How To Keep Him From Cheating

There is one question that always occurs to me when I read articles like this about "working" on your relationship. Why? If it is so much "work," why bother?

Modern marriage is burdened with far too many expectations for anyone to be in one without disillusionment. If you wish to have children, accept the limitations of a realistic marriage and have children, or not. If you have children and believe that you should raise them together, arrange your life so that you can. There are many ex-wives who I have heard say that their ex-husbands are good fathers but were poor husbands. If that's the case but you still want to stay, you can leave when children are on their own.

Above all, men and women need to quit whining. Do what you want. Life was not meant to only be gotten through. Just have the courage to accept the consequences of you action with honor and without rationalizing.

I am a woman who has been married for 17 years to a very good man -- We have had up and downs along the way just like everyone else-- The secret is no secret at all repsect and have a sense of humor -- No when to pick your battles -- Dont' nag about leaving his stuff on floor --All this does causes frustration. I have fulltime job and two kids both teens. -- I know busy and so does he -- When we first married we would have these battles who works more ? who pays for this more ? who does this children more ? Then you come the realization that you both do it all -- You learn to respect him like when he comes to ifx your car when it broke down at work. You have to find private time with each other -- We have UNO cards in our bedside and play thme every night -- It is our way of staying connected -- You don't have to have sex everyday -- But affectyion is very important -- stop what your doing when he comes home -- give 15 seconds -- We have many friends who gone thru cheating and how it destroyed the family -- So you have to step back and make each other important -- Sometimes you do just have to go somewhere alone with no kids and spend time together - It makes a differnce to the family -- if you are happy the whole family is happy --

The real problem is that many women are so under pressure from their peers to be married so they can "Legitimize" themselves to their girlfriends, mothers, sisters, etc. The most horrifying thought for them is to be the 40 or 50 something year old still coming to the family functiions alone, and getting the pity looks from all the "legitimate" women in the family.

The result of this is that they start to do any and everything to get a husband. So right off the bat they're looking for a husband for the wrong reason. So what you have is something that's fast becoming an epidemic in this country, women who want to be a married woman but doens't want to be a wife. Then you pile on top of that the feminist BS which accuses any woman who dares do anything nice for a man of slinging the whole of female humanity back to the Edith Bunker days.

Women need to understand that getting married should not be regarded as a check mark on their life's "To Do" list. The wedding day is where the work BEGINS ladies, it is NOT the mission accomplished point.

Two comments: one for themajor and one for baeta. For the major, please realize that men and women are different; they think differently, the react differently, and, yes, they each have different needs. Women have more synapsis in their brain that require verbal interaction and therefore, they need speech. Not shrugs, but words followed by actions. They need to see words in motion. Men also need motion for appreciation. Women need to demonstrate to the man their feelings toward him, not talk him to death. As for baeta, your wife is enabled to take and take because you give and give. Stop doing everything. Sit her down on the couch, face her and tell her what you've written. Then tell her in plain English that you will not be doing everything; that both of you together will do everything and, if not, then your relationship cannot continue. If the relationship does not continue, then there is no marriage. Marriage in an equal, not unequal, partnership and if she is unwilling to work together, then you both will work apart; preferably in a single relationship. Set a timetable for change and stick to it. It is not fair nor right that you are handling the work of marriage alone.

I sounds as if baeta does everything, including showing the wife that all emotional connections come from him, just as he does everything else. Marriage is an equal partnership in which both are engaged and working together, not just the one partner doing everything for the other. Again, communication is key. Let the wife know that she will have to pull her weight around the house, in the family, and especially emotionally in the marriage. It will probably take time for her to get adjusted, but adjust she must or face a possible divorce. He should NOT have to do it alone.

Nice article. It's funny that if a man says he is not getting what he wants from his significant other, the immediate question askes is, have you tried romancing her? When was the last time you bought her flowers for no reason? "They way to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time" (because there aren't enough made up holidays to show you love her), etc. This is really just "ego" stroking as well.

I think some women see themselves in the article. Many women feel that their mere presence is all that is needed for a happy spouse. But the man has to continously show his appreciation.

Too bad Rabbi Neuman wasn't around at the time to help me explain a man's desire to feel appreciated to my ex-wife.

No its defietly about sex.

Hey as a guy who has cheated before I can definitely agree with this article. Lack of appreciation is the number one reason why men stray. Women today are brainwashed into believing it's the men with the issues and it's the men that need fixing. Today the average woman enters into marriage first for the financial security she'll get and whatever flaws the man has they will be ironed out over time. When she realizes it's taking too long to iron them out then her appreciation wanes and the disconnect begins. Hey girls you will always look like the sexier one when you show appreciation. Many women in bad marriages don't cheat an often as the men simply because they don't have as many opprotunities to. The above advice works both ways.

Good Lord I love this. Heaven forbid someone suggest that a woman actually be nice in any way to her man. And BOOM!!!! Out come the attack dogs. It's ridiculous really. Someone tells you how to get what you want out of a man, but NO, can't do that. There's gotta be a better way to get a man to do what women want other than treating them well. Because that just ain't allowed. No, what these women want is the guy named "Norbert" That Eddie Murphy played, a beated down, scared, henpecked wimp, who was battered both physically and emotionally and submitted in every way to his wife. But it's funny though, I remember at the end of that movie, Norbert ended up with someone else didn't he? So go Ahead ladies, keep thinking it's okay to treat strangers in the street better than you do your husbands. Some woman will come along and give him what he ain't getting from you, RESPECT. And you'll spend the rest of your miserable "me first, me only, me, me, me" lives growing old alone.

By the way, if I hadn't seen the word 'marriage', I would have thought that this article was about keeping a kid from doing something wrong. Unfortunately there is not much difference between boys and some married men. It sounds like men can't help themselves the same way "boys will be boys". If they can't help cheating meaning if they can't be monogamous, fine. But then don't get married and promise to be faithful. As simple as that. And ladies, if you have to ask him if he's cheating, you already know the answer...

Thanks for writing an article that's right on target. Men are very simple creatures. A friend of mine told me that
women only have to do two things to keep a man: "Keep his belly bull....and his b_ _ _ _ empty. Hate to be so crude but it's true. I think your article points out the main issue though. People just need to show their partner
that they appreciate them. Pure and simple. There are too many women (and men) who are "never satisfied" with what their partner does. All they do is whine and complain. There is no appreciation.

No wonder men are looking for some kind of validation outside their marriage.

When a man, looks outside marriage, for what he wants in marriage, then there are many vulnerable unmarried women, in my opinion.For me, if a woman had a relationship, outside, or before marriage, then I would respect the relationships mentioned. I respect relationships, more for the lady involved, then for the man involved. But what does this state of affairs say? That there are many ladies and gents, who mingle freely, but who look for a happy relationship, outside marriage, if they are married.