Struggling School-Age Boys

I'm glad to see some attention is being paid to what many parents have been dealing with for a long time now. I am a parent of 4 sons. We have 3 that have a learning disability (N.L.D.) another one like ADHD that is showing up rapidly across the U.S. The main theory behind it is similar to one expressed in this article. A genetic component is apparent, however compared to 50 years ago or so children with this disorder (learning style) did fine in the learning environments provided. The only difference with the NLD is that it shows up equally in girls. It is just an example of how much change has occurred, not just in the curriculum itself, but also how information is approached. The academic pressures are adding stress all the way around. And with that comes new challenges. Medication is only going cover up and not get to root of the problem no matter what it might be. We as parents will have to help the educators implement changes that
will help get boys back on track. That will mean assertively lobbying to make those changes a reality. The big question now is what changes are going to be most positive without effecting other students. Awareness is a start.

I am the youngest, and only girl in my family with 3 older brothers. I am also the mother of two teenage boys, no girls. So, being surrounded by testosterone for my entire life, I have a unique perspective on men that most women don't.
Not only are our boys in danger of being ignored, they are endagered. Boys are expected to be feminized in today's society (can anyone say Metrosexual?). They are expected to not be physical in any way whatsoever. The consequense has been medication, therapy, and expulsion from school. I actually had my oldest son's third grade teacher tell me that he needed to be on Ritalin (the drug of choice ten years ago) and that he was borderline retarded. He is now in the top 10% of his graduating class and is a well adjusted young-MAN. I emphasize MAN because we are no longer allowed by schools to raise MEN; they are expected to be feminized males.
If the education system is so concerned with girls dropping behind in learning math & sciences and loosing self-esteem; they should be equally concerned about boys falling behind in humanities and loosing their physical and psychological manhood. The solution is simple, seperate the sexes in schools.
There is nothing wrong with schools not being co-ed. Many private schools are for male / female only. All around the world, those schools are considered to give children the best educations. And it would give our children what they deserve, a chance to learn in an equal and competitive environment.
Just one mom's opinion.

They also talk in this article about testing. My 5 year old was already being "tested" the second week of school. The school was doing DIBELS testing to test speed reading and letter sounds--this is KINDERGARTEN and they test for "speed reading"???!!! This can't keep a childs attention--girl or boy!

I have a 10 yr old grandson, he is an only child, make good grades on his report card A's & B's. But he is so pressured by the TAKS test that he has to take it makes him a very nervous little boy. I agree children are being taught to pass a stupid test and not learning the basic three R's that were taught years age. I have talked to our state rep.,or at least to one of his staff and tried to explain to him that child learn differently. That the so called "norm" is not for everyone. If you do not fit into this so called "norm" you are labeled. That helps a child want to learn. We need to look at HOW we teach ALL our children. We need different ways to teach different children without putting a label on them. We are trying to teach to much infromation in one day, children are in the classroom more now then ever without play time. They need time to run and refresh thier little minds to re-energize thier bodies. Our children need our HELP and we need to reform our school system to fit the needs of our children

I wouldn't let the school label my boys as add or adhd. When the school has teachers that cant stay focused and organized how can they expected boys or girls to. If children learn from example then teachers and parents and the society need to set the example and let kids be kids, boys be boys. Parents should quit trying to keep up with society and think outside the box when it comes to their children. My husband and i try and make sure our boys have time to play and relax every evening. Parents need to understand that just as much as they need to relax and unwind so do their children.

There are some very simple solutions to some of the problems, send these kids outside to play. Reinstate recess in elementary schools. Physical activities are essential to all humans. One of my teachers said you can only learn as much as your butt can endure. Teachers would have a much easier time teaching kids after they run, jumped, skipped or other movements. Also dump that teaching to the test. What this country needs ia a national curriculum for the basics in school. Local support doesn't always support a good education. Boys and girls don't learn in the same manor either. Boy and girl only classes can help that problem easily. Sending kids out side to play would also do much to help kids from becoming obese. Eliminating soda from everyone diet is really a must. It is empty calories with high-fructose corn syrup which is extremely unhealthy. The no cal sweetners are just as bad for you but in different ways. Aspartame is a nurotoxin. To many are trying to counter problems with drugs that can be fixed by eating a diet that eliminates processed foods. All those dyes and flavorings with excess sugar pretty much poisons the brain and body. There ar some easy solutions to the problems. Healthy diet and plenty of unstructured outdoor play time will take care of at least 75% of the problem.

My knowledge comes from being the mother of a 13-year old son. I believe it's as simple as this. Let's look at the difference between boys and girls prior to school age and how they play. Girls can sit in one place, with one toy and take in everything around them. They can tell you, who said what, who was wearing waht, and what is on the tv. Boys, on the other hand, must go out climb it, conquer it, take it apart, put it back together to help them compute how things work. In school, we are taking things away such as recess, field trips and hands-on type classes (woodshop for example), expecting our son's to sit and learn by listening and reading. Boys suffer this way. As far as TV, video games and inhouse/alone play is the society we live in today. This cannot be stopped because we must keep our children safe.

After reading this I am even more grateful for the public elementary school my children attend. When my daughter entered kindergarten, they said we believe that recess is a very important part of school. They have morning, lunch and afternoon recess periods! I can see this is very important, especially with my son, who followed her in school four years later.

And their academics do not suffer. When my daughter entered middle school last year, of her 48 classmates, 42 made the honor roll the first semester of 7th grade. Incredible. This school prepared them well. We are lucky.

My knowledge comes from being the mother of a 13-year old son. I believe it's as simple as this. Let's look at the difference between boys and girls prior to school age and how they play. Girls can sit in one place, with one toy and take in everything around them. They can tell you, who said what, who was wearing waht, and what is on the tv. Boys, on the other hand, must go out climb it, conquer it, take it apart, put it back together to help them compute how things work. In school, we are taking things away such as recess, field trips and hands-on type classes (woodshop for example), expecting our son's to sit and learn by listening and reading. Boys suffer this way. As far as TV, video games and inhouse/alone play is the society we live in today. This cannot be stopped because we must keep our children safe.

It's amazing to me how someone can look at the statics presented in this article and say that there is a rising problem. According to the article 20% boys and 10% girls in the average class room setting will have behavoiral issues. this means that in a class of 20, 2 boys and 1 girl will "act up" in class. Maybe I went to some bad schools but honestly this seems about right from when I was going to school 15 years ago. This says to me that most kids are adapting to the new trends in schooling just fine. I remember when I was going to school that I was so happy when I was able to start taking advanced classes because those classes did not have the "bad apples" in it that would disrupt class and in general make it an un-enjoyable experience. While I agree that I don't like the trends I see in public schools, what these statics really say is that things really haven't changed much. In fact my brother who is seven years older then me remembers a similar experience. he too prefered the advanced classes because they didn't have the disruptive kids in them. I also find the phrase "lots of school age boys are struggling" amusing when according to the report 4 out of 5 aren't. "a lot" might be struggling but "most" aren't.

Schools need to find a way to keep kids attention and that is NOT going to happen sitting at a desk for 7 hours. My kindergerten age child, a boy, is VERY happy and energentic. The FIRST day of schol, the teacher was asking for a conference. We took it up with the principal and she stated that our 5 YEAR OLD MAY BE ADHD....all schools want to do these days is to drug kids up and my son will not see an ADHD pill in my lifetime. There are other ways to help children.

I am a parent of a 13 yr old daughter and she entered school at 3yrs old and was taught to test and sit and be quiet. This fit her personality, even though now looking back l I do wish that I had waited or put her in another environment where she could play, color and do other things, Looking back she always wanted to color and play when she came home from school, now I know why. I also have a nephew that is 6years old and his mom is going through what you are describing. The teachers recommended to put my nephew on drugs, like the other boys, so that he does not disrupt the classroom. I have spent a lot of time with him since he was born and he is a typical boy that loves to play, run and do things quite differently from my girly girl. The environment in school does not allow this. In the current system, what should a single parent do that cannot afford private school or even afford 200 to enroll him in a neighborhood park soccer team. The government puts money into testing kids academically and put a lot of pressure on teachers to just get the students to past the test and nothing else. My belief is that the federal government should get out of the classroom and let the experinced teachers and parents teach the children to learn and not just to take tests, especially at such an early age. Also, back to my child she is thriving as an 8th grader, but luckliy, I am able to send her to private school now,and I really wish I had the money to send my nephew to private school also.

I agree great article and have known this for years as I am a Mother of a nineteen year old. What can we do it about it? The govenrment runs the schools and mandates the curriculum. So what do we do as parents and grandparents to get it changed.

I'm an adoptive mom of three children totally unrelated to each other. The two boys have diagnoses of ADHD amonf other issues. The has mental health issues. ALL THREE have responded very positively to DIET and supplement changes! People keep asking WHY the dramatic increase in autism and ADHD? Look at the coinciding increase in America's consumption of artificial dyes, especially Red Dye #40 (google it and ADHD to see recent studies), corn in everything (our daughter is quite stable off corn, quite BiPolar acting after even one small soda or candy with corn in it), and lack of essential fatty acids. If a family follows the kind of diet recommended for cancer prevention (cook from scratch, no artificial additives, healthier foods), then in my own experience both boys and girls benefit, and meds may not even be needed!

I have only read a number ofthe comments made and I realized that there are mny approaches to take. That is the point. As parents both work, our creative parenting goes to the bottom of the list of tasks we are obligated to complete. As the parent of a five year old boy and the step mom of 15 and 11 year old boys, I have struggled with defiant behavior and lack of follow thru by my significant other. I firmly believe that nutrition, hydration, and sleep affect all of their days, positive and negative respectively. With my own son, who is learning manipulation at a fast rate, I am aware of the differences in his behavior when he doesnt eat enough protien, drink enough water, or get enough sleep. I quickley adjust my priorities when this occurs. Some time out for disrespect, some green tea, a chicken breast with veggies, maybe a nap and a good dose of running around the back yard usually brings my son back to reason. We openly talk of owning feelings, no one is to blame for mad, sad, angry, happy, excited or anxious. We all control these feelings in ourselves, it is what we do to DEAL with it that is important. Sometimes boys need help in identifying and resolving these emotions. they also need someone rational to spell it out for them, when necessary. EX> no means no, you cant whine and cry to get your way. Sometimes, an appropriate way to communicate a want might get you just that. Sometimes parents have to stick to no, the childs job is to find another activity (sometimes I do give ideas when they can't find something else). Then there is the 15 year old diagnesed with bi polar. And if you have ever had a child with this disorder, you know it is quite different than typical acting out. It is an exhausting disorder and sometimes I dont blame my significant other for relaxing. He is grieving his son. He is trying to ensure those emotional lows for his child doesnt turn to a suicide attempt. He struggles with confroting bad behavior, not knowing if his child is struggling with the high or the low of his disorder. Medication for all of these issues only last for so long. A missed dose, his body building a tolerance, and raging horomones- gosh- the energy it takes to think before you parent. I guess my whole point in this is- children are individuals, some struggle, some dont. It sometimes takes ten people to parent a child and some it might only take one.

My boys ages 6 & 8 are only allowed to run on the grassy areas at recess. I find it ridiculous that they can only run on the grass. I'm sure the reason for this is that if one child should fall and get hurt, then the parent would sue the school. Also, the youth sports programs in this country are beyond insane. Every single sport is year round even at 7 & 8 years old. Even professional athletes take part of the year off. Some parents are definitely over-scheduling their kids. Kids are not given the chance to entertain themselves and use their imaginations.

I agree and have seen this in all schools. Most girls can sit down and do things quitely, whie boys on the otehr hand are not "made" to do that all day and have such uneventful lives. They need more time to run and to get their creative juices out. From around 1 year old on, I noticed this in many play groups and "play activites" we had our children in. Boys are typically more active then girls and need more stimulation. We tried enrollign our son in Montessori school to see if that woudl work, btu found more of the same, even a lot of girls whom were very active were having issues. The "paperwork" at these ages and takign away the creativity that is enheriently in children is wrong. We need to reinvent our school system and hold teachers more accountable on MUCH highter levels, they need to engage our children not jsut read to them out of books. The problem is they do not know how to do these things, they can read it from a book and that is it, they do not recognize differences or creativity and if they see it they find it WRONG, not exciting and challenging (in a great way). I find the way our schools are run is so incredibly flawed and is getting increasingly worse at an increasing speed, liek a runa way train.

As a grandparent who helps with homework 3 days a week, I am extremely angry. I am constantly told "we are't allowed to bring the books home" One child even has an IEP that says books are to come home and still they don't. Teaching to the test has become the norm. A practice test the day before with all the questions on it and my 8 year-old grandson tells me he doesn't have to know anything else.