Struggling School-Age Boys

Having sought mental health care for our son and having found it immeasurabley helpful I would not want anyone to avoid this incredible tool. But I do have to give you a warning that we did not realize - if you should have to switch health care providers be prepared to be denied coverage because of the treatment you sought. Make sure your child is really in need of professional help or be prepared to pay out of pocket for that care. We are now in the situation of paying a nearly double premium because of the treatment we sought and are unable to switch providers because they have all denied our son coverage unless he recieves no further care for the next 7 years!
Research is abundant that early intervention is succesful and lasting and often reverses behaviors. Because our health care system is so broken many children that desperatley need help are not getting adequate care.
To your other posters you can claim bad parenting but if you have ever had to face this situation with a child suffering fromADHD, Asperger's, or Autism you would know it goes far beyond a lack of attention, too much tv or other trivial inconvineces. If you are upset because your child doesn't listen to you turn off the tv for sure. If your child can not physically control their actions and behaviors seek help.

BULL----...............
Our 8 year old, 3rd grade boy started school at age 4 and has done very well. He is allowed to be a little boy in every sense. We allow him to watch TV, play PS3 games that are not age appropriate, etc. The reason for this is---he is so smart that games that are for his age is beaten within 3 hours of the purchase of those age appropriate games. He plays games that are quite graphic to say the least.
The only real structure he has is school. We make sure he does his homework and any projects assigned to him. He is allowed to be whatever he wants to be as long as he mantains his grades and his manners. He reads every night and loves it. Even at age 8, he has his *** together. It is the parents job to make sure their children get the follow up education at home and are still allowed to be children.

My opinion...just another case where schools may be blamed for our lack of parenting. How many parents that have blogged here allow their sons to play game systems for hours a day, and then complain they can't get recess at school?

Until parents start being responsible at home, we won't be able to get it right at school! On the other hand, schools should immediately bring back PE and recess....because boys do need this outlet, and that's the way boys develop their social skills.

I have been saying this for years. Many boys are not ready to go to school and sit still at the age they are sending them now. And most of them are completely normal. As a society we seem to have forgotten that a child's play IS his work. If we are going to insist that they be in school, we should be more accomodating to their needs.

PLEASE lets STOP medicating our children, this sadens and sickens me, find better ways, stop feeding kids junk like artificial colors, flavors, sweetners, high fructose corn syrup, etc.. let them run, Whenever my boys get a little crazy, I throw them outside nad let them run, jump scream and play, take away the video games too.

It is refreshing to see a column on a subject I've felt passionate about for a long time. I taught elementary school for 14 years; I hold Master's Degrees in both Curriculum and in Counseling (Mental Health and school endorsement).
I left teaching for these very reasons: children are not allowed to be children anymore; they are forced to 'learn' at a rate that is not developmentally appropriate. The district I taught in was all about 'developmental' and the 'gift of time' when I first began teaching there. The last two or three years I was there, we, the teachers, were being forced to yes, test kindergarteners, send home copious homework, force them to read and do reading groups, ready or not, and time in 'housekeeping' and 'blocks' was severely frowned upon. NOT good! Kids will take that time, given to them or not. Hopefully the pendulum will swing back to what is appropriate for children soon.

My wife and I homeschool our 5 y.o. and 10 y.o. boys. The oldest was taken out of school for all the reasons stated in the article. My wife believes he would have been put into a special ed. class had he stayed. Homeschooling has not been a cure all for our family but it has given us an opportunity to observe, adjust and experiment in ways a teacher would be hardpressed to.

Whoops! Pardon the double, revised posts.

MNemko, I find your comments to be really off. I'm a history teacher in the Mt. Diablo Unified School District. This week my history classes are reading about Julius Caesar, Octavian, Mark Antony, and Cleopatra. Later in the year we'll read about King John and the Magna Carta. From there, we'll probably read about Copernicus, Galileo, as well as Martin Luther and the white males of the Reformation. I've no problem with that, and I'm a woman. Most of the California state history standards are still pretty, well, *standard*. I'm not sure where you get your information that "history classes focus on the accomplishments of women and the evils of men."

It's always so easy to take pot shots at public schools. It gets so old.

As the parent of a girl and boy now in their late teens, I totally agree with Ms Tyre. School, especially elementary school is slanted in favor of girls. Verbal and art skills are emphasised and girls are faster to develop those. There is little or no emphasis on projects and activities that use the boy activities involving physics and, i guess I'm thinking of contraptions, like catapults, forts, etc. Cub scouts does better at this with the soap car derby and the like. I'd really recommend people put their rowdy boy in an all boy school for elementary and maybe middle school. And yeah, the history is his-bad-story, It needs some re-writes.

Good article but it omits another key factor in the decline of boys: that today's schools are ever more girl-friendly/boy-unfriendly: competition replaced with "cooperative learning groups," stories of adventure and heroism replaced by those of relationships and heroines, history classes focuses on the accomplishments of women and the evils of men (I should say, white men.)

Good article, but it omits another other key factors leading to boys' decline: today's schools are ever more girl-friendly/boy-unfriendly: competition replaced with "cooperative learning groups," stories of adventure and heroism replaced by those of relationships and heroines, history classes focuses on the accomplishments of women and the evils of men (I should say, white men.)

And THIS is why my husband and I are knocking ourselves out to pay for Waldorf education. We couldn't be happier there.....our having a son sealed the deal.

Feminism...no comment.

But the fact kids cant play tag or cowboys and indians is ridiculous. And getting rid of recess? How dumb can people get? I want my kids ( when i have them ) to be smart, yeah, but not at the expense of their health or social skills.

"Feminism has created this mess." No that's the dumbest thing I've read in a long time. The fact that the writer is female makes the statement even more astonishing.

I have a 5th grader and they can't even play kick-ball any more at school because it's too dangerous. That's crazy! I think due to lawsuits, under staffing, and basically people (us grown-ups) forgetting what it's like to be a kid, schools would rather not allow, than allow, kids to get out there an run. And this whole higher education thing, SAT scores, and the like. It???s all about money (bottom line). The only reason to get one is higher pay. People need to see there are more important things in life than money.

I have a 5th grader and they can't even play kick-ball any more at school because it's too dangerous. That's crazy! I think due to lawsuits, under staffing, and basically people (us grown-ups) forgetting what it's like to be a kid, schools would rather not allow, than allow, kids to get out there an run. And this whole higher education thing, SAT scores, and the like. It???s all about money (bottom line). The only reason to get one is higher pay. People need to see there are more important things in life than money.

As a psychiatric nurse who deals with children and adolescents, I see three societal themes that are problematic with boys. The problems with current school policies are well-documented in this article: not enough physical activity, not enough hands-on learning, vast majority of grade school teachers are women, etc.

But there are two other issues in American society that are not addressed in this article that adversely impact the way we raise our boys. The first is the explosion over the last 50 years of single-parent homes -overwhelmingly single mother homes. Young boys (and girls too) need adult males. Yes, I know the folks who have alternative families and single mother families will bristle, but the truth is, kids do better when they have interested adults from both sexes. Lesbian couples and single moms need to make an extra effort to find well-adjusted men as role models for their sons.

Adolescent boys have two developmental jobs: establish a separate identity from the adults in their lives and evolve from dependent boy to independent man. This is much harder for them to do if there is no adult male in the picture. In the world of teen boys, a 17-yr old can tell his buddies - "I need to be in by midnight or the old man will kick my butt" and not lose any face with his friends - boys instinctively understand the rule of the alpha male. The same 17-yr old boy cannot, however, tell his friends - "My mommy says I have to be in by midnight" unless he is willing to put up with a lot of ridicule - pulling away from mama's apron strings is mandatory - there IS no worse humiliation for a young boy than to be told he's a mama's boy; he will be compelled to prove he isn't.

The third problem our teen boys face is the minefield of masculinity - the constant bombardment of images that push binge drinking, fast driving, sports, and drugs for erectile dysfunction is teaching our sons that they have to get drunk in order to have a good time, endlessly pursue the need for speed, be mindlessly competitve above all things and be hyper aware of the state of their penises. No wonder our boys are having trouble.

It is a cop out to point the finger at our school system, to think if we just bring back recess and daily PE, have more male teachers, and more active instead of passive learning, being a boy in our society will be easier. All this will do is make it easier to be a male student - it still won't be any easier to be a boy.