Struggling School-Age Boys

Although I see at-home discipline as the larger issue, I cannot help but notice that today people are having families later on in life i.e. starting families at 40 and beyond. Are there consequences to this very popular trend? Children, boys in particular take energy. Are kids too energetic or are parents today getting too old to keep up with the demand? We really have to consider things from all angles.

This is exactly why i won't allow my kids to 'go' to school!! We play and have fun at home and, believe it or not, my kids are learning fine!! They are content, have high self-esteem and understand they aren't living up to ANYONES standards!! They move at 'their' pace. That is what is wrong with schools today. They are pushing kids ahead, forcing their standards on these small children that may not even be emotionally/developmentally ready to handle the material!! When a child struggles, they get held back. I agree, there is a rise in ADHD, but I question whether there are actually more 'ADHD' kids...or kids that would 'thrive' in a classroom that puts their needs first (not those *** standardized tests!!) Schools now put more emphasis on those tests, because that is where they get the money. I'd almost say to have parents start running schools again. Leave the state out of it!! Schools would get much further that way.

As the father of three boys, I have almost 30 years of exposure to raising adolescent boys. There is no question that if I had to do it all over again in today???s society the responsibility would be much more difficult. Most children today come from either a home of one parent, or a home where their mother is working 9 to 5.

I wonder if there has been any study comparing the mental health of young boys today being cared for by ???stay-at-home??? moms and the thousands of young boys whose crucial care is in the hands of day schools, teachers and sitters.

Children whose parents are absent daily for long periods of time do not learn social behavior well in a group and from third parties in an environment of troubled kids. Granted, it is sometimes necessary for both fathers and mothers to be employed to support their family. Those parents could do with an in-depth study of the challenges this presents in raising their children.

Another problem, too many young parents today have rather put their children on the ???back burner???, with a ???Me First??? attitude, or a primordial career approach when it comes to raising their sons and daughters.

Bravo International Mother! When parents start talking and listening to their children, really listening to them, and begin to respect and continue to respect their individuality and personality even when it may differ from their own (and yes, you'll find they will do the same in turn for you, and no, this doesn't mean letting them get away with everything and letting them walk all over you), then I firmly believe that most of these problems will disappear. But that takes time, and time to listen and hold true conversations is one thing that no one seems to have time for anymore. (Pretty soon, there will be classes for children to learn how to hold a proper conversation, if there aren't already! :)

i am mom of twin girls in preschool but totally agree that boys and girls have different interests and i believe the schools starting preschool keeping this in mind should have the circullum split equally so both sexes flourish. I strongly believe teachers should start considering themselves as the second mom and dad in one package. I know once we achieve a 50 50 that's then its a fair game and its then we will have PEACE in this world.

I partially agree with Peg Tyre's article and this is certainly a hot topic with out any one right answer. I am a rural health Family Practice PA, as well as an evangelical Christian and home schooling parent. In other ward, I play on both ends of the fence by medically treating psychosocial disorders in young boys and girls by promoting healthy mental, emotional and physical development of the children in my clinic (as well as my own) with out the use of Medicine. ADHD does not always equal bad behavior. Believe it or not, their are some well discipled kids that have ADHD. This disorder is complex neurochemical disorder that varies in severity, often times is associated with other problems such as anxiety, OCD, depression, ODD, etc..., and we don't truly know what causes it. Raising and educating Kids starts from the beginning and I do think that we've gotten too far away from hands on learning, matching learning strategy to age related mental capacity, respect for adult authority, enough play based physical activity, and balanced nutrition. Our home school group has a child with aspberger's syndrome, one with autism, and a few that would meet the criteria for ADHD, but all are well disciplined and developing well both socially and academically to their potential through the right developmental strategies.

I think that many times we forget how frenetic our children's stimulation is now from birth on. From noisy toys that light up and change songs every time a button is pushed to TV and video games. Things have to be bright, loud and action packed to get children's attention. In addition, now TV is being linked to ADD. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends not letting babies watch TV until they are 2. My Developmental Psychology class recommended that children should not watch TV until they are 5. Why? Because it inhibits synapse production in the brain.

Things that we used to read and watch are now considered boring by this current generation. Even video games and TV shows that were popular are now dull and boring in comparison.

So, what is the point? We are teaching our children in many ways to be ADD. If things aren't bright, loud, entertaining, and catch your interest it is not worth sitting and learning. I am not saying that ADD wasn't around before loud toys and TV, but we are aggravating the problem with them.

Mimosafirefly has said it all.

There are probably many causes involved. In my clinic I have certainly see parents let children run wild... absolutely no supervision. Another problem stems from some feminists blasting teachers in the 80's for talking to boys more than girls in discussion groups on tapes in elementery schools. At the time I saw the obvious reason that teachers instinctively did this. Boys at this stage are not as verbal as girls. They weren't singling out boys but less verbal students. These mostly female teachers responded to the blistering attacks by making efforts to ignore the problem of less verbal students (mostly boys). Thus we have had the diminished academic development of boys. The college student sex ratio has shifted to a vast preponderence of girls since these misguided changes were made. We have shifted from neglecting the valuable potential of our women in the past to, now, losing the contributions of our men. We need to develop all of our people. It's the only advantage we have over enemies who keep their women barefoot and pregnant. They will swamp us demographically if we don't use all of our potential. Then we will enter a long dark age of ignorance, not only for women, but for all of us.

I think that many times we forget how frenetic our children's stimulation is now from birth on. From noisy toys that light up and change songs every time a button is pushed to TV and video games. Things have to be bright, loud and action packed to get children's attention. In addition, now TV is being linked to ADD. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends not letting babies watch TV until they are 2. My Developmental Psychology class recommended that children should not watch TV until they are 5. Why? Because it inhibits synapse production in the brain.

Things that we used to read and watch are now considered boring by this current generation. Even video games and TV shows that were popular are now dull and boring in comparison.

So, what is the point? We are teaching our children in many ways to be ADD. If things aren't bright, loud, entertaining, and catch your interest it is not worth sitting and learning. I am not saying that ADD wasn't around before loud toys and TV, but we are aggravating the problem with them.

I have two grandsons ages 4 and 9 yrs of age. I also raised a son who is now 32. It is my view that it isn't one thing that is causing our boys to struggle but all of the causes previously mentioned. What happened to common sense? These are children we are talking about. We expect them to sit for hours without recess , or at the very least allow them to go outside or the gym and only be allowed to talk. As adults we can't sit for hours without taking a break let alone little boys. I believe the school is only interested in curriculum not the whole child; and I believe that parents are not being responsible by allowing the government or school to tell them how to discipline. I believe children need to be disciplined but appropriately; Suffering consequenses for their actions is crucile to living as an adult. Sure children need to learn, but which is more important academics or learning how to live together and relate to one another? There both important, but we've put academics ahead without thought for anything else. Changing one thing that is wrong will not solve this problem. But looking at all areas and working together is what is needed. Parents, we are our children's primary teacher and we have the power to change what is not working. We can't sit back and just complain we have t do something to make it better. Stand up for your child like only you can. Change the school policies if they are harmful to our children's developement. We can do it if only we unite and use our voices. If we as parents don't stand up for our chuldren who will?

Correction to earlier post, "ADD" and "ADHD" is NOT the cause. :)

Changing education systems and related increasing demands are not where fingers should be pointed. It's not their responsibility. It's the parents responsibility, who, are having day-cares and school systems raise their children. If parents spent more time at home with their children, teaching them and giving them attention (instead of watching tv with them) children wouldn't misbehave in attempts to find what they are not being given nor would they develop these social/emotional/mental problems. I want to know what percentage of the "1 in 5 (or 10)" children studied came from single-parent households or families in which the "primary caretaker" worked full time or spent less than 8 hours per day with his/her children. Mothers especially think that they need to work to pay for extra-curricular sports and lessons which only seems to overburden families, leaving them no time to relax and be together. Children with problems in turn cause teachers to spend more time trying to keep order and less time teaching- so there goes the time allotted for recess. Parents need to take responsibility for their children's welfare and not pawn off problems to doctors. Societal changes start in the home.

I agree that changes in society are keeping our kids "cooped up" too much. Children need to be able to go out and play. Schools are either reducing the amount of recess time children get each day or they are eliminating them all together, Children naturally have a lot of energy everyday that they need to release. By not allowing them to release this energy they begin to to suffer from "cabin fever" and begin to "act out" . It is not just our schools that are doing it to them. We, the parents, are doing it to them as well. Not intentionally of course. With all the fears of child kidnappings and pedophiles, we are simply too afraid of just letting our children go out and play until the street lights come on anymore. Instead we keep them locked up in classrooms or at home. "ADD" and "ADHD" is the cause. I believe that doctors are over diagnosing this condition and over prescribing medication for it. We need to find new, safe ways for our children to safely go outside and play so that they can release their energy in positive, constructive ways. This rather difficult to do right now if you are a middle class family struggling in to days poor economy because all after school programs and activities are either too costly too be able to afford right now or they have been cancelled by the schools because of budget cuts. I also would like to add a comment agreeing with the article about changes in our expectations of children theses days, they are being overwhelmed with schoolwork. They have so much homework each day now, starting in kindergarten, that by the time they get it completed everyday, there is not much time left in the day to go out and play.

Thank No Child Left Behind for inhibiting the learning environment of boys. Kids at school are losing recess and PE in order to spend more time learning how to answer test questions. By 2013, ALL children are supposed to pass these tests in order for schools to make Adequate Yearly Progress. Because making progress is directly tied to receiving public money, the stress on public school employees has syrocketed. Students know that their success or failure impacts whether the school is successful, and have beoome highly stressed and worried aobut passing these tests. Might as well call it No Child Left Untested. In order to make changes, you need to take charge by contacting your legislators and telling them that changes are essential for the health and well-being of your child.