Struggling School-Age Boys

I have an 8 yr old son who is struggling in school. His school does have recess in the middle of the day and many of the children go to the park near school after school. He stil has trouble focusing and therefore achieving in school. As an older parent, I was in grammar school in the 60's. Compared to my experience my son has a lot more freedom in the classroom then I ever had.

I attribute the trouble in focus or sitting still as well as the struggling in school to 2 major factors 1) That parents and educators over focus on the progress children are making. I believe boys are no worse now than they were in the 60's, although the behavior was often punished in demeaning ways. The difference was that the children were shoveled on into the next class and moved through the curriculum with the attitude that eventually they would get it and not every one was going to be a good student..

While I applaud our current culture in trying to aide those who need a leg up, perhaps we are over-obsessing and making our kids appear to be the nes with the problem
I got homework for the first time in 5th grade. My son was getting homework in 1st grade. There is a lot of pressure from us (parrents) and from the schools to perform, to take responsibility. In my own case I don't want to not provide help to my son if that's all it would take for him to achieve, but we are watching a flower open and when we can not see it happening we become extremely concerned. I think we are too impatient.

The 2nd major influence is all the box time, video games, 200 tv channels, game boys, .... From a very young age the brain is being stimulated by flashing pictures, school just moves to slow. While tv was available when I was youg there were 5 channels and there were only so many shows to be watched. Also many were not action packed the way shows are produced now.

I was apalled at the statement fo giving out medication. Was there not a recent study showing that much of ADHD was becasue the brain had not finished maturing? That the brain can take as long as to the age of 17 to mature?

Peg Tyre has it right in questioning what kind of environment are we (society) creating. I sense in my son that he is very bright, but we just don't know how to bring it out.

I have 2 girls and a boy. I think that a lot of what is being said can apply to both girls and boys. I try not to over-schedule my kids (one extra curricular activity at a time), lots of playground time and indoor playtime but also some quiet time reading or doing workbooks (coloring books when they are little). yes, I worry about them playing outside and they don't play outside without me but I will either play with them or sit off to the sidereading a book.

ADHD=being a boy. I'm 53 and have watched my son grow into a biochemical engineer. We were told that he had ADHD, but we couldn't see it. He had the short attention span that I had as a boy, that's true. But so did all my male friends (and just about every boy I knew). We refused to put him on meds, let him choose the physical activities he wanted to pursue (football and hockey, "cause you can hit the other guys"), and encouraged his studies. Along about the age of 13 he settled down, just like I did. Now I have a two year old grandson. And guess what? He also has a short attention span and is very active. I'm sure when he goes to school, he'll come home with a note of concern from his teacher about his possible ADHD. Grandma, Mommy, Daddy and I have talked about this possiblity. Our conclusion is NO MEDS.

Peg Tyre had it partly right. However, she misses observing the feminization of the schools and our society that's been going on for the last 35 years. As a teacher over that period, it is clear that in an attempt to get girls up to speed in math and science, boys have been neglected and their corresponding weaknesses in reading and language has been ignored. Probably 90-95% of teachers in the lower grades are women, often women indoctrinated with feminist attitudes. Back in the late 60s early 70s it was a goal for most school districts to get more men in the lower grades. This goal and campaign was killed by the feminist movement of the 70s and has not been revived, even though the disparity is greater than ever. To summarize, it has been drummed into the school systems by these factors that girls need more help, more regard, and favoritism in the classroom, so that now boys are increasingly left behind. This will have disastrous effects on our society if it isn't addressed, and don't expect any help from the feminist movement. They are completely satisfied by the situation. It was one of their main goals when the movement started way back when, and it's been achieved.

The problem is not that kids are asked to learn too much. Kids are capable of learning more than we think, but it has to be mixed with fun, of course. It's two things: kids have way too much screen time. My son is limited to an hour a day and he behaves well and is active. Every kid at his daycare with behavioral problems watches a ton of TV (I have figured this out from talking casually with their parents). I truly believe there is a big connection. Also, parents are way too permissive and back down when disciplining their children. Yes, some kids truly are born with ADHD etc, but the majority I believe turn out this way for the above two reasons.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD in 3-rd grade. We tried the meds- and they helped him stay focused and improved his grades. But he felt unhappy and annoyed by his friends. We stopped the meds and decided to try martial arts instead....His grades improved very gradually, today he is a quiet smart guy with a black belt!

Parents, there is nothing wrong with your boys. The problem is in the way that we expect them to conform to a system that does not recognize their needs, There are alternatives and you do have the power to choose a different way. I choose the Sudbury school method and in his first year at the school, my 11 year old son spent his time almost entirely outdoors in the woods. He went from being a very unhappy, crying, whining, wheedling child to being a young person who knows he is responsible for his actions and his environment. He is now polite, well-spoke, well-read and motivate, and he takes his responsibilities seriously-all without forcing him to behave, sit still or shut up.

This is sad. This is the state thngs lead to when politica correctness goes beyond the bounds of common sense. I know that I was curtailed in directing my son and daughter properly because i knew any form of corporal punishment could lead to charges of child abuse. No one condones child abuse, but there are situations early in life when maybe some controlled physical intervention is absolutely the right avenue. I know that there are too many children with so-called disorders who are really just out of control because no control has been applied. Add to that, there is a generation of children for whom merti-based praise has given way to "self-esteem building", meaning that merit doesn't even play a role. Kids are smart. they know when they are getting away with something, and they know when they are getting an award for "participation" that doesn't reflectg the job they did. Neither one is hellpful; both add to a sense of being able to slink by. The truth is that parental rights have been diminished to the degree that even the most conrolled, justifiable physical punishment carries a threat, and the meaning of doing a good job has been diluted. Now there is a pharmaceutical industry happy to do the parenting for us for big profits. This is a case of political correctness run amok.

Time was after school boys ran and gilrs played with their dolls or playsets. As a boy I ran until dinner time and some after dinner/ This was a world ago and now I pity boys; they can't be allowed out o their parents sight for fear of someon whisking them away, the same for girls. So they sit storing up vast quantities of unburnable neergy, having no where to go by themsleves to explore the world. Not to romanticize their situation but it is similar to caging an animal and then wondering why it doesn't thrive.

It is not only a chnaged curriculum but a chnaged idea of how children should be rewarded and/or punished. increasingly, rewards have been made moot by rewarding everyone (hello self-esteem theorists who contend that "anyone who tries" should be rewarded, with or without merit), and curtailing physical punishment (hello all those who think any corporal punishment is abuse). The problem lies in the facts that merit is no longer the measure and even more in that parents no longer have rights to punish physically without fear of the law, even when the punishment is mild and not abusive. So there is a generation of biys without demonstrable understanding of merit-based praise and without physical limits. i have a son and a daughter, and I feel that i was precluded from proper parneting because I could not appropriately address behavior issues at a young age because of fears of being called an abuser for so much as a spank. Luckily for me (and them) till now they are so far OK. But I have seen many children with so-called disorders who really lack structure, discipline and accountability. No one condones child abuse, but i think it is a crying shame that parents can no longer give an age appropriate punishment, including a corporal one when due, and now there's a pharmaceutical industry that wants to parent by drug. It is terrifying. Who knows what the long term effects are? This is a case of political correctness run amok.

Some parents are opting to put their children on meds, rather than deal with their children's energy levels. Schools also often don't deal well with boys. Class sizes are too large. One or two disruptive children takes the attention away from the entire class.

Huh??!!! Where'd that repeat post I put as a reply to someone come from? My apologies to other bloggers.

Comment: Bored by the system will do it every time! Been there, been bored, got in trouble for being "distracted."

And too, I have to believe, as something of a claustrophobic myself, that building all our schools or retrofitting older schools with no real windows is downright criminal. What's so wrong with letting a kid be able to see out at the world during school. I literally did some of my most attentive listening turned sideways in my desk, foot tucked up under me, head cradled on my arm on the back of the chair, staring out the window. Then when I could immediately and clearly respond to the teacher with the correct answer to a question or asked to repeat what she had just said I was accused of "cheating." sigh

Recently I have become increasingly convinced that todays education system has de-masculinated boys. Bottom line, boys need recess/playtime for their growth and development. Boys need those 15 minutes to release energy, else they become distruptive. Boys learn conflict resolution on the school yard. Ever notice that the rise in ADHD has occured in parallel with the reduction/elimination of recess. Unfortunately, the only people in the education system who are advocates for boys are the male PE teachers or coaches.

I've taught 12 years and never asked a parent to put their child on meds. But I know of parents that have told others that the teacher asked them to do it.... it was a cop out b/c they did not want to deal with their active boy at home. Also special ed requirements are so strict and it is decided by testing and a committee...no teacher is putting them in b/c of behavior. But I agree with lack of recess as a problem-administrators, not teachers are making those mandates.

special ed

Lets see now, society (this means parrents especially) is demanding that we teach kids to be competitive above all else, We don't worry too much about some of the traditional values like productivity (as in being a member of society in general), creatitivity, citizenship, compasion, and fair play. and feeling OK about ones self (male or female).
Were reaping what we have sowed, Its ugley and it's going to get worse. And WAKE UP PEOPLE, we dont need to medicate kids on a wholesale basis so that they can be better robots and get that better grade, That is reinforcing the principle that passing an academic test is the only thing that matters in life.
Im just an old fool but even I can see that medication and testing are not answers to more fundimental (and as of yet) unsolved social problems.
"Tell me how this all works out kids"

One more post - I just recalled what my daughter's preschool teacher stressed to me in our parent teacher conference back in 1993 when my daughter was 4 years old. She told me that my daughter went by her own drum beat. She told me that I would need to be careful, that there would be teachers that would have problems with her because she did not fit into their mold. She told me not to let them and to fight back. I finally did when my daughter was in 2nd grade. Luckily, her school saw her potential and placed her with the right teachers for her personality. For those of you with boys, keep fighting hard for them. They do need outlets for their energy. My oldest daughter was much more passive and loved to color. My youngest was much more adventurous, but I am sure not anywhere as energetic as your boys. The boys need so many more outlets for that energy. We need to fight for it!!