Struggling School-Age Boys

Thank you onwisconsin66! It is so nice to hear from a Teacher! My 10 year old son has been pushed aside, pushed around, pushed under because of the way our children are taught. Medicating your child seems to be the only way to help teachers teach. I believe wholeheartedly, that boys learn completely different. Where do I start? Who do I speak to? Who do I write to? I would love to know! I simply refuse to medicate my child because he cannot complete classwork on time. He does not disrupt, he is not disrespectful, has never been disciplined or sent to the principals office. He just cant focus in a classroom with 30 other kids, on a subject that is just breezed over and then is expected to understand! Nothing hands on. Try to remember whan you went to school. What was your classroom like? DId you have your own desk that faced the blackboard or were you taught in a circle of tables a different subject than the group next to you? Was your class loud and chaotic? Or was it quiet for concentration? I know I would have a hard time learning in the classrooms today!

I'm not sure that it's all about lowering expectations. I remember reading somewhere that English Aristocracy routinely expected their children, in preparation for leadership roles, to master both spoken and written English, French, Italian, Latin, and often Spanish--all before the age of 10, in addition to being expected to be accomplished musicians, military tacticians, and mathamaticians, by 15. THEN, they were expected to marry, assume leadership roles in the military if male, or in the enormous household, if female, and similarly reproduce equally formidible little human beings to follow, copiously, in fact. And the little isle of Great Britian went on to essentially colonize and RULE THE WORLD.
What I do think, however, is that they DID allow their boys to be boys--that is to be noble and heroic. Just as every little girl wants to be a "princess", every little boy wants to be a "prince" --at least in the original context, which was to be heroic, not just pampered.
What little boy does not immediately turn his bath towel into a Superman Cape, the second he can tie the knot?
So much of the last 50 years of sexual revolution has been great for our girls, they have been much empowered and rightly so--but they have also still be allowed to indulge their inner-princess.
Boys, however--are now told that they are no longer needed to lead or be the hero of their family--instead they are supposed to show up for work, do as they are told (often by women), and most of all, not to get upset or fight about it when it all goes against every fiber of their being.
They don't have ADHD or an inability to learn as much as we throw at them.
Rather, THEY ARE FRUSTRATED.
Give your son a chance to be a hero now and then. Let that build his confidence. Ladies, LET your husband take the lead now and again (even IF you've finagled the idea into his head--let HIM have his day in the sun! Your sons are watching you every time you call your husband an idiot. Do you really not think that impacts them just as much as having your husband call you a whore would impact your daughters?)
This is really all they need, poor kids.

play outside more with other kids..play with parents more..play at longer recesses..play at pe/gym more...basically play more kick the can, smear the queer (because I ain't all pc) and stick ball and play less video games, tv, phones and such...less homework = less pressure - ease up teachers and system (do the stuff at school)...oh and read more to/with your kids and if they're young 15-20 minutes a night (minimum)..and goodness sake put them to bed at a decent time....Bottom line is let them play, play with them and get involved....and finally going to church is a good idea too

As a mother of 3 boys myself all school age every situation is different. My 11yr old son has ADHD He was diagnosed at age 6. I was in complete denial thinking how could i "drug" my child. So i refused to medicate him. For 4 years i watched him struggle in school no matter how much time i spent with him trying to explain the concepts of math and science. As i watched my 2nd son who is now 7 excell in every subject. It was this past summer and i had taken my boys to Dave&Busters (like chucky cheese) to burn some energy and they were playing a trivia game and my 7yr old completly hummiliated my 11yr old that i decided to try one of these medications that the doctors prescribe for my 11yr old. It's been almost a month since he has been taking them and yesterday i got a call from the school principal telling me how well he was excelling. She looked at his grades from last year and noticed such a dramatic change that she called me to tell me how much better he was doing! I do agree that our kids need to get out there and play!

Boys like to move and master physical tasks. We have told them to sit still, be quiet and behave and then supply them no outlet for the physical and creative energy. We do not allow them to "go outside and play" at home or at school. The few places that boys are allowed to be boys (and studies show that they are different than girls - imagine that) are playing video games (not physical) and on the athletic field. Luckily for Michael Phelps he found swimming or he would have been drugged into the drone state that boys are expected to exist in. Think of the men that you respect and ask yourself if you think they sat quietly all day behaving. Our education system needs to educate boys to be men and parents have to raise boys to be men.

I feel that the trouble with these boys is the lack of real concern on the teacher's part in most schools. She is there to make her salary and if the boys dont do well, it is to her then the parents fault. After all, look at how much homework the child is bringing home, that tells me about my 2 boys that something is not getting done in that classroom. Teachers today are teaching organization of your desk instead of math skills, writing skills, etc. Messy writing is nothing to teachers today and the child never learns to be proud of his work.
I am thinking of going back to home schooling so that the boys can do their work and learn according to their own level - actually getting the assignment without worry about classroom organization, etc. Teachers need to really look at this study and ask themselves, AM I INSPIRING THIS CHILD, or just making him work.

ADHD is just a convenient way for schools to get more special ed money. It's a great crutch for mommies too, who get to blame the disease instead of admitting that they really can't "do it all". I don't have kids yet, I'm only 27, but so many of my peers are screwed up by having nontraditional upbringings. H Hopefully, I'll be able to stay home with my kids where I belong.

All you parents out there: It's time to take responsibility for your own children. If "Johnny" is misbehaving or not learning it's YOUR responsibility to do what it takes to have him behave and/or learn. If you take the energy you're using to blame others and focus that time on your child we wouldn't have such a "problem". The mere fact there's a study and discussions about this proves the wussification of America.
So parents if you don't want to take responsibility for your kid do us all a favor and at least teach your kid to NOT have children themselves if they're not willing to be responsible.

Thank you for writing a common sense article about our sons. We all want winners (we're Americans after all!) but we have to know that not all our kids are going to be astronauts and presidents. Some of our kids are going to be traffic cops and welders and retail clerks. I think we have to learn to be OK with the person and not the achievement level. That is something our country has a real problem with. We are so critical of WHAT we are instead of who we are. We can see this in the white-hot political atmosphere today. If you are not from the right social sector, the right religious denomination, or indeed correct political party, you are eyed with suspicion. I find it interesting that young people are drawn to the more inclusive voice of Obama. I think what we need to do is find out who people are and accept them on that level first before we judge them for what we think they are, or should be. My hope for my son is that he grows up to be a good person first, then pick a vocation or profession he can be happy with for the rest of his life.

Thanks again.

The real truth needs to be told here. The number one reason bioys are struggling is that "boy" things and normal "boy" behavior are now frowned on in favor of girl things. Boys are discouraged from developing in the things that mnake them boys and ultimately into worthwhile men. Mosty boys are confused about what tbey are or are not supposed to be. In the worst case scenarios his has led to the proliferation of homesexualtiy and socially degenerative attitudes. Not contnent with "dumbing down" our educational process we have for years been "manning down" our boys. This leaves them nowhere to go and will execerbate the already growing problems. It masy not be politically correct but men need to develop as men and this starts with their boyhood.

No surprise, girls have always been "smarter" at least book smarter. Girsl tend to get better grades throughout school, perhaps not in math or science based classes, but certainly in grade school and general glasses. They have always seemed to be more focused, which of course is a pro and a con. One word of advise however, be careful what you wish for. I have three boys who if there anything like there dad will be borderline work-a-holic's, constantly stepping up into leadership roles, taking on everything that no one else will or perhaps can do. Wait, that's what men used to do, women are now taking over that role. Perhaps there is a role reversal starting, back to the cave man days where the women did the hunting, men sat around and well did what ever cavemen did. Congradulations men of the next generation. You may experience the grueling world of house keeping, talking hours on the phone, having tupperware parties, and telling your kids, "you just wait till your mother comes home". LOL

Why are boys failing can be traced directly to the political sellout to feminists.

As an educator, I totally agree with this article. There used to be a time in which children could be children. However, now that we have a push to leave no child untested, we no longer have that luxury.
As a hyperactive young girl, both of my educator parents had to fight for me to be accepted by my teachers rather than medicated. That was in the 70s. In my current research I talk to beginning and veteran teachers. It is rare for one to say to me that the child needs more active learning plans. What is the norm is a statement that the child has been referred for testing for ADH D. Frustrating for me as a teacher educator - how frustrating is it for parents?
Schools in many places have become boring places to be. Gone are the interesting science experiments and the time to just say, "I wonder what would happen if..." Is that progress?
Another thing to ponder: Non-white boys are actually overdiagnosed at a higher percentage than white boys. Is this fair?

For interesting reading (and something that might make you mad), read Jonathon Kozol's The Shame of the Nation.

Also -- McCain wants to keep NCLB. Obama wants to reform it. I'd like to throw it out entirely but that is only supported by Nader and McKinney, for whom most of you will not vote.

It's time to tell Washington, D.C. to stop mandating testing! It's also time to take that message to your state leaders and your school boards.

See fairtest.org for better info than I'm giving you here.

All Children Can Learn -- just not all the same way at the same time.

The problem with our kids are parents who have become too selfish with their time, too many electronic / video games and a very poor education system. We expect the education system to babysit our kids but not get tough with them. Teachers are poorly educated to begin with. Both teachers and schools seem to be terrified to flunk a child or hold them back a grade because they do not want to deal with enraged irrational parents nor want to see the child stay in school any longer than necessary. We also seem to come up with the idea little "Johnny" must have attention deficit disorder as a way to explain his behaviour and so we give him drugs. This society is very warped and twisted. Parents need to get involved with their own children not have electronic babysitters or depend on schools to give Johnny an education alone. Folks get that kid out and go fishing / hunting / play catch / go to the movies together but please take away the electronic babysitters like nintendos, cell phones with texting ability, limit computer use to school work or educational use rather than Facebook. You are doing nothing but raising slave stock for corporations to use and many of you are already that. Break out out of the box and think beyond your own selfishness.

Draw a box (not a square), how may sides does it have, --do you say four (wrong), do you say 6 (wrong) -- is there an inside and outside of the box? Now how many sides are there? Think!!!!!!!!

Duhhh! Politicians sold out to the feminist in this country and put females at the head of the line in every aspect of our society. More women graduate from college now AND more women are going to law school. Males are still ahead in some areas like the dramatic surge in the prison population as women became prosecutors, judges, detectives and cops. The fact that we have 25% of the WORLD'S prison population is another testimony to this sell out.

yes i see a correlation...these kids need to play outside...they need more recess and more pe/gym in schools...where are neighborhood touch and tackle football games? where are the 4-squares and hopscotch boxes...if you have kids get them outside with you and other kids, have fun with them and put your selfish agenda aside for a good while - the tv, phones, computers and games aren't going to raise your kids. i have 2 girls and can't wait to play with them and read them books

Good grief 'mcmahonmom' or bible beater. Taking prayer out of our schools has nothing to with this subject at all. The fact is, we always over analyze everything these days. I guarantee that if someone did this same study 20 or even 30 or 40 years ago, you would have had nearly the same results.

Sure, kids these days spend more time playing video games rather than playing 'kick the can' outside or jump rope, or whatever but I don't see how getting my kid outside to play is going to make a difference. My two boys play video games all the time but they also get outside every now and then to play with their friends and they're also involved in sports. Hmmm...sounds pretty much like my childhood growing up in the late 70's and 80's.

You people who tend to always get carried away anytime the results of some "study" comes out, I say CALM DOWN. Boys have always been "drifters". What I mean is, the mind of a boy tends to drift from time to time. instead of reading about Huck Finn, they would rather be day dreaming about fishing or playing baseball or playing Super Mario Bros.

Boys will be boys and it's our school systems who are NOT letting boys be boys. My two boys, now ages 8 and 10, have homework EACH night. Yes, every freaken night for 2nd and 4th graders. Even in kindergarten and 1st grade, they would bring home assignments that were due at the end of each week. Now the teachers didn't think that was a big deal since they were due by each Friday but the assignments were 3 to 4 pages LONG. That's one sheet for each night of the week. They also had projects that are due every 6 weeks.

My point here is this...we need to stop putting so much pressure on our children. Let's let them be CHILDREN for God's sake! In most school districts in Texas, the kids are in the classroom from 8-3. You can't tell me that while the kids are in Elementary school, that's not enough time to teach a child. Personally, I would rather my child be in school ALL YEAR if it meant bring home less homework and special projects.

Please, stop over analyzing things. Every day there's some stupid study about something pointless. Stop overreacting and let our kids be kids AND just because your kid would rather day dream about playing football, that doesn't mean you need him on medication!

The problem goes much deeper than any add or some superficial answer.The problem is people especially the educated elite refuse to believe that we were created by a great creator God who made men and women for different roles.These days every thing is centered around women and girls, every program you see is geared toward empowering women and girls and boys are totally left out.They just dont fit in a girls world no wonder so many of them are so effeminate.Men are put down constantly and women elevated so the boys are confused.Thank God He will intervene shortly and straighten out the mess we have created.