How To Keep Him From Cheating

Bah why do men always get all the ad press. When I was in the military it was mainly the Women cheating that I saw. In 100+ marriages it was the guy that cheated 2% of the time. So don't make it out like only guys cheat when girls do it to.

I was married eight years to a man who was completely immune to me. The first few years I tried to talk with him--share secrets, bitch about things, anything to stay connected. Skipping rocks one day at the lake I thought my marriage similiar...as I angled each shot outward it skimmed the waters surface, bouced off a few times then was entirely consumed. The stone eventually penetrated the water but the water never penetrated the stone. I never cheated on my husband. There were times I felt so lonely and unloved and yet I was sure that cheating would somehow never change the fact that the one person I needed to want me just couldn't manage it. It wasn't even so much about being true to him. It was more about keeping my word and not selling out for a cheap fix. My husband (now my ex) left me for another woman. I wasn't shocked but I was devestated. I still do not regret not cheating on him. Many people fool themselves into thinking they will never be tempted by another lover. Regrettably many of us will face this very temptation at some point in our relationships. It is wise to look at cheating as a "high risk with low return". That temporary boost to your ego or the whirlwind of a new relationship is the high that costs way too much with risks like losing your self respect, dignity, divorce or worse, (staying together), HIV,AIDS and an absolute epidemic of other STDs that you could pass on to your innocent partner. It's a fool's wager to think you'll really get away with it. And more foolish to believe you need it that badly. Most new relationships begin exciting and fun but eventually get to the same ruts and similiar issues--it's just a trade in with high interest for the same car.

OK, EVERYONE LISTEN UP! Reason men AND women cheat, it's pure and simple - lack of communication in their relationship. Recently a man, total stranger, expressed to me that all that men really need is for a woman to give them attention, BE ATTENTIVE to them. And of course food, "serviced" :O) ....etc. LOL! He has a great sense of humor, and he???s right (he has a g/f but something tells me she???s not being so ???attentive??? right now. :O). If you think about it, it's true, men just want a woman who is affectionate and is attentive! Isn't that what women want too??? OF COURSE!!! And when we do not get attention, we look elsewhere for it, don't we. It's all about communication, it's lacking in relationships where "cheating" is taking place, the man or woman has gotten lazy and doesn't care to communicate anymore so instead they go looking for attention elsewhere - this is your BIG RED FLAG telling you that this person you created a relationship with is not meant for you, never was. Not saying you don???t have to work at a relationhip, you do, but you better be in the relationship for more than just ???great sex??? b/c when that fades, what is left? You got it. As the late great Paul Newman said (and I quote and love his mind) ???Why go out for hamburger when I have steak at home???. I grew-up on a farm and adore steak, it was then and still is the best. So ladies, if you're married and that BIG RED FLAG is waving, it's unfortunate but move on and the next time you enter into a relationship, make sure he is your BEST FRIEND besides your lover, the sex will be great (yes it's true if they are a good dancer!), kissing is unbelieveable to the point of making your knees melt, but most of all make sure the communication is ALWAYS OPEN and you are attentive to his needs and wants b/c he will then in turn be to yours. What I???ve found from having a ???single sex life??? in comparison to ???sex in a relationship??? ??? sex is more intimate, spiritual and FUN when in a relationship (so when men are looking for affairs, they never last long). Listen to your instincts, trust them, b/c when you meet the right person you just know it and there's nothing better than when he takes your hand in his for the first time - it feels like home, just fits???. and if the time is right, hopefully it lasts forever. Ladies, just don't settle ??? and remember he's not worth it when he cheats. Besides, you really want to risk what he???s bringing home to you??? That???s not love, that???s disgusting!

I agree with ucello, also, women need to stop feeling like something is wrong with them when their men cheat. It's quite the other way around, something is wrong with their men, they lack integrity. Only people with no integrity cheat, and then they find all the reasons or excuses why they did. 90 percent of them blame it on the woman. So ladies do not feel bad about yourselves if you know you did your best, it's definitely not you.

OK, EVERYONE LISTEN UP! Reason men AND women cheat, it's pure and simple - lack of communication in their relationship. Recently a man, total stranger, expressed to me that all that men really need is for a woman to give them attention, BE ATTENTIVE to them. And of course food, "serviced" :O) ....etc. LOL! He has a great sense of humor, and he???s right (he has a g/f but something tells me she???s not being so ???attentive??? right now. :O). If you think about it, it's true, men just want a woman who is affectionate and is attentive! Isn't that what women want too??? OF COURSE!!! And when we do not get attention, we look elsewhere for it, don't we. It's all about communication, it's lacking in relationships where "cheating" is taking place, the man or woman has gotten lazy and doesn't care to communicate anymore so instead they go looking for attention elsewhere - this is your BIG RED FLAG telling you that this person you created a relationship with is not meant for you, never was. Not saying you don???t have to work at a relationhip, you do, but you better be in the relationship for more than just ???great sex??? b/c when that fades, what is left? You got it. As the late great Paul Newman said (and I quote and love his mind) ???Why go out for hamburger when I have steak at home???. I grew-up on a farm and adore steak, it was then and still is the best. So ladies, if you're married and that BIG RED FLAG is waving, it's unfortunate but move on and the next time you enter into a relationship, make sure he is your BEST FRIEND besides your lover, the sex will be great (yes it's true if they are a good dancer!), kissing is unbelieveable to the point of making your knees melt, but most of all make sure the communication is ALWAYS OPEN and you are attentive to his needs and wants b/c he will then in turn be to yours. What I???ve found from having a ???single sex life??? in comparison to ???sex in a relationship??? ??? sex is more intimate, spiritual and FUN when in a relationship (so when men are looking for affairs, they never last long). Listen to your instincts, trust them, b/c when you meet the right person you just know it and there's nothing better than when he takes your hand in his for the first time - it feels like home, just fits???. and if the time is right, hopefully it lasts forever. Ladies, just don't settle ??? and remember he's not worth it when he cheats. Besides, you really want to risk what he???s bringing home to you??? That???s not love, that???s disgusting!

That was dead on. I've been through this and realize everything you said was like you've heard my story inside and out. Well put. I hope this helps others marriages. Mine lasted because I was remorseful, repentant, and transparent to my wife so she could gain that trust in me again. After nearly 6 years I can say (although plenty of things we continue to work on) we are closer than EVER.

Hey hrhkee...I'm a married (mostly happily) woman. But my advice for you is,"It's time to get out of that one Sweetie." I wouldn't put up with her (baby or no baby) for another day. There's plenty of good women out there who love sex too. I say it's time to hit the road Buddy! Sex should NEVER....NEVER be a "tool" Tell her to "tool this" Bit _c!

Whatever!!! Women cheat too for the same reasons. EXACTLY the same reasons. So, men don't fool yourselves. You'd better be trying to keep your woman happy too, Charlie! There's always going to someone else who is better looking, more available and someone that pays more undivided attention to you, but so what. It is what it is. You either think the person you married is worth keeping and worth working on the relationship to keep or not. It's a two way street. You both have the same opportunities to make it work or not. To cheat or not to cheat. Cheating isn't just a man's world! Get over yourselves!

OK EVERYONE LISTEN UP! Reason men AND women, it's pure and simple - lack of communication in their relationship. Recently a man, total stranger, expressed to me that all men really need is for women to give them attention, BE ATTENTIVE to them. And of course food, "serviced" :O) ....etc. If you think about it, it's true, men just want a woman who is affectionate and is attentive! Isn't that what women want to??? OF COURSE WE DO!!! And when we do not get attention, we look elsewhere for it, don't we. It's all about communication, it's lacking in relationships where "cheating" is taking place, the man or woman has gotten lazy and doesn't care to communicate anymore so instead they go looking for attention elsewhere - this is your BIG RED FLAG telling you that this person you created a relationship with is not meant for you, never was! If you're married and this has happened, it's unfortunate but move on and the next time you enter into a relationship, make sure he/she is your BEST FRIEND, the sex is great (yes it's true if they are a good dancer), kissing is unbelieveable to the point of making your knees go weak, but most of all that the communication is ALWAYS OPEN and you are attentive to his/her needs and wants. Listen to your instincts, trust them, b/c when you meet the right person you just know and there's nothing better than when he/she takes your hand for the first time, it feels like home. One more thing, as for cheaters, they will always cheat (I know b/c it happened to me but I also ended the relationship b/c he wasn't the one for me and I for him). I'm hopeful, won't give up, he's out there somewhere (maybe closer than I think :O) I'm just trying to be patient and wait for my instincts to tell me when it's the right time.... ladies, just don't settle - he's not worth it if he cheats.

I am a man who has been married for almost 15 years I haven't even come close to cheating. I believe it is a choice. I earn well over $140K per year, pay the bills and get the kids to and from school on most days (I work from home) except when I travel. I also coach their sports teams. My experience? Being called a cheater all the time. My wife asked me one day if I was having an affair with an Elder of the church because she saw me laughing with her. Her dad, accused my mother-in-law and I of hooking up. My wife's initial statement to me? "Of all the people you could have picked, you picked my mom to have an affair." She didn't even believe her own mom that we did not have sex. The neighbor across the street had cancer - she was sure that we were hooking up. A single mom lives up the street has the biggest boobs for her little frame (ex-wife of a football player) and runs around the neighborhood in tight fitting t-shirts. I waved to her one day as we were leaving the house. My wife asked, "who is that?" I said the woman's name. She then asks, "is she home during the day?" I answered I don't know. I can go on and on and on - back to when we first got married.

I like this article because of the percentages it speaks of. The low percentage of meeting for the first time and having sex is solid. The other is close proximity. It is rare that I work closely with another woman for an extended period of time. I gave a lady a ride one day because we were going to the same location and the weather was going to be bad for the next several days. I had met the lady just that day. My wife thought I was doing something with her. One day, the counselor asked her what she thought was going to happen. My wife said she feared that we would get caught in the snow storm, have to huddle together and end up screwing!

She read this article, told me to read it and then got up at 5 AM in the morning to grill me, asking if I was cheating. I agree with something else I read on this blog. Over the past several years, all the questioning about cheating, the name calling in front of my kids, insinuations, and ungratefulness has worn me out. Although I am lonely, and long for someone to talk to about my dreams, wins, highs and lows, I am committed to not cheating on my wife. Why? It is a choice. No matter what she does to me, I still need to choose to faithfulness. I told my wife one day that I choose not to cheat because the Bible says so and she said it wasn???t a good reason. I told her some days, I choose not to cheat for love, others because it is wrong, some days because I just don't to want to give her the satisfaction. My dad hasn't helped my situation either. He cheated on my mom. My wife has told me that I am just like him. I told her, no matter what my dad has done, right or wrong, I still have a choice to what I do. She questions, calls, etc. I am worn out, but committed to my marriage. It will work out for me because I chose faith

I am at redsoils@hotmail.com

redsoils@hotmail.com