Struggling School-Age Boys

I am a parent with an 8 year old boy who has ADHD. I don't have any more than the normal behavioral problems with him and only medicate him during school days. But my biggest issue is that we had to fight for a year to get any help for him at school and in the end the school had diagnosed him with a learning disability. I work for psychiatrisits and when I took the report to one of them they said he didn't come near meeting any criteria to be diagnosed with having a disability. But the kicker is if we want him to receive any help at school we have to let the disability label stay. Our school distict is part of the "No Child Left Behind" program. And where I do believe this program has many great benefits, I'm not sure it is the best approach for all children. When I question the school as to why we had to push and fight so hard to get our son the help he needed we were told funding wouldn't allow for every child to have an individual learning plan. In the county I live in we have to pay a tuitionn fee for our children to go to public school. For 3rd grade this year we paid $115. Plus you still have to purchase all supplies and teacher supplies such as dry erase markers. On top of it we live in a county that has one of the highest propert taxes, which we are told that 80% goes to our public schools. It seems to me we are funding enough. My biggest concern is how many kids are out there needing help but the parents have no way of getting it or even know it's available. They push our kids so hard to be ahead of the curve and excelle at everything. Nobody seems to notice the emotional damage they are inflicting on our children. And the only reason they push so hard is because the number of children they have suceeding the higher the funding they receive. It's sad to say but we're at the point that we don't push our son to make straight a's or even honor roll because we know it's not possible but we reward him for effort instead of grades

Gee, ya think? Why does it take a government study to "discover" something that is obvious to anyone with the slightest bit of common sense? My grandson just turned six and is repeating kindergarten! When I saw his curriculum last year, I questioned the teacher as to why they were expected to master skills that I recall being taught in the 1st and 2nd grades. Her response was that, while she tended to agree with me, basically her hands were tied and she had to teach the curriculum. Over the last 10-15 years it appears our schools have been heaping more and more on our children, yet they have actually been learning less and less. This is evident by the number of students enrolling in college that spend their first semester or longer in remedial math and English courses. It's no wonder that so many employers demand a college degree. A high school diploma today isn't worth the paper it's printed on. Seems to me that this decline in academic achievement coincides with the whole "self-esteem" push. Don't use red pen to correct little Johnny's paper..it might make him feel bad. Everyone's a winner (even if you did happen to come in last!). How did our educators get this so backwards? My son actually graduated HS with honors....but was only on an 8th grade reading level! This was 10 years ago. How is that possible? Even he knew it was rediculous. Don't get me wrong... I don't think any child should be humiliated, but they do have to be held to a standard. And for you self-esteem fanatics, how about this...No Standards = No Achievement = No Self- Esteem.
Remember, "good enough rarely is".

I had this problem to with my son who is now 10 yrs. old. We had him enrolled in the public school system and had nothing but problems with him. He had a class size of 24 or more kids since first grade. He would get frustrated when he didn't understand something and the teacher didn't have time for him. He was being bullied by other kids and this upset him because he would start to cry and he would get in trouble with the teacher and the student who started it wouldn't have anything done to them. I watched my child slip further and further into the cracks until I had enough and knew if I didn't save my son he would most likely end up with a nervous break down. For the last two years I have taught my son at home. This move has made the world of difference in my son....we actually found a program that is funded through our state and is absoultly free. All our books and computer needs are free. I am just glad I was able to save my son and give him the one on one that so many kids need now a days. Yes it has it's draw backs too....it means that we don't have money to do what ever we want (with me not working), but I don't need material things for myself I just want my son happy and to enjoy his childhood year as I had. Just to make things clear my son has many friends so his social skills are not being fazed out from him not attending regular public school. They are actually higher than when he was in regular school.

It defies all logic to say that boys can't handle challenges as well as girls can...and disturbing that anyone would suggest mass-medicating our nations youth to help them do so. We Americans want to cure everything with a pill, it would seem. Instead of blaming weak genetics or chemical imbalances or an overabundance of scholastic pressures for the problems these kids are experiencing today, why not look at the way kids are being raised to relate to their world? Especially in this society where many parents, who were raised to believe that men are the superior sex, may be teaching their boys values that increasingly conflict with more evolved ways of thinking. Boys are quite likely getting mixed messages between learning from their parents, if present, that certain old-fashioned behaviors and ways of thinking are okay, but being held to more progressive standards by a more enlightened society. This concept applies as well to older boys, aka "men," who can't function in modern relationships because they were taught to treat women in ways that women will no longer accept. Male gender roles are changing so rapidly, it's no wonder boys are getting confused in the process and acting out in increasing numbers. How many studies are being done to try to gauge the effect of this dynamic on American youth?

LibertyDave: I am not sure what you mean by Hollywood doing nothing but bashing the male population? Whatever you mean by that, I am sure that it DOES happen at times... but, you won't get my sympathy vote for Hollywood particularly bashing males. Uh, have you not noticed how male-dominated Hollywood is? Try being a woman and see how it feels to see how your gender is represented in/by Hollywood. In fact, women over 35 are almost considered useless. So, please, stop the pity party for males being bashed by Hollywood. Most films are MADE for the male audience, most acting roles go to males, and women are usually expendable human beings good for little but being ogled.

"Raise_your_own_kids would be wise to go back to "home-school" from the looks of the gramatical errors. Yes, involved parenting will help some kids that fall into this scenario. As well, medication will help as well. However, take into consideration the facts. Notice how one-sided this problem is from boys to girls and you'll clearly see, this is not a problem caused by parents. I too have a son who falls into this scenario. I didn't need a professional to identify there was a problem, however I did seek out a professional to help me and my son better understand what the problem was and make adjustments to overcome it. My son fortunately didn't require medication or therapy. What he needed was a positive school system to go the extra mile and find the ways he learned best, to be aware of his shortcomings and to give him the tools to succeed. We found a classroom where he was encouraged, not put down when he didn't understand. A teacher that recognized when the students were feeling overwhelmed and adjusted by adding un-scheduled "free-play" time. Kids today are under enourmous amounts of stress with what society expects of them. Much more than the children of mine or even your generations. Why didn't we have so many of the problems we have now back then? Simply, as the study shows we put far too much structure and stress on our children and don't allow them time to be "kids." I'm grateful to have had the wonderful teachers available to us for without whom we never would have made it to the first semester of college this week. =))

Actually, this is one study that we ignore at our children's peril, particularly our sons. I think that in our effort to create an environment as healthy for girls as for boys, we have neglected them. Boys need more free time to explore and become who they are. Without constraints boys become uncontrollable (and girls too, to a lesser degree). But equally true is that without down time and a chance to grow and explore, we are killing the love for life and learning that must be instilled. It's not enough to educate our children. We need to instill in them a self-propelling love for learning.

Of course school-age boys are struggling. And, parents should be worried about them. However, what is ailing our sons is not something which can or should be cured with medication even though ???experts??? suggest we are witnessing an ???epidemic??? of ADHD. I???m a single dad who has been raising my sons since my youngest was 14 months old. As I see it, boys are boys and girls are girls yet over the last 15 years we as a society have been raising our boys like they are girls. What you call nurturing, I call neutering. Our boys have been neutered for the past generation in the name of equal opportunity for girls. I???ve watched how it???s become blasphemy for boys to do boy stuff; boys are shunned from being rough, rugged and adventuresome. Boys are competitive by nature and girls are cooperative nature. Boys also have different learning styles, they compete with each other. Who got the answer correct first, whose project was the best and so on. All of the other reasons given the article were simply excuses as to why the feminizing of boys hasn???t worked.

I concur with Sandradeon, good luck to you and your endeavors. We as parents allow society (commercialized empowerment for future social and corporate greed) to control our children???s governing idealisms and social learning requirements. It's nice to see that I am not alone with this train of like thought that there is to much preasure on children today.

Have we taken into consideration the amount of emphasis that is now placed on girls versus boys??? My son just entered the 4th grade... and (no joke) just the other day I was talking to my friend about how I was concerned for his emotional health (anger, frustrations, fluctuations, etc.) my son and I talk about a LOT of things and one thing he brought up was all of the girl power advocated in recent years (he didn't understand why Hillary Clinton got so much attention... he was afraid he was going to be the only boy in his class, etc)... yes girl power, etc. is very important but we must not forget our boys!!!!! How about a better strategy... empowering ALL children to do and feel and be their personal best. That is the TRUTH and that is what we should be teaching our children... regardless of what the media/corporations/institutions are showing them. Girls are not better than boys or boys better than girls.. come on.. we KNOW that... what are we teaching our children!!! Just because years of oppression have occured doesn't give justification for flipping the script the other way.

Of course school-age boys are struggling. And, parents should be worried about them. However, what is ailing our sons is not something which can or should be cured with medication even though ???experts??? suggest we are witnessing an ???epidemic??? of ADHD. I???m a single dad who has been raising my sons since my youngest was 14 months old. As I see it, boys are boys and girls are girls yet over the last 15 years we as a society have been raising our boys like they are girls. What you call nurturing, I call neutering. Our boys have been neutered for the past generation in the name of equal opportunity for girls. I???ve watched how it???s become blasphemy for boys to do boy stuff; boys are shunned from being rough, rugged and adventuresome. Boys are competitive by nature and girls are cooperative nature. Boys also have different learning styles, they compete with each other. Who got the answer correct first, whose project was the best and so on. All of the other reasons given the article were simply excuses as to why the feminizing of boys hasn???t worked.

It is sad that this is what we have come to. Families no longer do families together. We text each other and wonder why our child won't obey. We email each other and wonder why husbands and wives are no longer taking "dates". And as for our sons, with fathers working until all hours of the night and mothers not much less, is it no wonder that we are loosing our sons. There is no one to teach them how to be a boy first and then a man. What they are learning is that work, work, work is all that matters. Go, go, go! And you wonder why boys seem to be bouncing off the walls. And as for putting them in school, a boy is supposed to run and be free! He should learn how to use his hands to build something, to plant something, to take something apart and put it back together. If you love your children and care about what they will provide and help to contribute to society, please stop "rushing" them into adulthood from birth. Remember what life was like when you grew up (hopefully not filled with abuse or boredom) with time to play a real game like hide and seek, not one purchase at Target, the smell of your father's aftershave, because he was around to play with you, and that wonderful aroma of cake that mother had time to bake WITH you from SCRATCH. It's time to take back our families and not worry with societies standards. Socieity's standards where always too low or twisted by some political agenda. With all this said, is it no wonder this is happening, after all, the political agenda has taken God out of our schools. No God, no family order. No family order and what do you get.............................present time!

Lets face it, boys start school in an environment that is run by women for girls (elementary school) and are de-manized as a result as those "boy" qualites are not desireable, especially in their raw form before being cultured , which comes with growth and maturity. Why are we surprised that a study shows they are struggling- why is this news? Ask the parents of most any male child growing up today and they will tell you this without spending lotsof time and money on a study. Fundamental difference that no one wants to say out loud- boys and girls are different, they develop differently, need different things, function differently. I guess we are petrified to make that statement for fear that it will be carried to its natural conclusion- men and women are different. Spent too many years fighting to say we aren't different to now have to back peddle and say that we are not- sort of tears down an entire fortress of thought. You have to be smart enough to see that difference does not affect worth- being different does not make one better than the other. We are different and equal- novel thought I guess. So, yes boys are struggling to find their way, to be who they are genetically wired to be in a world that wants them to be less of that and more of something else. Wonder if boys in all boy schools are having these same problems? Is it just for boys who are with females in school? Who spend a lot of time immersed in society/culture that leans more to the more desireable female qualites? Has anyone spent time studying that- I would love to see the results there. My guess is those boys (the ones in all boy schools) are doing much better and are probably more successful in life. Show me that study and I will be impressed. Why? Because someone will have the guts to step out and say/show what we all know on some level- we are, as a society, not producing, growing up, nurturing, building men who are ready to do even a fraction of what the men in our countries history have done. What are we going to do about that? I bet all boy schools would help.

Too many people look to pills, but ignore the real issues. Too many female teachers, no male role models & hollywood doing nothing but bashing the male population. We as a nation need to raise our own kids, sorry not daycare. Family first, not work or the almighty $$$.