Struggling School-Age Boys

Having raised 5 boys and 2 girls, I did see the difference. Now I have grandsons and granddaughters going thru the same thing. Its not so much the scholl but WHERE the school is. We live in small community where everyone knows everyone and any little thing that my kids did went unnoticed!. Some of the teachers my children had were the same ones my husband had when he was in
school. I also have a physically and mentally challenged child that had to be bused 45 minuets one way. Now with alternative schooling kids know that if they misbehave they can get sent to altrnative school where they only have to report to pick up some homework on a Monday and turn it in by Friday.Whatever happened to the good old rule if you misbehave you get sent to priciples office and had IN school suspension?Sitting in a room doing you class work for day sends a bigger message than letting them come to school when they want. I also think that kids need to be taught at a very young age not to judge others by the size of the wallet, or name! They should be taught that everyone is equal. Even teachers should set the example and enforce the buddy system. I have seen teachers play favorites and little kids DO pick up on that and carry it with them thru out the rest of the school years to follow.

Hey parents,

I am 21 years old, in college, smoke and drink on the weekends. Guess what, I have a great GPa and am going to graduate with a college degree. You could say I am a close to being a complete grown up ready to take on the wolrd and make some money. I see all sorts of people around school, some kids like me, my friends, and other kids that can't handle stress and eventuall become druggies or just lame. The reason they become this way is because of not bad parenting, but too much parenting. Tell these kids to go outside and get hurt trying sports, riding their bikes, climbing fences and trees. For gods sakes if they can't learn to stick up and try new things the rest of thier lives will be a long a hard road of emotional angst(?). Kids need to go out and play sports or go to the park. It doesn't matter if they are good or not, just make them do it. Of course they won't like it, but what do they know, their kids...they have no idea what's good for them. When I was 5 I was playing tee ball, AYSO soccer and basketball along with other fun activities with my friends. These are important years that they will deveop social skills, along with confidence. If they can't take making fun of learn to back themselves now, they are doomed for high school. ISo good luck and relax., let them be kids, tell them to go to sports and try new things, disconnect their xbox 360 and PS3. Hint: did you get to do everything you wanted, if you did then thats why you suck and are listening to your kids. Grow a pair. I'm out.

-Neal R

Most parents-and I use the term loosely because that's how they parent-find it easy to have children, but hard to parent them. It takes extra time and energy , and these parents are busy earning as much as they can not just to support themselves and children but to have things that are non-essential. When they are exhausted as the children get through babyhood and toddlerhood, they realize--egads! I have to teach my kids something? Uh-uh!! There's t.v. and preschool and the computer for that. Then the kids are foisted onto the general public and the school system--who have to teach them manners and fundamentals they did not learn at home or from a video. Good nutrition is EXTREMELY important, as many folks have mentioned in responses, but parents don't have time to teach kids to like the heathy foods or prepare them.
Fast food, frozen food, school lunch instead of brown bag--that's what the kids get.
Kids also see examples of all sorts of real and televised violence much earlier in life, but parents want to watch their movies and shows and do not control or monitor what kids watch or the vidoegames they play.
The kids also see bad adult and child behavior in public which is accepted these days more than ever, and they learn from bad examples.
Kids are taught that they should feel entitled to things because they are handed to them to pacify them or from parental guilt. They are not taught to work for or toward things.
Also, parents would rather shove kids into activities early on so they do not have to interact with them as much--and then they have something to brag about.
Finally, most of the States in the union --led by the Federal government again in example, make cuts in education spending before they'll cut most other programs. Education in general does not take priority.
I have parented a child. I have been raised well by my parents. I am a product of public schools, and look!
I can spell! I can be creative! I can express myself well!
"Pop" parenting, shallow goals and values, and lack of future vision as to how to conserve a world so there's something good and significant for children to inherit--these are the things that are making trouble for children today.

Our country (the USA) has lost sight of what real childhood is suppose to be. We've turned children into mini- overachiever adults. What happened to life in the good ole' US of A? What happened to letting our kids play every evening until the street lights came on? What happened to parents that were around in the evening to yell out the door to come in? What happened to taking a deep breath and just enjoying life and our families? Hopefully, with the gas price increase, there will be a return to spending evenings at home enjoying each other and kids getting to be (WHAT!) just kids. Funny, how we remember what childhood was like with such nostalgia and say "it was the good old days". We create our own reality. This is the childhood we have created. So long childhood. We have reverted back to the Middle Ages (also known as the Dark Ages), when people thought children were miniature adults. WOW! Time, not only recycles fashions, it also recycles child-rearing beliefs.

I had a drug problem for years. I went to the typical places for help. I saw psychiatrists and psychologists and therapists. They told me an asortment of things and said I was bipolar and manic depresant. They wanted to perscribe different drugs for me. I didn`t take them. Later on I got help from the church and started my realationship with God again. I got off drugs and thank God I never listened to those "self proclaimed health care doctors". I am as normal as just about everyone else. Boys have been through alot in our modern day society. What every you do don`t send them to these psychiatrist and therapists for help. Send them to a good church. Live your life the right way and show them by example.

RenoAid12: When I first read your comment, posted @ 1:am, I thought that it was very accurate and mature. Now that I know you are so young and have obviously struggled with the ideas and behavior of public schooling... I know just how right you are....!
Everyone should read this comment. Afterall it comes straight from some one who is directly effected by what we expect of our children and just what they think about it!!
I only hope that this young girl seeks a career in dealing with the education and socialization of our children. For some one so young, she is very observant.
(Although her language is a bit harsh, I have to admit that I have found myself making the same remarks about America's education system.)
I have a question. In an age that is sooooo concerned with addiction, why are so many "parents" exposing their toddlers to drugs? Drugs that are being sold in some states as an alternative to cocaine?

I have three sons. They don't need meds, they aren't evil agressors, and they aren't potential sociopaths. Yet, I have watched with disgust as our general culture has sought to portray men in such a way! Every dad is a buffoon, all boys are potential criminals, and only girls and women have the real brains and do al the real work. think i'm off the mark? Watch TV with a more critical eye next time.
Teachers do work hard, but they also bring their own attitudes and beliefs . Research has proven that teacher attitude has a significant impact on student performance. Case in point: My youngest son had an incident at school; the teacher told me my son was the problem, but the girl was an innocent "ding dong". In this teacher's eyes, the girl bore no culpability. Yet she saw no need to move their seats away from each other! His second grade year was ruined because of this assumption that normal boy behavior is scarring our little girls.
We need to stop punishing the future for the past, and re-understand some fundamentals: boys and girls are different! Equality does not mean sameness! So stop with the madness and let boys be boys and let girls be girls.

I used to worry about my son, until about a year ago when I decided to do what my parents did. After school he comes in to have a snack then he opens his homework (while the teachers instructions are still fresh) and do the easy homework first then we work on the hard stuff together. After his HW is done he gets free time to play outside with his friends on our block. He knows that he has to be in when the street lights come on. I noticed a change in his attitude and a difference in his HW along with his teachers. I guess our parents had it right. All that without medication.

I am a mother of three, I have 2 sons and a daughter. The boys are 16 and 13 and my daughter is 11. Now being a parent, and remembering what it was like when I was a child, I can not agree more with this article. There are some things that I would like to bring up though. The country that we live in today is very backwards from what it used to be, and should be. Parents are spending too much time not being parents. They shuffle their children off to day care, or one activity after another, so they never have to deal with the 'burden' of raising them. Our children our left to be taken care of by strangers, and by television, video games, and computers. We have an ADHD/ADD epidemic because parents want to make excuses for why their child isn't perfect or why there is something wrong. Heaven forbid, that it just may be because of the parent, and the school system as to why your child is unruly and unfocused. We are pushed into a world where it is not acceptable to repremand your children, or they will get taken away. If the world wasn't like that there would be no such thing as this imaginary ADD/ADHD garbage. As far as boys and their struggles, look at the way society downgrades men now. They are portrayed in commercials as helpless stupid ignorant beings. What ever happen to a man being a man, and boys being boys. It's not a socioeconomic issue, it's not ADD, nor is it some psychological disorder. It is parents, our flawed education system, and the lack of people remembering what it was to be a child, a kid with an imagination, and the power of play. Boy's are struggling because they have the natural desire to be a boy, and after having mine, they are this way from birth, they are not programmed. My daughter was a girl from day one. It is society, and in the home
that destroys those natural instincts. Regardless how much everyone wants to believe in equality, every gender is fundamentally different, and we are supposed to be. No one wants to pay attention to those differences anymore. So what if your son is rambunctious and wants to know how everything works and why, who cares if your daughter wants to play dress up and is emotional. They are supposed to be, that is what makes them boys and girls. Your sons are struggling because we have allowed this to happen, we have just agreed with these "so-called" experts, all because they have a piece of paper that says they can wipe their own butt. Look at nature, it has a balance, animals have instinct and no one has told them to change it. Their families have worked the same ways for thousands of years. Think before you go and put the blame on everyone else. If you are a parent, just look in the mirror, you found the person to blame. Thank God, I'm not one of them

As a special education teacher (with a 4.0 GPA in both my undergrad and my M.Ed. courses, thank you!) I, too, struggle with finding balance between meeting the physical and emotional needs of the children and the requirements of the state and federally mandated tests. (No Child Left Behind is a Bush creation, lest we forget.) Unfortunately, teachers seem to be used as scapegoats for many issues that are beyond our control including lack of parental discipline, lack of school resources, and an over-reliance on meaningless testing. We are doing the best we can with what we have. I routinely work 60 hour weeks and get paid for 40. I purchase supplies with my own money for children who cannot afford them and materials to use in creating a better environment in my classroom. No other job asks for so much while providing so little in financial compensation and public support.

those who are sucessful take evrything, a step at a time.... those who rush in to things stumble and get hurt... now enforcing rules and regulations in to the innocense of a child is destroying a child ability to enhance dreams, to create a self-esteem, and to find the true portrait of them self. i believe that we had started to educate our kids in a wrong path. Many parents believe that education start at school by learning math and history or how everything was created or tend to be,no i believe that education starts at home were a parent start by showing norms and traits wether is in a form of a religious matter or just ancestry believes. The best form of education that a child can receive is by teaching the profound scriptures and the word of truth, the only word that is unexpireable, unchanganble, and unbeatable.... praise the lord

All kis are over stimulated from the day they are born. No time for relaxation, no QUIET time. Try to buy a baby toy that doesn't make noise or go crazy wih lights! Then they get hooked on video games and tv and they do not get any physical activity. When they start to run around the house or in school then they are ADHD and they need medication! Then lets not mention the amount of sugar most of these kids take in......true the world has changed and it is not safe to stay outside and play unsupervised anymore but these kids need some way to expend their physical energy in positive ways. Ever calcuate how much time they spend in cars from birth forward? Geez, my Mom didn't even drive....We actually WALKED places........and despite the fact that I am female, loved to stay out late at night and play flashlight hide and seek and ARMY! I climbed trees and rode my bike. The kids need physical activity AND some QUIET time in their lives which they are not getting.....

My three boys (ages 5, 7 and 10) all attend a virtual school. They have never been in a "regular" school. Through virtual schooling they study reading, languge arts, science, history, literature, art, music, computer technology, math and forgeign language. They also have PE every day. They must take the same state mandated tests and have their work checked by certified teachers. It is just they are schooled at home. We have zero struggles or concerns over ADHD. They don't always cooperate and sometimes we have battles over getting work done but they are allowed to play and get out and exercise everyday. They can study art, music and other "electives." Each of them is at least 2 grades ahead of where they would be if the attended "regular" school. I have come to believe the regular public school system is beyond hope and there is no point in lamenting its demise or plotting how to fix it. It needs to be abolished and rebuild from the ground up. It is very obvious it isn't working. Our kids are spending more time on "academics" and falling further behind the rest of the world. We are cutting out everything that makes education more than just reading and cyphering in an effort to give kids the barest minimum of an education and we are failing miserably. So instead of fixing the problems we drug up the kids so they will sit quietly like little automatons and not disturb teachers who are unable to teach because they are too busy having to get kids ready to pass meaningless tests which show us that kids aren't learning. And so we throw even more of the same in an effort to fix the unfixable. Give it up people! Let it die and put us all out of our misery. Then maybe we can start over and build something that will work.

I'm also sixteen working at a community college on some high school level courses. I hate to be rude but I really hate the public school system here in the US.

I would submit that we need to move away from the prison model of public schooling. It would benefit both boys and girls.

Minimizing homework in lower grades should be a priority as well. The reason teachers assign so much in many schools districts is that they rely on the homework to teach the subject, while in school the teachers are merely teaching what's on the test. The advent of NCLB and other standardized testing exposed the reality that many teachers are lazy apparatchiks, protected too well by unions. As numerous studies show, education majors (today's teachers) had the lowest high school GPA and SAT scores coming into university, and the lowest university GPAs, of all majors. These are the people with your children for 6-8 hours a day. No wonder the results are so bad.

And education colleges in universities are filled with leftist, feminist claptrap that is then used to indoctrinate students, especially with the idea "female good, male bad". No wonder boys have a rough time. Before NCLB the curriculum in many areas was filled with self-esteem garbage geared toward girls, as well as socialist and environmentalist propaganda. The 3 Rs were secondary, which was how we got high school grads who couldn't read their diplomas. Now it's different. These teachers resent suddenly being held accountable for results by NCLB, so they assign massive amounts of homework to get back at the system.

And the idea that we need everyone to do all this study and work to be able to compete internationally is bogus. The best estimate is that even in the future only 25% of US jobs will actually require college-level knowledge. The other 75% of jobs simply require training, so to speak. We already issue too many university diplomas for the economy now.

Getting more male teachers in elementary grades would help boys and girls alike. But men have been made to feel unwelcome in education colleges, and they increasingly fear false accusations of molestation and the like by today's overstimulated, oversexualized students who know that such accusations are a good way to get back at an unliked adult. The rugrats might not understand the potential consequences of an accusation; they simply know it's a good way to screw over that strict male teacher. So you can forget about more men in teaching.

Ultimately the answer is to get government out of schooling directly. Picture the norm instead being homeschooling with local/state accountability, with parents having the option of using private or other schools instead. That would go a long way toward helping children of both genders.

Kids are also bombarded with lights and sound from day one! Try to find a baby toy that doesn't play music or go crazy with ligts and action! There is NO quiet time!!!! Then they hooked on video games and have no actual physical way to expend their energy. Boys always seemed to be more physical than girls. Cimbing trees and staying out late in the summer playing hide n seek and army etc. were normal. Now parents can't leave their boys out to play unattended. Kids disappear in a heartbeat! The world has changed but the physical needs to expend energy are still there. When they try to expend it by running around the house or the classroom then all of a sudden they are ADHD and need medication. Get a grip....get these kids out and wear them out physically and there won't be such a problem.