Struggling School-Age Boys

I am a mother of 4, - 2 girls and 2 boys. My oldest son is 16 and the youngest is 6. What a difference 10 years makes in the educcation rules and norm! 10 years ago, my 16 year old took a nap in kindergarten! Now my 6 year old was expected to write essays and read chapter books!! Pleeease give me a break! Why aren't we letting kids be kids a while longer. Why are the boys struggling? Hello!! How many of us know without a doubt that a 10 year old boy is about as mature as an 8 year old girl!! A 5-6 year old boy? He is probably as good at controlling his impulses as a 3-4 year old girl!! An epidemic of adhd? Come on! Why can't we just say they aren't as mature as girls at the same age and teach them in an appropriate way based on their developmental level! That's why we need more free time in school like recess! My first grade -6 year old said to me just last week- "Mom we don't have recess anymore, we have PE! and it's not fun, we have to play the games they tell us to play! " So now even a break from sitting and long hours of instruction becomes a SUBJECT! and just one more place to put pressure on our children to succeed or fail! I think we have it all backwards!! Now when you child plays sports, it's not about winning, or competition- I't 's just to have fun!! Then in school it has become Not about playing or having fun but about Winning, getting to the highest reading comprehension level or writing the Best essay or scoring Higher on the end of grade tests than any other state or school! I mean they are even given their NUMBER! 1, 2, 3, or 4. And YES THEY USE THE WORD FAIL!!! The kids know their rank on the eog's, but Lord forbid we say the are First, Second, The Best or Worst soccer player! We need a better balance because we are really confusing our kids, especially boys who are often very sensitive but hold it all in!!
Lets not forget the purpose of those end of grade tests!!! The teachers and their accountability for what they may or may not have taught. So out the door going their ability to be creative in their teaching! It makes it hard I am sure when they have to teach for the tests!! Well until we start complaining loudly, our children are all going to be taught the same way based on their age and what Eog's expect!! We need more indiviualized teaching plans based on our children's strengths and talents as well as their needs whether it is maturity level, and let's not forget rude behavior learned at home!! (That's a whole different topic!! )

I will not get on my own soapbox here, but will recommend one book in particular for anyone who is genuinely concerned about this epidemic. In his book, Last Child In The Woods-Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder, Richard Louv states that "the real disorder...is in the imposed, artificial environment...To take nature and natural play away from children may be tantamount to withholding oxygen."

I completly agree. I have two boys and I am currently a Cub Scout Den Leader. I see some very restless boys, but also very disrespectful. I think boys need more time to express themselves, but also need more time with parents to learn respect and how to be normal. I think they are frustrated, but don't know why and how they should handle it. So in the end they are all druged to make them calm down. I think that is just wrong. Medication isn't the answer to all problems. I think we need to also take a look at discepline. I think boys appreciate strict discipline and they learn from it. We are so worried about child abuse these days that we don't get after our kids more...they have become spoiled brats. I'm just as guilty. I don't feel I get after my boys enough....partly because I'm affraid too. My boys can be so disrespectful to me and to others and can act like spoiled brats. I need to figure something out...I don't want them growing up to be inconsiderate men.

I agree with all of you! I'm also the mother of an 11yr old in 6th grade. His behavior in the past year and a half has taken a dive. He have had him fully evaluated and he sees a counselor once a month now. It was once a week at first. He is learning to control himself more in stressful situations, but the school expectations can be overbearing.

I have 3 boys and was horrified when 5 years ago my ten year old began kindegarten. He came home the first day and flat out said you lied to me! I was shocked! He said we dont get to go outside and play on the playground! What the hell?! IN kindegaretn in my area the playground built over 50 years ago stand empty! These kids need some break and i totally agree that the 25 minutes mine get to eat in slience in the cafeteria is ridiculous! Ummm hello, they are not allowed to talk in class, not allowed to talk in the hall, or lines, or P.E. and not on the buses or in the cafeteria?! So when are they allowed to talk? and take a few minutes to just be a kid? We are turning them into little robots and it sucks!

I completly agree. I have two boys and I am currently a Cub Scout Den Leader. I see some very restless boys, but also very disrespectful. I think boys need more time to express themselves, but also need more time with parents to learn respect and how to be normal. I think they are frustrated, but don't know why and how they should handle it. So in the end they are all druged to make them calm down. I think that is just wrong. Medication isn't the answer to all problems. I think we need to also take a look at discepline. I think boys appreciate strict discipline and they learn from it. We are so worried about child abuse these days that we don't get after our kids more...they have become spoiled brats. I'm just as guilty. I don't feel I get after my boys enough....partly because I'm affraid too. My boys can be so disrespectful to me and to others and can act like spoiled brats. I need to figure something out...I don't want them growing up to be inconsiderate men.

I've been in education for 30 years. When I was in grade school and through high school, I took shop classes, PE classes and anything that would not require me to sit all day long reading and writing. If I was attending school right now my parents would have to dope me up, no way would I have graduated from high school. I know in my district it is run by ladies who are able to sit long periods of time, and even our high school principles are ladies. Parents really need to start going to your childrens school and just for one day go through there school day and see if you could sit there all day, every day 5 days a week. When I attend teacher workshops, you have teachers constantly talking throughout the lecture so how are the children suppose to handle it. I could go on and on but this article is great.

I have three grandchildren and I see how the oldest is handling all these pressures and am really concerned. Howeve, his parents aren't which is really frustrating. Kids now a days, do not have the opportunity to just play. They are always in from of the television or computer. What ever happened with the children going outside playing tag, stick ball, or running on a playground. The children of today, appear to be fat, lazy, and not interested if they cannot do the activity in from of a screen. Even the WII has taken this to the next level. It just astounds me.-- Grandma in Dallas, TX

I have three boys, my middle child is in 2nd grade and his only outside activity is cub scouts, we have recognized only one activity is a good idea for our children. My oldest was in the band at his high school all four years and in scouts as well. Children need music, art, recess and just time to be kids not mini adults. We as parents in this country are losing our perspectives on our children just being kids what is wrong with not having a child in preschool?

Finally someone ran the numbers on what so many of us have known all along. My son struggles in the first grade to pay attention and complete his assignments. I know, without a doubt, that in the near future someone will suggest that I medicate him. He is not bad, doesn't hurt people, doesn't act out.....is just energetic and being in class all day w/ 1/2 hr to release his energy just isn't working. It's not even as if they can play, like we used to...they are watched every second....if they climb to high or swing to high or run to fast or ACT LIKE KIDS they are disciplined. It's insane and we sit back and wonder, what in the world is wrong.....WE ARE!!

I am a mother of a 10 year old son and I must say over the last 2 years it has been frustrating. I blame it partly on our school systems. My son's 2nd grade teacher was a male. I received 1 phone call. However his 3rd and 4th grade teachers were female and I could have pulled my hair out. As women we expect our sons to behave like girls, just as we expect our husbands to behave like women and it doesn't work. So I am not pointing fingers at female teachers, I myself am a woman and realized I had to take a look at myself. Let's stop the madness and recognize their are real differences between males and females.

I agree. The increase of boys getting into trouble seems to have gotten worse after recess and play time was labeled as unnecessary. It is extremely important. Not only does it allow their bodies to use up excess energy, but it also allows their minds to be able to focus better after exercising. I have found with our son that when he has an excess of processed foods and sugars rather than the healthy alternatives, his behavior is less what it should be. Our culture as a whole is so "fast-food" oriented that it makes a child's body have to deal with issues that 15 or 20 years ago weren't nearly as big. Medications are necessary on some occasions, but it definitely is not the instant cure for all energetic boys...they are genetically programed to be movers.

My son had the same attention problems when he started school. Itis a briliant kid, who thrives on learning by discovery and hands on as well as with instruction. But over the years I could see my son pulling back during his early school years (which by the way most of his teachers were females) because he just could not be himself. So what I decided to do in the 8th grade, I took him out of public education (which by the way I thought was the main problem not my son) and put in into a charter school - Agora charter school which is an online school. There he thrived and matured and received an incredible education for an 8th grader comparable to a 10th grade education. To make a long story short, he decided this year that he would like to enter into high school.. He is doing excellent and loving every minute of it. I think what he needed was some time to mature, to be self-directed and independent, and to be involved with making his own choices and studying on his terms. What the educational system could not do for him, he did for himself and I'm proud of him!

A schedule is good for kids but there needs to be limits on how much is going on, my 2nd grader does his home work every night, and is involved in cub scouts. That is enough for one little boy to have going on. I want him to have play time and enjoy being a kid. My oldest who is in college played in his high school band all four years it made a difference in his life, he also only did boy scouts. My children are much happier for less on their plates than more. Art and music are certainly lost and so is recess that is wrong.

I agree. This is one of the reasons that I choose to homeschool my children.

As a mother of an 11 yr. old son, i think it's RIDICULOUS to take "playtime" away from children!! With out play time, when would any of the MEN of today have come up with ideas to "explore" or invent or even dream of becoming a president?! Play time (for alot of adults today) was the primary bases in dreaming & exploring who we are & who we wanted to be when we grew up. If all we do is construct every minute of our childrens time, how or when will they have time to dream & figure out who they want to be & what they want to do with their lives when they grow up? Play time is creative time & should not be denied in any way shape or form, especially for our boys. Last time i checked school was not the place for our children to develope THEIR OWN creative outlets!! Creativity is done on a schedule around the comfort of the "ADULTS" & their jobs. Our kids will be faced to design our future one day! We had free range play time.... is there any thing wrong with those people today? No! Without it how would little boys dream of being astonauts? Come on people.

I have always held that we have taken too much free time from our children. Books are appearing on how little time our children spend outside, how disassociated they are with nature and how Type II diabetea growing at an alarming rate. In addition, many of the activities we have used to replace this removal from the natural environment have been either overly adult supervised "play" or un-supervised acess to computers and gameboys. Our zero tolerance solution in schools is teaching intolerance. It takes time to raise children, time to clean up their messes, bandage their scrapes, and make sure they eat well. Boys and girls are inherently different, not betteror worse, just different. Boys need leaders in a diiferent way than girls do, and those leaders need to be naturally selected through play, not appointed by adults. More medication is definately not the answer, it would be a continuation of the problem...treating our children as commodities to be managed instead of children to be nurtured. Everyone, boys and girls, needs to play, that is when our minds make wonderful discoveries, open themselves up, relax and allow space for more rigorous thought.