Rethinking Fathers’ Rights

What's best for the kids is always, ALWAYS a lack of meanness, a lack of violence, and much nurturing. How dare anyone grouse about the fact that he lacks primary custody when he calls his daughter a pig! How dare anyone complain that they can't visit privately with their children when they purchase pornography or visit strip clubs on a regular basis! Just because something's legal doesn't mean it's even remotely okay, and anyone with two brain cells to rub together knows it.

The system is so totally biased against the father. In my case, we had shared custody (50/50) until their mother moved away. After 2 years of battle to get her to pay any child support, she ended up only paying a pittance compared to what many father's pay, but I have to pay for her gas for her to drive 300 miles roundtrip twice a month to pick up the children. Not only that, I paid over $8k in attorney's fees, and she paid nothing. Never would a woman be treated like this.

I completely agree that the child should have a say in the matter that is actually taken into account depending on their age. After having gone through life with 2 moms, 3 dads, 2 sisters, and 2 brothers...I know a thing or two about custody battles and divorce. The only time there wasn't a "battle" was when my dad (technically ex-stepdad who raised me like his own) was left with my one and a half year old sister and I (at 7 years old) because my mom had to chase husband #3.
He has never been anything but reliable, supportive, caring and wonderful and thank goodness he was never challenged on that.
I completely agree that there are many wonderful men/fathers out there that are getting a bad rap and some moms that shouldn't be receiving the benefit of the doubt.
There should be equal and unbiased investigations done so that the children end up with the parent best suited to fulfill their needs and raise them to be decent functioning human beings. Its that simple and that complicated at the same time.

If the father is the abuser, then it's the child's right to be with his/her mother.

If the mother is the abuser, then it's the child's right to be with his/her father.

My wife's son was falsely accused of abusing his child (which, if you knew all the facts, will know that the allegations are false). In a year, his wife has gone from "you molested our daughter" to "shared custody is fine". What parent, in their right mind, would agree to any kind of custody if they believe the other parent is an abuser? There's of course more to the story (oh the drama!).

I agree with those of you who say it's the children's rights that count, and SOMETIMES, that means being with the father.

Law reform would not do any good since the State does not have to follow the law. Letter from Social Services sayings although the father has rights to ignore his rights and the law. Read if for yourself at southdakotagov.inf/3

I agree with Ms. Lithwick that family law reform is long overdue, but for a very different reason. It isn't the father's or the mothers who need protection and advocacy - its the children.

There are too many stories of abusive wives who railroad husbands, and abusive husbands who railroad wives. For every woman who files a false claim of abuse by her ex-husband, there is husband who files a false claim of abuse against the ex-wife. Father's rights, mother's rights - all of them are missing the point.

What no one is taking into consideration is that it is ALWAYS the children who lose. Always. Family court reform is long overdue, but true reform won't happen until the children are awarded their own advocates in every mediation and divorce case. Judges need to help parents understand that any shenanigans from them and they will lose custody of their children, not to the other spouse, but to the foster care system.

And yes, as a psychiatric nurse who has dealt with psychiatric children, I am well aware of the horrors that are routine in most foster care systems in this country, but family court judges need teeth if they are to prevent the emotional devastation that so many children suffer when their parents make custody a personal ego issue.

All divorced couples with children should have mandatory counseling and mandatory parenting classes if they want any kind of custody rights.

Parents should only be allowed to move away if they can prove that the children's lives will not be significantly disrupted.

Everything should revolve around what is best for the children, and if it takes an army of social workers and therapists, so be it.

In this emotionally charged discussion of father's rights vs. mother's rights, the rights that are consistently overlooked are the children's rights. Life is hard enough for children without making them the spoils of their parents' dysfunctional behavior.

And if I were the judge, neither potty mouth Alec Baldwin or self-absorbed Kim Basinger would be allowed anywhere near those children without some serious counseling and supervision.

Furthermore, Whitaker discovered, of the 24 percent of relationships that had been violent, half had been reciprocal and half had not. Although more men than women (53 percent versus 49 percent) had experienced nonreciprocal violent relationships, more women than men (52 percent versus 47 percent) had taken part in ones involving reciprocal violence.
Regarding perpetration of violence, more women than men (25 percent versus 11 percent) were responsible. In fact, 71 percent of the instigators in nonreciprocal partner violence were women. This finding surprised Whitaker and his colleagues, they admitted in their study report.
As for physical injury due to intimate partner violence, it was more likely to occur when the violence was reciprocal than nonreciprocal. And while injury was more likely when violence was perpetrated by men, in relationships with reciprocal violence it was the men who were injured more often (25 percent of the time) than were women (20 percent of the time). "This is important as violence perpetrated by women is often seen as not serious," Whitaker and his group stressed.
Of the study's numerous findings, Whitaker said, "I think the most important is that a great deal of interpersonal violence is reciprocally perpetrated and that when it is reciprocally perpetrated, it is much more likely to result in injury than when perpetrated by only one partner."
The National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, upon which this investigation was based, was funded by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development with co-funding from 17 other federal agencies.
An abstract of "Differences in Frequency of Violence and Reported Injury Between Relationships With Reciprocal and Nonreciprocal Intimate Partner Violence" is posted at <www.ajph.org/cgi/content/abstract/97/5/941>.

Psychiatr News August 3, 2007
Volume 42, Number 15, page 31
© 2007 American Psychiatric Association




































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________________________________________Clinical & Research News
Men Shouldn't Be Overlooked as Victims of Partner Violence
Joan Arehart-Treichel
In addressing intimate partner violence, the focus is usually on women who are physically battered by husbands or boyfriends. However, women sometimes hurt their partners as well.
Women are doing virtually everything these days that men are???working as doctors, lawyers, and rocket scientists; flying helicopters in combat; riding horses in the Kentucky Derby. And physically assaulting their spouses or partners.
In fact, when it comes to nonreciprocal violence between intimate partners, women are more often the perpetrators.
These findings on intimate partner violence come from a study conducted by scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The lead investigator was Daniel Whitaker, Ph.D., a behavioral scientist and team leader at the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control (which is part of the CDC). Results were published in the May Journal of Public Health.
In 2001, the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health attempted to amass data about the health of a nationally representative sample of 14,322 individuals between the ages of 18 and 28. The study also asked subjects to answer questions about romantic or sexual relationships in which they had engaged during the previous five years and whether those relationships had involved violence.
Of those subjects, 11,370 reported having had heterosexual relationships and also provided answers to the violence-related questions. So Whitaker and his colleagues decided to use the responses from these 11,370 subjects for a study into how much violence is experienced in intimate heterosexual partner relationships, who the instigators are, and whether physical harm accrues from the violence.
The 11,370 subjects, Whitaker and his colleagues found, reported on 18,761 relationships, of which 76 percent had been nonviolent and 24 percent violent. That almost a quarter of the subjects had engaged in violent relationships may seem high to some people, but "the rates we found are similar to those of other studies of late adolescents and young adults, a time period when interpersonal-violence rates are at their highest," Whitaker told Psychiatric News. Also, he added, "these rates demonstrate the magnitude of interpersonal violence as a health and social problem."

When you do get those ???REAL??? stories, you will find it???s NOT a fluke that these guys keep turning up in acts of verbal abuse and violence. 75% of High Conflict custody litigation IS Domestic Violence related???
Janet R. Johnston et al, "Allegations and Substantiations of Abuse in Custody-Disputing Families," Family Court Review, Vol. 43, No. 2, April 2005, 284-294, p. 284.Janet R. Johnston, "High-Conflict Divorce," The Future of Children, Vol. 4, No. 1, Spring 1994, 165-182, p. 167
95% of Domestic Violence is Male inflicted-US Bureau of Justice Crime statistics. Before someone blurts out ???women are just as violent as men are???, NOTE that included in that 5% of the time when men are victims, are the male victims of their homosexual male partners. Only 1.3% of male victims are actually brutalized by women, and some of them are injured in their partners?????? acts of self defense.
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/ipv.pdf
Women face poverty following divorce: This study of more than 4,000 people has found that while a man's earnings increases, on average, by 11 per cent after he divorces his wife, a woman loses about 17 per cent of her income.
The study, which has used data from the European Community Household Panel, was pulled together over seven years by Mieke Jansen and two colleagues from the University of Antwerp in Belgium. http://www.bio-medicine.org/medicine-news/Divorce-Leaves-Women-Significantly-Worse-Off-Financially-Than-Men-23635-1/
Knowing what???s ahead for her financially, why oh why would a woman put herself through all the trauma and poverty to divorce good man and then keep his kids away?
Violent men ARE getting custody, and I???m warning every young woman I can.
It???s simple: Kind and caring, warm and wonderful fathers are also great husbands, and they are getting their Father???s Rights the old fashioned way; by being kind, loyal and loving to their children???s mothers.

To begin with, you, the author obviously has not done the homework.

What is a fulltime dad==a fulltime married dad probably spend very very little time with his children., maybe at supper but in reality who dothe children in an intact household depend on? MOM of course we all know that.

Common sense is that even parents who are loving and enjoy their children do enjoy a night without them as long as they know the kids are fine. Right now most mothers in intact homes have to beg for a father to watch the children just so she can go grocery shopping. The false accusations are made by abusive fathers claiming to have been falseltyy accused. Just view so called father's rights group--they are not loving fathers concerned for the children but people with control issues and yes some women belong to those groups but than some women have no sense of pride, love, justice or concern for children.

It is not until divorce and child support comes up (and no it is not 1/3 minimum men pay) that dad wants the kids. Not only is a divorced dad's claim to be so dedicated but he must have the kids for equal time as the kids deserve 2 parents (they have 2 parents and always had) an because he has rights. He counts the minutes==afterall that's a custody calender on the father's rights sights and child support is now usually calculated by amount of time the child is in the custody of that parent even when the child is left with other people.

Men fare best in divorce and always have. When men want custody--they get it.

Unfortunately some ignorant people fall for the rhetoric put out by male supremists instead of taking the time to investigate.

No, father's do not want shared parenting==that is what they have always had. Once they get 50-50 custody they fight for sole custody claiming they have no choice as it is for their children now it's only fair mom supports him and is not allowed to see the kids because the kidsw cry for mommy.
FATHER's RIGHTS ???? WHERE ARE THE CHILDREN"S RIGHTS??????

The author really did not do his homework on this article. Lithwick needs to do much more investigating before he writes such an inaccurate article. He doesn't seem to have a clue as to what is really going on in the family courts, in the end it is all about the money with little to no regard for what is best for the child. Newsweek has done two articles recently and still they have missed the bigger picture, and that is how children are being harmed in Family court. Until divorce is taken out of the court arena in which money can be made at the detriment of children then nothing will change. Why isn't there a story on how all the bottom feeders(lawyers, evaluators, psychologists and GALs) of Family court suck a family dry, now that story would get a lot of attention.