Struggling School-Age Boys

I am so tired of schools being blamed for everything. Yes, schools are now standardized test factories. Thank No Child Left Behind for that. That is also what parents wanted. I am sure I wouldn't have to look very far to find a study telling us the US education system is lagging behind China and almost all non-third world countries. Well let's start going to school 6 days a week so we can be like the Chinese. How about let's start looking at home. Public education doesn't take the best and the brightest. It takes all the children. It takes the ones that are hungry, the ones who are abused, the ones who aren't getting enough sleep because they have to go to work with their parents at night. School used to be to teach Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic. Now schools are expected to teach good character, table manners, how to follow rules and instructions. Schools must make have rules because parents send their children to school in mini-skirts with butts hanging out the bottom. It is the schools responsiblilty to make sure kids get to and from school safely, behave at the bus stop, have someone at home when the bus arrives. Parents drop their kids off at an empty school an hour before it opens because they have to get to work. When did it become the school's responsiblity to take care of children all day everyday. It is NOT the schools responsibility to raise children. If you don't or can't raise them DON'T HAVE THEM! You have to buy a license to catch a fish but just about anyone can have a child. Schools can't let kids have fun anymore..recess has been practically eliminated more because parents want to sue everytime a child gets hurt. If a child jumps out of a swing and breaks a leg guess whose fault that is? I jumped out of swings. That was fun and part of being a kid. Parents threatening to sue for every little thing has caused much of the fun to be taken from school. Children as young as kindergarten even know about sueing. "My mom's gonna sue you." Why should a 5 year old kno this kind of talk.The article states things about boys needing free play. Dang right. Every child does. Let's let them play. Pick their on teams for football. Get into those old nose-bleed fights so they learn to work things out before they get old enough to have a gun. Let's start letting schools teach the ABC's and stop holding them accountable for raising the children of the world. That is a parent's responsibility. Read, A Nation of Wimps. That will tell you exactly why our kids are turning out like they are. We are raising a nation of wimps and blaming it all on the schools.

Not to mention when these boys grow up, which "service related" industry will they enter? Educators seem to forget we're not all egg-heads.

I think boys are more likely to spend a lot of time playing video games instead reading and exercising, therefore they have a greater chance to become dumber and fatter than girls, which brings a lot of disappointment and stress. Today's culture of excessive physical and mental protection creates weaker individuals that cannot face the challenges around them, also parents excess of reward for little achievements create a false sense of accomplishment makes it harder for them to rebound once they get smashed by failure, not all kids are pretty, smart of great at sports. School and parents could only help them to exploit their best virtues; but should not give them false life aspirations.

Not to mention when these boys grow up, which "service related" industry will they enter? Educators seem to forget we're not all egg-heads.

The curriculum and society of our schools has been shifted to favor girls over the last few decades as we have successfully improved the opportunities for girls and women. However, the boys are now expected to learn, earn grades, play and behave like the girls; the opposite of the situation 40 years ago. Look at the statistics for college and university enrollment; in many cases it is 60% female, sometimes more. How will the young men contribute to supporting a family? Who will the college-educated women find as mates? It is critical to our society, to our sons, and even to our prisons that our system bring the pendulum to center so that boys and girls have opportunities to learn and play, and compete, in ways that work for each.

Comment: Hoorah for Ms. Tyre. I was an educator and child development specialist for 20 years. I am a play development consultant for another 20 years. I can say that children learn more about the world, how it works, how to get along with others and the basics of becoming a competent adult in 2 hours of unstructured free play than 100 hours of structured curriculum. I design play areas and client after client say kids are more engaged for longer periods in the unstructured play areas. Ms. Tyre's book needs to start a national forum for children. Leave the educators out, they resist change. That is why we still have a school year based on agricultural scheduls in urban locations. Thom T.

PARENTS I AM A HOMESCHOOL MOM AND HAVE EXPERIENCED THE TRAITS ALL OF YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT WITH MY 3 BOYS. THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT I HAVE A LITTLE MORE CONTROL OF THE DAILY SCHEDULE THAN THOSE OF YOU WITH BOYS IN SCHOOLS.
MY SOLUTION; MORE UNSTRUCTURED OUTSIDE PLAY, MORE FREE PLAY WITH TOYS OF CHOICE, EXTREMELY LIMITED TELEVISION (APPX 1-2 HOURS PER WEEK OR LESS) AND NO VIDEO GAMES. I'LL REPEAT THAT: ABSOLUTELY NO VIDEO GAMES. I BEGAN TO DIRECTLY CORRELATE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR AND SELECTIVE ATTENTION SPAN WITH VIDEO GAME TIME. BOYS NEED TO BE ACTIVE ESPECIALLY WITH LARGE MUSCLE GROUPS, AND THEY NEED TIME TO HEAR THEMSELVES THINK. FREE PLAY WITH TOYS OF CHOICE AND LOTS OF UNSTRUCTURED FREE PLAY PROVIDES THAT. IF YOU HAVE BEEN GIVING THEM LOTS OF TV AND VIDEO GAMES, THEY WILL GO THROUGH A SORT OF GROUCHY WITHDRAWAL, BUT YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT. YOUR BOYS WILL BE THE BETTER FOR IT. GOD BLESS YOU IN YOUR EFFORTS - BE STRONG AND BE CONSISTENT. THESE WILL PAY OFF.

I am ADHD and from the time I was a child in school, I always wondered what was wrong with me. Until my own child was diagnosed, I never realized why I was the way I was. Being able to function without thoughts overlapping and running around in my mind on volume "loud" has been wonderful. I don't think the moment a child acts like a child they should be fed medicine, but, there are children who truly can benefit from the use of medication in addition to a stable home environment, consistency and other things that help children who have ADHD.

Even though I wasn't born until 1973 I grew up doing all the same stuff as (Jb Goode) mentioned so I completely agree with what your saying! My 7 year old son is growing up in a completely different environment and it shows. Kids have become lazy, and they do not use their imagination nearly enough these days.

Comment: Hoorah to Ms. Tyre. I was an educator and child development specialist for 20 years and she is so right on. Children learn more about the world, how it opperates, how to get along in a group and generally how to become competent adults in two hours of unstructured play than 50 hours of structured curriculum. I am a play site developer/consultant and client after client says it is the natural, unstructured play elemnts that hold the child's interest the lonest and day after day as they re-create them. Play is a child's own directed curriculum. Early reading demands leads to early burn out in elementary children. Ms. Trye's book need to spur national conferences for non-education types. Educators dismiss change, they have always been right. That is why school years are still arranged on agricultural schedules in urban settings. Thom T.

i am a mother of three boys ages 7 4 and 3. i was very interested in this article because i have seen some very difficult emotional and behavioral issues with my oldest son...i think that there are a lot of good points people are making but have to agree that it is the compounded issues that lead to the major problem..providing counselling is a band aid solution as its not treating the root cause of the problem and is therefore rendered ineffective....families that are comprised of both a mother and father are becoming fewer and fewer and of these families that do still stay together more and more are forced to become dual income families in order to pay the bills...divorce is on the rise and single parenting situations along with it...bottom line parents are running lower and lower on the time and the energy to keep up with all the focus needing to be put into kids....this is forcing many parents into the position of relying more and more on the school system to assist with not only teaching their kids the academics but hoping that they are helping to instill proper morals as well...
unfortunately the flip side of the coin is that schools are having more and more forced on them to teach to kids at a much younger age along with all the standardized testing so look to parents more and more then they used to because theres no way to fit it into a regular school day....bottom line is to much is being pushed on kids by the school system at to young of an age and the parents simply cant keep up to the pace with rising costs associated with raising a family as well as trying to save for their retirements and their childrens future education. which lets face it at this point has reached the point of being rediculous...with all of this going on the people suffering the most are as always our children....i think that this is starting to be seen moreso in boys because there is more of a tendancy in them to lash out and the areas that we are neglecting to but enough focus into are areas that boys already have a natural need for more guidance with....

Imagine being a teacher and getting pulled from both sides, that's me. I am expected to take a room full of children and prepare them for a standardized test that measures a years growth in a matter of 9 months (Aug - Apri), all the while being expected to meet the individual needs of kids on all level from 1st - 5th in one room with hands-on task that allows each student to reach their goals. You meet with parents who have their child's best interest at heart, then meet with administrators that remind you that your scores must meet certain levels for your school to stay accredited, all the while knowing that the kids would learn best if given time to explore, color, and play but you can't find a way to make it all happen. The curriculum has been sifted at down least 2 grade levels, the paper work increased ten-fold, and the STRESS continously increasing, it is not a wonder both teachers and kids are burned out and is reflected in everyone's attitudes.

Public schools have demonized boys, unless they're drugged or act like a girl they are unacceptable! The fact of the matter is that boys mature differently than girls. Boy's brains are not ready to start reading at 5!! They need physical play time, activities that are unstructured, stop planning every minute of their day for them, let them discover adventure. We home schooled my 24 yr old son until he was 14. Until he was 8 we used a very loose curriculum with strong focus on outdoor activities, exploring, finding the bugs, etc. Yes, he started reading late, yes he started on everything late. Guess what by age 10 he tested at the 12 grade level in EVERTYTHING on the SATs. He graduated high school and college with a 4.0 and has a highly professional job. We need to stop "pushing" our kids so we can live through them and let them be kids.

Oh, by the way, we did similar programs adjusted for our girls, both graduated with 4.0s from high school and college and one even became a teacher!! Imagine that, a little home schooling (read that as parents actually being parents) investment and we saw amazing kids. We did not send any of the kids of the kids to public schools. I can't understand with the massive failures of these educational factories how anyone with half a brain would send their kids to public schools. You would never go back to a business that failed on every score and yet you'll send your kids into well documented and repeated failure -wake up parents!!! Things must change or we'll doom yet another generation to the failures of the public school systems and selfish parents.

There is a great book called "The Dangerous Book for Boys". It's probably the best thing you can buy for your boy this year.

The emasculation of the American Male has been in full unchecked process since the early 70's and we are nearly all to blame. There are many programs for boys who are already in legal trouble and the most successful, (Youthtown, in Jackson TN for example) are those that do their best to allow the boys to be what they are: young men. Unstructured play and time outside as well as big strong men who will value them and tell them they are loved (preferably their fathers) will outperform drugs and group therapy any day.

My children started school a few years ago and I was surprised at what was being taught as such an early age. Things that I remember seeing in second or third grade are no standards for kindergartners. I also agree that parents are not involved with their childs education as much as they should be. How can we get our school systems to understand that we need to get back to the basics in education, and stop trying to teach complex subjects too early in childhood. There was a time that our education systems were progressing, know i just believe that it has been digressing.

The school system is run by women. The detention room is full of boys.