Talking the Talk

To loveandrespect: You told your children of your heartache with pre-marital sex? So you truly feel that you didn't respect yourselves and eachother until marrage? Oh wow, time for me to rip this ideology apart. So basically what you're saying is your lives were worthless and meaningless before you got married, and the only salvation for you was marrage? Wow, what a dangerously obtuse impression to give to a child. You've just planted that seed of self-worthlessness in your child, just like the one that was planted within you! It's too bad we don't place such emphasis on things that are more important like financial responsibility, because we wouldn't have any more debt as a country. "Johnny, you know you shouldn't buy that candy if you wanna play soccer and buy a ball....etc."

When my children are old enough, (5 1/2yr. old B/G twins and 8yr. boy) for the "talk" my husband and I will sit sit down with all together to discuss. There are going to be questions about women that only I can answer and questions about men that only my husband can answer. I want open communication betwnn me and my sons and my daughter and her farther.

it seems to me that when these issues come up..like those of teen sex and drinking etc...theres always some knuckleheads who have to bring religion into it....if people could only look at issues like this and so many others without that religious filter clouding their minds. some people spend more time doing things like blessing their crap before they flush it (cneuhauser ) then paying attention to the real issues at hand. responding to something like this article with anything religious about god demanding abstinence is not only naieve but its also ignorant..and it gets old listening to poeple ramble on about what "god wants" or "commands". get an argument based in fact...not fiction

I have 4 kids (10, 7, 3 and 1 1/2) the two oldest being boys. I have thought of what I would say to them when "the talk" comes about and I hope that what I say gets to them and that they will use the heads on their shoulders opposed to the other. I try to instill in my sons that you must respect girls(I also try to teach the girls to respect others too but at their ages it is a bit more difficult to get the point across)...my oldest says his friends already have girlfriends and that he thinks he wants one too. My response to that is that it is a great idea to have friends that are girls and that you don't have to have a "girlfriend" because it is so much more fun to have lots of friends who you can have fun with. He agreed that he is not sure if he would be able to choose one girl to ask to be his girlfriend since he likes so many of them. I think that I may have dodged the proverbial bullet for the time being but I will look into the websites suggested because I don't think you can too much information to filter through to assist us parents with those "difficult" questions...an honest response seems to be the best course to take. GOOD LUCK TO ALL THOSE PARENTS OF TWEENS AND TEENS OUT THERE!!! :)

To "loveandrespect": What sick correlation have you drawn between God and sex? This sounds dangerously close to those father/daughter chastity agreements that are bizarre and sick parental fantasies. Am I out of my mind? No...Bachelors degree in education from Johns Hopkins University. I don't consider myself an expert on raising a child, but I sure know religious nonsense when I hear it. So if you're that religious, then I certainly don't remember Adam and Eve having a religious ceremony and being hitched in the garden of eden.

I can tell you RIGHT now that there are two reasons people get divorced for the most part... MONEY & SEX! You'd better live with that person, have sex with that person, brush your teeth next to that person, watch that persons spending habits BEFORE you marry....or you'll end up as a divorce statistic. Then again, certain religions still bless their poop before they flush, or have secret hand signals to get them into heaven; where the world did that nonsense come from.

Do these suggestions really help a child have respect for themselves and their friend? How can children show true respect for their bodies and that of others? Young one's, love doesn't mean you have to have oral sex or intercourse with someone. Demonstrating love, is having self control of your emotions and bodily organs, safequarding your body and giving pride to your virginity. Parents giving their child a box of
condomns "because they are already actively practicing sex", doesn't help them understand the obligations and responsibitlities that comes with having sex.

Teaching them to wait until they are ready to handle the responsibility that comes with sex...LIke marriage and children will help them see that sex is not for kids or teens. For example, can the child care for their boyfriend or child if a pregnancy arised from sex. Would the child's feel that children shouldn't feel forced to obligate the other to marry becuase of age? Then why easily yield to giving them more options for practicing safe sex. Parents who just give a box to their child, demonstrates, "I don't have time to deal with this, just use a condomn" attitude. It show that parents are not realy taking the time to teach them values and morals. Teach children to value themselves and have dignity for themselves is the key to preventing unwanted children and emotional stress. Encourage children to abstain until they have compromised to a vow of marraige and the the responsibility create a family and not just experiment and have fun with their bodies. Parents need to clarify the seriosness of getting involved at such a young age. Yes, some will practice sex in secret...but a torn relationship, a bad conscience, a sickly disease and emotional scares will be made very clear of those who try to hide it or persist in having sex at such a young age. Parents also have peer pressure and are easily influence by what he media tells them, but don't be pushed into the same frame of thought and allow your children to do what other parents permit theirs to do. Talking and listening is good, but not to give bad ideas. Think of ideas that can really help your child respect themselves.

It's unfortunate how this country puts so much emphasis on sex both good and bad. We've got faiths preaching armagedon type philosophies to kids and parents telling children they're damned and worthless if they have sex before wedlock. On the other hand we've got over sexed TV programs that mystify and glorify sex. It's no wonder that children want to run right out and try it for themselves. How about not preaching anything, and just taking the mystery out of it without giving them some sort of rules that they must follow to be a "good little boy/girl". Why do other countries such as Deutschland (germany), France, etc. have such low teenage pregnancy while our is high? We're obviously doing something wrong. It's the fact that we "mystify" it....where as in German culture, they have nude beaches, and it's just not glorified to any extent. The values are left up to the individual. Stop trying to treat kids like kids, it's just like "goo goo, ga ga" talk to babies...it's detrimental and inhibits their development, as well as not giving them enough credit for having a brain. Treat kids like adults, don't tell them what to do, just tell them the consequences and let them make up their own minds. Besides, I have many friends that had children at a VERY young age (late teens) and NONE of them regret their actions. Did they fulfill some of their own goals? No...but it's only the grandparents that seem to have some sort of remorse. It's YOUR duty as a parent to NOT let societies biases influence your children, and make sure you support them NO MATTER WHAT! Without judgement of their actions, I've seen too many parents make children feel worthless and unloved just because they got pregnant at an early age. Your love should be unconditional, so preaching "abstinence" however chilvalrous it may sound, is detrimental and steals their pride away if they falter. However "preaching" consequences, and POSSIBLE hardships is the correct way to inform kids.. The best way to encourage a child to do something is to tell them THEY CAN'T or THEY SHOULDN'T. Why not teach them to be CAREFULL, MATURE, and RESPONSIBLE young adults. Just because our society doesn't feel its socially acceptable for someone at 18 to have kids doesn't mean it's not right. Stop forcing your own values and expectations on your children, let them be their own people etc. If you're afraid they'll have kids at a very young age and prevent you from retiring or going off and globe trotting or stressing the family unit...then maybe you shouldn't have had kids and I would tell you "you should have practiced abstinence"!

Do these suggestions really help a child have respect for themselves and their friend? How can children show true respect for their bodies and that of others? Young one's, love doesn't mean you have to have oral sex or intercourse with someone. Demonstrating love, is having self control of your emotions, safequarding your body and giving pride to your virginity. Parents giving their child a box of condomns "becuase they are already actively practicing sex", doesn't help them understand the obligations and responsibitlities that come with having sex. Teaching them to wait until they are ready to handle the responsibility that comes with sex...LIke marriage and children. Can the child care for another. Then why easily yield to giving them options with sex. Teach children to value themselves and have dignity for themselves is the key to preventing unwanted children and emotional stress. Encourage children to abstain until they can compromise with a serious vow to marraige and create a family and not just experiment and have fun with their bodies. Parent need to clarify the seriosness of getting involved at such a young age.

There is this show on t.v called The Secret life of a American Teenage Girl.. the show is about a girl who is pregnant..... sometimes i feel like crying cause around the world so many girls a getting pregnant like the girl in that show...and mabey half of the parents are giving the kids the info. on sex when there ready and at that point in there life when there curious. HELLO PARENTs, come on and get real its tie to think about when ur kids are ready and what the need to know.