Struggling School-Age Boys

I'm currently teaching English in China and the school system that the author describes here reminds me a lot of the kids here and other parts of east Asia do. However, as far as I know, their boys don't seem to be having the same mental problems that ours are. It makes me think that it isn't some kind of physiological problem, nor an educational problem, rather its a social one.

I have two sons, aged 7 and 11. I don't allow them to be over-involved in anything. I was raised in a large family where school, playtime, quiet time and interraction with each other was important to my parents. My sons have played some sports - and played very well. As long as their grades don't suffer, they are allowed one team sport a year. This leaves a lot of time to play with friends and family. Boys have natural energy that needs to be dispelled - allowing them to skateboard, swim, play non-team basketball, football, tennis, volleyball, etc with their friends--at home (imagine that!) has given my boys a perspective on what team sport they wish to engage in when they are in junior high school. Their pediatricians have advised that their bodies do much better in organized team sports when they are entering junior high. I have happy, well-adjusted boys who do the usual boy things, have fun, act silly, fight with each other, play with our animals, read books, watch TV, play WII and enjoy being with their parents, family and friends. They also have a structured bed time and sleep very well. Sleep is so important for them to have a good next day at school. No drugs here, just the freedom to be boys.

I'm raising one of these boys. We've seen doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, and behaviorists. We even shipped him off to two different "special needs" schools to see if they could help (he was a model student both places). ....and the biggest problems we seemed to have was 1. the inexperienced teacher and 2. the stringent California curriculum. My daughter handled things beautifully, but my son could not. He is now in a private school trying to play "catch up" to the rest of his peers because of all the time wasted in an enviroment that was not "active boy friendly."

Ms Scarlett, what you said is amazing.

I too went thru this same scenario when my youngest son was about 8 or 9. The notes..."he's not able to stay on task"...."he's daydreaming.." ....etc. I took him to a child psychologist that came up with the ADHD term and gave him medication. He began to have major stomach aches...lost 10+ lbs (he was very skinny to start with)....and his school work really did not improve while taking the RX. I gave him this medication for nearly 6 months then I experiemented on my own. I gave him a placebo that looked exactly like his pill. He took this for 6 weeks and then I realized the RX had been doing nothing for him but making his stomach hurt (which he did comment to me that it had disappeard...hmmmm) I do not believe my son was ever adhd and I regret that I gave him any medication back then. He is now a freshman in HS and makes straight A's...obviously he has NO problem w/staying on task . I also regret that knowing that the arm services can deny you entry once you have taken any of these type medications breaks my heart as he wants to join the USAF. Just my two cents...mom to 3 boys..

I too went thru this same scenario when my youngest son was about 8 or 9. The notes..."he's not able to stay on task"...."he's daydreaming.." ....etc. I took him to a child psychologist that came up with the ADHD term and gave him medication. He began to have major stomach aches...lost 10+ lbs (he was very skinny to start with)....and his school work really did not improve while taking the RX. I gave him this medication for nearly 6 months then I experiemented on my own. I gave him a placebo that looked exactly like his pill. He took this for 6 weeks and then I realized the RX had been doing nothing for him but making his stomach hurt (which he did comment to me that it had disappeard...hmmmm) I do not believe my son was ever adhd and I regret that I gave him any medication back then. He is now a freshman in HS and makes straight A's...obviously he has NO problem w/staying on task . I also regret that knowing that the arm services can deny you entry once you have taken any of these type medications breaks my heart as he wants to join the USAF. Just my two cents...mom to 3 boys..

I have a 6 year old son, he went through daycare, preschool, kindergarten and now first grade. All was well with him, he did fine in group activities and listening up until he was enrolled in Catholoc school for kindergarten. The notes started coming home, the teachers insinuated there was something psychologically wrong with him and he needed to be "medicated". I took him to his pediatrician, now 3 times, with the same results. He is a normal boy. Daycare, preschool and after school care counsellors have never once suggested any problems with him, just the school. Boys are full of energy and mature at a slower rate than girls - fact. Teachers need to accomodate their natural being and stop trying to suppress what is natural in all of our children. In this age, the teacher would rather medicate and sedate (so they have a class full of robots which equals less work for them) than help and learn themselves as to how to deal with each individual child and do the job that they went to school for four years to do. Rather than changing the child and suppressing the childs personality. they should be guiding as to how to control it and how to understand there is a time and place for everything. Society wonders why divorce rates, crime rates and general judgment is impaired...... Look to the suppression of our natural personalities, this could cause anyone a myriad of problems in their life. Teachers need to be trained to psychologically deal with children as well as teach. Stop putting it back on the parents and do your job.

What moron said a woman can not raise a boy? What if the father dies is the child destined to go the wrong way? Maybe it is all the parents who are worried about finding boyfriend after boyfriend or on drugs, prescription or other wise, that are messing up their kids. If you concentrat on being a good parent and your child knows you are there for them no matter what and you set a good example that is what is important not your gender. Sure the optimal thing for a child is a healthy mother and father together but if that is not possible it is not an automatic sentence to failure for the child!!!! Grow up!

This is surprising, yet understandable. I personally never went to preschool & i started kindergarten a year late. I ran around, played with cousins, being what little children should be, little children. Yet, i am in the honors program my college & graduated about 4th or 5th in my class with a shiny honors stash & golden tassel. I think that you should let little children be little children. They need to run, they need to scream. Sitting still for 30 minutes is torturous for little ones, unless they are making art. Then they can sit still for a surprising amount of time. I think that education is focusing too much on tests. I mean, look. Albert Enstien (sp?) flunked some grades, yet he is what many consider to be the smartest person ever. Kindergarten, 1st, 2nd, & 3rd, with maybe 4th, should focus mostly on emotional & reasoning development. Also social. I personally do not really care if a 5 year old got a 100% on a standerized test. I am impressed if they can sing the Alphabet, knows to raise their hand to ask a question, knows part of the time when they should scream, & has no major problem with sharing toys. These are things that they should be learning, not math. & what history do kindergarteners learn? I remember learning to rhym words & identify states by their shapes. I feel sorry for this sturggling boys. It is not fair what they must be forced to deal with. It is basically what high schoolers have to deal with, just with different questions. Plus, receese was always the best part of school. I miss it now in college.

To medicate your child because he is hyperactive is inhuman. Let the child run, play, do cart wheels, sing and simply express himself. I grew up with scabs and scratches all over my legs, played endlessly and still excelled at school and university, as did my brothers. A bit of structure is good (wake up time, bed time, play time, home-work time) for the whole family but you have to allow your child to develop as an individual and discover his or her own talents and abilities. What children require is interpersonal contact - not plumping them in front of the TV or a computer game nor should they be forced to learn with worksheets - how will this develop their critical thinking and their logic? Isn't that how we should cultivate young minds, as opposed ot making them learn to think like a computer? We are all human, whether we are born as males or females, and stereotyping boys negative behaviour only seeks to reinforce this type of behaviour.

I agree that we have a problem but what is the solution? Do we let our boys be boys and grow up academically lacking behind their peers and be less competitive for top colleges or do we all get on the bandwagon and teach our boys to beat the exam and check the blocks just to get into a top college at the expense of innovation, creativity, and self-learning? My proposal is that the colleges need to change their criteria in the way they fundamentally select their freshman students OTW the parents will push their kids to ensure they are competitive in the college of their choice.

I totally agree!! There is so much structured and disciplined time that boys are treated as robots because we think that without these they will run wild and become "little monster" (a terrible term, by the way). Teachers are basically sexist because we as a society have thought that it is GIRLS who are falling behind because "it's a man's world." As a result, boys are treated unfairly and given less positive attention. Parents, teachers, and society as a whole view boys as naturally destructive, defiant, oppositional, and aggressive. Boys only get attention when it's negative because they display these behaviors and then get mixed messages with terms like "boys will be boys." We always anticipate that they will display these behaviors and therefore reinforce our negative view of them. Among all of this, boys exert a hyper-masculinity because of the video games they play and the media (music, movies, TV, etc.). There's a reason why there are more boys in special education classes. The war against boys continues (to barrow the title of the book about this very topic).

I totally agree!! There is so much structured and disciplined time that boys are treated as robots because we think that without these they will run wild and become "little monster" (a terrible term, by the way). Teachers are basically sexist because we as a society have thought that it is GIRLS who are falling behind because "it's a man's world." As a result, boys are treated unfairly and given less positive attention. Parents, teachers, and society as a whole view boys as naturally destructive, defiant, oppositional, and aggressive. Boys only get attention when it's negative because they display these behaviors and then get mixed messages with terms like "boys will be boys." We always anticipate that they will display these behaviors and therefore reinforce our negative view of them. Among all of this, boys exert a hyper-masculinity because of the video games they play and the media (music, movies, TV, etc.). There's a reason why there are more boys in special education classes. The war against boys continues (to barrow the title of the book about this very topic).

As a kindergarten teacher, this article really hits home with me. I have been teaching for over 6 years in Egypt. This society is very worksheet and test driven in the public school sector. This fad is changing in international language schools here. I teach my children with a minimum of worksheets and instead focus on hands-on, explorative learning thru games, puzzles, etc. I have seen in my school that we have only a few "problem" boys, especially compared to public schools who complain of all the boys. We have found that the boys who are "problems" are having other problems at home or are actually ADHD. ADHD is actually less common than it is believed. Many teachers and school admin are quick to shout ADHD to mask their own ignorance and to protect themselves from blame.
As a mother of 2 girls and a boy, this article is also very disturbing. I do not have my children enrolled in many afterschool activities. I let them each participate in one activity per season. Right now they are in swimming and will take gymnastics when it finishes. When we return from school, they go downstairs to the garden to play and have fun for at least one hour before cleaning up and doing homework. THis allows them to have fun time to do what they want, not what the teacher wants. Children need to have some choice in their day, even if it is only what game to play outside.
Change is hard, but in the education system it is so needed.
Christina

And by the way, paying teachers well (to recruit and retain the best), supporting their efforts to build creative curriculums that capture the attention/imagination and better teacher-student ratios will go a long way towards helping these boys get back on track.

diagnosed because the symptoms are different in women than in men. Even the medical community treats women like they are a smaller version of a man. Hence the reason there is a cure for impotence but not breast or ovarian cancer. And why more men survive heart disease than women. The problem is the school system is designed to create good citizens that will do the jobs society needs them to do, not to educate or better anyone. The problem with that is that the world has changed from aphysically demanding to mentally demanding and the jobs that need filling are not jobs suited to the traditional male characteristics and roles. The business community is quickly finding that out as more and more women are being advanced in favor of their cooperative communication style over a traditional male managment style. I'm not sorry that the world is changing to the detriment of men. Perhaps this will finally level the playing field and men can see what life is like without all the "boys club" benefits they have enjoyed for so long. Sorry boys but it's time to start working for and earning what you get not just getting it because of what's between your legs. Sorry if that offends your sensabilities but the truth can sometimes hurt. I only hope that we can find a balance and not let the pendulum swing too far the other way.

Ugh... I'm tired of hearing about how it's so bad for the boys. Please, the entire world favors men. Girls are just as impacted by the conformity and tyranny the school "system" requires they're just not as outwardly expressive about it. Mainly because they're socialized to put up and shut up where as boys are taught not to take anyone's crap. I believe that women suffer similar rates of ADHD as men it's just severely under

I have a problem with the mom who lets his child play 3 hrs of PS3 games and watch tv on top of that. He shouldn't be playing it three hours at a clip. I hope its not all in the same day. It seems technology has taken our kids over. The stimulation they need is in their own imagination not constantly fed to them with high tech graphics.

It wasn't but just a few weeks ago when school started that I told my wife that there is too much presure on children. It is no wonder why there are so many school shootings. I read this article in awe because I thought I was the only one that thought this way. I almost fell out of the chair I was sitting in when we took our youngest to "Meet the teacher" day at the school because it was immediately turned into a rule session about what could not be done. There was no introductions, and my 5 year old was terrified as I was. I could not believe that they now require homework from kindergarten students. My other child is in 3rd grade and he has 1 to 2 hours of homework a night. This is too much for our children and it needs to change. I tried addressing it with teachers and their response is that my 5 year old will not be "marketable" unless she starts learning to do homework now. I have been a Police Officer for many years and I see kids everyday that have had their childhoods taken from them. The school systems are not helping they are hurting.