Struggling School-Age Boys

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In a society now obsessed with "status symbols", our children have become status symbols as well, and now we are beginning to see the cost. I refused to schedule my son's life, instead choosng to give him a childhood where he could actually be a child. Other parents berated me for this decision, some even calling me a bad parent for "restricting his chances to become a successful adult". Well, my son is now 13, and while other parents desperately call my house looking for their sons, or resort to "Big Brother" tactics to track their children, I know where my son is and what he's doing...because he tells me. If I tell him to be home by 6, he is, or he calls me to let me know he's on his way or to ask permission to stay longer. He is a kind a caring person who is always happy to help those in need. Other parents are amazed at his good behavior and often comment on his calming effect on their children. If this is the result of bad parenting, then I'm happy to be a "bad parent".

As a mom of three boys and a psychology major, I think we are missing the point. As many have stated before, schools have become good at tests taking. Where is free play? We as adults are allowed a 15 min break every hour so what makes kids any different They need a break and they need to let some energy go. I am 34 and our generation had three recesses a day and we did not have all these issues. As far as video games are concern many parents are not setting limits. Activities for kids are wonderful, but our children are not robots. They need time to recharge and relax. Getting the proper amount of sleep is very important for the brain and body to develop. Medication is not always the answer, changing the diet of our children may be the key. My oldest has ADHD and instead of medication we changed his diet and we used behavior modification. Our society is use to a quick fix- our kids deserve more than a quick fix!!!!

I am the mother of a 6 year old boy who is doing well thus far thankfully. His friends seem to be having troubles, but I do notice that the ones with the most problems are the ones who 1). play many vidoe games,
and 2). are WAY over scheduled. One of his friends plays soccor, takes piano, is in choir and cub scouts, and spends each Friday with grandparents house. That is something every night of the week, plus homework! His mother can't understand why he keeps getting in trouble in school. This is not uncommon where we live. I say, it has to come out somewhere, and if the kids have no unscheduled time, they will indeed act out. I have my son in cub scouts. It meets once a week for an hour with the occasional Saturday activity that our whole family can attend. The rest of the time, my son is running through the back yard with neighbors playing tag, police, pizza store, and anything else they can dream up. Parents need to stop trying to keep up with everyone else for fear that their child will in some way be behind. It is not good for them.

I think a lot of the problems lies in our parenting with just one parent in the home. In the past 35 years most urban households; the sons are only being rised by one parent, and 90% of the time is usually the mother. There is no male influence for years sometimes; which makes it difficult for our males to grow to be the men they need to be. In our schools all they see mostly are women teachers because there's no money in it for men to teach anymore unless it's in administration.

Let a child be a child, the world will pound on them soon enough. Playtime is just as important as schooltime. The schools have stopped teaching. Your child should already know what is about to be taught and hit the ground running. When you need a tutor for 2nd grade math, something is wrong! My school days are far different than what I see today. We prayed in school and recited the "Pledge of Allegiance" every morning. There were also CONSEQUENCES TO OUR ACTIONS! Wow what a concept, you misbehave and you got a swat with a large paddle. Go back to basics and believing there is a God.

Even before I began reading this article I said to myself, boys haven't changed, we have. As a teacher, I know our focus has been drawn away from everything else but testing. Just yesterday I received an email about how our school's SAT scores have dropped so we need to do more SAT worksheets. No wonder boys feel restless when they are forced to spend their time hypnotized by SAT worksheets. I want to act out too, and I'm an adult female!

I feel like I'm in the minority here! We're raising what we feel are two well rounded young men, 9 and 8. They play only one sport at a time, attend religious ed classes once a week, do homework every night and go to the library and still have time for friends and family. We limit video games and TV and make time for fun and photography and creativity...They like school, and like other things too. We're busy and we're having FUN!!

man factors influence behavior and learning. the most overlooked influence in all the comments and articles I've read totally ignore the importance of nutrition. Many cases of behavior issues have been greatly improved by adding Omega 3 supplements to the diet and removing MSG, aspartame and high fructose corn syrup. One other issue that is completely overlooked is the side effects of vaccines. the higher level of testosterone in boys does not allow the preservatives (thimerisol) in vaccines to be eliminated by the body and therefore can cause more neurological problems for boys than girls.

This country of stressy, hyper adults is producing stressy agitated children. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that the lack of free play, recess, proper PE, arts, music , and even maybe a little fun in school is causing big problems in our children. Families are lacking time together: vacation frowned upon by the workforce; too much cell phone/blackberry use....the list goes on. I am very sad to see what is happening to our children. Life should be balanced.

I can remember that kids with ADHD...and the list goes on were just considered problem or trouble makers in the class and just got their desk moved to the hall or detention. It seems like parents who most work full time jobs are expected to do most of the work either for or with their children. When I was in school, it was just considered my job to do my work and do it to the best of my ability. Acting out in school was not tolerated by the school system or at home. Our rights as parents have been taken away and our elementary kids are being pulled out of their classes to go to the "counselor" at school without the parents knowledge. This happened to us in just the past week. Not only are we attending family counseling at the direction of the school system only because we happen to be the "older" parents of a 10.5 year old, age 49 and 46 parents and we happen to have used the old methods of discipline raising our other two children who I never had the problems with that I have with this one I have now... not just talking back, acting out and not wanting to do his school work.. every day is a struggle. My son actually said "they won't touch me because the know I will tell the counselor"....Do parents live in fear of their kids... I say yes... if not then we pay the price of doctors, counselors, endless time away from work to pay for their services, and the list goes on. I say put discipline back in schools, detention, etc. and let the kids start paying the price for their actions instead of labeling them with some disorder and putting them on meds that makes them perfect during the day and depressed, crying and insomniacs for their parents to deal with.... What a mess we are in these days.

Comment: Gee, maybe it also has something to do with the way kids get desensitized to real life emotions with all the video games they play. Many of these games start out rated E in order to get the kids hooked on them, then each time a new one comes out in a series the ratings turn to T and then M. More violence, more vulgar language, references to sex, blood, gore, violence, and anything else because they know your kids are hooked. I've seen many boys who practically talk about nothing else but video games. (Sorry this is a repeat post, but for some reason it didn't post my entire comment last time). When my son goes to his friends' house they spend most of the day on video games. I now have him enrolled in soccer, and Tae Kwon Do to keep him busy, and we may add horseback riding to the list as well. He also plays golf with his dad. I've noticed a profound change in his behavior when he is kept physically active as opposed to sitting in front of the TV playing video games.

man factors influence behavior and learning. the most overlooked influence in all the comments and articles I've read totally ignore the importance of nutrition. Many cases of behavior issues have been greatly improved by adding Omega 3 supplements to the diet and removing MSG, aspartame and high fructose corn syrup. One other issue that is completely overlooked is the side effects of vaccines. the higher level of testosterone in boys does not allow the preservatives (thimerisol) in vaccines to be eliminated by the body and therefore can cause more neurological problems for boys than girls.

I think that we as a society are having so many issues because parents arn't spending enough time in the home. We as parents need to raise our children properly. Sports activities and school extra curiculars are good and fine but to tell you the truth I don't remember them, I remember the times I went with my dad to the airshow or when we grew sunflowerseeds, seasoned them and spent our evenings eating them and talking or watching a movie "that I dont' remember" but I remember spending the time with my dad. And most importantly I owe my mother for who I am today. I repeat that we need to raise our kids... stop trying to keep up with the johnsons next door who live outside their means and are swimming in debt. Sacrifice a few of the thousands of luxuries that this world has to offer and raise your kids instead of some nannie/babysitter.

i have raised nothing but boys, trust me they need to stay busy. mowing grass , playing active sports,building tree houses and playing with other boys doing boy things. study in school when in school..... five years old is plenty early to start that school regiment. they need structure, both parents (when possible) discipline, and tons of understanding and love. and above all------dont try to make them little girls, there is a huge difference in the make up of the two both mentally and physically. boys always want to fix everything and rule over everything, its the male animal dominance you see in every species. encourage that in a good way with learning to share and encourage kindness, the rest will take care of itself

This is a great article and its about time society wakes up. I am not a believer in ADD or ADHD although several friends and even nurses have pointed out to me that there are a few chidren out there "that really do need the medication". I don't buy it. Something else is causing it and this article makes a whole lot of sense. Being the mother of two boys, ages 5 and 3, I can clearly see the difference in their behavior and that of girls...their brains are wired completely differently and sometimes iis hard as a female to understand that. In the last ten years we have catered to our girls because they were socially "behind" boys, but now we have over corrected.

Maybe it has something to do with the change in emphasis in the importance of women in the press as opposed to men. Every movie, comercial, tv show, even cartoon is "adjusted' to reflect this new emphasis. Perhaps it is time for womeen to realize they've gone too far and ned to spread the encouragement around. If boys feel that society says they are not important, then they may react by rebelling and becoming a problem. I have nothing against women getting a well-deserved place in society, but at what cost? Everything comes with a price, and perhaps the price of over-emphasizing a girl's role in society is the apathy of the boys. Try being equal in praise regardless of the sex. Maybe that will cure some of the problem.

We are a messed up society who looks at the wrong things boys have are bashing and most buy into it feminism has done a great disservice to all of us Instead of supporting all children as God's BLESSING