Struggling School-Age Boys

I have one of the 1 in 5 boys who is severely struggling. My child has been clinically diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, Dyslexia and childhood depression. Although we have those diagnoses and are on medication, it is still rough. Everyday is a new battle. I think the schools need to lay off on the amount of homework that is given daily and give the kids time to chill out when they get home. Their day is as long as an adult's work day and we know how stressful that can be. Anyhow, just let kids be kids and stop pressuring them to be Einstein's.

I so totally agree. We have had, as the school system says trouble with our son, starting with 1st grade. They strongly suggested we have him "tested" because something was wrong. First it was we see the signs of ADHD. We ran to our pediatrician to arrange what ever needed to be done. He did another physical and sat us down afterward and said your son is perfectly healthy, normal, active little boy, go home and enjoy him! Then it was maybe it's neurological, nothing there either. Well he doesn't seem to hear us when we give directions. Off to Mass. eye and ear for testing. This doctor came out angry at us for wasting his time, my son bad better than normal hearing. Then it was. then something is going on in your family life. Another doctor without the results they expected. We finally learned that he was what we called on sensory overload. Rather than continue and be distressed he would just ignore the teachers when he wasn't going as fast as they wanted or couldn't keep his foot still. He was bored and frustrated. Recess and lunch time was shortened so he had little time to work off some of the energy a healthy boy would have. After all this we have learned he has a better than average IQ and hearing. He knows right from wrong and can think logically. Most of all he has LOTS of energy and is sensitive to people and things around him. Much to our delight. No we won't medicate him. He may not have the best grades because he doesn't conform or blindly accept the rhetoric but we are happy to see an intelligent, caring young boy growing into a happy young man. My only regret is that my family didn't come to this conclusion sooner.

I think the largest issue we have is lack of parental discipline. I can not even start to count the number of times that I have witnessed terrible behavior by boys only to hear the parent say "Oh, he is all boy" or " What am I supposed to do, boys will be boys". I was one of 4 boys (and we were all real boys by the way) and we were expected to behave and to be held accountable. Today as the father of 3 girls and 1 boy I put the same demands on my son and yes he likes to play hard and "be a boy" he knows how to behave when the situation calls for it or else he will have to suffer the consequences. Come on parents, stop playing cover up for your boys and hold them to a higher standard and they will become productive members of society.

as a teacher and very familar with these issue.. as reported, schools are no longer giving recess.. something i tried to get put back but did not work.. the principal wanted every minute to count for a TAKS test..
recess is a vital part of growing up.. not only does it help all children, but especially for ADHD kids.. in addtion, recess is where their bodies actually use muscle groups and thus build healhier bodies, i believe a healthy body builds a healthy mind no matter the age, recess is where kids learn all sorts of necessary social skills, recess allows for learning breaks, which in turn actually can assist in the memory and learning process.. i can only hope that someone with more power than me can please bring about the necessary changes needed to address all sorts of issues that face our young people of today.. NCLB is not working.. is has left behind soo many important issues, not to mention left behind tons of kiddos.. we do need accountability but NCLB has NOT done what it was suppose to do..

its bad parenting and the fact that tough discipline is "taboo". our politically correct world has messed up our boys....no more boys can be boys and now most parents buy a $50 video game and later wonder why "does my son not go outside". its a bunch of factors, kids cant play outside like they used to because tv, video games and its just not safe like it used to be, and parents who think that if i smack my child on the rear because he is out of line im abusing him. there is a clear difference between child abuse and discipline...i wish some people would go back to basics. im sorry, but "time out "for my 8 year old 86 lbs. 5 foot tall son....isnt gonna work. one day ill be looking up at him and the parent needs to have control over the situation. i was brought up, im the parent YOU are the child....thats why. and thats the way it should be. the parents who whine, are usually the parents who use "time outs" and sissy parenting to parent. my children say please and thank you, im shocked at the amount of kids who dont, i would die a hundred deaths if my kids were rude to an adult. children who talk nasty to moms and dads wont amount to much at all. its very sad....very sad.

Boys need to go outside and play? Who knew? As a preschool teacher I could have told these "experts" that. Schools need to scale back on tests and let kids be kids.

I'd like to know who considers "teaching to the test" a virtue? It sure isn't teachers. . .

Finally some attention to how our boys are suffering. It strikes me the problem is worse than 1 in 5 boys as parents are reluctant to seek help. And those that say medicine is the answer are trying to put a band-aid on a large wound. Our boys are desperate for help. The focus on women since the 60's and so many women raising boys may also be part of the problem. Let's help our boys become productive men!

My son (Chris) who's now 11 years old, has been taking medication since he was 4 for ADHD. When he entered school it was all fighting, not wanting to sit still,running out the classroom and hiding from the teachers. He was then placed in another school for his behavior. The ratio was 2-3 (2 teachers per 3 students). Chris did alot better in the small setting. But to get to the writing in class as the lst post...in 2nd grade they did not really care about his handwriting. Chris' ISP stated he could use the computer to do his homework. He did the "computer" thing through 4th grade. Why? because he expressed his thoughts more using the computer and he was getting out of writing (in this case he hated). Now in the 6th grade he's doing alot better but the 5th grade was very diffitcult for him because the computer was now gone. His handwriting looked worse than a kindergardens. The bad thing was he noticed that when things were hung out in the halls in front of the classrooms, he saw how sloppy his was to others. Chris' behaviors (95%) are under control, divorcing and moving have actually helped him in some way. He has made the honor roll since then. There might be reasons for boys to behave like they do. They don't like talking about problems like girls do. One other important thing about Chris is he's adopted and had issues....things are looking up for Chris :-) he really is a great kid and now he knows it....

You are allowed to rear your child only on the rear. I was as a child and I think that it is not a taboo like everyone in society feels. I have a relative with an out of control boy and they don't see anything wrong with him. Many of our problems are linked to video games, tv, and lack of parenting. Both parents work these days and no one wants to deal with the problems at home so it is just easier to sit them in front of the television and/or video games. We need to wake up as a society because we are not helping our children.

It has gotten so bad that I have taken my son out of his "brick and mortar" school because they were pressuring me to medicate him for ADHD! Meanwhile, he was at the top of his class. He was given a gifted IEP, which would have been implemented at the beginning of this year, but it would have pulled him out of his regular classes for two hours a week. That was all the time the gifted support teacher had for him! Anyway, I enrolled him in a public virtual school, and he is doing so much better. Do you want to know what his "problem" was, why they wantedc him medicated? He doesn't like to write! Somewhere along the line (and he's only in 2nd grade), he had to have been reprimanded about his writing. It is hard for him. He takes a long time and wants each letter to be perfect, erases a lot, and throws a fit if you tell him to hurry. When I try to time him, I see a tantrum that I never saw before I became his learning coach. If his other teachers would have let him take his time and let it be a little imperfect instead of pointing out every error, I don't think they would have had any other problems with him. They were so busy making sure everyone was doing the same things at the same time, that he always felt rushed. I have taken things into my own hands, and while there is still a lot for him to learn each year, at least I know what he is being taught and have some control over his emotional well-being.

How true!!! This article hits the nail on the head. As a parent who lives in a neighborhood full of boys I could not agree more. I also teach in a vocational school where we have many boys who were failing in the traditional classroom setting. Once they enter a technical area each day (plumbing/auto mech/ auto body/building contst, etc) you see a new happy successful student emerge. Many of these boys find great reward in the hands on application of education. Yet vocational schools are still frowned upon, because everyone MUST go to college. Personally, I have my boys in catholic school where standardized testing is at a bare minimum. Recess occurs twice a day, and teachers teach the way they want with creativitiy, not to a test. As a high school teacher I see the effects of too much testing. Students no longer poseses any critical thinking skills. Our public education system is in a very sad state! We are failing too many students.

Your study should have parenting thinking and evaluating their parenting skills. As an educator, and as many educators do know what the studies and literature say about brain development (a child's brain is like a sponge) it is all about balancing. How many hours per day are children learning this curriculum? How much play time are they getting? How structured is the learning environment? Even though they are learning a curriculum that might have been for 2nd and 3rd graders, why are we testing them? Most importantly how much time are parents spending with their children? Is the television the babysitter? How much discipline are parents instilling in their children? Are children taught to respect authority at an early age or are they taught that if an adult reprimand them for ill behavior the adult is wrong and should not correct them. Children require a significant amount of nurturing and parents need to step up to the plate to that responsibility. Both parents working is no excuse - finding time for children during the evenings and weekends since that is the case should be the priority. (Nature vs. Nurture). This seems to be a greater problem here in the United States than any other part of the world. Let's take responsibility route and not the excuse route for our behavior!

This is an obvious result of feminization of our society. Boys don't know what a real man is anymore nor do they understand what a real family should be. There is no stability and the "Nuclear" family of today is a far cry from what it was back in the 50's. Our schools are not tough at all and neither are our parents. Boys will be boys does not get heard very often now a days. A boy needs a stable, consistent environment to thrive. Boys need comradery, and a team. I have 3 boys and 2 girls myself and all 3 boys are very hyperactive and can't seem to focus on any one thing for more than 2 seconds except Xbox and Playstation of course. They love model airplanes, working on the car with me, fishing, shooting the BB gun, catching bugs, etc. They are BOYS!!!! Treat them like boys. My 2 school age boys are A - B Honor roll students, by the way, and my oldest girl is graduating from HS a semester early with my second daughter as a Honor Society member. Be parents not slaves to earn the government tax dollars.

It is quite unfortunate that there is finger pointing going on with such an important issue. As a parent, I understand the situation first hand. It is a mix of all the factors - Parents disciplining, included. However, the body urges for the kids dominate any disciplinary action or instruction for these kids. This instruction may be from anyone - Parents, Teachers, friends etc. As parents, we are trying several methods, including proper discipline, dietary control, constant monitoring of Toxic metals in the body etc. As far as education is concerned, every such kid has a special talent. It may just not be the one taught in a school curriculum. As a part of our efforts, we are successful in joining our son in regular school with an aide to guide him in the class. The issue we have is that our son learns a new item really fast, if that is considered an issue. He get bored really quick as his class is too slow for him.