The Power Of ‘I Am Sorry’

Posted By: michellesosman11 @ 09/19/2008 2:28:05 PM

Comment: I give a lot of credit to Janice, who did something that is difficult. She accepted an apology. I wish I could do the same, but right now the wound I have is so deep, that nothing could stop it from bleeding. My father, a very difficult man to understand and especially to love, refused to dance with me at my wedding last October, 27, 2007. Since my engagement in the summer of 2006, all my father could talk about was this one dance and how excited he was to waltz with me. As a child at my bat mitzvah, I was too embarrassed to dance with my father, and till last fall, I always regretting not dancing with him. I had hopes that this one dance on my wedding day would make it up to him. The week before my wedding, my father came to my last wedding dance lesson to rehearse with me. We were all set. We were to dance to 'Michelle' by the Beatles, a song that he always sang to me as a little girl, and every time I hear it, reminds me of him. When the time came during my reception, the band began to play our song, and my father was nowhere to be found. My uncle found my father sitting in the lobby of the mansion where I was married, and asked him to go inside. My father refused. I left the ballroom in search of my dad after standing in the middle of the dance floor waiting for him, and my mom and uncle pulled me back, trying to prevent me from leaving. They were trying to protect me. When I saw my dad in the lobby I asked him why he was sitting here, and if he was ready for our dance. He said he wasn???t going to dance with me, and that my new husband George should. I started to cry, and my husband of 2 hours begged him to dance with me. My father refused again in anger. At that point, my mother asked my father to leave, and my father was escorted off the premises by a private duty security guard I hired. My parents had been separated for some time, and my father tends to drink too much and be rather caustic at family gatherings, so to be on the safe side, I hired a security guard to flank my father throughout the evening. I cannot tell you how much this one event changed my life. The happiest day of my life, is now my most tragic as well. I haven't spoken to my father in almost a year, even though he tries to inflict constant pain on me by sending me scathing letters about how I am a terrible person, my wedding was awful, and that I am a bad daughter by not letting him come house hunting with me a year before I even got married. Last month, he sent over 8 boxes of "my belongings" which turned out to be boxes containing every gift I ever gave the man. This included gifts from grade school (pasta necklaces, cards and drawings), books, DVDs, etc. He also gave me back the photos he had of me in frames at his home. As if he was erasing me from all existence. Maybe one day, I will be able to forgive my father. For now, I have to stand in awe as others yield the power to forgive, while I suffer in silence.