn't simply about "putting condoms on cucumbers and doing whatever you want". It is about navigating ones emotions, dealing with pressure, making choices, as well as communication with others. Sex is a complicated issue, even within marriage. Many adults have a hard enough time dealing with their own feelings let alone young people who are having new feelings for the first time and the have a hard enough time articulating and identifying what those feelings are. They need to know that these feelings are not "bad" or "shameful". Indeed, they can not even help having desires since it is simply programmed in their DNA to feel this way. Sexual arousal is an involunary action but people can be educated as to what they feel are the right choices for THEM.

I believe that talking to children about sex should start as early as possible. Long before hormones kick in. They need to know the proper names for anatomy and what sex is to protect themselves from sexual predators. Children of BOTH sexes need guidance as to appropriate and inappropriate touching. People as young as 8 are going through puberty so people need to know how their bodies work. (In college, I volunteered at my student's health center and it's amazing how much people don't know about their own bodies.)

Again, I would like to reiterate that abstinence is a completely valid choice, but it's not the only one. Also, abstinence is still not the end all to be all because it doesn't deal with issues that can still happen within marriage. And comprehensive sex ed does not cause people to turn into sex crazed maniacs as some posters are asserting. 2 of my best friends are still virgins (25 and 22 respectively), and both grew up with comprehensive sex ed. One of these friends actually grew up in Sweden which has one of the most highly comprehensive sexual educations in the world and still chose to stay a virgin. Sweden also has much lower rates of STDs and pregnancy.

I am not religious or a prude, but this article is dumb. It just assumes that young teens are going to have sex and advises parents to make jokes about condoms and cucumbers. You don't have to be religious to know that sex is a powerful force and young teens can't handle it. Neither can most adults. It has spiritual, emotional, and physical hooks attached to it. There are anthropological and sociobiological reasons to stay a virgin until you find a totally solid life partner who loves you and vice versa. Most birth control drugs are harmful to girls. Sex is a drug of sorts. This article is sick and stupid. It doesn't respect girls or sex.

Yes, Ashley we have - they are 16 and 13. As a matter of fact, we have shared with them the heartache we have experienced because of our pre-marital sex, the results of not respecting ourselves enough or the other, to wait until we were married. God created that kind of intimacy as something sacred and special to be shared with the one to whom we would spend the rest of our lives (we've been married for 29 years).

We've also shared with them the consequences of my choice to have an affair 20 years ago. There are still residuals from that choice. The reasons for that choice are many and don't translate well in this medium. We've talked to them about looking to another person to fulfull you in ways that only God can. My husband fell into deep depression for a lot of years and he made choices to get involved in pornography, joining a website looking for sex, and trying to create a three way with another couple. Praise God, he was not successful in these pursuits and is no longer involved in those things.

So, yes, Ashley, we have talked quite frankly with them and have told them how giving away something that doesn't even belong to them before marriage is not anywhere near what is right, let alone best, for them. God gives sex as a wedding gift. It doesn't belong to us until I Do is said.

Yes, the mormon faith is based upon manipulation. It's a society of people that are brainwashed to believe they are the "only true church of god" thus anyone not in their church is not a member, is unworthy and has no value. It's an elitest group who's entire ritualistic and ceremonial garbage further supports their beliefs. It's a cult....end of discussion. True religion and faith promote acceptance of outsiders and embracing differences.

pureloveclub.com???? OH wow, what a horrible concept. There's a "LOVE TEST", you mark down answers and it tells you if you're in love. I've seen it all now...talk about mockery of the idea itself. I especially like the question about "do you use manipulation to get what you want" question since this is the basis of many zealot religions (mormon etc.)

conservatives = ignorant idealists who are disconnected with reality
liberals = people who will suggest things on grounds of what is actually happening in the real world. they also tend to pay less attention about what their neighbor is doing. In my experience conservatives try way to much to convince people that what they do is wrong ( in this case premarital sex/teen sex) rather than focus on what might actually make a difference and educate them on how to be safe in their activities.

It's unfortunate how this country puts so much emphasis on sex both good and bad. We've got faiths preaching armagedon type philosophies to kids and parents telling children they're damned and worthless if they have sex before wedlock. On the other hand we've got over sexed TV programs that mystify and glorify sex. It's no wonder that children want to run right out and try it for themselves. How about not preaching anything, and just taking the mystery out of it without giving them some sort of rules that they must follow to be a "good little boy/girl". Why do other countries such as Deutschland (germany), France, etc. have such low teenage pregnancy while our is high? We're obviously doing something wrong. It's the fact that we "mystify" it....where as in German culture, they have nude beaches, and it's just not glorified to any extent. The values are left up to the individual. Stop trying to treat kids like kids, it's just like "goo goo, ga ga" talk to babies...it's detrimental and inhibits their development, as well as not giving them enough credit for having a brain. Treat kids like adults, don't tell them what to do, just tell them the consequences and let them make up their own minds. Besides, I have many friends that had children at a VERY young age (late teens) and NONE of them regret their actions. Did they fulfill some of their own goals? No...but it's only the grandparents that seem to have some sort of remorse. It's YOUR duty as a parent to NOT let societies biases influence your children, and make sure you support them NO MATTER WHAT! Without judgement of their actions, I've seen too many parents make children feel worthless and unloved just because they got pregnant at an early age. Your love should be unconditional, so preaching "abstinence" however chilvalrous it may sound, is detrimental and steals their pride away if they falter. However "preaching" consequences, and POSSIBLE hardships is the correct way to inform kids.. The best way to encourage a child to do something is to tell them THEY CAN'T or THEY SHOULDN'T. Why not teach them to be CAREFULL, MATURE, and RESPONSIBLE young adults. Just because our society doesn't feel its socially acceptable for someone at 18 to have kids doesn't mean it's not right. Stop forcing your own values and expectations on your children, let them be their own people etc. If you're afraid they'll have kids at a very young age and prevent you from retiring or going off and globe trotting or stressing the family unit...then maybe you shouldn't have had kids and I would tell you "you should have practiced abstinence"!

In regard to point number 8 - ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? How about speaking frankly with them about the sanctity of sex as a wonderful gift that God gave to MARRIED couples (one man to one woman)?? And all of the emotional consequences that come from engaging in sexual contact outside of marriage? And teaching our sons and daughters about self-respect and respect for another, and learning that meeting those immediate urges can create problems in the future and well into their marriage?

Sex is so special, why are you degrading it so?

Where is the statement: Human life is sacred and so is your sexuality.

I can only hope the somehow my daughters will find the companionship of young peoiple who have better moral guidance than what you are capable of offering. But I will admit, it is not looking good.

This article made me want to puke!!!! Sex might be part of life, but it should be part of married life, not every casual relationship that "feels" like love! Whatever happened to teaching kids it's ok to wait! What about purity, and self-control???? Where are all the married people advocating married sex?

I guess we've just decided to teach that self-gratification is the way to go just because sex is part of life, and "everybody's doin' it"! Waiting is not IMPOSSIBLE! I've never heard of anyone dying from a lack of orgasm or lack of ejaculation! Nooooooo, let's just send them out the door, wave good-bye & toss them condoms & b.c. pills, all the while yelling after them "MAKE GOOD CHOICES!"

Whatever!

No, "we" DIDN'T do it at that age. I certainly didn't. Then again, I saw and understood the negative consequences of doing so.

And that's the crux of it right there, isn't it? Rather than beating a bible at your kids as if it were some sort of grand cure-all (or at the other end of the scale, helping them to put a condom on a banana), why not just be HONEST and REAL about the whole thing? There are plenty of inarguable, tangible negative consequences for premature sexuality. STD's, lifelong emotional scarring, unintended pregnancy... the consequences are legion. They are very real, and they happen every day. There's no need to try and drag in some "big guy in the sky" or fill their ears with "if it feels good do it... but, erm, try to be safe". Just be HONEST, and REAL.

after reading all these comments as a soon to be 16 [in a month and a half] year old girl., I think all of you forget something. Telling your child not to engage in sexual activities is not going to do anything. I learned about sex from my peers, not my parents, when i was 7 years old. Yes, SEVEN YEARS OLD. They failed to mention sex to me until I was 14. double the age that I actually learned about it?

Guess what? I'm still a virgin, not because my parents told me to remain abstinent. Or the whole no sex before marriage, due to religion. Because I don't have a religion. I have MORALS, that I personally created... And really? most of you parents who just tell your children to not have sex, you are total hypocrits. I bet about more than half of you had sex with some random guy when you were drunk, and found god later...Or wanted it to be special, so you waited to prom night and gave it up to that really hot guy you thought you were in love with...and I bet he got you knocked up with that same child you're telling not to have sex to.

Maybe if parents actually listened to their kids these days. Were open to communications. Allowed there children to actually ask about it when they are ready...say even when they are curious at 8...to listen and clarify what sex is about. Excpet shying away and telling them ,you'll tell them when they're older, when YOU are ready.

Maybe if you forget about religion. Forget about what's "right". If they want to do it, it's plain and simple...they're going to do it. NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY. if you ground them...it'll make them want to do it even MORE, if you say no...the same will happen.

And i'm not saying hand your kids condoms or command them to get on birth control, because...what if that's what they don't want? What if they want you to just INFORM them about it.

parents just for frikkin once in your life...listen to your child.
maybe your fourteen year old girl won't get knocked up...