Peter Pans aren't as happy as they seem.
Perhaps part of the problem is the fact that mommy hasn't told her free loading sons to hit the road and stop being a big baby and living at home... Perhaps it's a society that has raised both men and women with a really horrible sense of entitlement. And maybe it's not such a terrible thing that neither get married and become even worse parents than theirs and raise even more horrible self absorbed children.
And I am pretty certain your parents could have done without you, right? The point of this article is not to make excuses for frivolous behavior or to blame 'other' for their actions in life. What it is trying to do is point men (and women for that matter) in a healthier direction. He wants his fellow men to be happy, well adjusted and feel like men with a purpose. Today's men seem to to lack all of this and do not know which end is up. The fact that this group of guys get random sex from women show that women have a long road in growing up as well. What he advocates is mutually beneficial for both genders and their future children.
anyone who says "tickled pink" to express satisfaction is suspect. and he is gloating about married life before spending one day as a married man.
get back to us in a few years.
I'm a 33 y.o. married (7 years) guy with kids and if it wasn't for the kids, I'd want guyland back in a instant most days. Women are milk when you're dating, butter when you're engaged, and cheese when you get married. It's a total nagfest 24/7, with constant comparisons to friends, family and neighbors who are doing better, driving nicer cars, and taking vacations.
I didn't draw a bad number in the lotto - my married guy friends admit the same issues with their wives. Maybe in 20 years I'll be glad I'm not the old creepy bachelor hanging out the bar hitting on the girls, but right now I just work a lot of overtime so I'm not home to hear the complaining.
Ha, I like how the responses to your admirable honesty assume it's all the man's fault. Women need to start asking themselves, what's in marriage for a man? Especially if the man is the provider. If a woman makes herself unattractive through nagging and looking homely, what's left? Most guys can do without kids, they don't have that same biological clock.
That's really sad, maybe you and your wife need to get some counseling. Marriage is a two-way street, there are reasons behind everything she says and the way you feel, you just need to find those reasons. If you don't find the time to figure it out, your marriage will continue to suffer.
Lord have mercy! Then what are YOU doing to change the state of your marriage? Nothing except bitching and moaning about your wife!? I bet if someone asks HER about your responsibility toward the relationship, she'd probably say you're no picnic either! Jeez...get it together!
Wow. Being theLife of the party for years and years for many will eventually grow old. I will say it's sickening though, this so called "20%" of male college students who said they would rape if there was a chance they couldn't get caught is very disturbing. I don't care where you are from, it's just wrong. It starts IMO with some of these very promiscuious attitudes of finding, using , then losing numerous women over time, it dehumanizes women and makes this attitude about rape being OK. B*llsh*t...Having completely inactive moral compasses appears to be epidemic , I'm curious if the face they look back at each morning is someone they really like? Somehow, I doubt it.
Grow up you Guys, and get a real Life, not something masquerading as one.
Gen X found this out 18 years ago. Thanks for finally noticing.
I have a problem with his presumption that most men are simply refusing to void their "ticket to the party".
Fact of the matter is, society is now completely debauched as compared to twenty years ago, and when it comes to women, let's not indulge in solipsism here. There are many more "one night stand" caliber women these days than there are "marriage caliber" women.
Most men acknowledge this, and I would state further that, it constitutes a significant affront to imply that any man is only worth marrying a woman who has chosen to become communal property.
Simply put, most men are deciding to live the single life, if the next phase precludes reducing one's expectations and standards. And to quote Ludacris, in all his infinite wisdom: "You can't turn a ho' into a housewife, hoes don't act right". Or perhaps if that's too low-brow for your liking, Aristotle: "One achieves a particular quality by consistently acting in a particular way". Ultimately, it says the same thing. Former party girls make sorry excuses for wives, and the more realistic of men know this, and simply "opt out", than endure that indignity.
A lot of them know it's not ideal, however it ends up looking more attractive than the demoralizing alternative.
I have a problem with his presumption that most men are simply refusing to void their "ticket to the party".
Fact of the matter is, society is now completely debauched as compared to twenty years ago, and when it comes to women, let's not indulge in solipsism here. There are many more "one night stand" caliber women these days than there are "marriage caliber" women.
Most men acknowledge this, and I would state further that, it constitutes a significant affront to imply that any man is only worth marrying a woman who has chosen to become communal property.
Simply put, most men are deciding to live the single life, if the next phase precludes reducing one's expectations and standards. And to quote Ludacris, in all his infinite wisdom: "You can't turn a ho' into a housewife, hoes don't act right". Or perhaps if that's too low-brow for your liking, Aristotle: "One achieves a particular quality by consistently acting in a particular way". Ultimately, it says the same thing. Former party girls make sorry excuses for wives, and the more realistic of men know this, and simply "opt out", than endure that indignity.
A lot of them know it's not ideal, however it ends up looking more attractive than the demoralizing alternative.
AN EXCERPT:
When you blame all your problems on someone or something then YOU are exonerated. We exonerate ourselves. We don't have to look at ourselves to see what sort of ways we contribute to the problems of our lives. We don't have to examine ourselves, to see what we are doing that is helping to create the problems that we're so concerned about.
It , (the opinion), didn't read that the writer had a problem at all. Harleypupy2. "Objections" are not problems, ...clearly, he, (or she), disapproves & protests the stance taken by "feminists" and their political venues collectively as a whole. No pun intended. Well written piece. Anyone would be well advised to take their time to think and prepare carefully, before debating the points made within this writers opinion.
sell out... your new wife is going to make you de-friend your friends that made fun of you for getting married so early. bros before ho#s man...
It seems like men in their 30's are now content to live in guyland. I know several men, one of whom I dated, who don't want to share their lives with anyone. The common factor is that they didn't get along with their mothers and haven't seen any positive marriages from friends or family. Very sad.
Adventure? Excitement? A Jedi craves not these things.
Maybe not, but in the real world great men do crave these things. Jedi have great power, but even they don't concern themselves with mediocre lives, i.e. getting married, having families, white-picket fences, and other trappings of most people here who, 5 years after they die, will not be remembered by anyone and whose lives will not have meant a damn thing to the world as a whole. That's mediocrity. To quote Napoleon, "Better never to have been born than to live without glory!"
Jedi's live and serve for things greater than themselves. Guyland does not produce Jedi's. And Jedi's are not found in Guyland.
I thought this was a horrible article. It takes what could be a very encouraging fact -- that popular culture is actually somewhat subversive, in fact that this subversiveness against the traditional, against the norm, is actually becoming pervasive, which is a great thing, and makes it into a negative. Just because the author is a ***-whipped 27-year-old who wants a mediocre life doesn't make the rest of us who don't have any desire for kids, a family, or all that crap binge-drinking neanderthals. Some of us choose a life of more distinction, chasing career ambitions and would rather have the casual fling here or there than be stuck with one chick for the rest of our lives, especially one who is going to be 60 when you're 60. No thanks, not when I could be getting fine looking YOUNG girls at that age with the right career success. Save your mediocrity for the mediocre and don't push it on the rest of us.
Dude you are pretty much a douche.
I think it's so interesting that you think that no one would remember a man who raised a family. I've always thought that the only people who really remember you after you're gone are your family, children, and children's children if you're lucky. Unless you happen to lead an interesting enough life to have a publisher buy your memoir, or if you're a mega celebrity. No matter who you are though, chasing tail in a bar at 60 is gross. If I saw my dad doing that I'd probably barf all over myself. Not that you'd have to worry about YOUR children, since if they exist they'll be illegitimate and you'll be little more than a sperm donor to them and the woman that birthed them. In fact, I think people tend to want to forget the dude that knocked them up and ditched.
People aren't for your use and abuse, Jonathan. And by the time you are 60, you will understand that you were looking for happiness in all the wrong places by merely constantly looking for pretty, young flings instead of a long-lasting, deep connection with someone. You are the one settling for mediocrity in life. How old are you? 16? 20? If you are any older than that, no excuse for your inmaturity.
Kristina, YOU are the one who is immature for being completely unable to think outside of the box. But I expect that much from most girls. I'm well above that age, and I happen to have more ambition than just "settling down" with some girl who I can live out the rest of my days "peaceably" with, if I'm lucky. No thanks. If I can get hot young girls and have FUN late in life, then I've achieved success few people do. I don't want kids, and I don't want a "deep, emotional connection" with some girl. I want career success and for my name to be remembered long after I'm gone. And to do that I can't have some girl dragging me down. There's no reason to get married to ONE girl when you can have many, and no reason to have an OLD girl when you can have young, hot ones.
A word of advice, when you are 60, and a "young hot girl" wants to be with you, she is either going to take advantage of you (money? if you EVEN HAVE IT!) or is blind and deaf. Young girls want young guys, not nasty 60 year old perverts.
I once did a research project on women from Russia who participate in marriage to American men through online courtship sites - known popularly as "mail- order brides." I found out that these women are not usually poor and destitute. On the contrary they are often intelligent, educated and successful. They do it because Russian men are not. Russian men are stuck in guyland and Russian women are reaping the "benefits" of a feminized society. They are sexually free, able to obtain education and generally successful. They have also usually had multiple abortions. But something is missing and many of them are turning to companionshipto fill the voids in their lives. Russian men are unsuitable partners, so they go the online dating route and become what we derisively call "mail order brides." Isn't that ironic? It will be interesting to see if this happens to American society as well.
It may be a good idea to compare American guyland with guyland in other countries. I did a research project on women form Russia and the Philippines who find marriage partners in American men through online dating services (ie "mail order brides). I found that the Russian women often did it because they were educated, intelligent, successful and Russian men are not. They literally cannot find a decent, respectable man among their countrymen - the Russian men are still stuck in guyland even worse than they are here. Another thing about Russian women - they are definitely stuck in the feminist lifestyle. Most Russian women have had multiple abortions. They are embracing their sexual freedom, living their dreams, successful and productive. But, many are miserable without companionship. So they resort to "international dating" which is viewed by Americans as derogatory "mail-order brides." It will be interesting to find out if American women end up going this route.
One of the reasons guys think marriage is a trap is because we just don't care about women and their issues anymore and the divorce laws make marriage into state-sanctioned entrapment. Many women use maririage laws to strip an unsuspecting man of his assets after she has lied repeatedly to him about how she loves him. So ladies. read my lips: We don't give a rat's ass whether you are happy or not, we don't give a *** about your biological clock bullshit and your church friends can kiss our collective asses.
Why should I get married and trapped into the mundane life of children and responsibilities if i don't have to? If i can support myself and not be a burden on society, what's wrong with living the "playboy" life? This is not about feel "entitled" to anything, this is evolution and the product of living in world of billions of human beings.
The fact that you think marriage is a "trap" is a mistake already. But if you truly believe that going from woman to woman is the way to be, with none of them particularly caring about you, then you dont deserve a soul mate or a "special someone" who will go through hell with you. You would just rather go through life alone...
For those who want to know more about the limited reversal in the wage gap for men and women in their 20s, see http://www.gothamgazette.com/article/demographics/20070619/5/2208
To summarize, it's educated women in their 20s in five cities who are, on average, earning more than their 20-something educated male counterparts. But among ALL 20-something women nationally, they earn on average 89% of 20-something men, according to the researcher.
most guyland boys *who* do not know how...
Living in a world of naturalism and atheism is it no wonder that boys do not want to become men? I make $40k per annum and have 5 children and my wife manages the home. That's 1 (ONE) income supporting a family of 7 (SEVEN). Yes, it takes a man to do this and I am gladly no longer a boy. But more than likely, most guyland boys do not know how to be men do not have men as fathers. Men produce men; boys simply like practising reproduciton hoping for crop failure.
I read this article with great hope. I hoped to be able to better understand my own 25 year old son. He and his friends are a perfect example of living in "guyland" too long. I even read alot of the comments hoping to gain even more insight into what is stopping these young men from reaching their potential or at the least happiness. Didn't really find anything there except men vs woman and vice versa. Yes they party hard, they work hard, but they can't get ahead. I agree that they need to move out of the nest and achieve independence themselves in order to take pride in their own accomplishments. I'm really looking for some answers to what we did wrong in raising our sons. They didn't all (or many) turn out this way by accident. By the way I also have a 26 year old daughter who is working toward goals something these guys don't have. And no I can tell you they are not happy in their current state
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