How To Keep Him From Cheating

NEWSWEEK

« Return to Article

Discuss

Member Comments

  • Posted By: Realodell @ 10/06/2008 7:07:34 AM

    Why is this study only focussing on men? While woman usually cheat more! Up to 60% of all women cheat, against 50% of all men in the western world. There should be a parallel study about this topic, and then it will be possible to have an overall view about why people cheat.

  • Posted By: DBGuzzi @ 10/06/2008 6:46:07 AM

    Whats lame about this article is that of everyone I know or even don't know. Women cheat more often then the men. The biggest reason is that it is obviously easier for a woman to cheat than a man. Relationships are a two-way street and not everything is so black and white here. I find it funny that often men who get cheated on will just not talk about it or change the subject and women who get cheated on tell everyone they can. Thinking you don't have to do anything in your relationship to "keep" your man is as selfish as the man looking elsewhere for the love he isn't investing in at home.

  • Posted By: Nymphea @ 10/06/2008 6:26:22 AM

    Lady Swan, I totally agree with you. You said it wonderfully.
    It is absolutely a "commitment and self-respect" issue. If men want to have relationship with women other than current partners, they should "leave" their current partners. But, most of the time they want to have their cake and eat it too. If they were honorable enough to boldly speak their deed, we couldn't call it "cheating" right? Then we would call it "leaving".
    I think the suggestion above is worth keeping in mind but, what I have seen in life is that for men women are mostly a trophy and once they "feel" they have been successful then they just simply quit trying anymore. Most of them have the motivation of "taking" but not "keeping-happily".

  • Posted By: Nymphea @ 10/06/2008 6:19:04 AM

    Miss Swann, you are absolutely right !!! I agree with you 100%

  • Posted By: Umm Said @ 10/06/2008 5:22:43 AM

    What I do not understand is why do the women have to be the ones to look at how to keep their men in msot relationships by making sure that what we do keeps them happy and contented...who looks after waht i feel?

  • Posted By: linbill @ 10/04/2008 11:50:16 PM

    fadsf

    • Posted By: singlebychoice @ 10/05/2008 1:43:02 AM

      I cracked the code

      • Posted By: J Pars @ 10/05/2008 11:11:21 PM

        I have not cracked the code but if you are refering to my comment I could really care less if you agree or disagree with it. I do not even care if you like it. I was stating what worked for me and my family. I have a wonderful, responsible, adult son to prove it.

  • Posted By: linbill @ 10/05/2008 12:01:07 AM

    I am engaged to my fiance with whom I am in love. I work really hard at our relationship and think it shouldn't be that way at all. A couple years ago I found an email he sent to his ex-girlfriend on Thanksgiving saying he loved and missed her and she said the same to him. That year I made a my first thanksgiving dinner ever and stayed up the whole night prior making everything perfect. Now almost five years later I still can't get over it. Prior to that email I must say I had never trusted anyone - muchless a man - as much as I trusted him. He has tried some to regain my trust but his actions are so contrary. Tonight I haven't heard from him although I have tried calling him several times - but he has ignored my calls in the past so perhaps he is doing so again. I sometimes cry while I pray and beg god to take away the pain and to help me stop loving him and stop caring. I do everything in my power to be there for him. I do what this article recommends to the best of my ability and I still come up short. I wish I never loved at all and I hope I never do again. I am pretty sure at some point we will break up but I guess I am waiting for him to do it because I do not have the strength or courage to do what is obvious. I need a shocking reality and perhaps a brutal heartbreak to shake me out of a bad relationship. This has gone on far too long and I really want to be me again. I don't want to be the good, dependable fiance/girlfriend. I want to be me. In closing I just want to say that saying 'it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all' well I think it is nonesense. I have lost because of love and if I never love again I will be better off for it. I want a heart of ice, of steel I want to be a b**ch. I don't want to be nice and kind and a rug anymore. I pray and I beg god to take the pain away and to help me stop loving him and I hope that my prayers come true. So in short this article is a good read but please don't do as I have done. Good luck to everyone and I will keep you all in my prayers and hope that you have better than what you were dealt before.

    • Posted By: lolita814 @ 10/05/2008 8:38:12 AM

      Sweetheart, run away while you can!!!YOu are me, 3 years ago. Smae story, same behaviour. Except for he'd also make me two babies in a drunken state( I didn't kow he didn't wantto mak me pregnant, he assured it was OK). And when I was fnally with a child he announced he wasn't in love with me anymore, and its been a while he felt that way, just didn;t tell me not to hurt me. Now Im a asingle mom of 2, on the rocks- I cant trust another man especially not with my children. I know its hard, its an addiction- I lived through my man; I'd hurt myse ffor him- anything to be with him; but he didnt deserve itIf ou can love so devotedly, keep it for someone who's ascrazy about you. I tell you now, HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU! You might ask him, and he'l tell you different, but in time, as you suspect, he'll leave. And you might end up like me, 6 years down the drain, bipolar disorder, health problems and 2 confused babies( alhough I'm much better off without the jerk, and we are managing fine).

  • Posted By: gonefishing @ 10/04/2008 5:02:23 PM

    I am a husband and father of 5 children oldest is 25 youngest is 10. Married for 13yrs and yes I have thought about an affair many times, I know is wrong but their has been times in this marriage that I have been mad to feel less than adequate. My and I both work fulltimes jobs - We take turns cooking (but I always seem to be cooking more) I do most of the laundry and house cleaning - I dare not say this to her because it would start a fight! I can never do enough. She yells at me like I'm one of the KIDS - I dont like fight in front of the kids but I'm just trying to stand my ground (which is slowly collapsing under my feet) I admit there are many problems in this marriage, and I believe that most of them could be over looked if she learned to communicate - and stop making everyone feel like ASSH*LES. Yes, I have asked her to be more Patient and Compassionate but response is always the same - F*CK THAT! So when my youngest is finally old enough - I'm gone!

    • Posted By: frenchi1061 @ 10/04/2008 10:03:50 PM

      gonefishing: have you tried couples counselling or, if she doesn't want to join you, seeing a counsellor by yourself? It's a shame you've already resolved yourself to leaving but if you do so, you want to do it on an emotionally stable ground so you don't end up in another bad relationship. you know what i mean?
      Props to you for not cheating though. It takes a lot of strength to resist when you are not happy.

      • Posted By: lolita814 @ 10/05/2008 7:07:05 AM

        Ouch, noone should be treated like that! I understand, everyone is entitled to an opinion, or request things to be done a certain way, but NEVER DEMAND! I, respecting the sensitive macho male side, never raised my voice at my ex. its humiliating. First of all, when you love someone, you dont want to humiliate them, but elevate them. Thus, you critisise in order to see improvement for the MAN"s sake, not only your own. Such as teaching man( yes, its teaching, cuz so many of you seem to be clueless in house choirs) to bring his plate to the kitchen is a personal satidfaction matter; but wanting a man to stay home instead of visiting a bar 6 days a week is a concern over his habit...Still, I'd never yell and demand things on such matter from anyone but my children. Adults deserve different aproach, its simpy respect. Sorry to hear this man, but she doesn't love you, and you won't break her heart if you leave. Maybe only her ego...she is comfortable keeping a slave, its bvious she won't want to let you go. Does she know how you feel? I see you are afraid to express it, but someone should. If she's just on a power trip, fueled by your submissiveness, she might not realize she's crossed the line( WAY FAR!).I say, ask for divorce right away, so she experiences a shock and possible starts re-thinking her ways. Then try counceling- if there's something left between you, you must keep together. Better for the kids. But if she treats you like poop, your sons arent exactly growing up to respect you either. I kicked my ex put becaus ehe was humiliating me all the time, and I didn't want the kids to learn to treat me and others that way. Parents are the rle model, and I'd rather do it alone, than have a bad example from an idiot.
        Blessings!

  • Posted By: lolita814 @ 10/05/2008 4:48:58 AM

    Say it, weak wyny wusses cheat! Back in the time, my family and my relatives being an example, men wouldn't cheat no matter what. My mom is a hell raiser, I wouldn't have lived with her, but dadloves her for verything good she is; and recogizes her critique. Now, you have en who cant listen to being wrong in anything- that's their weakness and stupidity; and they still have no right to cheat! Sorry, but there's no way I would stand by and watch my man do something wrong over and over again, and smile at him saying " its fine, next time better". If I HAve to to so that's with litle kids. If such a man is in my life- hes a little kid; with a sensitive ego and even less sense in his head of how to deal with failure- dump him! A real man can : block away woman's critisism and go on loveing her for the reasons he fel in love with her in the first place; and deal with critisism without feeling a failure. Afterall, do you need others to make you feel good? Then you are weak. And this article is for weak men only.Women too. I never cheadet, despite dissatisfactory marriage- there's o riht for anyone to cheat, fr any reason. Stop defending ***!

  • Posted By: shoe57 @ 10/05/2008 3:25:50 AM

    posted by shoe57
    i have been married four 25 yrs. an never cheates on my wife,this is the 2nd time around for me an the 1st. for my wife,she is 18 yrs. younger than i am i drove truck for 33 yrs. an had a lot of changes to cheat but never did.i love my wife as much now as i did when we married 25 yrs. ago if not more

  • Posted By: cryket03 @ 10/05/2008 3:08:25 AM

    My husband had an affair a year ago. Although I do not condone his actions, I do understand where it came from. See as a woman I also feel able to tell him and myself that the affair was not all his fault. YES it was his fault in the way he choose to handle it. But we both pushed so far away from each other, and were so caught up in what we were going through as individuals, that we forgot about being a couple. He had lost his job, and we had just had our 4th child. So he was no longer able to "provide" for us, which is most men's sence of self worth within a family unit. They are the providers. He did not take that well, on top of a lot of other issues. I got so fed up with it all, I pushed him away, even told him at one point that I couldn't be there for him, and for our kids, and work full time myself. So he would have to wait. Well guess what??? He didn't. The difference is, that he fell into that small percentage that actually had the B@LLS to come out and admit what he did. We had a big blow out one night, that was the beginning of our healing. finally speaking to eachother and telling one another what we both felt was missing. We started to bond again, talk, and spend REAL time together(with the door locked as he stated). Then after a week, he couldn't hold it in anymore and he confessed.
    God knows this had been the hardest year of my life. And for a while I spent a lot of time angry at him, and angry at this other woman who came in and tried to ruin my marriage. Until I realized that I had a part to play in it too. I took responsibility for myself, and finally began to heal. And I feel that we have both learned from the experience, and know we will both use what we have learned to live a happy and long life together.

  • Posted By: sunshine_daydream @ 10/05/2008 1:22:37 AM

    im not yet married, but i have lived with my boyfriend for quite some time...so unofficially, its basically the same. at the beginning of our relationship he had some issues with infildelity. however, his infatuation was with online adult "chat" websites. not physical cheating...but mental cheating. he always told me he loved me and i believe him. i also am well aware of his passion for sex. we're a young couple and i do think that alot of our prior issues had to do with his volatile hormones. however, when he saw how his actions affected me (i was broken, torn apart, emotionally distraught, and degraded) he realized the error of his ways. he was brought to very real, very emotional tears and swore to me that all he wants is to make me happy and to be the best person he can be for me. i trust that he wants to change...but i still have trouble trusting his actions. i check up on his email, phone, and any other device that can access the internet. he knows this and is fine with it. he actually gets satisfaction from the fact that when i check on him there is nothing to find, and i can express my appreciation to him and how proud i am of him. i wholly believe in monogamy. there is no other feeling like being someone's heart's desire. its emotionally and spiritually fulfilling. there's no excuse for cheating but second chances are necessary for change. but...no more than a second chance or youre just hurting yourself and propogating his behavior.

    • Posted By: bluberryfish @ 10/05/2008 2:43:12 AM

      I agree with almost everything you said, except the part about it being basically the same. nothing is the same as really being married. you should try it.

  • Posted By: singlebychoice @ 10/04/2008 11:35:41 PM

    Ladies, If your man cheats on you, please dont think you could have prevented it. All the a@@ kissing in the world will not make any difference. Do yourself a favor, bounce his butt to the curb and get a dog.

    • Posted By: di La @ 10/04/2008 11:49:11 PM

      HA! I agree =D

      • Posted By: yesequals @ 10/05/2008 1:30:59 AM

        yes=
        dogs are worse!!
        they snife and piss where
        they please.Women with dogs are boring and fat

        • Posted By: singlebychoice @ 10/05/2008 1:41:30 AM

          Sniiff and piss where they please? Sounds like my last boyfriend. At least you can train a dog to piss on the lawn.

  • Posted By: allaretaken @ 10/04/2008 1:47:33 PM

    One guy was teaching me how to drive a truck. We wore driving all over the US. We crossed over into Mexico
    and he cheated on his wife with some prostitutes. In his case I think it was lack of sex. It was 3 years ago, to this day I don't think his wife knows it. I told him I wont tell, so I have to keep my word.

    • Posted By: sunshine_daydream @ 10/05/2008 1:39:59 AM

      thats horrifying. who knows what diseases those prostitutes were crawling with that your friend is now endangering his wife of contracting. very thoughful souvenir.

  • Posted By: boccabum @ 10/04/2008 2:41:12 PM

    This is a terrible book! Why? It addresses only men's infidelity. AND it assumes women don't cheat! There are studies that prove that women cheat as much as, if not more than men. Why assume that women are saints and men are dogs? Also, women cheat much easily than men. Men have to make an effort-a deliberate decision to cheat. For women, the opportunity is ALWAYS there. They just have to walk out their door and get hit on. Men don't have that luxury.
    The assumption in this country that men are bad is the reason that men choose not to marry.
    Dr. Phil and Oprah and their kind...worst thing for this country!

    • Posted By: sunshine_daydream @ 10/05/2008 1:38:09 AM

      so, women get hit on more frequently....but by whom?? men. which means that, by your very own logic, the MEN are the initiators who fall prey to a woman's evil ways. so really what it comes down to is an issue of self control. women shouldnt be the lusty temptress....and men shouldnt give in if they are.

    • Posted By: ddinardo @ 10/04/2008 2:52:41 PM

      you are right about women getting hit on more frequently, but they get hit on by men, many of whom are married. Some women enter into relationships with these men not knowing that they are married because the men are liars. Cheaters are basically just selfish, dishonest people who lie to everyone to get what they want, whether they are male or female. I have had much experience with this in my life. My father and my sister are both cheaters.

  • Posted By: fireinbloom @ 10/04/2008 3:09:40 PM

    Alright, let's be fair. Stop the male fixation on this matter and report justly. I know of just as many women who cheat on their husbands. Why doesn't that get reported? Ever?
    Also, I can't tell you how many husbands have confided in me that his wife is not the same women that he married. AND, that as soon as the ring went on her finger, her thighs slammed shut. Now, I wonder why he's out looking elsewhere for someone who's interested in him..

    • Posted By: trash_sisi @ 10/05/2008 12:50:31 AM

      I'm 38 years old woman, and it's not reported because men just don't care or don't seem to find out at all! The women are those that are obsessed with their husbands, and think they are their property! Come on, ladies, wake up! Stop being jealous for nothing! I work full time, take care of the kid, the house, and the husband, AND my boyfriend. But I'm Gemini - I have lots of energy. . . Family is very important and I DO NOT want to lose my husband, but you know what - I don't want to lose my boyfriend either! And to all that say cheaters don't have morals - well, it's just your opinion, not mine. I make two guys happy, and I'm happy too. . . So, I don't get what's the problem! Get a little excitement, a little romance and it can actually help your marriage. I love my family, I do everything for my boys - the big one and the little one, but I can never be monogamous, just so happen that I LOVE men! Well, I'm a woman. . . it kinda make sense!

      • Posted By: sunshine_daydream @ 10/05/2008 1:33:51 AM

        1. there's a difference between love and lust.
        2. there's a difference between loving your husband and RESPECTING him.

        im curious to know if your husband is aware of your current situation. if what youre doing is so okay then its only fair that he should know all the details and that he should have his own harem of women. right?

  • Posted By: bluebunnylemars @ 10/04/2008 3:18:47 PM

    Jesus is the answer.We need to pray as a family.A family that prays together stays together.Amen

    • Posted By: sunshine_daydream @ 10/05/2008 1:27:28 AM

      truer words were never spoken.

  • Posted By: cheatedWife @ 10/05/2008 1:26:11 AM

    you said, """ Appreciation is what they (THE MEN) first and foremost get from the mistress.""" in your article. did you ever thought that when some how that mistress become the wife, then the SAME appreciation got disappear!! ?? and the same man will strart cheating on that same woman who was mistress once upon a time and now is the WIFE! SO, are you going to say again ""Appreciation is what they first and foremost get from the mistress.""!!!!!

  • Posted By: greer1155 @ 10/05/2008 1:25:30 AM

    This article is right on I believe. I have been both the cheater and the cheated! I was unfaithful to my first wife, something i have always regretted. But what this article states is right on. When I cheated, it did not start out because I was sexually unhappy. I developed a intelectual and emotional connection with the woman that eventually turned into a physical relationship. That marriage ended up in a divorce after almost 10 years and I remarried. Well, very recently my second wife left me for my best friend after 3 1/2 years of marriage! I had been away for the summer working out of town and came home to find her moving in with him. Having been on both sides of this equation I think I have a unique perspective and I believe this article is spot on. It is not just about appreciation. It is about speaking a language that the other person understands. You can try to show love and appreciation but if you are not doing it in a way that the other person really understands, it is just like speaking a foreign language and you are not likely to get the result you are hoping for. Cheating unfortunately is all too common today and is not necessary. Just get help in your relationship and learn how to communicate and speak each others "language" BEFORE cheating happens! It IS avoidable!!!!!!

  • Posted By: yesequals @ 10/05/2008 1:24:09 AM

    yes=
    cheating on a test is the same thing as cheating on a goddess.Mankind sense the dawning of time have lost their sensible minds.Because of our conditioning men lack confidence and respect towards themselves and others,even earth mother.!!.
    Come on Dudes get with it.

Reply

Report Abuse

Enter comments if any for reporting abuse