Struggling School-Age Boys

Thank goodness that people are finally discussing what the true problems are! STOP MEDICATING OUR KIDS AND START TAKING RESPONSIBILITY. I am a social worker who works in a school for children with ADHD. There are a VERY small percentage who I feel truly have a biological ADHD. The rest is environment, parenting style, school pressures from a very young age and an overall feeling in this day and age that everyone is ADHD. No one stops. No one relaxes. People are multi-tasking 24/7. What type of energy is sent out to our children from this behavior? CHAOS! Children pick up on the chaos and act it out. The we call them ADHD and medicate them. Parents..have some limits with your kids! Schools..understand that playtime, PE, art and theater are NECESSARY for a child to grow and learn. AND..don't expect a 4 year old to be able to sit still! They are not supposed to!!!

I believe most of the problems with behavior that we are seeing from all children is a lack of discipline. I see rude children everywhere that have no concept of what it means to behave in a situation that requires good behavior. My children are not perfect and they get in trouble constantly, but they know when we go out to eat they will not be allowed to run around, scream and make eating a terrible experience for others. When we go to the store they know they are expected to stay by me and are not allowed to run and hide, touch every toy they see and they darn sure are not allowed to stand in the toy isle playing with and distroying the toys. In my opinion we have a generation (s) of weak parents who think treatening time out is going to make a child behave. Parents have to discipline by taking away important items, restricting activites and on occassion if necessary they need to use what most of us grew up with - a swift swat on our behinds. We are raising a bunch of rude, obnoxious kids who others (they may not say it to your face) can't stand to even be around.

Funny how this came up ......again. About 10 yrs ago there was a study saying how the "girls" are pushed to do better then the "boys". And all of the "Girl Empowerment" seminars and "Girl Power" movements were
going to affect our younger generation. Lets not start drugging them for something we created and can prevent. Has everyone forgotten how to be a kid!

My son is also 16--all honors, straight A's, well-liked and an exemplary student. But we actually waited a year to start kindergarten because we were told he had a behavior problem--that he was too immature--when he couldn't sit still through the assessment exam (we tried to tell them he was extremely gifted and would self-stimulate if they went too slow). He and my 13 year old son have also encountered many instances of obvious female-favoritism by the nearly all female staff over the past years. One gym teacher stated outright that she preferred girls over boys and would do things like give the girls 10 points to start a basketball game against the boys (instead of making mixed teams). Surely, the scars remain from this type of prejudice. Fortunately, they've had enough female teachers who treated everyone equally that they realize the problem is with the person, not women in general. But the problems persist, even in good schools.

I cannot take these comments any longer. Those of you who are supposedly commenting on the article, but who are actually just venting about your frustrations with undisciplined children, need to do your homework. YES, there are a LOT of undisciplined children out there. The article had nothing do with that. My son is so well-behaved that I still get compliments on him just about everywhere we go. He's quiet, he helps others, he helps me with his little sister, he's just a great kid. The fact that he has ADHD (non-hyperactivity subtype) which causes him to be unable to finish any task is daunting. He is above avg intelligence according to IQ and tests, but that doesn't matter if he can't finish his schoolwork. He is not misbehaving at all. His teachers all LOVE him. They would always tell me what a joy he is and how he tried so hard, but just couldn't stay focused. So yes, I medicated him and there is a HUGE difference in his grades now. So, sorry if you can't agree that maybe sometimes it is NOT a matter of discipline, it is something in their brains. Also, c'mon people... grow up and stop calling these kids brats. I, for one, take great offense to that. I'll never forget the backhanded compliment I received when we went to a restaurant on Cape Cod once... the owner came over to say how wonderful my children were behaving, she hadn't even known there were any children in the restaurant until she actually saw them, and she wanted to just congratulate us on our parenting skills, but then she continued to say something like "because usually I hate it when children come in here.. they are all so unruly". This was not a 5-star restaurant. It was just a regular place and it was lunchtime. I thought that was horrible! Most children do not behave horribly.

I blame the democrats if that;s what you mean....they want our children to be doped so we need gov't

The side effects of the once rare but now standard two-income family structure must also be considered as part of the equation. As for school culture, three major changes need to be made:
1) Eliminate this "testing to the test" nonsense. It disarms and demoralizes our best and brightest teachers.
2) Elimante tenure for grade school teachers. While item #1 pushes out the best, this one enables the worst - either because of burnout, decline, or incompetence - to remain forever!
3) Empower our teachers with more disciplinary rights. No, we don't a return of "the paddle"; a simple "you're outta here!" for the most disruptive is good enough.
4) I know I said three - I lied - school hours need to be extended. NOT for additional classroom time, but for extended breaks between classes for the older kids, and more and longer recesses for the younger ones. That this would also benefit working parents isn't too bad a side effect, either.

Did I forget to mention PAYING OUR TEACHERS WHAT THEY ARE WORTH? This, of course, includes performance based incentives - I did mention eliminating tenure, right?

I am the youngest and only girl of four and also a mother of two teenagers, both boys, and happily married to my (only) husband for 19 years. Surrounded by testoterone all my life has definitly given me the knowledge that boys and girls are DIFFERENT and learn differently.

Demasulinizing our boys and medicating them is not the answer. Can anyone say metrosexual? ADD & Ritalin? Mentally Unstable & Lithium? And now Autism? I've heard it all from the schools, from my oldest (now an honor roll student) being told he was retarded by his 3rd grade teacher to my other son being threatened with expulsion for playing touch football on the playground in fifth grade.

The answer is simple, seperate the sexes in education. What law is there that says schools have to be co-ed? The law only states that education should be equal. This would give boys and girls both an equal and competitive environment to learn in. It also preserves our ability to teach boys how to be MEN. We need to ask what the last 15 to 20 year experiment in education has done to our children.

I totally agree with this article. My son is facing this challenge as we currently speak. He was diagnosed as being ADHD, and consequently placed on medication. The only problem was that is was making him angry and somewhat of a "zombie." My wife and I decided to take him off of the medication, and find other ways to help him cope. He is now in 2nd grade and is doing fairly well. He still has issues with his behavior, but we feel that it may be associated with his maturity as well as being OCD. I'm OCD, and I had issues as well as a child. As I grew older though, I learned ways to manage my OCD. I only hope that my son can do the same as well.

As a mother of 5, 4 boys and one girl, I can really relate. I have two grandsons and 5 granddaughters. I notice that all the boys were very active and good athletes. Almost invariably, their teachers complained that they had short attention spans. But, my pediatrician did not believe in ADHD medication at that time. Thank God! I hope people wake up and return PE to schools. It might be good to separate the sexes in class too.

I have an almost 19 year old son who from the time we moved and we had to take him out of the small private Christian school that he attended and put him in public school, has struggled. When he was in elementary school, I was on a first name basis with his teachers and the principal. I was in the school at least once a week trying to figure out why my B student was now gettin D's. When he was in the 5th grade I asked his teacher if she thought that he had ADD. She told me that she was glad I brought it up, because all of his teachers from the time he entered that school thought that was the case! When I asked her why NOBODY had bothered to mention this to me or my husband, she said that parents get mad when you say things like that. My son was diagnosed and went on Ritalin for one year, just to get him through the 5th grade. After that, we looked for natural alternative treatments, and he hasn't used anything stronger than coffee as medication since he was 12. He still has attention "problems" if he is bored with the subject matter, and he likes to be up and moving around, but it amazes me the number of people who say he has ADHD. People these days look at activity as hyperactivity. There is a huge difference. If he feels he isn't concentrating, he drinks a cup of coffee, that speeds up the neurotransmitters in his brain. Because he struggled in school, he thought that he was stupid. In fact, he is very intelligent and as a freshman in high school, tested at a college Junior for reading comprehension. We sent him to preschool just so that he would have the social interactions with other kids, because he is an only child.

He chose not to go to college, instead, he enlisted in the US Navy. His reasoning was, why spend all that money to take classes that don't interest me so that I can get an Associates Degreee in law enforcement, when I can go into the Navy, and they will pay me to learn the same thing? What saddened me was, at his High School graduation, It was mentioned that 80% of the 37 kids in his class were attending college, It was not mentioned that of the other 20% there were 2 entering the military, and others that already had high paying entry level jobs where they were going to get on the job training and the companies that they were going to work for were going to pay for their apprenticships in fields like electronics and plumbing. School used to be to make our students critical thinking well rounded people. Now, our kids get the message that if you aren't taking college prep classes and planning to attend a 4 year college, you aren't worth our time.

Welcome to NCLB. The entire program designed to embrass our public schools in the year 2014 so the school vouchers program can be enacted. Communism seems wonderful on paper, but the whole freewill and human nature thing tends to kick it in the teeth. Hopefully, just as communism has fallen NCLB will be discarded. All children deserve a good BASIC education, but the way the program is now: If no child gets ahead no child will be left behind.

I am a motivational speaker to middle and high school kids. I work with young men and women of all backgrounds on a regular basis. I think it is absolutely ridiculous that people believe that medication is going to solve the problem! If anything, medication is going to make it worse! What has really bothered me as a man is their are very few men that I hear respond to the type of subjects. One thing that will help these young men pull themselves together is to have a male mentor in their lives. That could be a father, uncle, neighbor, etc. They need someone they can look up to and want to be like. I have learned that the more time I spend with the boys I work with the more they see how a man is suppose to carry himself. They begin to appreciate the character, personality, and skills that I possess as a man. So they begin to mimic what they see. SO THE ANSWER IS NOT FEED THEM MORE MEDICATION!!! It's getting them a role model! Someone they can look up to and want to be like. It's very important as a young man that we have that. It makes a world of a difference. And for some of the mothers/fathers who feel their child has someone who fits this image. Ask yourself, out of a 24 hr. day, how much of that time is spent talking/listening to your son? How much of that time is spent in the office working, while your son is stuck at some event, sport, etc.? Before any of this extra curicular activity is brought in, take the time to be a role model first, and give your son an example of what a man is!!!

The only schedule I keep for my children is what time we have to get up during the week and what time they go to bed on school nights. Other than that, they have plenty of unstructured playtime. I do agree however, about the curriculum that our kids are required to know at such a young age. My 2nd grade son (ADHD and ODD) has 20 spelling words that he has to know, new ones every single week. My 1st grade daughter has hardly any troubles with school. I believe that preschool has helped my kids get ready for "real" school and I fully intend to send my almost 3 year old son next year.
And to some of the commenters, I do have my child on meds for his ADHD and ODD and it helps him immensely in school, his teachers have made comments about him before and after meds. There is no lack of parenting ability, and you have no right to judge the parents that do have their kids on meds. Have you had to go through the turmoil in family and school with your son or daughter and the heartache that it causes for both you and them? I didn't think so. I put him on meds as a last resort.

Frankly I think that it is shame to ask kids to do more at a younger age. I think that these kids are being put under too much pressure for such a young age! Kids are supposed to run around and be crazy! THEY ARE KIDS! As far ADD and ADHD go, there are WAY TOO MANY kids being diagnosed! I have never met a 5 year old boy that wanted to sit still. NEVER!! I work with kids every summer and through out the school year. Never have I seen it. My older brother hated to sit still during the day while he was in sschool. That doesn't mean thathe has ADHD. That means he is NORMAL! Kids need recess and gym, they need to beable to run around and play. Thats what kids do. Also, just because a kid points his finger and saya "pow" does not mean he is going to grow up to go on a shooting spree or become a serial killer. What ever happened to playing cops and robbers or cowboys and indians? Millions of children played those games and only a small amount of people ever became serial killers and went on shooting sprees. Statiscally, those who did commit those horrible crimes were oftern loners and didn't have a very active social life. By taking way recess and these hands on classes, you are helping kids become more isolated. You are not helping the situation, only making it worse.