Struggling School-Age Boys

After decades of feminism and bashing boys it is any wnder men leave don't stick around after they have fathered children the society has sterotyped them the unfortunately we have bought it lock stock and ...the the gay junk it so hip it be gay and yet who sees the big picture of how society is going to pay for denying there is a God who will not to mocked we will pay and it will not be pretty We were blessed with 2 boys and have brought them both up to know the Lord personally and be humble yet strong men we are not perfect but know who is . There is alot of boys and girls looking for answers hand them a Bible there are the answers.

My boy struggeled quite a bit unti 2nd grade when all of a sudden, things fell into place for him. I don't know if it was because of "looping" with a structured, fairly srrict teacher (whom he LOVES by the way) for two years in a row, or if it was because I try not to structure his free time so much and pay attention to his needs. When he comes home, he needs to "decompress" for a little while, he's wonderfully happy if I let him just play with his legos while I cook dinner. As a single mom, I've made it my priority to raise my son -- my carer comes second -- and I feel very in-tune with my son now. How many of us really understand our children? I remember, after my divorce six years ago, when I went back to work more than full time at a very demanding job--- I had to basically pay someone else to raise my son for me because he was in daycare up to 10 hours a day at age 2! When I realized that I didn't even know him anymore - what makes him happy, sad, or scared - I made a drastic change in my life and decided to move to the town where his father lives and work much less. Our struggles are financial now, but I have much more time to get in tune with my very bright, very sweet and caring yourng son. He is sensitive and tenacious and has a wonderful curiosity about him, but for a while it was suggested he is "inacapable of sitting still" and "cannot focus." It was implied he needed to be on meds, too. But now that I know my son so well, I realized what needed to be done - no TV or video games during the week, plenty of unstructured play time during off-school hours, good healthy foods with very little sugar and engaging, educational activities we share. It's not easy, especially as a single mom whose ex doesn't pay the full amount of child support, but he comes first. He is the most important responsibility I've ever had and I am taking it seriously. That includes giving him what he NEEDS - which includes discipline. Remember when they were babies, all you moms and dads out there? Remember when all you needed to do was look into their little faces or hear the sound of their cry to know what they needed? Look again, you'll see the same expression in their eyes, on their faces and you'll hear the same sounds in their voice. Get RECONNECTED with your sons - you are the only ones who know them well enough to help them.

I agree. thank you for this timely article. as the parent of a 10 year old boy, diagnosed with ADD, now receiving special services at school (and miserable at the thought of getting on the bus in the morning) I am fearful and desperate to help him. we could start by abandoning "no child left behind" and start teaching kids to be creative in their own right. all kids learn differently and if you are stuck sending your child to public school you are at the mercy of this ridiculous curriclum. If only we could afford the $20,000 +/year education at the Friends schools or kimberton....I'm sure that we'd have a happier kid on our hands. public schools have not evolved with our culture but devolved into one big test score. how very sad for american kids.

As a teacher of sixth graders for the past ten years, I have watched the changes take place that have caused some issues. We are no longer required to give sixth graders a recess in the afternoon. When we took that away there was a notable difference in attention both among boys and girls. With their only break being the three minutes between classes and a 22 minute lunch no wonder they are on overload. They need a break too, even if it is ten minutes to run around outside or play games in the classroom, they definitely need a break. We would not expect an adult who worked an eight hour day to only have a lunch break. The rigors of curriculum brought on by NCLB and performance on tests have taken over our schools. While the tests are important, far more important is our children still wanting to find learning fun and many of the struggling students would rather give up. They have lost their motivation and once it is lost it is difficult to get it back. I motivate kids to read and keep them reading. If they can excel at reading, they can excel at anything because reading is the key to language. I have been successful in this area with just as many boys as girls and it helped them across the board. We also started voluntarily taking them outside at least every other day for ten minutes and things have gotten better in the classroom. As an educator, we do not like the tests anymore than the next person, however when we are mandated by governments to perform on the tests and we do not then the school has issues.

As a teacher of sixth graders, I can say honestly that taking out recess has been a problem with our class as a whole. We are not required to have that 15 minutes of free-time each day. There was a noticeable difference in behaviors when we stopped that. Kids need a break too when they are working all day long at school and lunch should not be their only break. We turn them off at school by not giving them a break. I agree that kids sit way too much in front of computer games and television at times, however, this is a learned addictiveness at home. School is important and education is definitely important but we need to remember that kids are people too and they have needs. When we let the sixth graders have even a ten minute afternoon recess they come back refreshed and ready to work.

As a mother of two grown boys, I can see the issue from both ends. Each one of my boys are totally different in how they handled stress... I was VERY Strict with both of my children and expected them to following the rule I set down as well as what the school set down. The "Rod" was never spared in my home, when it came to disipline. The punishment fit the crime. It use to be that the schools were allowed to have disipline our children (With our permission) but now it a CRIME.. The Crime is when a child is allowed to acted up in class and have no repracussion. Just put him on some pills and its ok... NO IT IS NOT... That does not teach them anything. Teacher's need to have the right to control their classrooms and not be our babysitters. Teach them to Read, Write and Math... Stop being their friend...

"Lack of discipline" is a pundit and fritz32s response is devisive. The article makes several valid points that should seriously be considered, especially overstructuring of children's time combined with an expectectaion for multilateral academic excellence in our society -and that includes teachers and parents.

I believe that there are many reasons for what we are currently witnessing. First, inclusion, our children that would normally excel are being restricted by the inclusion student. Second, lack of discipline as well as the lack of ability to administer discipline at school for fear of a law suit. Third is test, test, test. We are putting so much pressure on our children at the earliest of ages and we are not letting them be kids. Lastly, we are drugging our kids to death when the answer is plain and simple. Kids do not get outside to play like we did as youth. kids have lots of energy, and when we had too much, mom said, "go outside and play" problem solved. Ditch the drugs and let them play. They are bottled up all day focusing on the test and it is just too much for an active youth.

I would agree that the school environment is not good for our boys. I have 2 sons and I work at the elementary school. I see the way recess and gym have been almost cut out of the schedule for more test prep time and it makes me wish we were raising our sons in the 1950s. I agree that schools are overloading our kids with homework. My youngest son has to miss recess if he doesn't get his work done on time in the classroom. How is that helping him to concentrate and perform well the rest of the day? I had 3 recesses as a kid and now they barely have 2 and think nothing of canceling a recess if something comes up. When are the parents going to stand together and say "Enough already!" and take back control of our schools?

I am a mother of 2 children a boy and a girl. My girl is sharp as a tool. She catches on quickly and we have no problems with her learning. She is always excited to do homework even before she began school. Now for my boy he had problems with the mechanics in reading, over a period of time he have gotten better. When my son was in elem. sch. he said that school is boring because they do the same thing over and over again. Now that he is in middle sch. he likes it because he is able to move around a lot more than before. What I have learned through the years with my son and even at home I have to keep him interested and the way I teach him is that I relate his school work with things he loves. For ex. he loves playing vidoe games and ea. vidoe game have levels and ea. level it gets harder than the next I tell him that's how school is. My thing is that school is not interesting to boys. Boys you have to keep them interested or else they loose out on things and the school system is not getting a grip on the minds of them. There's nothing wrong with their learing abilities it's just that have to put work on there level with the same balance of the curriculum (sp).

I belive it has to do with the feminzation of males by society and scares the H out of me

I never enter discussions but I completely agree w/this article! I have often said that we need to look at ourselves as parents and our public school system. What have we changed since the mid to late eighties? We need to step back in time a bit and change our priorities especially the "No Child Left Behind Act". These are the children born in the eighties to present that are diplaying the violence and stress that we see in the news and read articles about. Violence and stress has always been around but it hasn't hit an epidemic since Columbine. When were these children born? What does this tell us? As a mother and a Special Education teacher, I think we need to remember that children are children. We also need to expect and teach respect again as well as teaching children to accept responsibility for their actions. It is okay for a child to fail in school and be held back (special education or not) if they are not succeeding and working to their potential. Teaching them to pass a test instead of learning to survive in today's world is not helping them.

Comment: I have two girls one two and the other 9 months. My wife and I have been persistent in teaching them the alphabet and how to count but we also make sure they play have fun. We need to take back our schools and let our children have fun learning not drilled on for higher test scores. Our society must realize that we have gone too far and need to pull back some and let kids be kids again like playing in the school yard. Children need out lets and recesses is just one of them.

If you agree with the points of this article then pick up the book, "The War Against Boys" by Christina Hoff Sommers. It talks about how societal changes are destroying our boys. One very important point Ms. Sommers makes is that elementary education curriculums are primarily written by women...focusing on the way they learn etc. (BTW, this is NOT a complaint about teachers...it is just a fact! So, if you are a female educator please do not take this as a criticism!) Getting rid of recess is harmfulto children (especially boys) who need to work of their energy...and PE is a graded class not just "free time" and is therefore not a subsitute. We are certainly doing a disservice to our sons.

The real issue is a lack of discipline. Kids are allowed to sit in front of video games instead of being sent outside to play. Teachers get in trouble if they suggest a child has issues with self-discipline. As a teacher, I have had to deal with more than one parent who was upset because I expected their child to do their assignments in class instead of making paper airplanes, talking, etc. Our school still has recess and PE on a daily basis, so that cannot be the excuse. I think parents coddle their children too much and don't teach them how to deal with disappointments. Then when a child struggles it has to be someone else's fault. How is that teaching children responsibility?

Yes! Yes! Yes! Two years ago I pulled my son out of public school. He now attends a private prep school. The teaching methods are better and he has so much more self esteem. In public school he failed almost all of his insane amount of tests, now he makes 100's. How can that be? The public school system is failing. In the state of Georgia we have a fund for children with L.D. Parents can take their failing children and put them in a private school of their choice, all at the states expense. What does that tell you boys and girls?

I have one of the 1 in 5 boys who is severely struggling. My child has been clinically diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, Dyslexia and childhood depression. Although we have those diagnoses and are on medication, it is still rough. Everyday is a new battle. I think the schools need to lay off on the amount of homework that is given daily and give the kids time to chill out when they get home. Their day is as long as an adult's work day and we know how stressful that can be. Anyhow, just let kids be kids and stop pressuring them to be Einstein's.