Struggling School-Age Boys

Has anyone heard the phrase,"everything thing we need to learn in life we can learn in the sandbox"? It's true, learning how to share, hold a conversation, resolve conflict, interact, etc...I agree, our children are not experiencing "free time" because todays parents are too busy to themselves to take on the child rearing themselves, organized sports and child care provide that for us. Schools on the other hand ave a huge role in this also, they forced to get through curriculum at such a fast pace that children have no time to absorb and truly master the skill. More homework is given and there is no time to do it at home because of the awful schedules we keep as families. When was the last time most of us sat sown to a meal at the family dinner table together with our children, (all of them, at the same time) looked them in the eyes and just let them talk, about anything? Now when was the last time you did this at least 3-4 times in a weeks time? When was the last time your child went to bed on time with at least 8-9 hours of sleep? And who allowed childrens sports events to spill over into the one definite family day we used to have, SUNDAY!?! All of the facets of our lifestyles have gotten completely out of hand. And to think...the generation that has come up with so many advancements in our lifetime, was the same generation that lived the life that we need to to go back to. Re-connect with your families and children everyone, and stop the overindulgence. I say it's time to get back to basics, back to the ABC's in life.

If this topic is of interest to you, you must watch "Raising Cain" I saw it on PBS some time ago, I'm sure it can be ordered from PBS.com or probably other sites as well. Very interesting.

I am a mother (three boys and a daughter), a teacher, a student, and was diagnosed at age 39 with ADHD. (Yes, this is relevant) I am also an avid runner who has finally connected-the-dots and realized that those of us who need to "move-to-learn", cannot focus in an environment that requires being still and towing-the-line as dictated by those that have defined what "normal" is. I "write" papers on my voice recorder, while running.

Boys learn differently than girls, but this is nothing new. Since the dawn of time, it has been known that boys and girls react differently to their environment. They tend to learn more easily from different stimuli and they use different mechanisms to create and store memories. Education has been sliding toward a girl-biased approach to learning for so long, it should be no surprise that boys are having trouble in our educational system. And we continue to accelerate the pendulum swing.
Gender based learning differences are not going away, and what we are doing is not working. Gender segregated classes may be necessary to achieve equal educational opportunities. Opponents would say that children will lose their cross gender socialization opportunities if they are separated. Every tactic that was used to destroy racial segregation in the last century will be pulled out to use against gender segregation even though the two types of segregation are totally unrelated. Most proponents of gender segregation are only advocating it for middle school, those years when girls hormones kick in faster causing their brains to mature more quickly. The truth is that girls just lose their minds due to the hormonal imbalances of adolescence (and then recover them) earlier than boys.
It might actually be helpful to segregate boys and girls in school from kindergarten through high school. Even though the gender gap is being used to support middle school segregation; the fact is that boys and girls do learn differently, not just in middle school, but throughout their educational experience. Gender segregation does not have to mean separate schools (as it often did in private schools of the past), but rather just separate classes, where the educational needs of the different genders can be catered to.
I would go even further in changing attitudes toward the sexes in the classroom. High or low self estimation in a child is often created by teachers who instill their own attitudes in their students through their daily actions. I would propose that all teachers with hostile attitudes toward masculine or feminine behaviors be banned from educating our children. Unless we want all future women to be men hating feminists and all future men to be self deprecating and sexually unsure, we will stop this trend in its tracks. It is not healthy for a society to allow its youth to be unduly influenced by self destructive attitudes. Unfortunately, the youth are exposed to these attitudes in schools on a daily basis all over our country. This is not just a problem with boys. It is a problem with our society.

Emasculating boys, trying to convert them into Metrosexuals has harmed our society. Labeling those that don't comply as "Neanderthals" and "Bubbas" has helped transform our society into fewer men and more money for Psychologists and Psychiatrists.

This article is right on. As a parent coach and clinical social worker I have seen the rise of "ADHD" and medications as a response to this. When I work with these same families what I see is either over organization and over structure or no organization and little structure.
Kids aren't playing outside anymore, instead the TV, Computer, or cell phone is the best friend.
Imaginary play is becoming a thing of the past. Kids need to move and burn off energy. They also need free time to pretend, sit, daydream and just be. Susan Epstein, Parent Coach, LCSW, www.parentingpowers.com

Good Lord! What did the feel good, wrap our children in tissue paper, people think was going to happen!!??
If you don't let you child(boy or girl) be a CHILD, this is what you get!!! They are not little adults. They do not think, reason, or act like us. Why should they be expected to be able to handle everything that is piled on them with out exploding! When I hear how a lot of parents schedule all of their children's time with play dates, sports, music, and whatever else they can think of, it make's me sick! Children don't need activities to keep them busy and out of trouble, they need their parents to be there with them and for them. If you want your child to be health, happy and to have the self confidence to become the best person they can be, than turn off the t.v., computer and video games!!! Start when they are young, play with them, read to them, teach them responsiblity. Because the BIGGEST problem with children today is their parents!!!

I have actually taken the comment from a teacher that said boys learned better when they were physically engaged, such as throwing a ball to the person you are calling on, copied and pasted it into an email to all my son's teachers. Think it will help??? Even if one teacher takes it to heart, I'd say yes.

I think as a parent of one male child and three daughters that overall we tend to neglect our children due to the stresses of this very hectic and lets face it ,scary world we live in. When I catch myself wondering too far off in my own problems and issues I am thankful that the good Lord helps me to realize that I have much more important priorities than myself. Thats when I step back and take a good hard look at my children and their needds ! We have to give them love andd security. With that and the willingness to help them ay to day they just might make it.

I find it ridiculous that parents today can't see what their hectic schedules are doing to their children. They schedule organized activities during every waking moment (as if to make up for the fact that the parents are absent much of the time) and then expect their children to be happy with that. Now, I grant you that I liked the occasional organized activity when I was a kid (Brownies, softball, riding lessons, etc). But, the rest of the time I was allowed to be a kid! Imagine that in today's society.
We are very lucky to live where we do and have the neighbors that we have. When the kids come home from school each day, they don't go straight to the kitchen table to do their homework or right off to a lesson of some sort. The kids all grab their bikes or toys and run around outside like a bunch of, well, KIDS! And, this goes on until dinnertime. It's wonderful! It reminds me of my childhood. And, guess what? Each of these kids is thriving at school - not all of them are at the same level and some need help in certain subjects, but none of them are "problem" children. Now, if I could just find a school that follows this same philospohy (that kids should be allowed to be kids), I'd pay through the nose to send my boys there. That's worth everything!

As a mother to two young, healthy boys, I feel like some of this is the direct result of overexposure to tv and video/computer games, beginning at a very young age. No wonder kids can't concentrate on something like school work, it's not talking to them or moving around! I know that this is not the catch-all for every, single problem, however, I believe it has a lot to do with it.

My kids do not have a t.v. in their room, nor do they have video gaming system. My 7 year old son is reading chapter books at the rate of 1 per day if time allows. His little brother, 3 1/2, wants desperately to follow in his footsteps and is already sounding out c-a-t. Why? Because school and reading and learning are a normal part of our everyday lives. We teach our children critical thinking skills by making them figure out the answer to their questions by giving them the resources to research the information (with assistance of course). And, just for the record, neither my husband or I have a college degree, we are both high school graduates with decent jobs.

We also send them outside to play, just play and the things they come up with are wonderful! They also do organized sports, because exercise is important, too. But, the free play time is invaluable. And, no, we don't own a house with a huge yard, we actually live in a small apartment, we just chose to live on the bottom floor becuase there is a fenced yard outside our back door.

I feel like so many parents have a huge disconnect with their children and have forgotten how to play and talk with their kids. I know how stressful parenting is. I know it feels nice when they are out of your hair, busy at the console, winning yet another game. But, we have to interact with our children. We HAVE to talk with them, listen to them, encourage them, play with them, no matter how tired or annoyed we are. That effort is going to pay off in the end.

Sorry this got so long but, I work in community and social services with underserved families and I see families in crisis alot. However, its not just these families that are suffering. Families with money, "Power Parents" are also doing harm, it just looks different with these families, but it is happening there, too.

Our family is not perfect by any means, but I think parents need a huge reconnect with their kids. Turn off the TV, get rid of the TV in their rooms, put away the video gaming system save for special "earned" occasions, but most importantly, sit down with your boys and read to them, talk to them from the get-go so they are used to talking about stuff. LOVE YOUR CHILDREN.

I have a very active boy. One of his pre-K teachers said he might have ADHD - at 4. I don't think so - he will sit quietly while I read to him for an hour at a time!. I play with him, read to him and he has plenty of "down time" to use his imagination. The problem is a his very structured pre-k where the expectations are beyond what he can handle. He's very smart, he just does better with hands-on learning and play than with sitting in a seat writing. He likes to play "get the bad guys" and will "shoot" lasers with his fingers, in spite of my anti-violence stance. We need to realize that this is what boys are like - and not try to change them into meek girls. As a "feminist" I never thought there would be such differences between boys and girls who are raised the same, but there are. I've switched pre-Ks and he is doing much better.

Our society has been pushing a change at almost every level. That boys and girls are equal or the same. It is important to ensure equality and fairness, but many children need to understand that there are fundamental differences between girls and boys and those parents need to teach their children how to embrace the differences while respecting the other gender???s differences.
Each child learns differently and educators need to understand that and make every effort to develop new techniques. Only about 6% of all teachers are male. Children are constantly bombarded with a female???s perspective from very early on until at least high school years. Boys are taught that being macho, tough, and aggressive are bad things. We are destroying masculinity through education. Society isn???t any better. I hear things all the time that a persons perspective is reality, but if it is a women???s then hers is more relevant than his. Why is that so?
Let???s face it, nature has dictated that men are hunters; they require a challenge, the hunt, and the kill, while women are gathers; they thrive in social environments like school settings.

I agree but the under lying problem is so right in front of all of us. Every post has the same theme. School's are at fault, organized sport's are at fault, politically correct behavior???s is at fault etc. Well guess who makes up this system? We do we are the parents. We this is our system. Send your kid out with a kick ball or off to ride a bike. Shut the TV off. Cook a meal together and actually eat at the table. Tell the teacher to back off. Throw rocks at water, what ever you think is missing. Whatever you think needs to be done to better the system or to just let your kid be a kid. We are really teaching our kid???s it???s not our fault and they will pass that lesson on. I???m pretty sure when I do nothing about something that adversely affects my child that is my fault.

it is all political. no matter what studies says, analysts come up with, or studies suggest, if you actually look at what is happening you can see the truth. its not all boys, but the girls too. school has gotten to be a place to put your kids without having to deal with social issues. put your kids in class with teachers that wont get involved or are too scared too and blame it on some type of learning dissorder when there may only be a social problem. but heaven forbid actuall talk to a child and then listen. there is the problem!!! its not our boys its where and what we put them in thinking that we a doing good and getting an education. I am on the virge of pulling my child out of public school and home schooling just for these reasons along.

We raised better kids when we had a society that didn't always over analyze so many "made up" problems. Wake up people !!! It's become a business (yes, hear the cash registers ring) to label things. If you can label a so called "problem", then you can sell a "cure" or at least some form of panacea. Whatever happened to discipline, self-discipline and responsibility ? Well, we've made a business of paying others to handle things ( our kids) and also quite profitable for those who like to assign blame (lawyers). As human beings we are quite simple and also complex - so there are no quick fixes or cures. Self responsibility along with self discipline go further than any drug or social program could accomplish. We as parents need to make time for what is truly important - our own nuclear families.

Parents need to let the children be children regardless of gender. BE INVOLVED!!! When your son or daughter come to you and ask to play or maybe they just stand there waiting to be acknowledged, then by all means take time out of your busy schedule and spend some quality time with them. Thats all they want some good honest attention and love.

blackdeath----how do you think you got here? it took a BOY AND A GIRL. Boys do struggle more in society, they cant even run around an play cops and robbers or whatever anymore or they are thought to be "violent". they are PLAYING and running and excercising. most of the ones that end up being serial killers are the ones who sat in there room on their computers with no outside activtiies at all. let boys be boys, we grew up just fine and without all of the mind control drugs.