How To Keep Him From Cheating

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  • Posted By: nogolfer @ 10/06/2008 4:29:34 PM

    This is pure nonsense. Women are not responsible for, NOR CAN THEY INFLUENCE the personality disorder of their partner. Lying and cheating are an indication not of problems in a marriage , but rather an underlying personality disorder in the cheating partner. (note comment by Causwalt as example) Adopt a no-tolerance policy, do some research on sociopathy, get far away from him . Self protection is the only thing that works.

    • Posted By: causwalt @ 10/06/2008 4:40:33 PM

      nogolfer, i can't really tell if your tryin to disagree or agree. because my whole point is that if you don't like him. leave. instead of being miserable forever.

  • Posted By: Mstoughlove @ 10/06/2008 12:47:48 PM

    Advice for the ladies: If being cheated on is a big concern for you, stick with a man who you feel is incapable of cheating and who worships you, he may not be the sexiest man alive and be annoying at times or even suck in bed, but this is the safest bet for you. Most attractive or confident or wealthy or sexually skillful etc. (or all of the above) men know they possess these desirable qualities and will be in demand from many ladies. If you are attracted to these types of men and want their companionship or genes... you run an increased risk of being treated like crap or cheated on. This is the way it is and always will be! Its not pleasant but its part of life, so get use to it or stay out the dating game! You just have to realize that you moe often than not have to settle for Mr. Right and Mr. Right will never be "All of the above" because if he is, then you are at risk.

    • Posted By: grayhaven12 @ 10/06/2008 4:40:25 PM

      Don't marry someone because a statistic says they won't cheat on you because they're not as handsome, etc. Statistics are not thee for you to live your life by.

      To the people who argue that woman is essential evil based on God's word, please refer back to gensis. When When god was done making all the plants, all the animals, he made Adam, who was supposed to be his crowning glory, right? But god looked at him, and he though, no, this is not right, something is missing- and so he brought woman into the world.

      For the men who argue that having sex with as many women as possible is in your nature: In the same way you don't give a Sh*t about the way i feel about being cheated on, i don't give a sh*t about your "primal instincts." Women are not so different if you want to argue that- we see a man, think he'd be good in bed, or in this case make good children- and yet women cheat far less than men overall.

      Cheating is wrong on either the mens' or the womens' side, and there is no way to justify it.

    • Posted By: deviousdave @ 10/06/2008 1:19:12 PM

      Anyone is capable of cheating

      • Posted By: Mstoughlove @ 10/06/2008 2:34:10 PM

        its about statistics and likelihood not capabilities. Would you rather flip a coin or play the lottery to win?

      • Posted By: dg2003_7 @ 10/06/2008 1:53:39 PM

        Wow, this is sooo not true. I went the route of marrying the "Not so goodlooking" and still because of his insecurities could not stay faithful. He wasnt good in bed, he wasnt good looking but had a great heart when i married him. So...now we are divorced and I'm dating the opposite. Good looking, successful...he still has insecurities, he still is capable of cheating as he's already been busted flirting with a girl. So...Your theory goes out the window. All men can cheat as well as women do....Its basically going to boil down to character and what they stand for. Unfortunately you dont get to see someone's true colors until they are tested in life....so there are absolutely no guarantees but settling for the "Not so goodlooking"...please...

        • Posted By: Mstoughlove @ 10/06/2008 2:22:31 PM

          I never said it was guaranteed that unattractive men wont cheat on you, I'm only saying that less attractive men tend to cheat less than more attractive ones... simply because they are less desirable and have less women chasing them. Anyone can buy a prostitute if they really want some sex.

  • Posted By: kraker @ 10/06/2008 4:33:42 PM

    this is some of the mind set that is still destroying this country from the inside out. the fact is that in todays american society it is more the wife than the husband who will be more apt to cheat. with the images of women on the internet, in music videos, portaits of the fefale in the average sitcom women are being taught that by using thier bodies instead of thier minds they can get and do what ever they want and who will stop them after all is it not over stated that what a woman does with her body is her business. i feel that in this culture no wonder men cheat anymore it is not because they are not getting what they need at home it is more and more because if all women are portrayed as whores then i might as well. since after all as the song goes you can't make a ho a housewife.

  • Posted By: mmellamel @ 10/06/2008 4:33:05 PM

    WOW, I'm sure that snooping around ur husbands e-mails, checking his call records and using a tracking device to monitor his whereabouts without his permission is a bit extreme. What if he did that to U? Would U feel invaded? I believe that if a faithful woman believes her husband is cheating then he most likely is. If one does employ these methods and discovers he is or isn't then what? Divorce? or a deep feeling of low for not trusting him in the first place. Sounds like a lose lose situation. If he wont level with U, or even after he does U believe he's lying then u've got more problems with ur relationship then ur admitting. Although these methods would prove for powerful evidence in divorce court!

  • Posted By: wals8170 @ 10/06/2008 4:31:58 PM

    This article made a lot of sense for me. Sometimes I just want to walk out because I'm so sick of busting my a55 from the second i wake up to the second I get into bed and it still not being enough. The only feedback I get out of my relationship is what I do wrong. I could spend a 15 hour day fixing the house and the only thanks I get is a complaint about something else I neglected to do. It gets so frustrating that you get to the point you want to throw your hands up and say phck it. When you get that at home and then get the red carpet rolled out for you by females outside of your relationship, it makes it difficult to justify subjecting yourself to the negative treatment.

  • Posted By: mgbaker @ 10/06/2008 4:09:47 PM

    I agree with a lot of what you say about appreciation. A lot of us don???t understand that a little appreciation goes a long way. It is the main principle; which promotes positive response in any relationship. To maintain a healthy relationship, continuous effort has to be put in on both sides. In the beginning of all relationship, it is easy to put bondless amounts of energy to show how much we appreciate the one that we have fallen in love with. (How time flies when we are having fun.) Unfortunately, as time pass; we start to take the fact, that some one has granted us the gift, of being a significant part of their life, for granted. The love is not any less. It is just very easy when you are not mindful of how delicate and fragile people egos are when it comes to commitment. Often times with out even giving it a second thought, we get into a routine; eventually become complacent and without even realizing it; stop showing appreciation toward the love of our life. That process in it self, starting from humble begins and manifesting itself more aggressively over time. If we find it hard to give 100% of appreciation everyday, then we must come to terms with the fact that we don???t love our life partners.. Lust perhaps! Temporary insanity maybe! But definitely not love.

  • Posted By: cadypink @ 10/06/2008 4:07:35 PM

    This is a sad day for marriages when a man writes a book making women feel once agian it is her fault!

  • Posted By: lmanning101 @ 10/04/2008 6:47:54 AM

    There is a grown up concept called personal responsibility. I would be interested in knowing the stats for this study on how many men actually tried to connect with their existing relationships before moving into another relationship. But really, isnt the grown up thinhg to do if you are considering an affair is to get out of the relationship you are in? People cheat because they dont think they will get caught. It is only when they get caught that they try to put a rational face on the immorality of the act. If you want to stp out, step all the way out. Don't put your wife or husband through you lack of personal responsibility. Cheering him or her on is a bandaid.

    • Posted By: cadypink @ 10/06/2008 4:04:55 PM

      Enter Your Comment I agree with you 100%

    • Posted By: bukwyld24 @ 10/04/2008 7:09:12 AM

      I think you're right about personal responsibility, but people don't cheat because they don't want to get caught. People cheat because they want to be appreciated, even if it is short-lived instant gratification. This article touches on pre and post-affair situations. If you feel unappreciated If a person is thinking about cheating, you don't divorce your spouse at that moment. Instead you should talk it over with your spouse. Also if a person has thought about cheating, in their mind it has gone beyond the point of just talking it over. You don't cheat the day after your honeymoon, because the relationship is still new exciting. You typically cheat after years of not being appreciated or paid attention to.

  • Posted By: thelordsgirl7 @ 10/06/2008 3:10:24 PM

    My last bitd and they are for you girls. You are not held responsibile for another's sins, just your own. You are held responsible if you cause another to sin, egging him on, being vengous, dressing immodestly, enticing or making him feel mistrusted, disrespected etc. Cheating is a hard and painful thing, I know, try your best to forgive. You'll know you have forgiven him when you stop wishing ill of him, pray about it, over your marriages and for him. It's a painful thing and the Lord knows all about betrayal. Women do a lot, you are not supposed to be in a relationship to prevent him but to honor, love and respect him. Don't put more on yourselves than you need to. Taking care of a home, children, your man and work is enough in itself. I am sorry for those who have been hurt and I pray yu will find healing and comfort. All men, all people, this whole world will always fail you, don;t cling too tightly, keep the Lord first. He'll never let you down. Love you guys, God bless you and your marriages!

    • Posted By: jjustmee @ 10/06/2008 3:59:36 PM

      Exactly! It is no one's fault someone cheats except the cheater. If you are not happy, get a divorce and then go be with someone else. Men have been blaming women for their faults from the beginning of time!
      " It was the woman you gave me God, she MADE me eat teh apple. She shoved it down my throat!'
      Genesis (paraphrased) ;O)

    • Posted By: jjustmee @ 10/06/2008 3:56:26 PM

      Exactly! It is not anyone's fault someone cheats except the cheater. If they are not happy, get a divorce and be honest about it.

  • Posted By: troisaime @ 10/06/2008 3:59:04 PM

    Good night...I agree this has caused an uproar but this is just one person's perspective on the topic, even if it is the male perspective. BUT, for one to suggest to a modern woman in the year 2008 that the answers lie solely in us to "Give to him sexually, Take care of the home and children, Do special things for him, Be interested in him, Allow him to be a leader, and Give him some space and time with his friends with trust, Compliment and encourage him to be the best he can be" or to suggest, biblical beliefs or not, that we will be held responsible, if in fact I DON'T do some or all of these things and HE still cheats, just echoes that you are walking on another planet all together. With all due respect, I don't for one second think God will hold me responsible if I decide that I don't want to speak to him one weekend and exactly feel like helping him "be all he can be" when he hasn't lifted a finger around the house all month...whether he's cheated or not. This sounds like Ladies Home Journal advice in 1950, but it's a partnership, 50/50 walking here on terra firma in the year 2008 and everyone has to pitch in and do their part to get the job done.

  • Posted By: bluebunnylemars @ 10/04/2008 3:15:56 PM

    Jesus is the answer to this problem.We need to pray together as a family. A family that prays together will stay together. Amen

    • Posted By: fireinbloom @ 10/04/2008 3:37:57 PM

      Okay, I'm with you here. But let's not forget that Christians aren't perfect. They cheat too. We can't give the world the impression that we're above that. That would not be correct.

      • Posted By: makeawish @ 10/06/2008 3:57:42 PM

        OK. My wife spends about 90% of her free time and energy devoted to church activities, and I'm left alone alot.
        Jesus can be taken a little too far also, and I'm left in the awkward position of resenting the church for it. Who
        am I to compete with God?

  • Posted By: PROTOTYPE_0 @ 10/06/2008 3:32:33 PM

    There is always going to be someone younger, hotter, sexier, but that doesn't mean you have to cheat. Communication and paying attention to the little things as well as being considerate and understanding with your partner can keep the fire burning forever. I simply do not accept that cheating is "inevitable" nor do I accept the notion that there is nothing that can be done about it. As has been said here, communicating openly about everything is the key to being on the same page with your partner. Also, it helps to not spend time alone with a friend who is of the opposite sex, thereby insuring that you aren't in a situation that could tempt you. I don't think it's appropriate for people in a relationship to be spending any time alone with a friend of the opposite sex. That looks bad to the other partner and puts one in a position to be tempted at weak moments, such as after an argument with your partner.

    • Posted By: cadypink @ 10/06/2008 3:57:18 PM

      Enter Your Comment I agree

    • Posted By: Mstoughlove @ 10/06/2008 3:55:43 PM

      The question is: As a man, do you ever have the desire to be with another woman. Key word being DESIRE. Having a desire and resisting the desire are two different things. Having the desire is the root of the problem fighting is a noble and commendable act, but it doesnt change fundamentally who you are or what you feel inside. Similarly taking an Advil may make a headeache go away but it doesn't treat the underlying cause of the headache. I beleive men who resist the urge to cheat make a concious effort to do so and the ones who don't simple act on what they feel inside and dont care about how it affects their partners. It would be nice to invent an anti-cheating pill that men could pop whenever they see another woman who is desirable to them.

  • Posted By: Finallyrealized @ 10/06/2008 3:57:12 PM

    I like how this guy says it's not the wifes fault but ....... What a typical guy! Are wives perfect, no. But I see a lot of wives like myself who appreciate, respect, love, and do everything they can for a marriage and get crapped on. When does a husband give praise for all a wife does? We work 24/7 with or without kids (and you know he's the biggest toddler of all!) at home or in an office. Most of the time both. Men are absolutely worthless!
    he in the end and if you don't reward him he'll go look for it elsewhere

  • Posted By: ddinardo @ 10/04/2008 6:28:04 PM

    People and Mr. Neuman,

    This is NOT a gender issue. It is a character issue.

  • Posted By: cadypink @ 10/06/2008 3:56:53 PM

    Everyday we make decsions to do what we watn to do with our lives this applies to marriages as well. I am sick and tired of men and women telling the wife that once agin somehow someway it is her fault! That is bullSh_t! Men need to grow up and women should stop pacifying them hoping this will not make them cheat. You make a descion to cheat you can also make a descion to be faithful being a rabbi doesn't give you the final word! it is all about the descions we make everyday to God to our spouses and to our communities! and to the firefighters that cheated on their spouses because their buddy died "shame on you and shame on those women"

  • Posted By: thelordsgirl7 @ 10/06/2008 2:48:29 PM

    Girls, there are many things you can do, but they need to start with you. They are never guarantees but in the long run you will have peace you were the best you could be for him. Love is not a feeling forever, it becomes a choice and a commitment to be with that person for life. Here are some tried and true things you can do. When a situation is rocky or bad the best thing is not to change the other person but to change yourself.
    - Prayer
    -Respect
    - Forgiveness
    - Give to him sexually
    -Take care of the home and children
    - Do special things for him
    - Be interested in him
    - Allow him to be a leader
    - Give him some space and time with his friends with trust
    -Compliment and encourage him to be the best he can be

    These are biblical principals to live by. The best way to help a situation is to help it any way you can. Any good man needs these things and will respond. If he has any issues like addiction to porn etc. pray for him. Dress modestly because if he looks at other women and you feel badly about yourself, think about the woman and her feelings if you dress that way and her husband looks. Be a good woman, be a light to him. This will not fail if you endure. Love and God bless ladies!

    • Posted By: cadypink @ 10/06/2008 3:50:19 PM

      I did all of this and more! Guess what he still cheated again and again!!! You know why!? Because he saud I would never leave him. I did!!! I am so HAPPY!!!

    • Posted By: RhiannonSawhney @ 10/06/2008 3:00:47 PM

      I take issue with it all falling on the woman. What about the man's responsibility? And what's the deal about dressing modestly? The man is still going to look at other women. You will just be cloistered off and not get any appreciation from him or other men, who will look anyway. If you endure, this will make you miserable and give him more freedom to be unfaithful. I say decide if you are going to forgive him, but then make sure he is willing to work at it too, or the relationship is inauthentic, one-sided, and doomed.

      Best of luck to you,
      Rhiannon

  • Posted By: winkimoe @ 10/06/2008 3:05:04 PM

    My husband of 24 years has plenty of spare time to watch the baseball, football, movies but has no spare time to spend quality time with me. I have become a roomate and I am not very happy about it. Why does the woman always have to put her marriage back in place? In my case, my husband has forgot how to romance me and make me feel like a woman. After twenty four years, I am quiet in my thoughts but my actions speak louder than words. I am burned out and I am ignoring him just the way he ignores me. On my anniversary, there was no card, no flowers.....and my feelings are hurt. I have begun to realize that I deserve more than this and I am no longer willing to be the loving wife....because I do not have a loving husband....Since my anniversary there have been no intimacy between my and my husband and he is now the offended party.

    I am lonely...no longer willing to be his doormat. I try my best to be nice and I prepare dinner every night. I have been sitting back not saying anything just to see how far my husband is going to go with this. I have no plans of trying to make up. I feel that I have been ignored for a long time....I am contemplating divorcing him.
    Do I love him? Yes..I do but you can still love a person and not have to put up with their passive personality. The question is? Does he love me? If he does, he sure does not act like it. He has not done one thing to make up with me, although he has has plenty of opportunities.

    thank you, Rebecca

    • Posted By: afrocouscous @ 10/06/2008 3:39:34 PM

      Rebecca, you've been a good wife and I applaud your devotion. 24 years is a long time to give up though so give it your very best to keep the marriage alive. Sounds to me like he's complacent and passive. He needs to know that that's not acceptable. Pray to God first, then talk with him. He may not even know how you really feel. And if he does, he may not take it seriously. Tell him just how serious you are - he's looking at a woman whom he promised to love and he's not acting it out. Tell him that. But tell him in a mature, calm, serious, kind way. Respect the guy and don't let anger or bitterness have a place in the conversation. This is about change and progress - be careful not to let negative emotions hamper progress. Change can happen but he needs to really GET it. Men need to have criticism presented respectfully even when we don't deserve it. It works the other way too, ideally, he should love you when you don't deserve it to bring about a closer relationship though reconciliation. It's going to be a tough conversation so be ready for it. You're going to have to be the better person because he probably won't take it well at first. Continue to respect and be the better person in the face adverse reactions. He'll come around. A man doesn't stay for 24 years if he doesn't love his wife... remember to talk with God before you do it though - most importantly.

  • Posted By: fabrizio @ 10/06/2008 3:30:52 PM

    In the fisrt page something makes sense, the need of feeling appreciated. It's quite reasonable as noone would continue to please someone who doesn't care of you.
    The digression ends with a series of fantascientific nonsense: "a GPS magnet that you can place on his car to see if he's being honest about where he's been". ahahahahahahah


  • Posted By: netty1 @ 10/06/2008 10:36:57 AM

    I think men will use any thing for an excuse. You can show him all the nice gestures in the world and look as beautiful as you possibly can and he'll still stray. The fact is, is that men like variety it's in their blood. They can love a woman they have sitting at home but as soon as someone pays them a little attention you can believe they'll be right on it! And their comment would be, " I love you, it's only sex" and we're suppose to accept that, I think not. As soon as you think you can trust him think again. The next piece of bootie is right around the corner.

    • Posted By: dreamlover17 @ 10/06/2008 3:24:10 PM

      I agree with you 100 percent. It's about variety. Once he has had sex with you, he will want something new or as you said, if some young hot things flirts with him, he will want to have sex with her. It's something new. It's a challenge.

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