Struggling School-Age Boys

Blackdeath.....I may have felt the same way you do until.......I had a son of my own. I grew up with only one sister and my Dad was a Forensics Cop so he was gone alot. The only males I interacted with were the ones at school. Then God chose to bless me with one of my on. I cried the day I found out he was a boy. I didn't know what I was going to do with a boy. I knew nothing about them other than the obvious. I hated sports, bugs, cars, etc. And to make matters worse his Dad walked off and left before he was born making me more concerned about the males. But then that little came into my life and now he's everything to me. He is 14 years old now and just started high school. It has been my life's goal for the past 14 years to be everything I could be to him because I became both parents.

There were people at time when he was little who tried to tell me that he was too hyper or too this or that. Others told me he was just being a boy. Somehow God allowed me to discern the truths and my sone has done perfectly fine so far. Not that we haven't had our moments as do all parents and kids but I guess having the two wonderful parents that I had allowed me to see through the bull and reach for the truth. O've always tried to keep him in sports to help burn off the energy and we have always sat down together in the evenings to dine and laugh and talk about our day.

He now plays baseball and football at this high school even though he just started. He's a pitcher and a cornerback whatever that is. (As you can tell I'm still learning about this boy stuff) but he does just fine without the drugs, without his Dad and without counseling. I'm not going to sit here and say he's perfect. He may flip tomorrow but I do believe that my dedication from the moment he was born to be an ACTIVE parent in his life has made all the difference. He has friends with two parents who aren't as well rounded.

Cut the guys some slack Blackdeath. They are not all bad. He's turned out to be the man of my dreams. Just a little smaller that I expected but the love and joy has been far greater and I thank God for introducing me to a side of life that I had a hard time embracing. I pray for our children everyday both male and female because things are so screwed up for them compared to when I came up. But in my opinion it all begins in the home. Everything else is just added help or blessings from others who touch our kids lives.

Boys haven't changed one iota from the 60's when I was a kid. The difference is that then, they were allowed to be hyperactive like I was knowing they'd grow out of it. Now adays, parents don't want to take time to deal with it, so off they go to a doctor, pop a few pills and maby the problem goes away, all encouraged and pushed by the schools to get that magic diagnosis of ADD or ADHD. It ain't the boys folks, it's the system.

All interesting viewpoints; however, we cannot discount that the issue here is probably a combination of environment, gender integration, family life, and how the school districts are in competition with each other for bragging rights of the highest test scores, possibly overlooking the stress it places on the students. And teachers are the ones with the toughest jobs, since our children spend the majority of the day with them, so the pressure is on the teachers from both a school administration and student standpoint.

Boys haven't changed one iota from the 60's when I was a kid. The difference is that then, they were allowed to be hyperactive like I was knowing they'd grow out of it. Now adays, parents don't want to take time to deal with it, so off they go to a doctor, pop a few pills and maby the problem goes away, all encouraged and pushed by the schools to get that magic diagnosis of ADD or ADHD. It ain't the boys folks, it's the system.

Boys haven't changed one iota from the 60's when I was a kid. The difference is that then, they were allowed to be hyperactive like I was knowing they'd grow out of it. Now adays, parents don't want to take time to deal with it, so off they go to a doctor, pop a few pills and maby the problem goes away, all encouraged and pushed by the schools to get that magic diagnosis of ADD or ADHD. It ain't the boys folks, it's the system.

I am at wits end with our Texas public school! Having two girls and one boy in the school system, and working there as a sub I have realized just how awful the system is! For the two girls in 2nd and 4th all you hear is TAKs TAKs TAKs..... Every school year the teachers start telling you how the kids have to pass the TAKs test Blah Blah.. The teachers are forced to cram TAKs down our childrens throats all year till time for the test! After the test the teachers can then begin to teach the other things that they feel is important for that age child to learn. The girls haven't had any problem, my son on the other hand is DIFFERENT! He is 5 in kindergarten, and went to Pre K last year he is always in trouble! This year he has been put on meds for ADHD, not sure if that is going to help or not! But my point is that in his Kindergarten class the school has taken away the naps that our school has always had in Kindergarten! At 5 I think that a nap is still important! The other thing is that from 11:25 until 3:31 the kids are stuck in the class room for learning time. Before 11:25 the kids have recess, PE, and lunch...Is 4 hours straight in a class room for a 5 year old crazy or what! The teacher has said that most discipline problems are happening during that time...... Should that not be a clue to the school that maybe they are asking for too much!!

Every once in a while I say to my kids, what I wouldn't give to be a kid again. But would I? No time to play or just be a kid. I am a mother of 5 children: 1 ,2, 10, 12 and 16(the oldest two are step children) Both of my oldest two have been dealing with learning disabilities for years. Is it becasue their parents let them play into many activities as 3, 4,5 year olds. I even suspect that my 16 year old stepson has Asperger's. Kids can't be kids anymore. I sometimes am ridden with anxiety when I assist my kids with homework because the methods that they have been taught to find solutions to what I may percieve as a simple mathematic problem is no where near what I was taught many years ago. I don't want to confuse them by showing them my old methods. But times have changed. My 10 year old daughter is learning things in math, reading that I was not taught until I was in middle school. It appears overwhelming., but is it? Should I just buy my 10 year old a threee piece suit and a briefcase and send her on the school bus?

I think this artice makes a good point, but it still suffers from a gender bias. How do we know girls aren't suffering just as much, but in different ways and at different points in their development? Have these studies taken into account issues like anorexia and other eating disorders, female bullying, risky behaviors, etc etc etc? We need to encourage girls to have unstructured time and free play too. It's still not okay to let boys play rough and instead force girls to achieve more and grow into little trophy wives.

Boys haven't changed one iota from the 60's when I was a kid. The difference is that then, they were allowed to be hyperactive like I was knowing they'd grow out of it. Now adays, parents don't want to take time to deal with it, so off they go to a doctor, pop a few pills and maby the problem goes away, all encouraged and pushed by the schools to get that magic diagnosis of ADD or ADHD. It ain't the boys folks, it's the system.

I consider myself a well educated parent, business owner and mother of three fabulous kids. But when my second and fourth grader come home with things that I studied in seventh grade biology, I put my oven mitt down, figure out the problem, and stare at the assignment in disbelief. Sure, the children in China are doing it and so are the kids in England and so forth, but I think this "higher learning" needed to be eased into. Right now the curriculum has been chunked at our little people here in America. It's great to keep up with the Jones', but at the cost of more unecessary meds to "ADHD" boys. No thanks.

I agree with Ms. Tyre's article and her perception that our culture is moving at light speed, there's too much pressure on our kids to be good at everything. When everything is important - NOTHING IS IMPORTANT! Kids doing things they enjoy (not just trying to make dad happy because he didn't get to play enough baseball) are usually fairly well adjusted.
One of my biggest gripes with American's is that it's a crime to make a C, or be middle class or, not be the star of the soccer team.

computers and video games destroy our children's desire to be outside and play. children (especially boys) are bundles of energy that need a release. let loose in the park, playing ball, bike riding, skateboarding, climbing trees and balancing on fences were things we did as kids...were never structured or supervised by our parents...and still, we all learned to get along. We found ways to entertain our bodies and minds with creative games that we HAD to make up because no one was making "play dates" for us.

One thing that hasn't been mentioned is how become what first grade used to be. It's no wonder boys in particular have trouble--they are not emotionally ready for what is now expected of them, especially compared with girls. Five-year-olds (boys more so than girls, but not exclusively) are still learning fine motor skills (needed for writing) and definitely aren't ready to just sit and listen as so many others have mentioned. What happened to just learning the basics in Kindergarten AND having a nap-time! Let them learn how to hold a pencil and write in first grade...has anyone else noticed how many adults now don't know how to hold a pen or pencil correctly!? And as parents they are now expected to teach their four-year-olds this skill to prepare them for Kindergarten? Give me a break! All this pushing everything down to the youngest obviously hasn't paid off as is obvious by all the Posts I've been reading. It's very sad. The question is, how do parents and others who love and care about the children get schooling shifted back to Kindergarten being what it used to be--as preperation for First Grade, rather than being the new First Grade?

We were told in kindergarten to use Ritalin. The teacher had us ask the doctor for it. Sure enough she gave it to us, no questions. He was only 4 1/2. We never filled the prescription. Our son is now in middle school, he has been professionally tested at Vanderbilt psychiatric hospital and found to be perfectly normal, just active. Wow, pretty scary. If your little boy won't sit still, medicate him until he does. Makes you wonder, epidemic of ADHD???

I did not put my children in every activity that was available mainly because the co$t, we didn't have the money. My children are basically addicted to technology and guess who's to blame ...ME! I bought some alternative (ha) games and hope we can spend some family time together(horseshoes, ring toss and tether ball. I'm going to try and strike a balance and really that's what we all need to aim for. Ten hours of sleep can make a world of difference in a childs behavior at least it makes a difference in my son.

Ms. Tyre I believe is on to something here. As an advocate for Single Parents I have witnessed this parental concern regarding our sons. We as Parents & Educators must make changes for our sons sake's. We must not turn to medications as the only way to deal with this problem. I believe medication and therapy is good in its place. We need to make fundamental changes in educating and parenting ours boys to encourage their developement into well adjusted productive members of an adult society. My husband is a teacher for 7th grade kids as well as a football and baseball coach. He can tell you for a fact we need to make changes to allow our boys to development physically and emotionally. As more and more confused boys grow into angry young men and even angrier adult men this is one report we must certainly not ignore.

While in other countries the concept of early exposure to learning is extremely successful with both genders, only in the USA boys appear to be suffering. It is not the early learning, it is not the early expectation for boys to achieve, instead it is this constant short-term expectation that the current effort will show immediate results. Early exposure to foreign languages is a proven tool to facilitate language learning at a later stage. Early teaching of music enhances social and math skills in the long run but here they cut funds for the arts. Moreover, parents do not bring the right attitude towards rearing their boys as long as they consider playing a musical instrument, knowledge, and academic success a "sissy skill". As long as physical prowess is expected (but undermined by no time spent outdoors unsupervised), boys will be confused as to what is expected of them. Why is it so difficult to combine academic achievement with organized sports and unsupervised play outdoors? Look at most cities' and suburban infrastructures. Kids have nowhere to go but into fenced-in playgrounds or their friends' yards, where ...you guessed it...parents are watching. Remember how you grew up? Riding the bicycle alone or with friends. Riding public transportation to school or (God beware),,,you walked to school. Now, all kids are under constant control and constant supervision. Instead of allowing girls to roam free just as boys, now boys are brought up like girls. It is still wrong for both genders but it is so much easier on the parents. They cannot have it both way

While in other countries the concept of early exposure to learning is extremely successful with both genders, only in the USA boys appear to be suffering. It is not the early learning, it is not the early expectation for boys to achieve, instead it is this constant short-term expectation that the current effort will show immediate results. Early exposure to foreign languages is a proven tool to facilitate language learning at a later stage. Early teaching of music enhances social and math skills in the long run but here they cut funds for the arts. Moreover, parents do not bring the right attitude towards rearing their boys as long as they consider playing a musical instrument, knowledge, and academic success a "sissy skill". As long as physical prowess is expected (but undermined by no time spent outdoors unsupervised), boys will be confused as to what is expected of them. Why is it so difficult to combine academic achievement with organized sports and unsupervised play outdoors? Look at most cities' and suburban infrastructures. Kids have nowhere to go but into fenced-in playgrounds or their friends' yards, where ...you guessed it...parents are watching. Remember how you grew up? Riding the bicycle alone or with friends. Riding public transportation to school or (God beware),,,you walked to school. Now, all kids are under constant control and constant supervision. Instead of allowing girls to roam free just as boys, now boys are brought up like girls. It is still wrong for both genders but it is so much easier on the parents. They cannot have it both way