How To Keep Him From Cheating

my husband cheated on me and had a child with her. I just find out 4 months ago. What do you think I should do. The girl is just 33 year old . He is 55. My kids are 30 and 27 years old.

I'd like to try once more to bury an incorrect interpretation of the whole message here. A lot of women who are posting here are hastily jumping to the defensive posture, believing that when a person or author says that a woman the power to lower the odds of her husband cheating, the underlying message is that it is their fault if the man does cheat.

Let me be clear that it is NOT the woman's fault if a man does cheat, but I still do believe that women have the power to lower the odds of it happening. As I'm prone to analogies allow me please to present it this way: I can help to prevent world hunger by donating to a charity that fights poverty and hunger, and hopefully my donation however large or small would help in some way. However if I choose NOT to make that donation, it does not make it my fault that someone somewhere in the world is still hungry. This may not have been the best analogy but I hope it makes it a little more clear.

The poster before this is right in that there are SOME men who will do wrong no matter what. And anyone that would use a little fussiness as an excuse to cheat needs to get over it. That kinda stuff happens in a marriage no matter how good or bad it is. But I think a lot of women would be surprised to know that many men who do cheat are wishing inside that the act they just committed with another woman, could be done right at home with the woman that he married. But life tends to get in the way and when it does, who goes to the back of the line, the husbands. And no human being, male or female can withstand but so much rejection and being taken for granted. Does it justify cheating at any level, ABSOULUTELY NOT. As a man I take pride in that (at least as far as I know) my wife has eyes for nobody but me, and If I were a woman, I would feel the same way. I'd personally be insulted if anybody was better at catching my mate's attention than me.

You know what I'd love to see on this thread, a woman who's bold enough to say "hell, my man's to TIRED to cheat, because I'm so good that there ain't a woman that can turn him on better than me!" That's the woman that gets my praise.

To smorisch latest comment, I believe women enjoy sex but I also think that women tend to be too senstive and get their feelings hurt far too easily and when they do, they get a chip on their shoulder, which carries over to the bedroom. I think it rarely has anything to do with a man's performance in the bedroom or something he may not be doing to please her. I understand that sex is more of an emotional connection for a woman. And, therefore, if she doesn't feel that emotional bond or connection with her man, she naturally is not going to feel like having sex. But men are not and will never be perfect in their words or actions. So, they are going to upset their ladies from time to time. But those same men, which by the way is ALL men, will still crave the need for sexual intercourse. Women either need to learn to not be so touchy about their feelings getiting hurt OR they need to learn to get over it faster (not days later) OR they need to learn to still have sex with their man inspite of being angry (or feeling disconnected). Otherwise, their men will seek out sex from other women. Not all men will, I doubt I would but that is due to some of my upbringing and sense of certain moral values. But most men will find that release in some form. And sometimes, he will not necessarily seek out the sex but at least the attention from another woman that will at least make him feel as though he could have sex with her, if he so desired. A lot of it has to do more with we want to feel desirable to someone of the opposite sex more than the act itself. But if our woman is constantly acting all pissy torwards us (for days) over something that should have been forgiven after an hour, then we feel undesirable and will seek it from someone else. Also, of the three options I was listing above, we (men) would prefer that you just get over it sooner. We cannot ever expect you to not get mad over us over "little things" as that is the way you are put together. And nor do we want you to have sex with us while angry. We just want you to stop harboring resentment and forgive a little quicker and be nice to us again and treat us favorably like you really WANT US and want to be with us. I hope at least some women will read what I have written and take an honest evaluation instead of coming back with some zinger comment out of bitterness or with judgement against what I have written. This isn't about winning an argument nor men against women. Otherwise, I wasted my time. Perhaps, men and women can never make it work. I certainly hope that is not the case.

What are there in the US alone over 300, 000,000 people? 300, a drop in an ocean, hardly the norm to draw conclusions from. Why even try? Hmmm....

Submarine living is something way out of the ordinary, say like prison behaviour. What on earth does that have to do with what 99% of the people onthis board are talking about? QUITE a stretch. Next!

there are many reasons some one would cheat, I havent on my wife. but at times i think of it. but that is due to the sexual encounters or lack there of that i have with her as well as the lack of appreciation i see from her. I doubt even if she reads this let alone the comment i am writing if nothing else she will get mad or could care less not change or attempt to make changes. Thats the sad part too self rightious to see whats there and how things really are

Expert in Any Field - You're funny.... But I think you explain yourself appropriately.
ColoradoKid - A portion of this article expressed that a woman feels if she appreciates her man he will do nothing. As a wife who very much valued the limited contribution of my soon to be ex-husband, that is exactly what happened. Yes, he worked long hours, but while I was working full time, earning a degree full time, and managing the kids and house, he goes to work and sleeps, that was about it. Understanding that a man needs to feel appriciated is only part of the equation, the woman needs to feel appricated as well. Hope this helps.

There are honorable men and women. It's the un-honorable ones that don't want to believe that... citing silly things like being on a submarine for years. That's moronic. Sorry. Also sort of funny.

smorisch, I think you had mentioned in an earlier comment that you are currently seeing someone but if that doesn't work out, can I tempted you in a first date? lol I hope I am not breaking the rules here by getting off topic. I just like what all smorisch has had to say here. She has some good insights!

I have a question How do you check phone records or e-mails when you don't have the password?. I recently found my husband and my neighbor had been exchanging phone calls and texts everyday, at least ten times a day for the last couple of months and even when we were on vacation and I had no clue After confronting them they told me it was just innocent. I have become so suspicious of him and it is taking a toll on me. He has since changed his password to his phone records and tells me he just does'nt want me checking on him everyday. He said he doesn't call everyday but calls her once in a while. How do I trust him. Help!!!

There are many reasons that a man cheats on his wife. If he is an honorable person he will not do it. The plain true is that some men just can't keep their pants zipped up.

Coward (both men and women) will cheat because they are not brave enough to confront the other spouse.If a spouse begins to find the other one less attractive and appealing , why not tell them straight up about how you feel about them, that way they have a choice if they want to remain there and watch being cheated on or move on with a deserving partner.There are very many principled people out there, why would i still be with a man who has expressed to me that he doesn't feel the same way and has indicated chances of cheating??