Struggling School-Age Boys

Over the last decade, my sons (13 & 16) have encountered many female teachers who showed obvious prejudice toward the boys and obvious favoritism toward the girls. I am blessed with 2 straight A students with no behavior problems, but have listened to my sons complain many times about anti-male behavior by several of their nearly all-female teachers. There are more male teachers at the junior and senior high levels, which has helpled. But the scars remain from observing treatment like having the female gym teacher start the girls out with 10 points and the boys at 0 for a coed basketball game (which of course, assured the girls would win). An easy fix would have been mixed teams, but that's not what these women are about.
So trevorsmom, I and many other parents do NOT think you are a kook. There are many changes needed by the American education system--same sex schools, mandatory uniforms, more gym instead of less--not to mention paying teachers a better lliving wage so more males can enter the teaching profession without it meaning a lifetime of financial woes.

AMEN to josiandmommy. Couldn't put that better myself.

Fantastic article! I am currently working on my Master's as a School Psychologist and also have a 5 year old son in Kindergarten. I constantly worry about my son???s achievement scores and his ability to regulate his emotions. I have read many articles on this subject and time and time again I am seeing the same conclusion, kids aren't allowed to be kids anymore. We now, as a society, value high test scores and good grades over good social skills and free play. I also think this is particularly true for young boys. Have you ever had the opportunity to work with a young boy and girl that are the same age? Girls are interested in sitting and working on puzzles, drawing, coloring, sitting with dolls and what have you. I have noticed that boys are also interested in these activities, but have a shorter attention span for these. My son, in particular, can sit and color and enjoy himself, but he could play cops and robbers and power rangers all day without any loss of interest. I think that main point here is that children learn in different ways. I do not think this is so much a sex issue, but an individual, case by case issue. And the problem with today???s teaching techniques is that they are more traditional in the fact that you sit and complete tasks, which in turn is harder for boys (or those with a shorter attention span or less interest in that type of activity). In my opinion, what needs to happen is that we adopt multiple teaching styles (hands on, active play/engagement, worksheets, tests) and with the mix of all styles, everyone will get the chance to learn and shine. We need to bring back recess, quiet time, and free play activities and allow these kids to be kids. Childhood passes so quickly and we need to stop having such adult expectations for young children. As someone else mentioned, I would rather have a happy child who is well adjusted and in regular classes than someone who started honors classes and burn out by junior year of high school. Let???s get back to letting our children play and getting them ready for life instead of having our children study and get ready for standardized tests.

Has anybody ever pointed out that parents are increasingly leaning toward medication as a solution to their lack of parenting ability? How about we all step back for a minute and spend some time eating dinner together and talking about our day, or anything for that matter. More and more people are eating dinner at different times or doing it in front of the TV instead of communicating with each other. Do our children really need to have the latest gadget or toy or is twenty minutes of our undivided attention a better value?

I agree that there is far too much structure of modern days' children's time, but one thing that has been left out of the observations in the article is the amount of time these boys/girls spend on electronic entertainment, from t.v. to video/playstations, etc. Where are the kids on lovely days? Instead of learning how to play with each other in team sports, or learning swimming skills, hiking, interacting on a social level, getting rid of pent up energy, they are sitting in front of some kind of screen. After all that electronic stimulation, flashing lights and ever-changing scenes on the screen, reality looks pretty boring. Suddenly we're surprised that these kids don't know how to cope with social situations. Sure, there's a problem with the focus of the schools, certainly the parents are caught cow-towing to the system that seems
beyond their capabilites to change. However, a great part of the responsibility lies with the parents: get the kids involved with sports, with making friends, going on picnics, etc. Buy your own supply of paper, glue, scissors and paint. Take charge of the time you've got your kids at home. And tell them to write to their granny.

Is it that we are putting our children in school too early, or is it that we tend to let our children play too many videogames and watch too much T.V.? Starting our kids off at an earlier and earlier age on videogames and constant movie watching has led to increased ADHD and other disorders, in my opinion.

I work in a doctor's office in a small town in Kansas. I see, every day, children with absolutely no dicipline running amok in the office waiting room or in the exam room. A lot of these parents think their child's problem is ADHD or some other problem. However, it is increasingly apparent to anyone that was raised wilh at least some dicipline that these children are lacking DISIPLINE. When a parent tells their child "no" 6 or 8 times or to stop running or jumping on the furniture but does nothing else, the child learns that not listening is OK. I do not feel strict "children should be seen and not heard" type discipline is warranted, but a simple No means No would be a great start. When parents do not take some responsibility for their children's behavior then I think we should expect behavioral problems. I have a son with ADHD however, I also understand that disipline is still required for him or my daughters to behave appropriately in public or at home. It goes back to the old saying, children learn what they live. It is NOT the teachers responibility to teach your child to respect authority or to follow directions or simply play nice with others. Parents need to STEP UP. If this were not true, there wouldn't be an abundance of television shows teaching parents how to control their children.

What a great article. I have been advocating for 13 years now (my son is 18) that our schools are dictating "One size fits all". When my son was in grade school, he teacher "diagnosed" him with ADD. My husband and I took him to our pediatrician. Our pediatrician was ourtraged. No only by an unqualified person making a medical diagnosis that he said is extremely difficult for a professional to diagnos, but he added that his view of school was very discremanent. He said they expect out children to sit like robots for 8 hours a day (include "quiet" lunch) and then expect perfect behavior. He said small childrens bodies are growing and need physical play and excercise. And when they can't do this, they become inattentive and uncoorperative. I told the teacher what the doctor said and that she would just have to deal with growing children. I remember when I was in grade school. We had 3 recesses and when my teacher noticed inattentiveness, she made us get out of our seats and do jumping jacks, it took al of 3-5 minutes. They knew what to do back then and they didn't even have a teachers aid.

I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT PLAYTIME IS A CRUCIAL PART OF GROWING EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY AND A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF BEING A STABLE MINDED PERSON OF MENTAL STRENGTH. THE MAJORITY OF MY CHILDRENS' GROWING TIME WAS FULL OF PLAY. THEY ARE NOW THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE I HAVE EVER KNOWN.

I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT PLAYTIME IS A CRUCIAL PART OF GROWING EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY AND A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF BEING A STABLE MINDED PERSON OF MENTAL STRENGTH. THE MAJORITY OF MY CHILDRENS' GROWING TIME WAS FULL OF PLAY. THEY ARE NOW THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE I HAVE EVER KNOWN.

I am the grandmother who helps with homework 3 days a week. Teaching to the test has become an art in this school system. They even get the test the day before, and my third grader informs he doesn't have to know anymore than the 10 or 12 questions on that page. Sad part is that he is right. One child has an IEP that states she is to have books at home-"We aren't allowed to bring them home". is the refrain. Until we go to the school and start a fight, no books will come home. They no longer teach writing, have reduced both gym and library to every other week, and now expect each child to read 25 books a year. The ones on the thirdgraders list are ones he was reading over the summer because I insisted he read. Our school is not allowed to fail a student.(Will hurt their self esteem) and they are passed on. I wish there was space here to list all the things I have seen in the past seven years since my granddaughter started school. The bad far outweighs the good. I have even been lied to and one learning support teacher got up and left the room when I caught her in one. Then she bawled my granddaughter out the next day.

What we are witnessing is the result of the widespread anti-male "final solution" unfortunately shaped as a result of the pro-feminist movement. Apparently we are not able to walk and chew gum at the same time. We somehow cannot help girls achieve social equality without denying any virtue in boys and the concept of "maleness." The media constantly tells us women are strong, confident, breadwinning Moms while men are all sloppy, stupid twits who commit all the crimes and brutalize everyone. A father is no longer needed. The traditional roles of men; hunters (providers), warriors (protectors), teachers of character and strength (fathers) are no longer considered relevant. And no longer being handed down. Feminine qualities are considered the only ones with virtue; male characteristics are suppressed as illness like ADHD and the offender drugged. Everyone is taught that girls can do anything and boys are dumb. No wonder Johnny is struggling, he no longer knows who he is.

What we are witnessing is the result of the widespread anti-male "final solution" unfortunately shaped as a result of the pro-feminist movement. Apparently we are not able to walk and chew gum at the same time. We somehow cannot help girls achieve social equality without denying any virtue in boys and the concept of "maleness." The media constantly tells us women are strong, confident, breadwinning Moms while men are all sloppy, stupid twits who commit all the crimes and brutalize everyone. A father is no longer needed. The traditional roles of men; hunters (providers), warriors (protectors), teachers of character and strength (fathers) are no longer considered relevant. And no longer being handed down. Feminine qualities are considered the only ones with virtue; male characteristics are suppressed as illness like ADHD and the offender drugged. Everyone is taught that girls can do anything and boys are dumb. No wonder Johnny is struggling, he no longer knows who he is.

I am writing from Kingston, Jamaica. My sons go to a 'respectable' private prep school here - I have a (just) 10 year old in Grade 6 this year and a 7 year old in Grade 3. They are active, healthy, lovable children who are highly intelligent. And yet, even here, the school system fails and fails and fails our children. All they can talk about are academic standards - they start them incredibly early and we have a too high average of children leaving high school unable to read, write, even THINK. My 10 yr old son has to do an exam here called GSAT in March next year just to get into high school - and they are made to feel that if they do not get high enough percentages (i.e. between 92 to 100%) they do not get into 'decent' traditional high schools (of which, for boys in this country are appalling few). The pressure placed on children by the system, and yes, by worried parents, is appalling. Yet my oldest is a talented pianist, violinist and guitarist, and reads well above average for his age. Many high schools here are not mixed as they are in the US - they keep to the old British system of separating them so you have girls highs and boys highs. At their prep they start school at 7.45 and finish at 2.10 with a 1/2 hr for breaktime. They just about have enough time to shovel down a sandwich and drink some water. My son has to study things that we did not approach until high school, this is his 1st full week at school and yesterday he had 5 pages of maths, 3 pages of english/language arts, and to study the eye (complete with diagrams and dissection). WHAT IS GOING ON!!! This has reached a point where it is ridiculus. And all they do, when more and more children fail, is pile on harder work and more tests, tests, tests, and talk of higher standards. WHAT HIGHER STANDARDS. We are not a money driven family, I work part time and my husband has his own business - but we spend a lot of time with our children, they are not over driven with activities (the music is THEIR choice believe me!) but with so much work it is hard to do anything else but sit inside, at a desk, surrounded by school books, dictionaries etc. I myself feel like rebelling. I agree with everyone writing here, because whatever your family structure, we ALL try to do our best, but the system itself, created by us and for us, by Governments and School Boards that refuse to take the heart and soul of the matter into account, with whatever 'supposedly' good intentions, fails us, and our children, more and more each day. My heart goes out to all of you.

I can completly relay to this problem, my child is only 8 years old and he has more math and science homework in a week that I had in a month when I was in college somtimes so much that I have to pretty much cheat and do it for him just so he can get a passing grade and that just frustates the poor little guy, I have seen him cry when he sees the amount of work he has to do even after school, he has even said somehting I have never hear a child said "I have no time for friends" I frankly don't understand this no-child-left-behind policy; it does not work, they treat kids as robots and not people, most of us went to a completly different type of school system and came out alright and got a good education, let's start pressuring our legislators to change all this absurdities in our public schools before we destroy our childs emotional well being.

I think that the problems boys are experiencing in today's society are due to several factors, but mainly due to the fact that boys are not allowed to be boys, and that society likes to promote the idea that the sexes are the same. I worked in a day treatment center for adolescents. Every student (the majority were boys- no surprise!) was there due to behavioral issues and not being able to "function" in regular school. The center teaches all the basic subjects, but what is nice is the center was staffed by mostly men who served as positive male role models- something that was missing from practically every kids' life. The kids are also given lots of opportunities for physical activity throughout the day and most of the learning was hands-on. However, the school is very structured and there are clear, strict rules and every student is held accountable for their behaviors and helping others stay on track, too. The vast majority of the kids there thrived in that environment and even hated to go back to regular school once they got used to it. Unfortunately, once they returned to regular school, many eventually regressed to the old "problem behaviors". I think we need to really look at the differences in the ways boys & girls learn and maybe go to male/female only classrooms. I believe studies on separate classrooms show that kids do better this way in all areas.