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Becoming A Bully Magnet

Why some kids grow up to be targets.

By Claudia Kalb | NEWSWEEK
Published Oct 7, 2008

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  • Posted By: ChazakvAmetz @ 11/05/2008 4:49:39 PM

    Comment: "Independent One" is right on the mark! You simply cannot negotiate with terrorists, which is what bullies are! You must strike back! Like Independent One, I was also bullied in very similar ways until I gave him a beating he never forgot. Needless to say, he never picked on me again! You do not negotiate with terrorists: you destroy them; you give them such a bad beating, they'll think very hard before acting against you again. Weakness invites aggression, but strength will virtually always be respected. "Diplomacy" with bullies' parents doesn't work 99% of the time, and neither does "diplomacy" with school administrators. The reason the bullied end up gunning down bullies is because they're NOT being protected and supported by those charged with protecting them; these entities, instead of protecting the victim, will instead BLAME the victim. Try diplomacy first, but if that doesn't work, force is the only remaining resort, not lethal force, of course, but force that checks unacceptable behavior.

  • Posted By: Independant One @ 10/17/2008 2:39:57 PM

    Comment: I am so disgusted at the the stupidity of bloggers on this thread. There is virtually NO coment about the real-world ways to handle these situations. And also NO discussion about the differences between the physical attacks that generally constitute male bullying and the emotional/social attacks that accompany typpical female bullying. There is a difference people. The idea of "Oh, just be nice to them.......just ignore them.....tell them how you feel...blah blah...." THIS DOESN'T WORK!!! Now, I can only give a male pespective on this, maybe this works better with girls, I dont know.
    I sent much of my childhood being physically abused by many other kids. I grew up in a rough neighborhood. I was your typical shy, over-sensitive, intelligent happy-go-lucky type that quickly became a target for the other kids...starting from kindergarten. We tried the ignoring, my parents wrote letters to the school, they tried talking to the parents of the other kids (waste of time), etc. The ONLY that worked was finally enrolling in tae kwon do classes. It built up my self-esteem, gave me confidence, and also gave me something to dwell on besides my unhappiness.
    You want to stop the bullies? STOP BEING A TARGET!!! They hit you, you hit them back ten times. Fight back, and they'l stop. Fight hard enough, they'll tell their friends about it, who will stop as well. If they can't get the best of you, they won't target you!! I seriously don't condone violence, but the rules of the playground are far different than the stupid philosophical ideas of soccer moms who have no idea how to truly prevent bullies from harming your child.
    One time some of the neighborhood kids came after me on the street as I was walking home from school. I was surrounded by 4-5 kids...and had no friends around to help. They started shoving me......so I threw a punch that landed square in this kids face. He bled immediately. I hit another, and possibly a third. The other kids backed off so I continued striking the first kid. I hit him so hard his face started to swell within seconds. I kept punching him until a neighbor's dad came and peeled me off him. Believe me, I was just as upset as the bully, but after that day he never came back at me again. Neither did the others boys in that group.
    My own son is now 2, and as soon as allowed I'm enrolling him into martial arts classes. I'll be damned if I let my son suffer that experience that has scarred me. The bottom line is...I won't ever let my son start a fight......but at least he'll know how to finish one!!

  • Posted By: tinkerbell1073 @ 10/15/2008 2:15:38 AM

    Comment: There are so many bad things going on in this day and time in our public schools. Our children just have too much stress to have to deal with and it's not right. I have two children in school but I have them in homeschool where they don't have all this junk to deal with. The pressure these kids deal with in school is just not needed. Homeschool is wonderful and I just don't understand why anyone would be willing to send their children out into this evil public school system.

    • Posted By: midgeb605 @ 10/16/2008 2:09:57 PM

      Comment: How are your children ever going to be able to survive in the real world? Being sheltered in your home is not going to allow them to grow up and live in the real world with all of those awful people that went to public schools. Then what are you going to do, hide them away in your basement as adults, while you continue to take care of your babies?

  • Posted By: sandieblue @ 10/13/2008 11:09:50 AM

    Comment: nozyuccamtn: think they should ask you to write a front page article. it would be a lot more helpful for the thousands of kids who are in pain because of bullying...sandie

  • Posted By: no2yuccamtn @ 10/12/2008 5:26:43 PM

    Comment: Children who act out aggressively in public are also possibly the victims of bullying by siblings with the cooperation of parents. If parents are angry & abusive to each other and/or to their children or they are absent or inattentive, then older children may use any means they can to control the younger siblings, including force and bullying. Poor parenting skills can be passed along early on. Until women begin to appreciate that having children is a great LUXURY that not everyone can afford or manage, the problems associated with bullying aren't going to diminish. Teaching parenting skills, including family planning, in the schools might be a good way to start modifying behavior on a large enough scale to produce positive results for society as a whole.

  • Posted By: sandieblue @ 10/12/2008 1:55:36 PM

    Comment: Comment: response to sparkly's comment: "The single point to take away here is that aggression disturbs the social process, and that opens ways for more aggression to be done on exposed targets"...to say that too many do not understand the article is to put the responsibility on the reader and not the writer. for so many to supposedly misinterpret the main point of the article would say to me that the writer needs to clarify his main

























































































    point.. i agree that he is not justifying bullying but his basic premise is not true. there are many reasons for




















    bullying: some victims who are bullied are taught not to fight back. group bullying frequently occurs because of a power struggle and jealousy within peer groups.

  • Posted By: sandieblue @ 10/12/2008 1:43:22 PM

    Comment: response to this comment: The single point to take away here is that aggression disturbs the social process, and that opens ways for more aggression to be done on exposed targets. 1.to say that too many do not understand the article is to put the responsibility on the reader and not the writer...for so many to supposedly
    misinterpret the main point of the article would say to me that the writer needs to clarify his main point..

  • Posted By: sparkly @ 10/12/2008 1:03:39 AM

    Comment: Seems too many here dont' actually understand the article. The main point is that individuals ostracized from normal social groups early on, and in this study from their own aggressive behaviors, are those later ostracized from normal social groups and then most exposed to the bullying behavior from others who are violent at later times. There is no statement that that bully won't later be subjected to it as well, since their behavior matches the pattern established here. There is no statement that early aggression is justification for being subjected to later aggression from others. The single point to take away here is that aggression disturbs the social process, and that opens ways for more aggression to be done on exposed targets.

  • Posted By: toolips @ 10/12/2008 12:38:01 AM

    Comment: After reading some of the other comments to this article, and relising they are almost all based on personal exspiriances, I have started to wonder about the root cause of the reserch. Were the creators of this theory bullied, or bullies....ie guilty or angry or no longer wishing to feel dominated; something like "well i got them first last or better. Sorry about th e spelling, I have dexleksia please don't pick on me for it though .

  • Posted By: toolips @ 10/12/2008 12:03:30 AM

    Comment: This may be true some of the time, however I've noticed that alot of bulliing stems from jelosy, also some bullies want to gather more attention on themselves, so they make noise.The noise that can frequintly get the desired attention,is" look at so and so they combed their hair different than mine." As well it is not uncommen that when the bullied child fights back, especially if ebaressing the bully, thay then become idolised for how ever short of time,(usally until the news of the event dies down) than if they want to keep their new admirers, it's what ever new to impress.Given the premise of this article no new kid would ever get picked on. I do belive that children who are intimidated at home are likely to be bullied at school, but i dobt blamming them will help anyone.

  • Posted By: sandieblue @ 10/11/2008 5:33:53 PM

    Comment: i believe in freedom of speech but the ramification of "research" stating such findings sets back the cause
    of those who are being victimized by bullying. research has it's place but we are talking about putting legitimate findings out there in the public that will help the victims not hurt them. i have worked in the field of bully prevention for many years and the findings are just not accurate!...s

  • Posted By: raindancer0418 @ 10/11/2008 5:30:44 PM

    Comment: This article is interesting and thought provoking but naturally it is very generalized. You can't say that every kid who is vicitmized or bullied had aggressive behaviors as a 5 yr old. There may be some correlation, but to make the blanket statement that these are the only type kids who are bullied is a mistake. Bullying comes in many shapes and forms. My child has anxiety. When he is feeling very stressed in a social situation, he sometimes has tics.. those compulsive behaviors immediately make him a target-- and we're talking 5th grade when bullying is at its worst with all of the prepubescent angst rolling around the classroom. I think that research is well and fine, but I would be more interested in having funding put towards programs that help children cope and learn social skills- in all age groups. Those groups are very rare and very expensive and RARELY covered by insurance. School guidance counseling groups by lack of sufficient staff (1 per school usually)..are usually ineffective as there is no concentrated help. Once biweekly just doesn't help much.

    I think that it is important to address this to make parents (and educators) understand that reactive parenting/teaching and shouting can do enormous amounts of damage to a child. If caught early..great, you saved a child. BUT I also think it is important to address kids who are already there.. who could've gotten there many ways other that just reactive parenting, shouting and spanking. In our case, it was a series of moves over 2 yr period and the birth of a 2nd child with some special needs that seemed to turn him from a fairly well adjusted and semi spoiled joy of a child to a nail biting nervous wreck. And then the bullying he received at school has pushed him into being a very isolated child now at age 11. I would be interested in an article with advice on dealing with THAT.

  • Posted By: carnelujai @ 10/11/2008 10:43:09 AM

    Comment: This is the stupidiest article I have ever read, it makes no sense, newsflash the bullies are ALWAYS the most aggressive kids, the ones that get picked on are the shy quiet ones and the nerdy types, never the aggressive ones....go live in the real world and look for a new occupation, obviously research is not one of your talents.....

  • Posted By: CZMD @ 10/11/2008 3:13:14 AM

    Comment: 11235813--

    This is a free country, and anyone can start a blog. Anyone can post a comment on a comments thread. Anyone can write a letter to the editor of a newspaper. If you so wish you can even stand on the street corner or under the statue in the city park and shout your ideas at the top of your lungs. But this does not mean every opinion is as relevant as any other.

    Do you believe that when a difficult military mission needs to be undertaken that just any group of volunteers should be sent, or do you think that the elite troops, who have trained under difficult conditions for years should be sent? When the Olympics roll around, do you think that we should randomly pick people regardless of their atheletic skills and send them to compete, or do you want the best? If you require surgery, are you going to pick someone off the street, go to a veterinarian, or seek out the most skilled doctor you can find?

    I think your ideas are a product of too many years the U.S. educational technique-- practiced far too frequently-- where all the desks get pushed together in a big circle, everyone shares their thoughts, and no one is right or wrong. Such tactics are useful some of the time, but not all of the time. There are such things as scientific facts. There are such things as names and dates which signify when important things occurred and who
    participated in them. It may be fair to allow everyone to have his/her say, but not everyone's say is equally valid. There are intellectual elites, just as there are atheletic elites, medical elites, and military elites. This is a fact of life. All things in this world are not equal-- just ask the slow antelope and the hungry lion. Winning and losing are not relative things, except in those circles of desks that some teachers use in their classrooms.

  • Posted By: 11235813 @ 10/10/2008 11:43:16 PM

    Comment: As far as anyone getting more air time than anyone else. I think that the citizens of America, being the republic that it is, should post their opinions young and old. From a blog to a college there should not be limitation as to who's ideas are more or less acceptable. Everyone from age 0 - dead, Philosophers, gangsters, and profesionals should be able to show their opinion because the day we let one thinking method overrule the rest is the day we lose independent varification on our thinking. What prooves logic? emotion? common sense? No one prooved or disprooved any thinking method, so let us not be too snobby in our acceptance of who gets the soap box. Personally, I would LOVE to hear a kindergarden teacher's opinion in this blog. I would LOVE to hear an economist's opinion on bullying. Please post whoever you are.

  • Posted By: 11235813 @ 10/10/2008 11:32:51 PM

    Comment: We don't need simply researchers or kindergarden teachers to have prime time. We need both. We also need more commenters to express their opinion as well as "professionals opinions" America is a republic where we are supposed to be educated and trained to ALL HAVE A LOGICAL OPINION.

    I myself was a little bit bullied. At least socially/emotionally neglegted in high school. But I say no ones oppinion should be suppressed. Teachers, Psychologists, and ordinary people from age 0 - dead should express their oppinion because if we reject the oppinion of "those not logical enough" or "those without common sense" or "those without the right emotional thinking" then the country we live in is dominated by one group who subjects the rest to think and express a certain way. Today we are under the fetters of logic and political correctness. Yet, we cannot be truely logical or scientific unless we have independent varification from inside and outside logic.

  • Posted By: CZMD @ 10/10/2008 11:12:19 PM

    Comment: Dreaming_Of_Normal ,

    I have a very good friend who has high-functioning Asperger's. When I met him, I thought he was very rude, because he had poor social skills. When he would show up, others would just leave. I felt sorry for him, and became his friend. I did not even know what Asperger's was then, and neither did he. But I just worked with him, and was even sometimes probably mean to him, and sometimes he got mad at me and went home,

    He began to try to work on controlling his "interupting", and to try to pay attention to other peoples' eyes and mouths and body postures-- places that show emotions and feelings very clearly. Even today, after more than twenty years, sometimes he forgets, starts talking about different things, changing the subject, and upsets people. But he is much better now, and no one ever says anything bad about him like they did back then. When he meets new people, they are much more able to accept him as a person.

    You may be dreaming of normal, but I think you are more normal than you think. You are obviously very intelligent. Your comment was very well-written, and really made me sad. It is terrible how some people treat each other-- especially young people. Try to find some books on facial expression and body language at the library. Study and learn about facial expressions and body language. It is just like driving a car-- when you see a red light, it is time to stop. There are facial expressions which people use to tell another person to stop. There is body language that tells people to stop too. And there are facial expressions and body language that tells you to "keep acting like you are acting-- it's OK" as well-- like a green light. Others might not be as easy to figure out-- kind of like a yellow light-- and those are going to be the hard ones.

    Good luck. Don't give up. Don't be unhappy. High school does not last forever. Before you know it this will all be a distant memory. You will go to college and be very successful, because you are very intelligent. Believe me, I know. Take care.

  • Posted By: sandieblue @ 10/10/2008 9:32:13 PM

    Comment: wonder if this guy has ever worked in the schools with kids who are bullied? very sad that he gets front page coverage rather than professionals who work with kids and are in the know...it is an indictment on our media as well as the researcher....sandie

  • Posted By: sandieblue @ 10/10/2008 9:29:56 PM

    Comment: wonder if this guy has ever worked int he schools with bullies and victims of bullying???? sad to sad that a researcher gets more prime time than professionals who have real life experience with kids....sandie

  • Posted By: Dreaming_Of_Normal @ 10/10/2008 9:14:30 PM

    Comment: We teenagers who have Asperger's Syndrome have poor social skills. I'm a 16 year old girl who has poor social sklls, because I have Asperger's. No one has bothered to try and help me understand how to act. Why I should or should not do certin things. I have never been defended by a teacher, except when someone sexually harresed me. It was a painfull experience, and the boy who harrassed me is still around me and teases me. I have childern at school who in my computer class, while I was away, completly messed up my screen. They also were able to convince me that I was going to go to jail for it, and woukld never be able to go to college. They were not punished for it, but I was told to switch computers and to ignore them. I have so many tormenters at school that I see high school as punishment for all the sins I have commetted. My family doesn't understand, and I look to fiction for relief from the horros, which only get's me teased more. Day after day I experince hell on earth and no one does anything about it. I now have anger management problems, and I lose sleep fearing school. I can't look forward to anything involing school, except Theater, and even then I don't get much relief. I have friends but they are people on the internet who have never met me. They don't judge me, and have never hurt me like most of the people I know in real life. This has made me an internet addict. The kids at school I do hang out with never really unclude nme, and when I make social blunders they laugh at me. I was never an aggresive child. Yet I was bullied. I will not be blamed for what others do to me. It is NOT my fault, nor will it ever be.

    • Posted By: PrairieGhost @ 10/11/2008 2:55:18 PM

      Comment: My little brother had Aspergers, and it was tough for him, too... It was also difficult for me in school--many of the things you described are things that happened to me as well, in one form or another. When I'd get up to sharpen my pencil, I'd come back and my things would be gone, or the drawing I'd been working on would be vandalized... Kids are cruel, and they single out anyone who is different. While it's possible that children who are aggressive early on in life end up bullied later on, they are a small portion of those children who suffer such abuse. Many of us are just different--culturally, emotionally, mentally--and other kids sense that.

      • Posted By: no2yuccamtn @ 10/12/2008 6:32:31 PM

        Comment: The gist here and in the preceeding comments seems to lead to the conclusion that humans have a herd mentality in a lot of respects and if one stands outside the herd for any reason then the more aggresive and controlling members of the herd will try to force them back into it. Enlightenment and reasoned discourse is not always the usual social means of children: the more aggressive and controlling members are simply acting from primitive brain stem behaviours and their own insecure needs. Non-conforming individuals and loners are thus more likely to get stampeded by the herd. The best defense is to find a compatible subgroup. Stick together. Remember the words 'We all hang together or we'll all hang seperately"? Forget revenge, find safety in numbers and learn to enjoy life with your friends. Develop a sense of humor and try to be flexible. It gets easier with practice. Don't give up. Stay cool. And if you can't outnumber the bullies, outwit them. Don't cooperate with their scripts.

  • Posted By: Dreaming_Of_Normal @ 10/10/2008 9:13:53 PM

    Comment: We teenagers who have Asperger's Syndrome have poor social skills. I'm a 16 year old girl who has poor social sklls, because I have Asperger's. No one has bothered to try and help me understand how to act. Why I should or should not do certin things. I have never been defended by a teacher, except when someone sexually harresed me. It was a painfull experience, and the boy who harrassed me is still around me and teases me. I have childern at school who in my computer class, while I was away, completly messed up my screen. They also were able to convince me that I was going to go to jail for it, and woukld never be able to go to college. They were not punished for it, but I was told to switch computers and to ignore them. I have so many tormenters at school that I see high school as punishment for all the sins I have commetted. My family doesn't understand, and I look to fiction for relief from the horros, which only get's me teased more. Day after day I experince hell on earth and no one does anything about it. I now have anger management problems, and I lose sleep fearing school. I can't look forward to anything involing school, except Theater, and even then I don't get much relief. I have friends but they are people on the internet who have never met me. They don't judge me, and have never hurt me like most of the people I know in real life. This has made me an internet addict. The kids at school I do hang out with never really unclude nme, and when I make social blunders they laugh at me. I was never an aggresive child. Yet I was bullied. I will not be blamed for what others do to me. It is NOT my fault, nor will it ever be.

  • Posted By: organizer @ 10/10/2008 7:26:30 PM

    Comment: I this this this Prof. Boivin, is full of cow-dung. Instead of trying to "blame the victim" he should just admit that some kids are just *** who pick on other kids. Nothing more, nothing less...Have a good day, Professor.

  • Posted By: Taxpaying Workingman @ 10/10/2008 6:08:58 PM

    Comment: What a crock of crap. I have taught for the last quarter of a century. The biggest vicims, girls or boys, are the shy, quiet, reserved kids. The bullies are the ones who have been abused- then they turn and take it out on kids they perceive as being weaker or kids whom they envy. An entire room of us (veteran teachers) just read this and say- go do some REAL research. Your flimsy data is worthless. Spend some time in the classroom , the playground, etc. You will see a direct correlation between bully parents and bully kids.

  • Posted By: mattddong @ 10/10/2008 4:02:24 PM

    Comment: The article doesnt address some scenarios...my wife was subjected to moving around many times in her childhood. Many kids may not like a newcomer: 'the new kid in town'...moreover, she was a talented youngster and often got parts in musicals and plays. other kids may not like a talented 'superstar' and may act out on them due to jealousy. For example, Christina Aguilera was bullied alot as a child.

  • Posted By: mattddong @ 10/10/2008 4:00:34 PM

    Comment: My wife was bullied in England; she was subjected to moving around many times in her childhood. Many kids may not like a newcomer: 'the new kid in town'...moreover, she was a talented youngster and often got parts in musicals and plays. other kids may not like a talented 'superstar' and may act out on them due to jealousy. For example, Christina Aguilera was bullied alot as a child. The article doesnt address these scenarios.

  • Posted By: RubyBloodDrop @ 10/10/2008 3:57:39 PM

    Comment: Well I don't know if this is 100% true. I mean when I was a little girl I sometimes threw tantrums at home but I only twice hurt someone in school But this was in grade 3 mind you after already being a target and sitting silence for 3 years. So one day I was in a group with my friend nichole and this boy corey. Now nichole was gorgeous and still is to this day and started developing a bit early. So naturally the boys adored her. This didn't bother me too much until I realized that we were supposed doing work as a GROUP and whenever I opene my mouth he told be to be quiet and the just went on smiling at Nichole. So after a few minutes i finally screamed WILL YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME and i scratche his arm so hard he had 4 long red marks going down his arm and he started crying. Another time happened a year later when a boy wouldn't stop teasing me so i took a binder (a light one mind you) and whacked him over the head with it.

    Other than these instances though that were promptly forgot about after a few weeks anyways I was always the quiet shy girl that was basically tortured for no reason. Even in high school I had items thrown at me and people barking at me when I walked down the hallway. My life was a living hell an I truly did nothing to ever deserve it in the first place.

    • Posted By: queen4hart @ 10/10/2008 7:14:52 PM

      Comment: RubyBloodDrop

      People are awful creatures. I'm sorry for your experience. It is the shy, quiet types, or anyone that seems "odd". Usually one in the same person. I had the same experiences although not as bad as yours. Let me just say, the popular bullies ended up pregnant, on drugs or worse at my school. So revenge is sweet and justified. Have you ever seen that movie "There will be blood" I totally identify with daniel's chacter.

  • Posted By: spookoops @ 10/10/2008 2:52:55 PM

    Comment: Intteresting article. I was made fun all throughout elemenary and middle school. I had a rough childhood at home too. Mom and dad were always fighting. The thing i was teased for was because I liked to observe insects, and they used every method to kill them, even burning them with a magnifying glass. Over time, it began to get physical, kicking sand in my face, one student even pinned me down to the ground. Thanks to your article, I found out it wasn't just because I was different, it was also influenced by my tantum like crying. They even continued to taunt me even while the staff was watching, because they didn't do a thing about it. They just watched. The only thing i could do was spit at them, which, I got in trouble for, despite the fact, I wasn't the enemy.

    Later on, in middle school, at Rincon, I was going through a vampire phobia. Some of the kids picked up on it, and used it to their advantage, At first, it was just a game, but when i started believing they wre actually vampires, it grew much worse. One of the girls tried to pin me down and started hising at me and another girl stratched me over the throat.

    Another time, a bunch of boys triedto force me into the boys restroom, to this day at 20, i have no idea why.

    However, there was one time, one rare time in middle school where I faked my emotions. A bunch of kids were calling me names, by this time, I had learned how to ignore the namecalling. A few then came up with an idea, which to my parents sounded quite cruel. They 'forced' me to eat a cookie from the ground. I knew I was daring enough to take on this challenge, though, I did know it was rather unsanitary and well aware that they were using this to prove their own dominance over me. I merely went along with it, pretending to cry, and i actually DID eat the cookie. My parents were very upset with the school for letting this happen, but i knew i wasn't exactly forced to take part in this behavior.

    I'm not made fun of now fortunately. I had much fun reading this article, and happygolooney, I agree. Instead, people these days just seem to speak of the problem, why not something to actually SOLVE the problem?

  • Posted By: spookoops @ 10/10/2008 2:50:07 PM

    Comment: Intteresting article. I was made fun all throughout elemenary and middle school. I had a rough childhood at home too. Mom and dad were always fighting. The thing i was teased for was because I liked to observe insects, and they used every method to kill them, even burning them with a magnifying glass. Over time, it began to get physical, kicking sand in my face, one student even pinned me down to the ground. Thanks to your article, I found out it wasn't just because I was different, it was also influenced by my tantum like crying. They even continued to taunt me even while the staff was watching, because they didn't do a thing about it. They just watched. The only thing i could do was spit at them, which, I got in trouble for, despite the fact, I wasn't the enemy.

    Later on, in middle school, at Rincon, I was going through a vampire phobia. Some of the kids picked up on it, and used it to their advantage, At first, it was just a game, but when i started believing they wre actually vampires, it grew much worse. One of the girls tried to pin me down and started hising at me and another girl stratched me over the throat.

    Another time, a bunch of boys triedto force me into the boys restroom, to this day at 20, i have no idea why.

    However, there was one time, one rare time in middle school where I faked my emotions. A bunch of kids were calling me names, by this time, I had learned how to ignore the namecalling. A few then came up with an idea, which to my parents sounded quite cruel. They 'forced' me to eat a cookie from the ground. I knew I was daring enough to take on this challenge, though, I did know it was rather unsanitary and well aware that they were using this to prove their own dominance over me. I merely went along with it, pretending to cry, and i actually DID eat the cookie. My parents were very upset with the school for letting this happen, but i knew i wasn't exactly forced to take part in this behavior.

    I'm not made fun of now fortunately. I had much fun reading this article!

  • Posted By: Sue R @ 10/10/2008 2:28:53 PM

    Comment: I really don't think being bullied has to do with the aggressiveness of the child, but with the child seeming like a good target.

    I don't know what I was like as a toddler, but I do know as an elementary student I was one of the youngest in my class, had glasses in kindergarten, was chubby, and was very smart. After my mother died when I was 9, the bullying became especially cruel. Other kids thought it was really fun to tell me everything wrong with me, to remind me that my mother was dead, and to make me cry. Nowadays we'd say I had childhood depression. An admistrator at my school became concerned enough to call my dad, and told them I needed help. After I'd been in counseling a while I switched schools, and it helped a lot.

    I've had other family members who seemed like good targets at times, who experienced bullying. My oldest son wasn't an aggressive kid, but was bullied. It did help when I enrolled him in karate. My husband had multiple health problems as a kid, which caused him to pass out a lot, and bullies delighted in making him faint.

    For me, that early pain helped me be more empathetic. But it didn't excuse those bullies.

  • Posted By: happygolooney @ 10/10/2008 2:10:44 PM

    Comment: How about, let us raise our children up not to become bullies? Solve the problem all together.

  • Posted By: harrylyonne @ 10/10/2008 1:15:43 PM

    Comment: I was teased in 7th & 8th grade. I was the new kid in town, spoke with a funny accent living in red neck WI, was smarter (which everyone secretly resented). I use to get beaten up by my classmates once a week. Most of the school administrators either didn't care to find out what was going on, or blamed me for not getting along. The side effect was that I became a bully and am a hostile person 20 years later.

  • Posted By: harrylyonne @ 10/10/2008 1:15:25 PM

    Comment: I was teased in 7th & 8th grade. I was the new kid in town, spoke with a funny accent living in red neck WI, was smarter (which everyone secretly resented). I use to get beaten up by my classmates once a week. Most of the school administrators either didn't care to find out what was going on, or blamed me for not getting along. The side effect was that I became a bully and am a hostile person 20 years later.

  • Posted By: harrylyonne @ 10/10/2008 1:14:03 PM

    Comment: I was teased in 7th & 8th grade. I was the new kid in town, spoke with a funny accent living in red neck WI, was smarter (which everyone secretly resented). I use to get beaten up by my classmates once a week. Most of the school administrators either didn't care to find out what was going on, or blamed me for not getting along. The side effect was that I became a bully and am a hostile person 20 years later.

  • Posted By: nicelady06 @ 10/10/2008 12:19:36 PM

    Comment: i was once bullied in 3rd grade by some new girl in my class. my mom said i was to nice. but yet at the same time i was taught fighting solves nothing. what i'm trying to say is sometimes bullies just want a friend; because in my case after i played with her for just 10 minutes up untill today me and her are friends.

  • Posted By: OneToTalk @ 10/10/2008 12:10:42 PM

    Comment: One thing I noticed about this article is that it mentioned a correlation between bullies and agressive or low-income families. I wonder how much of this is also culture clash. In the area that I live in, most of the lower income families are hispanic. Hispanic people have a different social structure. One of the accepted pass-times is teasing. It is quite common for family and friends to tease eachother about everything. It's supposed to be fun for everyone, including those who are getting teased. Everyone has a good laugh. They teach you to be okay with your flaws by bringing them out into the open from a very early age. If your eyes are close together, or you walk funny, or you don't shower enough, talk funny, you will know it and be forced to accept it. It is your responsibility to know when something is not okay to joke about.

    For example, I love to tease one of my friends about having a gay house mate. I know he's not gay, but he's single and it's a great excuse. I tease him about being overweight, and he can't dance. He makes fun of me for being flat chested, taking forever to graduate from school, and having lame boyfriends. But we know what we should not mention and we know to say something when someone hits a nerve. We have to be responsible for our own feelings.

    Growing up with this way has shown me that the bad things in life that you can't change can be relieved with humor. People make jokes about bad politics, natural disasters, their own short-comings, etc. Our comedians do this for a living and people accept it.

    However, when you mix cultures, sometimes you get problems. I know that some of my schoolmates had a really hard time understanding why I "felt the need" to put down other people. Some of my other schoolmates grew up the way I did and we had a good time. No one got hurt. We make fun of ourselves as long as someone is being made fun of.

    Most of the time, if I do this with the wrong person, they will either try to play psychologist with me and find out "why I'm so angry". Or they will look for something that is clearly outside of joking just to say "you can give it but you can't take it." This is comparable to giving someone a little love tap to the arm and having them return it with a punch to the face and tell you "you shouldn't give it if you can't take it". One person is trying to play a game, and the other one is trying to prove he's a tough guy because he misperceived a threat.

    Just a thought.

  • Posted By: gringa @ 10/10/2008 12:07:34 PM

    Comment: It really is sad to think that grown ups still to this day have that mentallity "They have to learn how to defend themselves" as a justification for the lack of responsibility they have as parents. I agree with Brett and Valeska there are consequences for those children who are bullies and parents must raise children with genuine love and care... Children will always be a direct reflection of what there parents are or what they lack to become!

  • Posted By: KarenSDR @ 10/10/2008 11:56:59 AM

    Comment: This is so painful. My kids were bullied, and it hurt so bad not being able to help. But what really helped in both cases was finding a couple of friends, as well as going from grade school to middle school, where they were in a different mix of kids. They're successful adults now, in their mid-twenties, and those friends they made at the ages of 10-13 are still their very closest friends.

    The only thing we did as parents that seemed to help was enroll them in karate lessons, where they learned not only self-defense, but were able to interact with kids in an environment where respect and courtesy were the absolute rule.

    There's a song I just recently heard on this topic, called "Don't Laugh at Me" (a quick search on the title will find several versions of it online.)

  • Posted By: KarenSDR @ 10/10/2008 11:56:46 AM

    Comment: This is so painful. My kids were bullied, and it hurt so bad not being able to help. But what really helped in both cases was finding a couple of friends, as well as going from grade school to middle school, where they were in a different mix of kids. They're successful adults now, in their mid-twenties, and those friends they made at the ages of 10-13 are still their very closest friends.

    The only thing we did as parents that seemed to help was enroll them in karate lessons, where they learned not only self-defense, but were able to interact with kids in an environment where respect and courtesy were the absolute rule.

    There's a song I just recently heard on this topic, called "Don't Laugh at Me" (a quick search on the title will find several versions of it online.)

  • Posted By: OneToTalk @ 10/10/2008 11:51:45 AM

    Comment: It seems like the basis of this whole thing is insecurity. Any way you look at it, bullying and getting bullied comes down to different unhealthy ways that people "deal with" there insecurities. I put that in quotes because I don't consider it really confronting the issue. Perhaps "reacting to" would be a better way to say it. The point is, bullies generally have control issues that probably stem from feeling powerless. The bullied kids are easy targets because they look like they won't defend themselves.

    Look at any attacker/victim scenerio. Let's say you're a sex offender looking for an easy target. Are you going for the confident looking woman with her head up that makes eye contact, or the timid looking one who looks like she's appologizing to the floor for walking on it. You're going for the one who looks like they won't put up a fight. It's the same thing with robbers. It's the same thing with high school meat-heads. It's the same thing with 4 year olds.

    I think it's up to the parents to teach their kids to be secure. As for aggressive behavior in the bullied, I think anyone can intuitively see that the guy who lashes out all the time has "little dog syndrome". He's clearly insecure and is constantly trying to prove himself. This is a fun target for someone who likes to push buttons.

    On the other hand, the bully kid has the exact same problem. This is the little boy who is insecure and needs to control his little world. It's the guy who says that anyone who does something he can't do (dance, draw, math, whatever) is a nerd or "gay". Girls do it by picking apart the social images of other girls and spreading rumors. Their parents should intervene. They need to be taught that they're okay. They can relax. They're not in danger and they can stop threatening everyone else.

  • Posted By: fweckles33 @ 10/10/2008 11:45:36 AM

    Comment: I don't allow my boys to pick on their younger brothers because I believe the younger boys will do it in school.I'm a mother of 5 boys and I believe if they learn they can't bully other kids that this day and age things can change.my youngest likes to bully his older brother because he is smaller than him. I tell him how would you like it if I did that to you. If you teach your children not to bully someone else. Treat people like you want to be treated.

  • Posted By: Valeska @ 10/10/2008 11:25:26 AM

    Comment: On my street, adults allow children to bully those children who are younger or smaller. The reason: They have to learn to defend themselves. I disagree. Teenagers have attempted to bully me. I am a senior citizen. My neighbor tried to bully me into allowing him to use my driveway for his friends to park. All bullying must be stopped. The solution is simple. When it occurs, the bully gets consequences.

  • Posted By: Brett Dude @ 10/10/2008 11:05:38 AM

    Comment: anyone who disagrees this article or thinks they have the magical solution by doing activities for school. Don't talk until you're in someone else's shoes. my life is basically this article ok. I am 18 years old. Dropped out of high school almost lost my job and a relationship. Do you know how important it is to have a parent who actually cares? I do, but i found out the hard way. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get to be a social kid in a group of 10 year olds who think its better the ass of the group then the friend? probobly not. I can tell you 3 things. You dont need a doctor for this. You need a parent who cares. and a true friend who cares about what you say. Doesnt matter who the friend is. As long as they listen. Everyone in todays world seems to forget hot simple things can be if you talk to people face to face. instead of these perscription drugs or texting to your kids or just leaving notes on the table for them. All a kid need is someone who really cares. And I think every parent should step back and ask themselves if they did their best with their son or daughter,

  • Posted By: Valeska @ 10/10/2008 11:02:09 AM

    Comment: My neighbor's child ran up behind and pushed the smaller boy down. They are 3 - 5 years old. The neighbor was in the front yard. The boys were in the back yard. The neighbor was irritated because the younger boy did not come when she called. I told her what happened. She said to me, "that's all right. He's his brother". That encourages the older boy to be a bully because there are no consequences for his actions.

  • Posted By: Brett Dude @ 10/10/2008 10:57:26 AM

    Comment: Anyone who disagrees with this article should stop talking until they are in the shoes of someone else. I have dropped out of high school, nearly lost my job, and nearly screwed up the best thing I had going for me. Now that i finally have the right goals and the right mind set without the help of any doctor, family member, i can safely say. without at least one true good friend. It's extremely difficult to overcome anything like this. I think it would help if that friend is of the opposite sex, with nothing more to offer then a friendship. We need to pay attention to our youth. Not only because they are nothing more then humans at a younger age just like we were, but also because they are our future. .

  • Posted By: PrairieGhost @ 10/10/2008 10:45:23 AM

    Comment: MsTrysh--The one thing that kept me sane through it all, and probably the only reason I didn't go the way of so many children who tried to solve their problems with violence (Columbine, anyone?) is the fact that my parents were always there for me. My mom and dad were absolutely supportive of me and reassured me--directly and indirectly--that I was better than those that tormented me because I didn't give in to their games.

    A lot of adults will tell a child to "Just ignore them", but that's an unrealistic demand. You can't ignore people who gang up to circle around you in the cafeteria and prevent you from taking a seat, or follow you through the hallways making inappropriate comments. In my experience, ignoring them only makes it worse, but you can't respond to them either, because they feed off of a reaction. Adults in the school often do nothing--"I'll keep an eye on them," means "go away and leave me alone--I don't care if you're getting picked on."

    Since there's no magical way to make the bullying stop, all you can do is be the supportive parent and help your child tough out the worst of it. Remind him that people put others down because in reality, they're sad and miserable and want to make someone else feel worse than they do. Now, if physical bullying is involved, that's a whole 'nother arena altogether, and I'd recommend working directly with the teachers and principal to put an end to it.

  • Posted By: mstrysh @ 10/10/2008 10:13:41 AM

    Comment: PrairieGhost - if you get this or anyone else that could answer - is there anything you can suggest for parents of a bullied child to help? My son is one of those kids that just doesn't fit in no matter what and doesn't really have friends. I try to help and give support and guidance but didn't know if you could offer any suggestions. Thanks.

    • Posted By: CAD3 @ 10/10/2008 10:36:35 AM

      Comment: find activities outside of school and more importantly outside of the school district. my mother put me in girlscouts which was the same group of girls that bullied me at school, however, I thrived in dance because it was a studio outside of my school district and all of my dance classmates were from different schools. you son needs an environment that knows nothing of his victim status at school so that he has a safe environment to develop social skills

  • Posted By: poppins @ 10/10/2008 10:11:28 AM

    Comment: I think it's a little ridiculous that they stopped monitoring kids at age, say, 6. Bullying continues throughout gradeschool and even into junior high and high school. Why on earth would you stop your research just as children approach the age when they can tell you for themselves what's going on?

  • Posted By: craig828 @ 10/10/2008 9:59:31 AM

    Comment: nemo13, it comes down to sheep versus wolves. If you know there are wolves, and you have sheep, you're going to do what you can to protect your sheep. That may involve shooting the wolves, that may involve placing the sheep in a wolf-resistant environment. But you almost certainly (if you care about keeping your sheep) would not just ignore the problem and hope that someone else reforms the wolves.

    Since we're not talking about wolves and sheep, but about children, you obviously can't shoot the bully, and it's not practical to find a bully-free environment for your child. So, while you may hope that the "system" (parents, educators, etc.) find a way to modify the behavior of the bully, doesn't it also make sense to teach the bullied child how to avoid being bullied?

  • Posted By: PrairieGhost @ 10/10/2008 9:57:04 AM

    Comment: I was bullied relentlessly as a kid, and it had a lot more to do with the fact that I was just an oddball than any kind of hard-wired behavioral habits. I dressed weird because we were poor, I talked funny because my parents were teachers, and I was small and cried easily, which made me a target for everyone. When I asked one of my bullies WHY he picked on me, he got this confused look on his face before finally saying, "Well...because everyone else does." There was no hatred from him--just a mob mentality. I had been subconsciously selected by the group to be the kid everyone abused, and if you didn't abuse me, then your own social status suffered as a result.

    The painful irony of the situation is that because I was bullied so badly, it took me longer than most to develop the social skills I needed to no longer be bullied. No matter what I did--even if it was the exact same behavior as the peers that were harassing me--I was belittled and sneered at for it. Eventually, I just stopped caring what anyone thought of me at all, and while it allowed me to explore my own individuality, it also made it very hard to make friends or understand basic social etiquette. (I had graduated high school before I realized belching wasn't the best way to make friends and influence people.)

    At a certain point, it was like God flipped a switch and all of a sudden I wasn't fun to harass anymore, and it was only then that I could even begin to learn how to interact with others as a social creature. My Sophomore year of high school was the best year of my life, because it was the first time that I had REAL friends (not just a gathering of all the local rejects), and the first year where I didn't have to plan my fake illnesses in advance to avoid the worst days of bullying. Once I began to interact with people on that level, I learned more in just a few years about socializing than I'd learned in my entire life up until that point.

    The damage has been done, however... As the article states, persistent bullying over the course of so many years has serious psychological effects, and sometimes I wonder if the reason I have so many health problems today is because of the psychological experiences of my childhood. My self-esteem still hasn't recovered--I often feel like no one really likes me and they're just pretending as to be polite--and maybe it never will. I think the really important thing to remember, though, is that kids will harass any child who's the least bit different, and in my case, it just happened to be a perfect storm of qualities that made me such a target.

  • Posted By: craig828 @ 10/10/2008 9:53:30 AM

    Comment: Don't confuse cause and effect. The study shows a correlation between being aggressive (let's call it "cause") early in life and being bullied (let's call it "effect") later in life. It says nothing about being bullied ("cause") leading the child to become aggressive later ('"effect"), nor does it exhaustively list all of the "causes" that lead to the "effect" of being bullied.

    I put "cause" and "effect" in quotes because this study is certainly neither definitive, nor conclusive. It only notes a positive correlation between two observed phenomena. Confusing correlation with causation is a very common mistake.

  • Posted By: nemo13 @ 10/10/2008 9:41:39 AM

    Comment: after letting this article settle in my mind for a wile, it appeared to me as if the article is blaming the victims for the abuse. as if its the victims fault for the bullying because of the way they are. instead of making a pagelong article about how victims are made , they should have added onto this article or made a second article about the bullies. if it was not for the bullies attacking others there wouldnt be a need for worry about being shy, or timid. granted this article provides somem knowledge on the topic, i just think its not enough.

  • Posted By: nemo13 @ 10/10/2008 9:00:55 AM

    Comment: when i was going to school i was allways quiet, and never bothered anybody, but i was a very common target, mainly from the other guys. i did get angry at times but i never acted agresively towards anybody. ill admit i had an episode that made me wonder why it all happened, but i just moved on.

  • Posted By: looksforthegood @ 10/10/2008 8:18:53 AM

    Comment: My child's aggressive behavior began after years of peer harrassment not before. J. was always quiet, extremely sensitive and prone to tears. I made the "mistake" of telling her to go to a "trusted" adult (a.k.a) a teacher who quickly responsed with "toughen up". The bully was a child of parents who were very popular in the community. It always came down to my child's word against the other. Is it surprising, then, that a child would become aggressive? J has lived 20 of 24 years in torment from the negative effects of her school experiences and our efforts to connect her with the proper resources. Once a child is given a label in the school system, it does stay with them. There are many variables that contribute to aggressive behavior. To blame aggressive behavior in children on one source creates obstacles to healing. The depths of J's woundedness prevents her from taking responsibility, today, for her wellness. She is stuck in being a victim. My hope for J is that I remember the first 4 years of her life and I know her gifts. With all that she has endured in her life, I know that there is a person of great strength, character and beauty waiting to live her life to the fullest.

  • Posted By: rlowe46 @ 10/10/2008 7:10:36 AM

    Comment: A lot of kids who are bullies, do it because they have not been raised or disciplined correctly. Many also have parents who are bullies. They are ignorant.

  • Posted By: CAD3 @ 10/10/2008 7:02:31 AM

    Comment: Having been a victim of bullying from 6th grade through 12th grade I have to say that I was never an angry or aggressive kid. I was a protector and can identify the moment the bullying began. I went to a entirely white catholic public school up until 6th when we got our first muslim student (his family were refugees, he had lost part of his foot on a land mine, barely spoke english, etc). As many 12-year-olds do, my class mates made fun of him and pushed him around...I saw t hat as wrong and defended him. My act of kindness resulted in my classmates redirecting at me. I endured daily beatings, gum thrown in my hair, and harassing phone call at my home. I have always been a pacifist and believed that violence begets violence and fought back with words. Fighting back with words resulted in only more bullyng for being articulate. School administration was not interested in getting involved in the middle of "childish squabbles". These "childish squabbles" were outright assault and harassment that did not stop until I graduated from high school. I still do not condone violence, I do however intellectually understand how some children are pushed to extremes to take revenge (Columbine, etc...some of those "poor" kids who couldn't understand why the shoot happened probably just needed to reflect on the previous years of their own behavior towards the offenders). Again I do not condone violence or revenge. I believe this is a very important study so as to avoid future peer violence.

  • Posted By: ModTerrick @ 10/10/2008 7:01:40 AM

    Comment: "O such a stupid study and a waste of time!!"

    I don't mean to pick fun at, but wasn't this whole article and study about aggressive behavior? Looks like to me that they should continue this study well on into their adult years, because there is residing anger in a lot of dormant anger within people. Just look at high school reunions, there are people that go to them 20 years after they have already graduated that are still trying to prove that they are not a geek or a nerd. Also, some people go just to show all the "popular" people that they are better than them, even though it's been twenty years after the fact. So I don't think that this is a stupid article, just one that reinforces our knowledge.

  • Posted By: bluemoondog @ 10/08/2008 7:06:57 PM

    Comment: No doubt that bullying has adverse effects on both victims and bullies. However, these studies were based on the self-reports of bullies and their mothers. I wonder if the researchers included the perspectives of the teachers and peers of those children, and if they are congruent with the mother/child perception. Have these studies have considered the possibility that toddlers who



    exhibited more aggressive behavior and lower frustration tolerance may perceive themselves to be victims of bullying, when in fact they are not. Perhaps these children have personalities where t
    hey are more inclined to see themselves as victims when they are frustrated, or may tend to blame others for unpleasant experiences that their own behaviors have invited. It may be that kids who are bullies also over-report instances of being picked on, etc, in order to justify their aggressive behavior or egocentric views. Perhaps mothers of bullies tend to make more excuses for their child's behavior because it is difficult to see your child as a bully. It seems the study could draw a different conclusion--that aggressive toddlers/children and their mothers are highly likely to perceive and report their bully as being "picked on."

  • Posted By: Tabi @ 10/08/2008 7:06:19 PM

    Comment: I'm not so sure if it is a stupid study. The line of reasoning seems to work quite well. When someone shows themselves to be crazy (or aggressive), their peers start to avoid them. This can be translated into fewer friends a few years down the line: and that makes a person vulnerable. I remember getting bullied and I remember friends getting bullied. Fighting back does help to a point, but what works even better is to have a friend to watch your back. I don't see anything unreasonable with the reasoning of this article.

  • Posted By: emmarcee @ 10/08/2008 3:10:33 PM

    Comment: O such a stupid study and a waste of time!!

  • Posted By: devesh_f10@hotmail.com @ 10/08/2008 2:52:53 PM

    Comment: I was bullied the very first week of school like many posters here, and came home very unhappy.
    My mom, instead of sympathizing with me, told me to fight back. I did and the bullying stopped.

    After that first experience, every time anyone attempted bullying, I knew that fighting back was
    an option and used it.

    As for this article summarily blaming the victims - couldnt be farther from the truth.
    You get picked on if you are new, different, timid, sensitive. When the bully learns that you will retaliate, the bullying ends.

    • Posted By: makeawish @ 10/10/2008 5:24:37 PM

      Comment: I would agree with this. I had the same experience. The only way I made it stop was to fight back. The adults would not intervene, and my parents were not sympathetic (not that they were malicious, they just assumed I would work it out for myself.)

  • Posted By: RTGO @ 10/08/2008 11:59:03 AM

    Comment: All it takes to be a "bully magnet" is to be different enough. People despise or is afraid of people who are not like them in every respect. This is why people go through great personal strain & stress just so they can fit in with their chosen clique.

    The way a child can overcome being bullied is he/she must establish a reputation of "not to be messed with" or the bully knows there will be dire and immediate consequences for bullying a particular child. I'll give you two examples on that happen to me personally and one I witnessed.

    Growing up I was the smallest of all children at my elementary school and naturally this attracted all of the bigger kids to tease and intimidate me. One day , one of the bullies decided to pick a fight with me in my own front yard. Now, where I grew up getting beat up in your front yard is the gravest of all humiliations. I couldn't avoid the fight and I knew calling for my mother would cost me all of the few friends I had. So i fought the bully and I beat his a$$ real good. So good that the bully's daddy had to come and pull me off of him.

    The word had gotten around about my victory and sure enough when I arrived at school the next day the biggest of all bullies wanted to fight me on the playground prior to the class bell. I didn't actually win that fight but because I drew blood from the bully (I punched him hard in the nose ) people had declared me the winner. In two fights I established myself as the little guy who will hurt his opponent. No more bully problem.

    I'm not encouraging children/people to engage in violence but what I am saying is don't avoid the fight whatever form it presence itself. For schoolyard bullies a playground fight may be all that is needed. In the workforce it may mean telling your bully boss what a coward he/she is an slam your resignation on his/her desk. PEOPLE CAN ONLY EXERT POWER OVER YOU TO THE DEGREE THAT YOU WANT WHAT THEY HAVE TO GIVE. YOU STOP WANTING WHAT THEY HAVE AND THEIR POWER OVER YOU GOES AWAY.

    I hope this helps someone.

  • Posted By: Marquette70 @ 10/08/2008 11:24:31 AM

    Comment: What a country. A bully is only helping children with poor social skills. Just like someone who rapes another is helping on poor sexual skills. Or a thief who helps with poor economic skills. What a bunch of crap. The bully is the one who is the misfit and the teachers who allow this to go on should be fired. The people who buy into this mess are the ones who have a kid who is a bully and can point to this as the other guys fault.

  • Posted By: Parsnip @ 10/08/2008 8:45:49 AM

    Comment: I agree with AnnaKarenina. Toddlers with poor social skills--like those with Asperger's Syndrome--tend to overreact to frustration, hit rather than ask, etc. As these kids grow, their immature behavior sets them apart from their peers, who behave in a more age-appropriate manner. So this study seems perfectly accurate to me. Toddlers with poor social skills can become first graders with poor social skills, and kids with poor social skills don't fit in with peers. Classroom bullies target the "weak," and kids who don't fit in are seen as "weak."

  • Posted By: AnnaKarenina @ 10/08/2008 5:29:20 AM

    Comment: I remember the girl in my class who was bullied, she couldn't handle conflict, so if you confronted her in anyway she threw a fit. She was shy and timid most of the time, her parents were the same, but if you pushed her buttons, she became hysterical, which is what the bullies were after. Kids can be timid AND aggressive, often the two go hand in hand because they don't know how to assert themselves and so they resort to violence or throwing fits which is very entertaining for bullies. Most kids are also very different at home than at school. I also want to say that I agree with buzz9851, one child's behaviour is not enough to discredit an entire study.

  • Posted By: buzz9851 @ 10/07/2008 8:45:56 PM

    Comment: italladdsup and kfreder--you are basing your comments on your personal experience with your own child (children). These studies were done with several children over a course of several years. Just because the one case study of what you have seen doesn't agree with this study, doesn't mean that this study is wrong. Also, I don't remember the author saying that ALL children who are bullied were once the aggressors. Again, read carefully and don't be so quick to misunderstand. For the life of me, I CAN understand how these studies can be accurate--they were accurate for those cases observed. Also, as a teacher, I disagree with the statement that "This experience has taught us that schools still look at bullying as just a punch or a push,..." Not ALL schools in America are like that, nor are all teachers. It is unfair to make statements that include them all, when clearly it is false. As a teacher, I guess I'm just tired of schools and teachers getting a bad rap for student behavior...it's not our responsibility to teach behavior (usually). Students should come to school knowing how to behave correctly, with a little help from us if needed. Then we might be able to actually teach.

  • Posted By: buzz9851 @ 10/07/2008 8:44:12 PM

    Comment: italladdsup and kfreder--you are basing your comments on your personal experience with your own child (children). These studies were done with several children over a course of several years. Just because the one case study of what you have seen doesn't agree with this study, doesn't mean that this study is wrong. Also, I don't remember the author saying that ALL children who are bullied were once the aggressors. Again, read carefully and don't be so quick to misunderstand. For the life of me, I CAN understand how these studies can be accurate--they were accurate for thos cases observed. Also, as a teacher, I disagree with the statement that "This experience has taught us that schools still look at bullying as just a punch or a push,..." Not ALL schools in America are like that, nor are all teachers. It is unfair to make statements that include them all, when clearly it is false. As a teacher, I guess I'm just tired of schools and teachers getting a bad rap for student behavior...it's not our responsibility to teach behavior (usually). Students should come to school knowing how to behave correctly, with a little help from us if needed.

  • Posted By: buddy101 @ 10/07/2008 8:39:14 PM

    Comment: A few academic wonks get published by floating a counterintuitive theory that's a bunch of claptrap. Anybody who's spent a day in school know that bullying happens when an aggressive kid feeds off the attention they get by tormenting a timid classmate in front of others. Seriously, why does anybody give any creedence to this junk?

  • Posted By: md2205 @ 10/07/2008 8:34:07 PM

    Comment: There is a website called bullies2buddies.com. This is a social worker who gives great techniques how the child himself can address the bullying and it works nicely. The social worker will speak to the bullied child by phone and his fees are very reasonable. If the techniques don't work, he will refund the money. I know people who used him and it worked to stop the bullying, and it doesn't take that long. Please read the website and try the method. We owe it to our children to try for them.

  • Posted By: junkmail6 @ 10/07/2008 8:09:30 PM

    Comment: While I can understand the conclusions to a point, they are looking at a very young age. To say that older bullies target the aggressive sends an incorrect and dangerous message. I agree that kids who tend to act out can end up being targeted. However, the truth is, bullies pick on kids who just don't fit in, and a lot of the abuse doesn't come from bullies but from "ordinary" kids. The solution to bullying is enforcement. If adults don't tolerate abuse, then the amount of abuse goes down drastically.

  • Posted By: italladdsup @ 10/07/2008 8:03:32 PM

    Comment: Well, after reading this article I was scratching my head at how opposite these conclusions were from my own experience. I am glad to see all of the comments here that match what I have seen with my own kids. My oldest son had fairly severe behavioral problems as a young child, including aggression, anger and a lack of self-control, and I never once saw any indication that he was or could have been bullied. He was the one who I worried wouuld become a bully! Fortunately we were able to prevent that with lots of intervention, including strict discipline and psychological help. My daughter, on the other hand, was the type of child many have described here -- quiet, shy, obedient, and very sensitive. SHE was the one who was teased and tormented unmercifully through most of elementary and middle school. I can't for the life of me understand how the studies discussed in this article could be accurate.

    • Posted By: nemo13 @ 10/10/2008 9:21:40 AM

      Comment: there is an exception to every rule.

  • Posted By: kfreder @ 10/07/2008 7:48:52 PM

    Comment: Our son has been tormented at school for years and our school's response typically has been "Your son is too sensative" or "Your son needs to be more assertive" Our son doesn't even want to report any of the harrassment anymore because it does more harm than good. Some focus was put on the bully, but the blame still flowed mostly towards our son. This experience has taught us that schools still look at bullying as just a punch or a push, when in fact most or the damaging bullying is done through peer harrassment with subtle comments in the hallways and exclusionary actions ("That's just boys being boys" they say). We have been extremely frustrated and are considering moving him to another school because of this...but where are the schools that fully understand bullying, teach prevention to the students and envorce the rules fairly???

  • Posted By: Meliwa @ 10/07/2008 7:35:17 PM

    Comment: I am like others who paid attention in school, was a nerdy kid, and a victim of bullies. I did nothing to provoke their action except to exist. And that's the big problem here--we keep assuming the victims of bullies are doing something to provoke attacks, incite violence, anything to take school systems off the hook for not doing something about the problem. If school systems really want to cure bullying they'd call a mandatory assembly of every parent in the school before the first day of class, show them the raw, unedited security video from Columbine, and remind them that Derek Harris and Dylan Klebold were bullied as young kids and considered social outcasts in high school, that they planned their attack to get even with everyone, and warn these parents their kids will end up dead by other students if they don't teach their kids to not hit, taunt, or traumatize their fellow students. End of story.

    • Posted By: copper454 @ 10/08/2008 11:15:11 AM

      Comment: If the first thing a school does is show all parents videos of kids being victimized by violence, that school will have a HARD time attracting families.

      If your auto dealer showed you videos of car accidents, would you buy a car there? I wouldn't.

      • Posted By: devesh_f10@hotmail.com @ 10/08/2008 2:40:11 PM

        Comment: Meliwa has a point there. Ok! maybe something not as extreme as a raw Columbine video, but a workshop of some sort to familiarize them with bullying and its possible consequences.
        The car analogy is not accurate.

  • Posted By: Meliwa @ 10/07/2008 7:29:46 PM

    Comment: I was bullied as well, also because I didn't have the physical strength to stand up for myself. And worse, schools let bullies get away with it. School systems should require parents of students to attend a special assembly before the first day and show them the raw, unedited security video from Columbine, remind these parents that Derek Harris and Dylan Clebold were bullied as young kids and considered social outcasts, and warn them their children will end up with their bodies blown apart and their brains on the floor if they don't teach their kids to not taunt, beat up, or make fun of other kids.

  • Posted By: devo99 @ 10/07/2008 6:42:20 PM

    Comment: I totally disagree with this analysis. I was bullied, my son was bullied, and I know many people who were bullied. They were all either shy, sensitive or insecure. My son walked with his head down and bullies immediately targeted him, not because he was a child who was disliked, but because he was not going to fight back. Bullies need someone to pick on, not someone who is going to beat the crap out of them. The bullying stopped as soon as he gained confidence through swimming.
    Very disappointing article Claudia.

  • Posted By: Texaseic @ 10/07/2008 6:05:19 PM

    Comment: Blame the victim, blame their parents but god forbid we put the blame on the child taking the action