Struggling School-Age Boys

I think what the writer was trying to say is that there are a tremendous number of things that influence our children. They are constantly being marketed to by TV, radio, magazines. It is a never ending barage of what they should eat, what they should wear, where they should go, what toys they should have, websites that they should log on to. Kids are pressured to compete from a very, very early age. There are many, many influences out there that change the way our children perceive things; they tend to want to mimic what they see. As parents, we have to set boundaries and tow the line. We have to keep careful watch over how they are being taught and who is influencing them and what they are being exposed to. Many parents themselves put tremdous pressure on the kids to achieve because it is tough out there. Some children are simply ill-behaved because of palin 'ol poor parenting. Allowing the kids to simply do as they want and run rough-shot over them. Throw a tantrum - get what you want. Many of the teachers that I have seen are so sick and tired of simply trying to control the kids and keep order in the classroom that they give up the battle from mental exhaustion.

For KatGBWA:

There is nothing in the article that I would draw as an attack. It is very true that ADHD and ADD are over diagnosed. In other words, the child won't behave - medicate them. It is far too easy just to give the child a pill than to have to actually work with the child. My son for example has ADD. He wasn't hyper he just was very, very inattentive. I had him evaluated. The center for childhood development took upwards of 3 months, working with him, watching, testing before they diagnosed him. We went to neuropsychologists, pediatricians, bio-feedback. ADD was a correct diagnosis however, I chose to help treat his disorder with diet. As a matter of fact, he is given coffee in the morning and he has a small bit of chocolate mid morning and then againi in the afternoon. It helps him. We also do excersizes at home to help his focus. I don't think the writer was pointing a finger at the kids/parents who truly have the disorders. If your one of those parents that are involved then great! Keep it up! I don't know you and I would never presume what you have or haven't done to work with your son. If your son continues to struggle then something needs to be changed. I don't see where anyone called you a 'horrrible woman' or that the author was perfect or had a perfect family. I think she is merely suggesting that we have to look beyond the easy answer even if the answer wasn't an easy one for many of us.

For rcmai:

It has been proven many times over that sugar is not the culprit when it comes to hyperactivity - it is caffine and other stimulants. Caffine for kids with ADD is actually helpful in helping them to focus.

I find all these comments about how "girls are," how "boys are," and how we are trying to make boys "act like girls" to be offensive, gender stereotyping, and ignorant. Victorian Era boys were forced to sit still and not fidget more than now, and too much "book learnin'" was considered a threat to "femininity."

Likewise, when my sister and I were kids (early 70s), we spent endless hours running, climbing, playing sports, and beating the crap out of each other for fun like little lion cubs. When we had to wear dresses for Easter, we'd come home, run upstairs as fast as we could, and rip them all off IMMEDIATELY.

Whining about feminism being to blame only shows gross ignorance of history, anthropology, and how feminism left YOU behind, feeling frustrated and insecure.

Instead let's look at some REAL possibilities. Like CORN SYRUP! Thanks to the objectification of women in a still VERY PATRIARCHAL society, 40% of 8-yr-old girls are already on diets. (AMA) So maybe girls are eating LESS SUGAR. ALL KIDS need physicality and fresh air. I live in CA, but when I go back east, I am CHOKING from sealed spaces full of air freshener, carpet glue, plastics. Video games? My sister and I liked Atari back in the day, but we were too rambunctious to get addicted. Hmmmm--so if boys need physicality "so much more than girls," why do THEY sit in front of monitors instead of going out to climb trees like my sister and me, huh???? Little logic flaw!

I think another big factor that is the socialization of American masculinity itself. When I was growing up, parents, including gentle dads, raised sons that were not AFRAID show emotions, talk about their problems, ask for HELP, practice nurturing. (Yes, my boyfriend had a doll.) These emotional skills are the very things that keep people psychologically HEALTHY. If boys of the war-without-end generation are being media-socialized to think asking for help makes them "wimps," if boys think they have to hold in their feelings when they are having a hard time because showing them will garner disapproval, IT IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE that they are going to ACT OUT.

It's not the "feminization" of schools that is the problem. It is our culture's FEAR AND CONDESCENSION of "the feminine" that denies boys the right to act human and express emotional needs. The guys of my generation turned out to be amazing because they were supported in their humanity, just as we girls were supported in our quest to be who WE were. And we are friends, not strange alien "Mars-Venus" "others." But this perspective doesn???t help the free market to box us all in as target demographics. It is not good for creating soldiers/breeders for the church-state in our dualistic, Orwellian times. Promoting gender binaries is much better for that. Same thing happened in 1930s Germany as the Weimer Era shifted into full-fl

I believe more than ever that this problem stems from the violent sexual mutilation and assault our newborn baby boys suffer at birth at the hands of physicians and that this trauma has played a huge role in the emotional, psychological and behavioral outcome for many of our sons. It's an atrocity and is performed daily on many of our baby boys here in America. It's not the plastic or any other created excuse, it's the severe traumatic abuse.

This problem can be blamed, in part, on our increasingly materialistic society. And the actions that these schools are taking, like limiting recess, banning sports and giving these kids work beyond their level, is only working as a lethal cocktail to make it worse.

Before children begin attending school, they are usually spoiled and pampered with the free life of playing around with their toys and watching TV all the time. Then, when they get sent to school, it's a shock to their system. Bad parenting is largely to blame, with all this materialistic bullsh*t they buy for their kids, like Hannah Montana garbage, High School musical crap, and there are underground reports that suggest that these young preschoolers are being exposed to the idea of sex much more often than 20 years ago, since it's on the TV and media more often. This is f'ing sick! And then, on the flip side, I blame the teachers, because my younger sister, who is now 13, was verbally abused by her teachers for not being ablke to do very well at math. I helped her out with everything I've learned, and her grades started to improve from a C to about a B+, no thanks to the teachers and our educational system! Our education system is failing, and our politicians are doing absolutely nothing about it, burning money to fight a relatively worthless war (although we still need to spend on security and all that). The problem with our teachers is that they introduce new lessons in the textbook, and expect students to know all about it with minimal reinforcement. The problem here is that they teach them to know it, but not to UNDERSTAND it. You must start out with basic components first, then put them together!!! No, but instead, they bring out the whole lesson in bigger chunks that take a significant amount ofg time getting used to. WE NEED TO IMPLEMENT THE USE OF TECHNOLOGY AND VISUAL AIDS INSTEAD OF JUST TELLING THESE THINGS TO THEM!!! BUT THEY CAN'T BECAUSE F'ING CONGRESS WON'T ALLOCATE AN EDUCATION BUDGET! MORONS! And to make things even worse, students react to the misunderstanding of the subject matter by failing, then these f'ing teachers bnlame too much recess! Oh, this is making me sick!!! Decide this for yourself; I have to stop now.

As the parent of a "busy" child, I do take offense to some comments, I do agree a lot of parents expect the schools to fix their child's behavior. There are some of us that are pulling our hair out trying to do what ever we can to teach our children proper behavior and respect. We also approach our son's teacher and ask to be informed of what he is and is not doing. We try our best to work with him at home as much as possible. We are always reading new info about boy's behavior and trying new ways to help him learn to make better choices. Yet sometimes it doesn't work. I think it is unfair to put full blame on parents. Just look at the dramatic rise in children diagnosed w/ith food allergies and sensitivities. My entire elementary school career I never once had anyone with a peanut allergy in my class. I truly believe there is something to be said for the rise in food allergies and increasing demands on young children. We DO NOT expect the teacher or school sysytem to "fix" our child, only to work with us and get through this period of behavior issues with him. So please be careful in putting blame on a parents child about his or her "bad behavior". Walk a mile in their shoes first. You may find they are contributing to this child's behavior, but you may find that they are doing everything they can think of to help correct it.

I feel that there is a little truth in most if not all of the previous posts. Boys need to be allowed to be boys. And like it or not, part of that process is the sometimes physical method that boys choose to use in conflict resolution. Now before any reader starts screaming about the use of great violence, that's neither what I said or mean. In school now one is not even allowed to defend ones self without suffering punishment equal to that dealt to the individual that started what ever scuffle takes place. You are supposed to "use your words" rather than let any bully provoke you into actually fighting back. I'm 53 and can recall only one boy in all my years of school that was really out of control. Now ADD is every where. Seems to me we had plastic when I was young. We also had single parent families. Oh yeah, we also usually had a teacher with the authority to practice real discipline in the classroom. So lets see, No discipline allowed in the classroom, No letting kids just be kids, too damned many lawyers,and schools that in many cases are actively working to replace the actual parents and things ain't what they used to be. Raise your hand if you're surprised.

I agree Joe stop drugging kids with psychiatric bullshit drugs... has anybody noticed that all school shootings have one thing in common, that is that ALL the kids involved where psychotropic drugs!

What is most important to say is don't judge everyone because you and your family have children that are not having issues that are interfering with their learning ability. Some of us are doing everything that we are supposed to be doing and sometimes more and it angers me that some of you feel you can judge me and my son on things you only claim to understand.

Has anyone asked if there is any correlation with ADHD and what these have for breakfast? I am thirty years old. The last time I had a popular kids' breakfast cereal for breakfast, I was so sugar buzzed I couldn't have sat still for a lecture if I wanted to. The next time you see a kid who's all wound up and inattentive, ask him what he ate for breakfast that morning.

I would just like to add that medication is a decision that shoulkd take into account alot more than a child who stares off out the window from time to time. While medication is a very serious decision it does hold a place in children who are truly ill. My son has a condition called Pervasive Developmental Disorder (NOS) which mimics some ADHD behaviors but carries alot more burden to him than just that one symptom. The difficulties he faces in a day from home life to school to interacting with peers goes very deep. What makes it hard is the fact that it is similiar to many other mental health disorders with a few key differentials. Children are sometimes mis-diagnosed 2 and 3 times before getting the right one with the right treatment. For me it was a very difficult decision to place my child on medication but I am glad we did as he is now able to be himself and show what his talents are that were there all along. He just couldn't break out of himself to shine. In his case his medication has helped him immensly and we are thankful to have him back!

Enough already with all this ADHD nonsense...Men...Throw away all those ridiculous pills you keep giving your sons and then check out the works of the American poet Robert Blye. Look at his video(s) on YouTube called "A Gathering of Men"... Women.....enough with this sad devotion of trying to badly imitate men in order to parent your male children. When you get surrounded on the playground by a large group of your own sex...and they kick your teeth in...then you will gain wisdom and understanding of what it means to be a boy who must also a man at any given moment in his life. No matter how hard you try and deny these irrefutable differences...this is how things will always be... We are not equal...We are just different. Period.

I am a Teacher of Health and Physical education and think this problem has more then one cause.
1- Parenting --watch nanny 911 and see how your inconsistant emotional, aggitated, unassertive parenting could be a problem. How Johnny sees dad who can rarely assert himself over his wifes domination. A child that doesen't see his father as a strong loving parent Will react to this negetively.
2- too much video games,this can desensitize anyone especially a child.
3- high sugar low fiber diet
4-lack of exercise and fresh air
5- spoiling a child which leads to a sense of entitlement and should be avoided

Rest Assured recess is not banned or a thing of the past everywhere. I know because I am a teacher. This year I moved down a few grades to 6th grade and have been pleasantly suprised to take my kids to recess everyday and on Fridays twice a day. We use free time as an incentive for the class as a whole and also for individuals who do their homework and follow the rules. This relatively cash poor school in Texas is even saving up for a new playground...yes imagine that. Breathe a sigh of relief that our schools are not so different from Grandma's and consider a more likely culprit. T.V. has replaced after school play time and become the official babysitter of millions of children. I admit it saves my sanity quite often with my 4 year old. We parents need go back to the days when families connected and (oh my gosh!) entertained each other. We need to sit at the table for dinner and pray, then talk to our children and really listen to them. Even teens aren't so scary when you spend time just listening to them. So turn off the tube America and don't be so quick to medicate instead meditate on the how to reach your kids. They are not so wild as you think; I know because I spend more time with them than you do each day.

I have been an ESL teacher in Korea for 6 years. Children are pushed to study English, Japanese, Chinese, Music, Math, Art, History, even Play classes. The children are tired, mentally fatigued, and have no imagination. They are not allowed to watch cartoons or just play. Therefore, they do not have any real life experience, only theory and and step by step methodology. Many children are becoming obese, as they do not have time to exercise through play. I tell them how we do not have "Hakwons" (Korean word for specialized study schools). They can't believe it. I warn all of you now. Studying with your preschooler and teaching them the basics is an excellent way to get them started. However, pushing them to learn Chinese or other difficult subjects at an early age, wil in no way prepare them for the future. If you want your child to learn another language, let him or her play with children who speak that language, or hire a housekeeper who is bilingual. Chinese may be the one of the top two languages spoken in the world, but it is only spoken in a land where most of you will never travel to, or have any real direct contact. Not to mention that there are so many dialects of Chinese, that they have to depend on the writing system to communicate between provinces. Try learning Spanish, it is the 3rd most spoken language,and can be used all over the world! Kids need to discover things on their own, and they need guidance, but guidance on a strict schedule just amounts to operant conditioning, the same method they used when I was in the military... Do you really want to brainwash your child?

I find it sad that I discovered 20 years ago that the educational system (run by and administered mostly by women) seemed too willing to diagnose disorders and forget to teach Johnny to read. Our prisons are full of examples of the schools overwhelming interest in social engineering over education. I still maintain that the schools can be a valuable resource for the vigilant parent for educating their sons but insist on education , not hip pocket nonsense about why boys can't be educated, I've heard them all and my sons were both earlier and more competant readers than their younger sister, who the system favored as being female. Parents need to stop being intimidated by the educational system and work together , insistantly, for well educated and well rounded young boys! They are charming creatures and well worth our efforts .