Becoming A Bully Magnet
Why some kids grow up to be targets.
Every parent wants to know the secret to school happiness: why is one kid well liked while another gets picked on? There's no recipe for social success among first graders. But a new study published this week in the Archives of General Psychiatry reveals some intriguing clues about why certain children land in the dreaded world of what science calls "peer victimization." One key finding: they're more likely to be aggressive early on in life. That may sound counterintuitive, but it's not surprising to experts in the field, who have known for some time that there's a link between being aggressive and being tormented, which can lead to a host of emotional and social problems. When volatile and angry children act out on their frustrations—smashing a toy after someone takes their ball away—they aren't exactly beloved by their peers. "They're easy marks," says Kenneth Dodge, a psychology professor at Duke University. "You know you can get a rise out of them, you can push their buttons."
Kids who take their wrath out on other kids, as the children did in the study, are also at risk. Their classmates don't like them—and some will eventually make their displeasure known. Prior research has focused largely on school-age kids, around age 4 or 5, and the studies have been relatively small. The new study, which followed 1,970 children in Canada, traces behavior all the way back to toddlerhood. Mothers of 17-month-old children were asked how often their kids hit, bit or kicked other children and how often they fought or bullied their peers. Later, when the kids were between the ages of 3 and 6, the moms reported on how often their kids were made fun of, how often they were hit or pushed and how often they were called names. Their answers showed a link: kids who were aggressive early on in life were more likely to be victimized than non-aggressive kids. "The message is that those negative events do happen in preschool and we can predict them from very early on," says Michel Boivin, a professor of psychology at Université Laval in Quebec and one of the study's authors.
And those negative events lasted beyond the preschool years. Researchers studied the kids until first grade, using teachers as a resource for information. The kids even answered questions about themselves—how often they were called bad names, excluded from groups, pushed or kicked, or teased in a mean way. Aggression in toddlers was, again, associated with harassment in first grade and the researchers found two other risk factors for peer victimization as well: harsh or reactive parenting—anger, shouting and spanking when the kids were fussy—and lower income families.
Behavioral studies aren't easy to do. In an ideal world, scientists would monitor the kids themselves without having to rely on reports from others. But that's logistically and financially unfeasible when the goal is to do a big study over several years. A researcher's observations can change the playing field, too: kids are likely to stop the name-calling when an adult is watching. And, says Gary Ladd, a professor at the School of Social and Family Dynamics at Arizona State University, victimization is a "low base-rate behavior." Translation: "You'd have to follow kids all day long to see a little bit of it," he says. All of this research matters because bullying can destroy a child's self-esteem, especially when the abuse goes on year after year. Victimized kids are at risk for depression, skipping school, physical health problems, alcohol and drug use, and, in rare instances, suicide. "Some kids react to harassment by turning inward, blaming themselves, suffering in silence," says Ladd. "Others get very angry and start fantasizing about how to get revenge." The key is to intervene early—watch the kids and interview their teachers. If early aggressive behavior can be prevented, says Boivin, "we may be able to influence the negative trajectories that follow."
© 2008
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Member Comments
Posted By: ChazakvAmetz @ 11/05/2008 4:49:39 PM
Comment: "Independent One" is right on the mark! You simply cannot negotiate with terrorists, which is what bullies are! You must strike back! Like Independent One, I was also bullied in very similar ways until I gave him a beating he never forgot. Needless to say, he never picked on me again! You do not negotiate with terrorists: you destroy them; you give them such a bad beating, they'll think very hard before acting against you again. Weakness invites aggression, but strength will virtually always be respected. "Diplomacy" with bullies' parents doesn't work 99% of the time, and neither does "diplomacy" with school administrators. The reason the bullied end up gunning down bullies is because they're NOT being protected and supported by those charged with protecting them; these entities, instead of protecting the victim, will instead BLAME the victim. Try diplomacy first, but if that doesn't work, force is the only remaining resort, not lethal force, of course, but force that checks unacceptable behavior.
Posted By: Independant One @ 10/17/2008 2:39:57 PM
Comment: I am so disgusted at the the stupidity of bloggers on this thread. There is virtually NO coment about the real-world ways to handle these situations. And also NO discussion about the differences between the physical attacks that generally constitute male bullying and the emotional/social attacks that accompany typpical female bullying. There is a difference people. The idea of "Oh, just be nice to them.......just ignore them.....tell them how you feel...blah blah...." THIS DOESN'T WORK!!! Now, I can only give a male pespective on this, maybe this works better with girls, I dont know.
I sent much of my childhood being physically abused by many other kids. I grew up in a rough neighborhood. I was your typical shy, over-sensitive, intelligent happy-go-lucky type that quickly became a target for the other kids...starting from kindergarten. We tried the ignoring, my parents wrote letters to the school, they tried talking to the parents of the other kids (waste of time), etc. The ONLY that worked was finally enrolling in tae kwon do classes. It built up my self-esteem, gave me confidence, and also gave me something to dwell on besides my unhappiness.
You want to stop the bullies? STOP BEING A TARGET!!! They hit you, you hit them back ten times. Fight back, and they'l stop. Fight hard enough, they'll tell their friends about it, who will stop as well. If they can't get the best of you, they won't target you!! I seriously don't condone violence, but the rules of the playground are far different than the stupid philosophical ideas of soccer moms who have no idea how to truly prevent bullies from harming your child.
One time some of the neighborhood kids came after me on the street as I was walking home from school. I was surrounded by 4-5 kids...and had no friends around to help. They started shoving me......so I threw a punch that landed square in this kids face. He bled immediately. I hit another, and possibly a third. The other kids backed off so I continued striking the first kid. I hit him so hard his face started to swell within seconds. I kept punching him until a neighbor's dad came and peeled me off him. Believe me, I was just as upset as the bully, but after that day he never came back at me again. Neither did the others boys in that group.
My own son is now 2, and as soon as allowed I'm enrolling him into martial arts classes. I'll be damned if I let my son suffer that experience that has scarred me. The bottom line is...I won't ever let my son start a fight......but at least he'll know how to finish one!!
Posted By: midgeb605 @ 10/16/2008 2:09:57 PM
Comment: How are your children ever going to be able to survive in the real world? Being sheltered in your home is not going to allow them to grow up and live in the real world with all of those awful people that went to public schools. Then what are you going to do, hide them away in your basement as adults, while you continue to take care of your babies?