Struggling School-Age Boys

As a teacher I most certainly agree that learning has 'gone down the tubes' in favor of 'passing the test'. Teacher's and principal's jobs depend on it. But our every day expectations for our students have also changed. Before I started in a regular teaching position, I substituted for a 1st grade class one day. The students had music and thoroughly enjoyed the class and the singing. They were in a happy mood, got along well, and I thought it was a roaring success. Then I was chastized for not having them 'behave' . I was shocked. Behave? There had been no behavior problems. The administration had expected them all to sit perfectly still, not to talk, and to line up like soldiers, and I had failed in requiring this. I agree with UrsaMinor's comment...most of these kids are perfectly ok, it's OUR expectations that are messed.

I blame the teachers and school systems...My son just started 3rd grade and we live in an upper class neighborhood and I could tell you we have a very good family life. My husband and I raise our kids to be smart kind people, we do things all the time as a family and we sit together at dinner and all talk to each other. My 12 year old daughter and my 8 year old son get along wonderful together and my daughter has always done very well in school. My son is also a very smart individual. But here is the problems we have faced and where I lay the blame, WITH THE TEACHERS AND SCHOOLS!!! We have had so many situations where my son is the "bad one" and the girls at school are praised even when they instigate something. They are SUPRESSING OUR BOYS MENATALLY!! I have heard from so many other moms in our own town who have well behaved boys that at school they all seem to have a bad rep. If you have a very doughty boy that is very shy then your boy is golden. But they are NOT LETTING OUR BOYS BE BOYS! If my son is playing with another boy and then yet another boy comes up and wants to play but the other 2 don't want to play with him...then my son should not be looked at as a bully because he does not want to play with another kid....the whole bully thing has also gone way to far...teachers need to BACK OFF a bit.....the 2nd grade teacher dumped my sons desk all over the floor and embarrassed him in front of class cause she said he is not organized enough!!!! I am about to home school because I saw by the end of last year his moral had just plummeted...he was such an unhappy fellow that hated school....it took me all summer to bring him back up to par emotionally about school...

Completely Agree. Our 5 year old boy started kindergarten last week. Straight out of the gate the kids take an assessment test to see what their aptitude is (literally as they walk in the door). When we asked the staff what skills the children should be able to demonstrate they said: ???write their name, say the alphabet, recognize the letters in the alphabet, read some simple words, and count up to 100.??? I was surprised because those are the skills I learned when I was in kindergarten 25 years ago. Times have definitely changed. Our son is intelligent and socially well adjusted, but the test and the environment surrounding the test were so overwhelming to him as his first kindergarten experience that he shut down, refusing to take the test. It was a horrible way to kick off his primary school years. What a horrible experience to associate with school and learning. Can???t we let the children be children? They have such a short time to enjoy this part of their lives, and we are so quick to steal it away from them.

I am the parent of a 15 year old ADHD boy, and while sports is a good outlet, too much sports and pressure is no good either. My son is not strong academically. Nothing he does in sports can improve that except more one on one studying. I like sports and recess in school and I agree it is necessary, but sometimes it is used excessively and our boys are pushed to their physical limit. We have had a few deaths from overly eager coaches in Florida. I am of the old school. What's the rush to have our kids over achieve and over stress? Why can't we let our children grow and learn at their own pace? In the end they will get to where they have to go or wherever they find their niche just as well as those who sped to get there.

I found the one comment posted by lordkailas to be interesting in that the math was incorrect by 50%; in a class of 20, it would be 4 boys and 2 girls if the factor is 20% and the various misspellings might indicate that our school system failed this person. The schools in my hometown are very, very good for my ADD boy; they have dealt with him amazingly and set him on a course for future success. This is a little one who was in the foster care system, adopted by us at age 4 and has a background of drugs, prison, welfare. The cycle will be broken here and I have the schools, the church and a wonderful backup of family and friends to thank. I admit, however, that he has started medication for the ADD which has enabled him to focus, which improved his self-esteem.

I completely agree that too much pressure is on the kids at an early age. They have so little time to be little, plus the environment of fear (don't talk to strangers, always stay in sight, etc.) is bewildering to me.

I blame the teachers and school systems...My son just started 3rd grade and we live in an upper class neighborhood and I could tell you we have a very good family life. My husband and I raise our kids to be smart kind people, we do things all the time as a family and we sit together at dinner and all talk to each other. My 12 year old daughter and my 8 year old son get along wonderful together and my daughter has always done very well in school. My son is also a very smart individual. But here is the problems we have faced and where I lay the blame, WITH THE TEACHERS AND SCHOOLS!!! We have had so many situations where my son is the "bad one" and the girls at school are praised even when they instigate something. They are SUPRESSING OUR BOYS MENATALLY!! I have heard from so many other moms in our own town who have well behaved boys that at school they all seem to have a bad rep. If you have a very doughty boy that is very shy then your boy is golden. But they are NOT LETTING OUR BOYS BE BOYS! If my son is playing with another boy and then yet another boy comes up and wants to play but the other 2 don't want to play with him...then my son should not be looked at as a bully because he does not want to play with another kid....the whole bully thing has also gone way to far...teachers need to BACK OFF a bit.....the 2nd grade teacher dumped my sons desk all over the floor and embarrassed him in front of class cause she said he is not organized enough!!!! I am about to home school because I saw by the end of last year his moral had just plummeted...he was such an unhappy fellow that hated school....it took me all summer to bring him back up to par emotionally about school...

I say, DOWN WITH FULL DAY KINDERGARTEN PROGRAMS.

"Some experts suggest we are witnessing an epidemic of ADHD and say boys need more medication"
Yeah.. that sounds like a hell of an idea.. lets drug up our kids more.

I dont have a son yet... but i do have a daughter, and I'm not going to drug her up because she has a lot of energy. The ADHD thing has been blown way out of proportion... Their Kids! They have a natural need to play.. As long as my daughter does "her" best in school thats all i will ask of her, I'm not going to push her beyond her limits, and make her feel like she isnt good enough because she didnt get straight A's.
It seams like there is a small group of people trying to dictate how we raise our children, and how our children should learn.. You can go to the book store, and find a whole section on how you "should" raise your kid... Parents need to throw out those "How to raise your kid" books and do what comes naturally.. Hell a generation or two back there wasn't anything of the sort, and Kids were more respectful, and didn't get away with half the things I see kids get away with now.

My husband and I are raising two perfectly normal boys. Both have above average grades, above average test scores. Both have been recommended for review for ADHD or medical intervention by teachers. Hyper-competitive parents striving to raise perfect children are driven to consult with medical professionals for boys who very occasionally can't keep their hands to themselves.....Epidemic? Need for resources? I think it's classic "boys will be boys" behavoir. How 'bout educating these up and coming teachers about that??? Medicating them perhaps?

Regimentation of child social behaviors starts even before pre-school in day care facilities. From this age on the adage that "boys will be boys" is no longer acceptable and will not be tolerated. Behaviors are more strictly controlled and the range of "acceptable" behaviors has become restricted to the point that fewer boys find it impossible to conform to the expectations placed upon them. I have worked as a professional in the community mental health field for 27 years and have observed the trend. Boys are routinely suspended from school for any expression, behavioral or verbal of anger or aggressive emotions and referred for "risk assessments." It appears that is is no longer socially acceptable to be a boy in our educational system. Which leaves us with the problem of what to do with boys who grow up to be men. Our solution? Send them off to wars or build more prisons to contain them.

I strongly recommend parents and educators to read "Teach Like Your Hair's on Fire" by Rafe Esquith. Schools are more concerned with statewide testing rather than developing their students into good citizens with critical thinking and social skills, just to name a few. I had wonderfully supportive, caring teachers that taught me life lessons. Also, I had teachers that stressed your MCAS score was the end-all-be-all of your existence. I have no respect for those teachers, they did not do their job, instead they instilled fear and self-doubt, as well as project their own insecuritues onto me.

The only year I got straight As in school was the year I was allowed to go to an all boys private school, which was considered one of the most academically challenging in the state. When I went back to public school I was even more bored than before because I had already studied beyond their level, but a feminist teacher saw to it my perfect test scores counted for nothing as she subjectively graded me down on every paper I wrote because she disagreed with my ideas and philosophy, or told me I should do better.

For all of the reasons listed in these posts: that is why my husband and I have made the $$ sacrifice to put our son in a private school. Where we live, the two biggest shool districts have banned running at recess and neither district offers PE. While at the same time, the school lunches are bland and consist of a lot of carbs and fat. I'm not some super controlling health consious mom, but I see a huge differance in my sons behavior based on what he eats and when, as well as how much activivty he get during the day. I agree that boys and girls learn, act, and develop differantly. So why are they all supposed to be treated the same and in turn are expected to preform the same?

I fully agree that we as a society need to change. Most parents are busy, wrapped up on their own world and they need to realize when you have children, your focus now changes to their world and spending time with them like our parents did. Secondly, we have to stop pushing kids and scheduling kids. Kids need to get back to playing baseball, tag, kickball, dodge ball and duck duck goose. Schools have to give recess so they can burn some energy instead of just 10 or 15 minutes and we need to get back to the hands on stuff for science, art and music classes. I live in Florida, and they put so much focus on FCAT that the children are stressed over it. I personally do not have my children in public school but we need to get back to the good old days. Parents need to be parents again, not friends and we need to let kids be kids but still educate them like we were. I think I turned out great!

If you want things to be "right" again how about putting GOD back in the school?!!!! My son attends a private religous school for that very reason. I went to public school as well as my brother and we both thrived. but that was 25 years ago when you actually said the pledge of allegiance every morning. Religion was not 1st in our education however GOD was not left out in the cold either. We were a more family and community oriented society in those days, now every one is looking out for #1. We were tought to love and respect one another. To share our feelingsand thoughts. Now every thing is academic. Strictly based on test scores. The rule now if a school needs or wants extra funding they better produce better scores. The number of elementary schools closing due to lack of funding is out of control. My sons class has 19 total students. The kindergarten class he would have been in had he gone to public school has 33 students. Thats too many children for one teacher. Especially at that level. We could also discuss the number of teachers in their profession for no other reason but the summers and holidays off. I chose private school for my son because classes were small and the school holds the very same values I was raised with. Not to mention every teacher there has his best interest at heart. They are loving, caring, and kind to ALL of their students. Think about it! Our children spend more time with these people than they do with us.

It is so refreshing to read and know that others, not many share the same view as I do. Our children are thrown into factories where all march to the same beat and if they don't they are assumed to have ADHD. What happened to letting nature do its thing and not drug our young generation. Einstein was a dope according to his match teacher and would never have been the man he was on medication.

That is exactly what I've been trying to say!!!!!!!!!!! It's a shame that it will fall on deaf ears to the school systems and to the parents that feel they need a clinical excuse when their child can't keep up with an evermore demanding curriculum. Parents have to stop trying to make average children into Einsteins, and when it doesn't work they decide there must be something medically or psychologically wrong. Parents have got to learn to to accept that it is completely acceptable to have average children and if they turn out to be exceptional then thats great, feed it. It is unfair to force feed it to children who are unable to keep up with it because they will fall behind and be singled out as a failure. That is far more detrimental to a young boys psyche than simply teaching him on his level. There are an awful lot of people who went through the school systems 10 and 20 years ago who received very good educations and are highly intelligent. Yale and Harvard are not new upstarts from the last ten years. There have been exceptional students arising from the masses of the average and attending the Ivy league schools for a very long time, but not EVERY student can get there. So in conclusion: Hey parents it's far better for your kids to be "average", or "above average" in an average curriculum, than to be failures in an above-average curriculum.
JEldred