Though I congratulate you on struggling through a healing journey after suffering from a stroke, I need to tell you that depression, in the truest, most clinical sense of the meaning, is not caused by thinking too much about one's self. As a person diagnosed with Major Depression, I know that depression is more than feeling blue about one's self and life. Depression is caused by an imbalance in the chemistry in the brain. Some can function enough to still work and lead a pretty normal life, and are easily controled by medication, others are disabled, even on medication. There is nothing more I would like to do than to contribute to my community and world, have a good job or career and be able to contribute to my American dream family, but with Major depression and PTSD, I just cannot maintain that level of "normalcy", and that is what I think about. I cannot donate money to any big progjects or a whole lot of good causes because a $670 disability check doesn't even pay for a month's rent anymore. I wish I could do what you can and have done in your life. Maybe it wouldn't cure me but I think it would do a whole lot of good for my self esteem and confidence level. Keep giving. You will be alive beyond your life for giving to others, and helping them live their lives a bit easier at the same time.
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What Old Age Taught Me
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We established the Anne Douglas Center for Homeless Women, a recovery center for women addicted to alcohol and drugs. The letters of gratitude from so many of them—many of them who slept in boxes in the street—are overwhelming.
Twice a year I visit the Kirk Douglas High School and talk to the students. The school is a continuing-education program that helps kids who had been considering ending their education. I give a $500 check to each graduating student. We started the program with four graduates; now there are 30.
I established the Kirk Douglas Theatre to develop the talents of young artists. My joke is: "I didn't want to be a film star, I wanted to be a star on the stage. In my 90s I discovered how to accomplish that—build your own theater."
But I don't list my projects to declare what a good guy I am. In fact, I am a very selfish guy, because helping others has its rewards. It makes you feel good.
The greatest dividend to old age is the discovery of the true meaning of love. When I was younger my sense of love was not very deep. I was too involved with my career. Growing older brought me closer to my wife. It was like looking at her for the first time. I got to know who she was, and she really got to know me. Now I am much more romantic than I was years ago, when so much of my life was spent portraying other characters on the screen.
But I am not the hero of my life story. The heroes are my mother and father. They scraped together enough money to sail steerage class to America to give their family a better life. All my life I heard my mother say, "America, such a wonderful land." When she saw me work my way through college and go into the field that I love, acting, I would constantly hear that phrase. Finally, after years of being so wrapped up in myself and my career, I realized what my mother was saying: America is a land of opportunity and promise. A place where everyone has a chance.
Robert Browning was incredibly wise for his years. At 91, I agree completely: "The best is yet to be."
Douglas lives in Beverly Hills, Calif.
© 2008
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