How To Keep Him From Cheating

people are animals, as long as the sex is protected, cheat on. we as women will for less reasons than you've given.

many years ago i did cheat on my ex=wife for these reasons. i admit it was dispicable. but every time i did something around the house i was criticized, there was that 'emotional disconnect'. it does not excuse what i did. but if i had been treated better, i doubt i would have cheated. i never remarried, nor did i ever want to remarry, i found that it was just too draining to be tied down. however, i count my broken marriage as the great failure of my life.

I make a point to tell my husband thank you for working so hard to provide for us. You should see his face light up when he hears it. We have been married eight years and as this is a second marriage for both of us we work hard to be friends. We laugh together sometimes in the face of adversity. We live in Houston and today is the first time in 15 days we have had electricity. But I don't remember even cross words during that time. Why? Because we treat each other with the common respect and courtesy most of us save for strangers and friends. Sure sometimes I'd like to pinch his head off and he probably feels the same way about me but I just find something to do away from him maybe just go in the bedroom and watch what I want or read a book. Financially we have had lots of stress in the last few years. A couple of lost jobs (I don't work since I'm disabled with rhuemetoid arthritis) and losing our house to foreclosure. But we are not each others enemies so we brushed ourselves off, grabbed each others hand and just keep plugging along. Best of luck to all marriages, be friends and be kind to each other and a verbal thank you is worth millions.

Ok, seriously, if you stop all the cheating and fun stuff like that who is going to write or listen to country music any longer? Priorities people! ;)

Neuman started with a real piece of data, that most men state that why they cheat is due to a lack of emotional connection at home, then "interpreted" that data and threw in dramatic bias. He extended it into this ridiculous notion that it's related to some drive toward competition, which is just another prejudicial preconception. He would have done well to stick to the central theme of the data and not overlay it with his prejudices. It's not about "winning"; it is about, as the men in the survery clearly stated, emotional connection. Which is the same reason women cheat. Surprise, we are all the same species. Fortunately, I find that the basic remedies he prescribes are sound, even though his analysis of the data is flawed. Both partners are responsible for the health of the relationship. Turn off your cell phones and pay attention to one another. Learn how to actively listen to your partner and realize that it's not all about you; you are in a relationship with another human being.

Thanks "doingwaytoomuch" for giving all of us the perfect example of how women contribute to their spouse's infidelity.

This was very informative reading. In December, my wife and I will celebrate 15 years of marriage. At the time of this writing, we are not "celebrating".

The comments made about many times if a man considering cheating, it is not because the other woman is more attrractumore attractive but ratrher there is a disconnect.

I do still love my wife and have a very strong sexual desire for her but I would like her to be more exciting/outgoing.

She prefers to do functions with her famuily of 7 brothers and sisters and my close circle of friends have faded over 15 yrs.

we never have dinners/visits eith them.

We are also in a bad financial bind.

That added stress certainly doesn't help much.

But just reaDFING COMMENTS ON THI SARRTICLE HAS GIVEN ME SOME INSIGHT AND ENCOURAGE TO STICK TO IT.

STICKTOINjERSEY

I'm tired of hearing how men don't feel appreciated! How about the wives. What are you doing to stop wives from straying?? Seriously, get a grip and realize that we are all adults and if you have the urge to cheat, at least have the decency to leave the relationship before you do it no matter how hard it may be. GROW UP.

FINALLY, someone has realized that men actually have feelings. After 7 years of marriage, I strayed. Not for sex, but because my then-wife never touched me. Never kissed me. Never said, "Thank you." Never did any of those things that she did with ease with her friends and with our kids. I strayed because when I said to her "I need you to love me" she responded with, "I can't really talk about this right now." I was devastated, and I strayed. Could my marriage have been salvaged? Maybe, but it would have required effort from her, effort she demonstrated she was not willing to impart. My affair was a search for someone who valued me. Who actually thought I was a good man, and who actually showed me the love I'd been missing. The sex in the affair grew from that. But it was emotional in the beginning. This author gets it. We're not walking penises.

This author is so out of touch. It has nothing to with appreciation and everything to with a pornified society. Men are bombarded with and succumb to lust inducing images everywhere they turn. When they succumb to lust, have a wandering eye or are into porn that creates the emotional disconnect and makes it THAT MUCH easier for them to go out and have an affair. The affair isn't about the man feeling appreciated by the other woman. It's about sex, the thrill, the excitement. It's the ante that has been raised from their long standing use of porn and objectification of women. If she would have asked all of those men she worked with "Do you do porn?" She would have received an affirmative answer and she would have also learned that they were doing it LONG before they ever met their wife. IF men are lacking appreciation then they are not feeling respected. Well, you have to earn respect. Read the literature. It's all there.

I think there is much merit to what the author is saying, but first you have to start with a basically good man. Trying to "appreciate" someone who is not will never work. So, starting with a reasonable, average guy spending some extra time everyday, even a minute giving him a big hug, a short text message or note, short call to say "I miss or love you", make favorite dinner, etc. Also, keep yourself interesting/always strive to learn something new and you will never be bored in your marriage. I'm getting married in one month but we've been together for 7 years and the sparks still fly. Why? Both of us pay attention to the small things and focus on the positive in each-other. This has served us through lay-offs/job losses, family deaths, illness, and all the good and wonderful things as well.

Let's face it..there are those men whose totally insatiable need for "appreciation" simply can not be met, no matter what the spouse does.

Just curious where the advice to husbands to keep their wives from cheating can be found on the Internet? Why are women always being lectured on how to constantly fight for something that was supposed to have been promised to them? Marriage is strictly VOLUNTARY for both genders and if you don't think you can handle it's basic premise--sexual fidelity to one person for life-DON'T DO IT.

It's funny to me that so many men will sit around and bitch about how women are 'nags', 'a pain in the ass', 'demanding', etc. ; but when it comes to who they choose,they fall all over themselves to be with a woman like that. Men want a bitch or a nag, period. If a woman really accepts and appreciates a man for who he is , he will think she's weak,a loser and take advantage of her. I have seen it ,and lived it. Another thing I have noticed is this: If a man tells a woman he has been mistreated she will feel sympathy for him . With women, men take that as a sign that a woman is somehow cheapened by past mistreatment, and they will also treat her badly . Telling men too much about your past is a mistake, girls. Trust me.

I was married to a man who started out telling me lies about his relationship with his ex ; unfortunately I did not find this out until we were already married. He moved in on me when he tried to play the role of my 'friend' who listened to me talk about my breakup with the person who apparently was the one (who, yep, got away). He was separated from his wife and going through the process of divorce and we began to spend time together, then date. Little did I know, he was going back and using her for sex ( He admitted this to my face). He was also using me for the fall guy (gal?), which I unfortunately played right into.She was apparently trying to hang on to him. So anyhow, when this did not work, she got very vindictive and basically lied her ass off in court so she could wipe him out. And she told some lies on me, believe me. The kicker here is that he blames me to this day for the whole thing!!!!!! He was abusive, controlling and extremely insecure. It was total Jekyll and Hyde. Remember that I had no idea what he was doing. This went on to the point that I was planning suicide. So I did something stupid by getting infatuated with someone else and being very obvious about it. Deep down, I wanted it to end and the only thing I could think would work would be to blow it up in his face. And it did. But of course I got all the blame for all our problems. I am willing to take the blame for what I actually did that was hurtful or wrong. I won't take the blame for his actions. My point is that he started out disrespecting me because he lied to me and got away with it; and because he knew that I'd had a bad, abusive relationship before. So I was not worthy of his respectful treatment or care. And many many men are the same way, ladies. Don't be fooled.

My wife and I have been married for 21 years. We have had some major ups and downs (and several marital counseling sessions), throughout the years. However, unfortunately, I had an affair because my wife didn't show me the appreciation, affection and kindness that I craved. We have been separated for almost seven months now and contemplating divorce. She says ahe doesn't want the divorce, but by her actions and attitude, it's making me want to file.