Struggling School-Age Boys

As a mother with three boys, I lay a lot of blame on the college-prep kindergarten environment that has become public schools. My oldest son cried every day in KG because of the pressure. The pendulum has swung so far that we now cater solely to little girls in the education system that boys are falling through the cracks. I'm sorry, but my kids aren't going to sit and stare raptly at the teacher - they want to be up experiencing the education, not sitting down listening to it. It's a pretty sad state of affairs when public education policy has disenfranchised an entire subset of its constituency. It's time to change the way we do business in K-12 and create an environment that works for boys and girls.

It's about fookin' time! As a retired (2006) teacher of 4th and 5th graders, I was appalled at how the curriculum sifted into the lower grades without a "peep" from any authorities or parents. Everyone wanted their little Johnny or Susie to "keep up" with the others. Well, the others were and still are struggling mightily to keep up when schools (as represented by locally elected Boards of Education) are asking kindergartners to read and do basic math calculations

, 2nd graders are being asdked to rerad stories and start to analyze them, and 4th graders are being asked to do things we were teaching to 6th graders 25 years ago.

I am the parent of an 8 year old boy and we made the decision a couple years ago to pull our kids out of public school and put them into a private school because the local public schools are teaching to the standardized testing. When my oldest was in second grade she had PE only 3 times during the year for a total of 20 minutes each time. No art. No music. Just the test all year long. My daughter was stressed out and absolutely exhausted when she got home, quite a burden on a 7 year old.
Now, my kids receive a more balanced education, they have PE 3x a week music twice a week and art twice a week. They are being taught to think, not to regurgitate a federally mandated test.
Boys will get into fights. They will push each other down. They will run and scream and make noise and make huge messes at every opportunity. This is not a sign of a defective child. It's what boys do. Some boys do it more than others some do it less. But the important thing to remember is that thhey are boys, they are different than girls even within the same age groupings. I get very frustrated with mamby-pamby parents and school administrators who are blind to the fact that boys are boys and treat them as if the fact of being a developing male is somehow a defect.

As a mom with three boys - the school system totally frustrates me. The expectations are too much too soon. College prep kindergarten had my oldest son in tears every morning - he hated school. Do I want my kids to be educated? Absolutely. But I also want them to have fun and enjoy being kids. the pendulum has swung so far to be inclusive of girl learners that our boys have been left out of the process. My boys have no desire to site with their hands in their lap, stareing raptly at the teacher all day - just isn't happening. So they struggle. It's a pretty sad state of affiairs. de nono deisure to

I am the parent of an 8 year old boy and we made the decision a couple years ago to pull our kids out of public school and put them into a private school because the local public schools are teaching to the standardized testing. When my oldest was in second grade she had PE only 3 times during the year for a total of 20 minutes each time. No art. No music. Just the test all year long. My daughter was stressed out and absolutely exhausted when she got home, quite a burden on a 7 year old.
Now, my kids receive a more balanced education, they have PE 3x a week music twice a week and art twice a week. They are being taught to think, not to regurgitate a federally mandated test.
Boys will get into fights. They will push each other down. They will run and scream and make noise and make huge messes at every opportunity. This is not a sign of a defective child. It's what boys do. Some boys do it more than others some do it less. But the important thing to remember is that thhey are boys, they are different than girls even within the same age groupings. I get very frustrated with mamby-pamby parents and school administrators who are blind to the fact that boys are boys and treat them as if the fact of being a developing male is somehow a defect.

I thought I was the only one seeing this "problem" of boys not being able to be accepted for being "boys". Last year, the Kindergarden teacher tried to tell me (along with Principal no less) that my child had ADHD. After I explained that this is the same senario my eldest (17) son had 13 years ago, and that my son is most likely bored with what he is learning in school. I was told repeatedly that I was wrong and the child was in definate need of "help", but they would deal with the behavioural issues as they came up since I wasn't willing to "help". Um Excuse me, my child was all of 6 years old. He loves to play football, he is in Tae Kwon Doe (of which the principle frowned upon, stating that it would cause more problems). He is smart, he can read, he can do his homework, but he also wants to play. You remember play? The time you spent while at lunch, with friends...outside... something that wasn't per say "organized". I think I am going to print this article up and share it with the school district here, as well as the school my son goes to.

I have read the article and some of the comments, I came up with one conclusion "our world, our society, is changing too fast, we do not react quick enough to keep pace and we are afraid to admit it." We are looking for quick fixes and hence creating more problems. Our boys are just fine, wejust don't know what to do anymore to help them in this changing world of video games, communication devices. We are called to lead in a field where we have no adequate training, and where everybody wants to be right.
Teacher: Paul Jerry Frederic (718) 755-4336

I agree that there is definately a difference in the children of today and the children of the last generation. Being a parent, I felt it necessary to be my child's "friend" first and foremost...and a diciplinarian only at the asolute last moment needed. My boys are 5 and 7...I love them dearly...but hindsight is 20/20. I wish I had been more determined to teach my boys...than to coddle them. I have witnessed this same thing with many friends and thier children. Discipline (appropriate please!), and teaching our children to be responsible for themselves, are definately much needed tools...including follow-through from the parents.

A man's role in society has never been more confused. A man's role in the home has never been more transformed. A man's role is not even a term that people use freely because it conjures up an air of chauvasit aprehension. A man doesn't know when he meets a woman if she wants him to be "the man" or an equal and in what situation she wants this, much less in what situation he wants it. What a man lookes like, is, does, says, instgates, allows and participates in is not being defined largely by men but by the masses who knew what men used to be and didn't very much want it to continue. Men don't know what is acceptable for men in this ever changing world. Young boys must be so dizzy, terrified and confused the're wetting themselves.

I agree with the analysis that the problem lies in the dysfunctional behavioral "norms" being applied in our schools and homes as they relate to natural male behaviors. It isn't likely to change for the better any time soon. The "norms" restrict and misdirect normal male development and, on a broader scale, the society has marginalized the roles and stature of fathers. Furthermore, the succeeding generations of fathers are men raised under these stifling conditions. They have not known any other environment and may not be able to advocate for their sons, or even act directly to improve the developmental environmets for their sons in an effective manner.

Many honeschoolers agree with the position of the writer, so they take their kids out of the stifling schools and teach them at home where they can get their hands dirty, bounce a ball while learning their math tables, climb trees during recess, and wriggle during class. And the teachers unions fights this and the entire concept that parents can see that something is wrong with the schools. The unions would rather harm these kids and keep them in a failing system instead of fixing the problem or giving choices.

Barrister, I am not sure why you find it necessary to point out someone's errors.

One unmistakeble change in the past two decades that is not raised is the impact of single parent households. Boys (and girls raised without fathers (or mothers). There is a shift in the boy-boy : boy girl relationship that must be addressed somewhere.

I have three sons, ages 25, 23, and 11. After dealing with ADHD with my 23 year old, doing research with it and Autism, there are many reasons why we are now facing what we are with boys. WE, the adult professionals spend less time with our children, talking, and just getting to know them. WE, the adults, allow our kids to watch several hours of poor TV programming daily. WE, the adults, allow our kids to sit in front of a computer for hours, so it is no surprise that they frown and act up, etc., etc. Our schools thrive on competition and grades, as that is how they get more funding, Mind you, I said the system, not the teachers, we still have many wonderful ones that do care and don't share the system's view. Instead of competition between genders, let's focus more on teaching them, both academically and emotionally, and most of all learning from them, as on the majority, our children are our greatest teachers. Less medicine, more time and understanding of who the person entrusted to us to raise is. My sons are great !

The ultimate issue is that American public education is entirely beholden to trends in an effort to be progressive. Over the past ten years gender issues came to the forefront in education. Public schools were failing female students, and they responded by attempting to level the playing field. The unfortunate consequence was that the system began favoring female students because it identified them as being too passive to compete with their more competitive male counterparts. It was/is a flawed notion, and led to educators suppressing male students' attempts to interact in the classroom in an effort to provide an opportunity for female students to be heard. I worked as an assistant in an elementary school for five years, and was appalled when I would see teachers blatently ignoring boys who were eager to answer a question, so that a girl would have a chance to answer. To hear a teacher say that she wasn't going to call on a boy because she, "needed to hear from one of the girls," is just wrong. To inundate our young students with divisive gender politics is entirely inappropriate. In the arena of public education, we have been teaching boys to step aside, avoid competitive inclinations, and wait for the girls to have their turn. Any time you stifle a group, you demean them, and there will be negative consequences, both social and emotional.

Grade school teachers are female chauvinists. Boys have always struggled with early grade school & its emphasis on areas dominated by girls. I was lucky & got some good grades from a teacher from a large family. as a result, this record was looked at when my handwriting wasn,t beautiful, but, strangely, test scores were good. My own son struglled with this & was marginal until after 5th grade and a real teacher. He is now a successful orthopedic surgeon. Boys are restless, they may not have small finger motion skills. We need more male grade school teachers .

Very good article!! I personally believe we need to rethink education for all of our children. I was never a boy, but am the mother of two beautiful boys. I know they are bright but worry as my son attends school. I have heard a few people ask if I've had him tested for ADHD. I never will because I think we are putting too much faith in pharmaceutical medicines. We would never want our kids to try drugs, yet we happily dope them up for "education" sake. It is also true that boys need more nutrition at the time of conception. Why should we think that changes later in life?