Struggling School-Age Boys

I totally agree with this article. That is why I totally threw out state standards and started my own school where we have no textbooks, tests, grades, or desks. Instead, the children explore, go on field trips, and work on their own projects. The results so far have been amazing! See http://www.celebrationeducation.com/

-Heather Martinson

Continued:

What do you say to the parents who watch their happy, energetic children not be able to get dressed in the morning for school or even on the weekends because they don???t know where to begin? Whose children are not able to complete a simple worksheet because they don't know where to begin and even once they get started they don???t complete it because they loose focus. What do you say to the children who are starting to feel embarrassed and not liking school because they feel that they are stupid and not able to do the work? Children who are not able to communicate their thoughts without getting frustrated because their mind is racing and they can???t organize their thoughts the way they would like.

I???m sure that there are plenty of people who use ADHD as an excuse for poor parenting; but without understanding each individual situation, is generalizing and blanket judging really necessary? How can you criticize a parent when you have not walked a minute in their shoes? Are YOU truly qualified to tell a stranger that they are making a mistake by medicating their child?

Are you able to see this same child who is now excited about school because they consider the work fun and sometimes easy? Are you able to see this same child who now has lots of friends and is no longer withdrawn and embarrassed? Are you able to see this same child who is now capable of getting dressed and ready for school without having to be reminded 6 times about what they are supposed to be doing? Are you able to have conversations with this child about how they are feeling and things that are going on in the world around them? Are you able to sit at the kitchen table and do something as simple as put together a puzzle and talk? Do you see the pride and the feeling of accomplishment in their eyes because this was not possible before?

For some parents who decide to medicate their children it has nothing to do with simply "Letting Boys be Boys" but everything to do with giving your child the opportunity to blossom into the person they always were.

I would be nice to see an article that outlines family situations like mine as I am sure other families are in the same situation yet question their decisions based on comments from people who responded to this blog. I am sure they would like to hear from parents who decided to medicate their children and have no doubt in their minds that they made the best decision for their child.

I went through comment after comment and it is just truly amazing and even angered me a bit seeing just how narrow minded people can be. I would be very interested to know just how many of the people who left comments actually have a son who was diagnosed as ADHD. Based on the comments, I really like how just about every parent is divorced and not spending time with their children. There were so many comments about the disbelief that ADHD exists and how Loving your children or Spending time with them, turning off the TV and allowing your child time to play is the simple cure for all. What do you say to parents who are not divorced, don't watch TV at all during the week, eat dinner at the family table, read to their children and their children read to them and who spend every minute they are not at work with their children.

What do you say to a parent who has a child who does not misbehave in school, does not disrupt his class and has plenty of recess and breaks during his day (Art, Music, Recess and PE are all still part of his day). What do you say to parents who monitor what their children eat and teach their children the value of a healthy diet? Parents who only allow their children Organic Milk, Water and a cup of 100% Juice with dinner. These are the same parents who monitor the ingredients in the foods they give their children; so is simply changing the diet going to work? What do you say to the parents who disciple their children and who hold their children accountable for their own actions.

There are many different factors that may contribute to a child's, girl or boy, need for more. Sure things have changed in our world. Things have always been changing in our world. We cannot point to one solid answer for every child. Each child and their experiences and their environment play a role in who our children become. We as parents need to take responsibility for our children. We as a community should understand that every child is different. It is when we are all thought of as the same and treated as such when we make a difference into a problem

Why is everyone blaming TV and video games? That's not the problem at all. I personally have played video games since I was born, literally (my first memory is playing Zelda on the Nintendo with my family). I grew up with TV and learned most of what I know about the world from it (Sesame Street anyone?). I've been online since I was 9. And I'm perfectly fine aside from mild depression, which stems more from my experiences with other people such as my father than it does from "watching too much TV". Its unfair to use technology as an scapegoat based solely on unfounded judgements, stereotypes, and fears. The problem doesn't lie in how much TV or games or internet your little ones are using, its how much personal interaction they get with people and that is YOUR fault, not the technology. You are the one putting them there and not supervising them or interacting with them. Yes, technology does have its side effects, but it can easily be mended by learning about your child and their individual needs. If you see they are becoming too ingrained with their video games, take them out to play. If you see them spending too much time in social networking sites and not enough time with their friends, set up some time where they can go with their friends. Its your responsibility to raise your child right, not the media and not the government's.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with games or TV or the internet in and of itself. It is a valid medium just like books or paintings. It requires plenty of brain power, creativity, and intelligence to play a game or watch TV; just because the pictures are provided for you and you aren't reading doesn't mean you don't have to actively comprehend and discern what is going on. There are no studies that says "blinking monitors mess with your brains" (TV has been operating like that since it first came out) and the studies that do mention the physiological effects of TV on the brain were inconclusive. Like anything in this world, its dangerous in high doses and its your responsibility as a parent to keep those doses at a level that's appropriate for your child.

Why is everyone blaming TV and video games? That's not the problem at all. I personally have played video games since I was born, literally (my first memory is playing Zelda on the Nintendo with my family). I grew up with TV and learned most of what I know about the world from it (Sesame Street anyone?). I've been online since I was 9. And I'm perfectly fine aside from mild depression, which stems more from my experiences with other people such as my father than it does from "watching too much TV". Its unfair to use technology as an scapegoat based solely on unfounded judgements, stereotypes, and fears. The problem doesn't lie in how much TV or games or internet your little ones are using, its how much personal interaction they get with people and that is YOUR fault, not the technology. You are the one putting them there and not supervising them or interacting with them. Yes, technology does have its side effects, but it can easily be mended by learning about your child and their individual needs. If you see they are becoming too ingrained with their video games, take them out to play. If you see them spending too much time in social networking sites and not enough time with their friends, set up some time where they can go with their friends. Its your responsibility to raise your child right, not the media and not the government's.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with games or TV or the internet in and of itself. It is a valid medium just like books or paintings. It requires plenty of brain power, creativity, and intelligence to play a game or watch TV; just because the pictures are provided for you and you aren't reading doesn't mean you don't have to actively comprehend and discern what is going on. There are no studies that says "blinking monitors mess with your brains" (TV has been operating like that since it first came out) and the studies that do mention the physiological effects of TV on the brain were inconclusive. Like anything in this world, its dangerous in high doses and its your responsibility as a parent to keep those doses at a level that's appropriate for your child.

This is a neat article, it touches on some key facts that have transpired over the last 30 years. 30 years ago there was no such thing as ADD or ADHD. There were very few psychosocial abnormal behaviors with the exception of those children from broken or battered homes. Parents would parent their children, there was school time, work time, and play time, all of which required some activity. However, only one may have required children to sit for periods of time and that of course was school work. Not true today... Also 30 years ago parents would say STAY OUT OF TROUBLE and that revolved around the three areas of a child life, school, work, or play. If they didn't stay out of trouble at school everyone knew the principal had a paddle. And then when you got home your punishment would continue by the hand of there parents. Do you see why there was no ADD or ADHD. An outburst of unacceptable behavior was dealt with not always with the threat of pain but firmly and quickly. Today there's no reform we've taken that power away from the teachers and administration and then when they do their job a parent will say, my child would never do anything like that. No one supports each other and it's difficult. Children are expected to sit still all day long, no recess, no active play time at home, and no daily chores. So you can see why when a child gets to school and all his/her friends are around, to them it must be active social time. For sure, hard for them to concentrate thus giving them inappropriate diagnosis of ADD or ADHD. The answer to today's problem is simple, parent your child in such a way that when they are unable to stay out of trouble, they know immediately that they did wrong and are given an appropriate punishment. Secondly give your child unstructured free time, out of the house, away from the computers and video games. Let them be creative it strengthen their developing brains. And always give a child this bit of advice, STAY OUT OF TROUBLE, because if you are consistent with the first part of this solution your child will do their best to avoid such a guaranteed punishment.

As a teacher for 23 years I have seen the gambit of problems with boys. I don't have a pat answer and because I'm a teacher no one is asking me anyway! To fix the problems in our schools we need to ask the teachers, but no one will. Despite the Oprah teacher accalades and politicians thanking their third grade teachers for changing thier lives, a teacher is still only two steps ahead of garbage men on the work totem pole. Until the addministration and school boards realize that boys are fundementally different from girls (Hey wasn't men are from Mars, woman are from venus a big hit not to long ago?) there will be little change. It has been years since some big muckity-muck said that boys age slower than girls, but we still insist that they start school together. Also, the whole daycare bill thing comes into play...$$$ it cost big bucks to send kids to daycare, the faster they enter school, Preschool, the sess parents shell out. But we can not blaim them for this, no one better have blamed me. It is a hard question and no easy answers but someone better start asking the people who spent the most time with these children...Kinder teachers.......We have a few ideas.

i am chinese and live in asia till i was 28 years old. Graduating from college in Asia and then completing my graduate studies in the US, I observed that Asian kids may have the advantage we appear to have in school because parents pay a lot closer attention to kids and watch their activities, eating, playing, watching tv much closer than some american parents have time to do. as a full-time working parent of 2 boys born in the us, i see the difference between how i was raised versus how i am raising my boys (also how my husband who is american raises them too). americans work too hard and have too little help (so much of life here is Do it yourself), there is so little time left for child rearing. And we wonder what's going wrong?

Meanwhile, the Japanese, the Chinese, the Pakistanis, Russians, Germans, et al are licking their chops hoping our boys (and girls) will continue to flail while they keep their noses to the grindstone. Eventually they'll swoop in and take their places at American universities and American workplaces while we sit back and wonder what happened.

"I certainly don???t see the necessity of hyper-accelerated elementary school programs. I seriously question their value, too, if they don???t let kids be kids. (Sometimes, I think that elementary school should be lightly academic, but then for middle school kids should just go out into the woods for three years...)"


Response: While I mostly agree with you, I do think that there should be the option of "hyper-accelerated elementary school programs". While most kids might want to play at that age and not focus as much on academics (which, as you said, is perfectly fine), there are still some who thrive on academic rigor. I know that when I was in elementary school, I was bored out of my mind with the standard classes, and would have loved an accelerated program. I finally have been able to skip two grades and get into the high school A.P. classes, and I don't know what I would do without the extra level of material. You shouldn't just assume that all kids just want to "be kids"...although a lot has been said on this forum about stereotyping genders and being sexist, there has been little criticism of the equally rampant ageism. Without any pressure at all from my parents or my school, I enjoyed advanced schoolwork. Such programs should still be an option for those who want it, without being forced down the throats of those who don't.

To Johnsonshoe:
Thank you for pointing this out, i am no expert! Thank you also sir for bringing MY POINT validity. I accept that men are designed to perform with strengh. I believe that boys will be boys i also believe that girls will do girl things! My point exactly is that boys CAN do girl things it is just that they are under too much pressure to be masculine, or their dads and other boys will make fun of them. This is the problem! By the way your balls do not measure your masculenity they are a fascinating house for your little juniors to thrive and be happy!

Thank you America for having some sense! I am a teacher and the No Child Left Behind Act is a mess. They are expecting 100 % from children which is ridiculous because people have different abilities. you would't expect all students who take music to play concert piano.

I have three teenagers all different personalities who hate their high school. It's too big. Unless you are a football player you are a big zero. Many times they have commented they wish they were back in elementary school where people were nice and learning was fun.It's no wonder public school teachers put their children in private schools. P.S. America quite denying that boys are not different than girls.

I'm almost 30 years old and I still recall the rapid decline of my education years. I remember Kidergarden and 1st grade being fun, exciting, playful. I remember sitting in class and getting glue all over my hands as I made who knows what. I actually still somehow have the "thing" I made in kidergarden. Just a bunch of wood scraps that were glued together to make something. Wood scraps! But those would be considered a hazard in today's schools. I remember recess clearly. Going outside, chasing the girls (but don't catch one, they have cooties!), playing tag, dodgeball, 4square, jumping rope. Swings, slides and monkeybars. Last time I drove by my elementary school, I don't recall seeing most of what I used to play on still being there.

Second grade I had my first government standardized test. The next one was in fourth grade. Then 6th grade saw the decent into test hell. Every year from that point forward there was a test that had to be passed in order to move to the next grade. By my Junior year, I was taking at least two of these tests PER YEAR. One in the fall (to see if the student is taking to the curriculum) and one in the spring (to see if the teacher is teaching material... i.e. The Test). My senior year I ended having to finish in summer school because I was skipping class so much that I failed my english class. And yet... I passed all the others even though I was skipping 2-3 days a week. I can't think of anyone old enough to be my parent that could've passed doing that because the material was being taught, not tests. And standardized tests are easy. They have tricks to them that will all but guaruntee you pass them.

To this day I miss my earliest school years. For no other reason than they were fun. The direction things have turned is embarassing as a nation. Taking recess away? Even the Japanese have mandatory activities OUTSIDE and they go to school six days a week in a lot of areas.

When I have a child of my own, the first time I get a call from a teacher telling me my son has been acting like a boy, I'll laugh, tell her I'm happy he did, and take him out for pizza that night. Don't punish our children because you're taking away what makes them who they are.

I am a 21 year veteran teacher of primary age children. There is indeed a disturbing trend in limiting unstructured "play" in our schools. Unfortuntely the hands of teachers and administrators are tied because of the guidelines set by our state boards of education.
We are also teaching to the test. We hate it but the alternative is failure, at least according to the No Child legislation. Schools are 'under the gun' to perform well on state assessments that are incredibly unrealistic. This not only stresses the staff of the school but the children as well. When we have children who have trouble sleeping, have stomach-aches and teachers in the emergency room because of high blood pressure at test time then something is wrong.
Schools are not opposed to high standards or accountability. We just need to have a more balanced and realistic approach. Children are not walking talking test scores. Let's bring childhood back to America,

I'm almost 30 years old and I still recall the rapid decline of my education years. I remember Kidergarden and 1st grade being fun, exciting, playful. I remember sitting in class and getting glue all over my hands as I made who knows what. I actually still somehow have the "thing" I made in kidergarden. Just a bunch of wood scraps that were glued together to make something. Wood scraps! But those would be considered a hazard in today's schools. I remember recess clearly. Going outside, chasing the girls (but don't catch one, they have cooties!), playing tag, dodgeball, 4square, jumping rope. Swings, slides and monkeybars. Last time I drove by my elementary school, I don't recall seeing most of what I used to play on still being there.

Second grade I had my first government standardized test. The next one was in fourth grade. Then 6th grade saw the decent into test hell. Every year from that point forward there was a test that had to be passed in order to move to the next grade. By my Junior year, I was taking at least two of these tests PER YEAR. One in the fall (to see if the student is taking to the curriculum) and one in the spring (to see if the teacher is teaching material... i.e. The Test). My senior year I ended having to finish in summer school because I was skipping class so much that I failed my english class. And yet... I passed all the others even though I was skipping 2-3 days a week. I can't think of anyone old enough to be my parent that could've passed doing that because the material was being taught, not tests. And standardized tests are easy. They have tricks to them that will all but guaruntee you pass them.

To this day I miss my earliest school years. For no other reason than they were fun. The direction things have turned is embarassing as a nation. Taking recess away? Even the Japanese have mandatory activities OUTSIDE and they go to school six days a week in a lot of areas.

When I have a child of my own, the first time I get a call from a teacher telling me my son has been acting like a boy, I'll laugh, tell her I'm happy he did, and take him out for pizza that night. Don't punish our children because you're taking away what makes them who they are.

'Boys will be boys' has been interpreted by the current leaders and shapers of the young as 'boys willl be bullies' . This lets leaders and those in charge of policies add the modern sylogism 'so let's medicate 'em all' It would be better to go with separate sex schooling before the hysterical last resort of medicating the boys out of their natural inclinations. Like that 'I am woman' crowd used by Soltate1, below. Excellently put. In my opinion this regard of male children is feminism gone diabolical.