Struggling School-Age Boys

We're a loving family, we emphasise self-discipline and responsibility, and believe firmly that it takes a village to raise a child....but when a section of the village elders believe that it is 'their way or the highway', emphasising that your child will get lost on the highway of life if they don't pass this test or achieve that grade, or get into this school, and they'll be miserable failures (with fear as the deterrent, or (for some) the so-called fires of hell) - (just for info I'm an atheist raising my kids in a hotbed of christianity ) it's a long struggle against difficult odds. Where is the time for children to be just CHILDREN, creative, different, energetic, wonderful....

Calling from Jamaica - It seems to be everywhere these days. I notice all comments with such interest because we are ALL aware of what's happening and yet feel helpless in a way, rather like a monolith out of control. Why all the tests (and more and more of these as days go by) that prop up failing systems? Why all the judging of children as ADHD, ADD, whatever - just because at 5, 6, 7 years of age they are required to sit like little robots for hours focusing on the above mentioned tests (and further pieces of paper).....and oh, the shame of it if they are not reading properly by age 5,6, 7....Here in Jamaica we have government tests for all 3rd, 4th and 5th graders to ensure that they are 'up to standard' (question mark - whose standard???). Then there is the GSAT test just to enter high school. School books are more and more expensive (and bigger - my 10 yr old has to have one of those wheeled mini-suitcases just for his books) and yet less and less completed!! Because there is no TIME for teachers to teach all that is 'supposedly required', they rush everything, leaving many children behind (supposedly failing, thereby causing many parents (and their children) anxiety and stress, only to send them to yet further 'extra' lessons, costing yet more and more money, and more stress).....how can we end this vicious circle. Here in Jamaica there is such an emphasis on getting into so-called good schools then college/university....just to turn out another white shirt, business-suited, SUV driving, big house owning, DEPRESSED, human being....another accountant, lawyer, doctor, business manager (can someone please, please, PLEASE tell me - how many of these do we need in the world today)......no respect seems to be given to alternative choices...and hardly anyone wants to get their hands dirty! It seems the way we measure success is being passed on to our children; bigger cars, designer clothes, latest cell, plasma tv oh you've made it my son/daughter - but an honest, honourable being with no pretensions to this 'greatness' is regarded as almost retarded.....and god forbid if you want to become a farmer and raise cows and vegetables....or even be a dancer because heavens above, isn't the dance world full of gay people....or a wonderful artist because oh well, it's just like painting a house wall!! 'Scuse my sarky comments but ENOUGH IS REALLY ENOUGH.

Wow1 the author left out a few points:1) Most of the studies done in the past have been directed to girls, organizations like NOW, National Organization of University Women, etc. have pressured for sauch studies to show how females have been left behind. 2) The same grouops have diverted funds, try title X , to females when it was at the cost of male sports, other scholarships and grants have been for females only, again leaving males out of the mix. Note ratios in college, more females are now professors than males, more females are becoming doctors, lawyers, etc at the cost of males. by the way, how many organizations are purely devoted to males in our society? The writer, a female, should have answered these questions herself.

Things that we make and buy, like for instance a piece of un-assembled furniture or a new stereo system usually always come with an owner's manual. Who made this manual? the one who created the product because they know how it works and or how it is put together. In some cases there are also trouble shooting solutions in these manuals.
" What we need to do is brush off the dust from our manuals that we have been provided and read it. Who made this manual ? The God that created us. He knows how we work and how we were put together and it has all the answers and trouble shooting solutions. I think one thing we could do from here is form some type of nation-wide group with our manuals in hand and start organizing to go after the ones who created this problem. They made changes that we now seeing the ill effects of. We too can make the changes and correct the problem.

We took God out of schools, out of society, out of our Government and out of our lives. Now we are reaping what we have sown. You can see it all around you in globally abroad

Comment: I agree 100% with the previous comments. It seems the majority of teachers are women. Women can be just as qulified to teach as men but boys do not have the male role model to look up to in school anymore. They need that just as much as at home. I agree it is due to alot of this liberal mindset that has gone too far and I believe it is the "man haters" behind the scenes that are the root cause. I see it in my sons grade school also. What is up with this "no tag"? My son's school has the same rule. I would like to find out the reasoning behind this which most likely came from women. I heard it is because they don't want the kids to get hurt playing tag and getting too rough... WHAT???. That's funny beacause my son can play tackle football during recess but not tag??? Don't get me wrong, women can have just as good teaching skills but they cannot fill the void boys are facing like men can.
Then of course all of theses so called "experts" come up with their weak human solutions which just makes society worse and think they can solve all of our problems when they just create more complex problems to solve and the cycle progressively continues to get worse. I think the scheduled lives we create for our children are also to blame. They get so use to always doing something, constanly on the go, that when it comes time to just relax, they can't stay still. The answer is not drugs, it's not counsiling, it's not these so called "experts" who think they know everything about children. How did they become experts??? from other human beings who call them selves experts. What a crock !!!

This is a great article. The school year is only 3 three weeks in progress and i'm having the teacher sending note to me about my son. They have more rules at his school than the army. My family more to a new school district and need to adjust to his new environment. The teacher want zero errors from the children. They can't miss a day of school. They can't forget to turn in their weekly homework folder. They can't ever talk in class out of turn. And this list goes on and on about what my son can't do. Moreover, if he break any of this rules he won't be able to have recess and/or be sent to detention hall after school. OH yeah he better not forget to write his complete name and date on all home work ot that is an automatic 10 points off his paper. Keep in mind this is only second grade. The children are not perfect. It seem like the teachers need to think of ways to make learning interesting to not only the boys but the girls. They want the parents to sign papers that your child will be perfcet each each day. We all know that boy or girls are not going to follow a book of rules each day. Boys need and outlet to burn off some of the energy they have built up inside. My son is intelligent and learns very fast. infact he ask alot of questions that sometime i have to stop and think how to answer his questions. I sit down with him each night to assist him in his work. However the new teacher want to be very strict on my son because has a lot of energy. I telling her that if you take away my son recess after being in class for 5 to 6 hours you are inviting behavior matters. I'm all for rules that goes with out saying. The school system must understand that boy and girls learn and ack different. Medication is not the answer nor will I allow any of my children to be put on it. When i was in grade school in the 60's we learned just find with out the medication but with good sound rules in place. We got to get back to that time where we allowed children the time to be children and not robot. Let's stop all this focus on passing test and look into the needs of not only our boy students but what work for all out students. I admit we have a problem in the school system when it come to leaching our male children. The school system need reforming to get our boys back to a time where they can be themself and be great men someday. Remember our boy will be men and we need to see that they will be outstanding once they are adults . In a very concern farther in my sons future. J of Texas.

There is No One Cause to this problem. But I can think of several that come to mind.

Priority on changing the school curriculum to accommodate Title X to ensure equality for girls in education opportunities has caused the boys to be forgotten and now they are the ones in need but because it brought GOOD results for girls it will require a major change in society's thinking to set it straight.


Court systems systematically cutting fathers out of their son's life in leading to decreased discipline. Remember almost 50% of male children do not have a biological at home and 4 days a week doesn't give you the time to parent or discipline.

Society's changed attitudes towards men over the last 2 decades. Man continually portrayed as stupid or unimportant. If Women and Mothers were treated like this the media would be all over it. Just look at Obama's Father's Day Speech. If a candidate had said such things about Mothers he'd be impeached immediatel;y.

Let's consider another factor and that is unfortunately many boys have been forced to grow up without two intact parents. In many cases the single mother, who is having to work a full time job and maybe two, is forced to become both the mother and the father to the son. I'm sorry if I sound sexist, but a woman does not possess the code to teach a boy to become a man in much the same way that a man does not posses the code to teach a girl to become a woman. Ask any single father who needs to teach his daughter about applying makeup. The problem is that the son needs to see a role model of his own gender and understand what it means to become a man. The boy needs to experience what it means to be with dad first hand to know how to transition from boyhood to manhood. To show him how to work on a car, go fishing or camping or whatever the two share together that will stimulate and engage the sense of adventure that a boy instinctively feels. The problem is that electronic stimulus has replaced these adventures. Or in other cases, where the family is intact, the dad is hardly home because he works too much to try to afford the standard of living at the cost of missing out on spending time with his son or daughter. I feel that the decline of a boy's maturing can, in part, be attributed to the absent father and the boy who is forced to fill that vacuum with electronic gadgets and gizmo's.

Yes, I agree that children need much more active playtime. But I strongly disagree that rules and curricula in school are causing boys to struggle. I am a 53 year old woman; girls of my generation and earlier ones were taught to mask our intelligence so that boys could succeed. Now that is no longer the case, boys don't want the competition, and they view sitting still, listening to the teacher, studying, and achieving in school as "girly" things that should be avoided at all cost. And by the way, a male:female ratio of 60:40 at the university level is not a catastrophe. Strange how a 70:30 male:female ratio was never considered a problem.

As a parent of all boys (my last two are 20 years apart), I have seen many familial and social changes in the last few years. My youngest is a day care baby from Day 1, and my others were not. Gone seem to be the days where we just let "kids be kids." I, too, have taken my youngest to a doctor because of repeated behavioral problems in school, day care, and latchkey. I refuse to put him on medication and have committed to "behavioral modification." We're constantly searching for that fine line between being in control (in other words, conforming to the structure laid out in each and every environment my son encounters) and allowing him the freedom to be just a normal nine-year old boy who has the ability to function in today's world. I think this article is right on the money.

Hallelujuah! (and that's coming from a non-religiuos person!) This article expressed what I've been saying for years. I've linked an article on ADHD and Trauma you may also find iteresting http://health.msn.com/health-topics/adhd/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid3D100191637&GT13D3100120 I am an art teacher and have an MA in Psychology Counseling with an interest in community/multicultural counseling and trauma (or perceived trauma).I've always wondered why there are never any developmental psychologists on curriculum writing/test development/or educational policy making panels! No Child Left Behind has certainly left Piaget, Maslow and the normal curve long behind. How will society function if everyone turned out to be CEO's, Doctors, etc.? Our county's school day was extended by 10 minutes this year--I was hoping it would give a little room for transistion time/recess and/or lunch--but of course those minutes were added to Language Arts (do you know any adult who could sit through 2 1/2 hours of Language Arts?--sure not me). I started teaching at the end of the time when classroom teachers did art activites in their room as part of a lesson so I did much more original, creative projects (leaving the "crafty stuff" for the classroom). But now I have to spend more time teaching kids even how to hold scissors and squeeze the right amount of glue because they don't do that anyplace else (parents sure don't seem to want to spend the time doing it)! I worry about the creative developments our country will make in the future because we've taught kids how to NOT think for themselves. I once read an article (can't remeber who or where) by someone who urged parents to teach their kids SELF CONTROL instead of self esteem. I agree! Parents need to stop being kids friends and start giving them direction and guidance. The only question I have is why aren't parents actually seeking help for their kids (we have parents going through messy divorces, terminal illnesses, probably abuse, military seperation, etc--doesn't this count as a need for counseling)? Because parents don't even realize the responsiblities they have--blame is constantly put on the teachers while parents continue to be over-indulgent--allowing their kids to get whatever they want without having to EARN it. This kind of parenting promotes a lack of empathy, compassion and authenitic self esteem. We, as a culture, need to step up to the plate and tell the idiot politicians who are just trying to cover their you-know-whats with this "let's LOOK like we're trying to do something about education" (then we don't actually have the time TO DO anything productive!) talking about test scores--all test scores prove is how wealthy a neighborhood is--not how hard the teachers are working to try to get kids to succeed!

As an educator and mental health professional, I adamantly agree with all points of this article. I do not believe that medication should be the primary source of treatment for these boys. I do agree that it is a community problem that is rooted in the family environment. The fundamental principles of "growing up" have been replaced by electronics and an access of scheduled activities. I am the mother of a 2 year old, and I too, have been guilty of turning on a Nickelodeon DVD for my son to watch while I got a task accomplished around the house. I think there is a difference, though, in just popping in a tape versus actually interacting with the child AND the tape. ("What is Diego doing, baby?" or "you see the moon?")

Teaching to the test isn't effective, either. I am appauled by school's removing recess or not requiring any sort of physical education for the students. And our nation wonders why the child obesity rates are on the rise...don't they know that physical activity increases oxygen flow to the brain?! (thus enhancing the learning capacities)

As an educator and mental health professional, I adamantly agree with all points of this article. I do not believe that medication should be the primary source of treatment for these boys. I do agree that it is a community problem that is rooted in the family environment. The fundamental principles of "growing up" have been replaced by electronics and an access of scheduled activities. I am the mother of a 2 year old, and I too, have been guilty of turning on a Nickelodeon DVD for my son to watch while I got a task accomplished around the house. I think there is a difference, though, in just popping in a tape versus actually interacting with the child AND the tape. ("What is Diego doing, baby?" or "you see the moon?")

Teaching to the test isn't effective, either. I am appauled by school's removing recess or not requiring any sort of physical education for the students. And our nation wonders why the child obesity rates are on the rise...don't they know that physical activity increases oxygen flow to the brain?! (thus enhancing the learning capacities)

I've worked in an elementary school for two years and I can tell you that the problems most boys are experiencing are not the teacher's faults. Nor are they the result of poor parenting. We can't blame a changing culture either. Assigning blame is only slowing us down and hindering our progress in helping the boys AND girls who are suffering (and yes, I've personally seen the effects that these labels have on children) from behavior issues. This problem is a colmanation of issues that act as an avalanche trapping us and our children in a perpetual round-about of blame assigning and no progress. The fault lies with biology, and lack of time put forth to find real answers, with over testing and forcing kids to grow up too fast while simotaneously trying to counteract the negative affects by coddleing them in other areas, it's the laws fault for not protecting the kids who really need it and for accusing the parents who are just trying to raise their kids of doing more than that. This issue isn't going to go away because the laws of education are not changing any time soon. Legistration has been ignoring us for years and I doubt they'll suddenly pay attention. So as parents, it is our responsibility to make up for the losses that other people, other systems have provided for our kids. It may not be all our fault, but we're the only ones who can change anything with our kids. We're the ones who have to fight for them. If we want things to change, we have to change them. And if the only thing we can do is help our kids with their homework during the week and take them to the park or bowling (some physical activity) on the weekends. Society isn't changing, but home is the one place where we have total control, and maybe changes there will begin to slowly change the world outside our doors.

Boys are supposed to be rough,tough and active. And I think that when you try to suppress that natural behavior, the boys will rebel. They are only doing what comes natural. Also some people just let there kids run wild and don't set rules for them.