Becoming A Bully Magnet

We teenagers who have Asperger's Syndrome have poor social skills. I'm a 16 year old girl who has poor social sklls, because I have Asperger's. No one has bothered to try and help me understand how to act. Why I should or should not do certin things. I have never been defended by a teacher, except when someone sexually harresed me. It was a painfull experience, and the boy who harrassed me is still around me and teases me. I have childern at school who in my computer class, while I was away, completly messed up my screen. They also were able to convince me that I was going to go to jail for it, and woukld never be able to go to college. They were not punished for it, but I was told to switch computers and to ignore them. I have so many tormenters at school that I see high school as punishment for all the sins I have commetted. My family doesn't understand, and I look to fiction for relief from the horros, which only get's me teased more. Day after day I experince hell on earth and no one does anything about it. I now have anger management problems, and I lose sleep fearing school. I can't look forward to anything involing school, except Theater, and even then I don't get much relief. I have friends but they are people on the internet who have never met me. They don't judge me, and have never hurt me like most of the people I know in real life. This has made me an internet addict. The kids at school I do hang out with never really unclude nme, and when I make social blunders they laugh at me. I was never an aggresive child. Yet I was bullied. I will not be blamed for what others do to me. It is NOT my fault, nor will it ever be.

I this this this Prof. Boivin, is full of cow-dung. Instead of trying to "blame the victim" he should just admit that some kids are just *** who pick on other kids. Nothing more, nothing less...Have a good day, Professor.

The article doesnt address some scenarios...my wife was subjected to moving around many times in her childhood. Many kids may not like a newcomer: 'the new kid in town'...moreover, she was a talented youngster and often got parts in musicals and plays. other kids may not like a talented 'superstar' and may act out on them due to jealousy. For example, Christina Aguilera was bullied alot as a child.

My wife was bullied in England; she was subjected to moving around many times in her childhood. Many kids may not like a newcomer: 'the new kid in town'...moreover, she was a talented youngster and often got parts in musicals and plays. other kids may not like a talented 'superstar' and may act out on them due to jealousy. For example, Christina Aguilera was bullied alot as a child. The article doesnt address these scenarios.

Intteresting article. I was made fun all throughout elemenary and middle school. I had a rough childhood at home too. Mom and dad were always fighting. The thing i was teased for was because I liked to observe insects, and they used every method to kill them, even burning them with a magnifying glass. Over time, it began to get physical, kicking sand in my face, one student even pinned me down to the ground. Thanks to your article, I found out it wasn't just because I was different, it was also influenced by my tantum like crying. They even continued to taunt me even while the staff was watching, because they didn't do a thing about it. They just watched. The only thing i could do was spit at them, which, I got in trouble for, despite the fact, I wasn't the enemy.

Later on, in middle school, at Rincon, I was going through a vampire phobia. Some of the kids picked up on it, and used it to their advantage, At first, it was just a game, but when i started believing they wre actually vampires, it grew much worse. One of the girls tried to pin me down and started hising at me and another girl stratched me over the throat.

Another time, a bunch of boys triedto force me into the boys restroom, to this day at 20, i have no idea why.

However, there was one time, one rare time in middle school where I faked my emotions. A bunch of kids were calling me names, by this time, I had learned how to ignore the namecalling. A few then came up with an idea, which to my parents sounded quite cruel. They 'forced' me to eat a cookie from the ground. I knew I was daring enough to take on this challenge, though, I did know it was rather unsanitary and well aware that they were using this to prove their own dominance over me. I merely went along with it, pretending to cry, and i actually DID eat the cookie. My parents were very upset with the school for letting this happen, but i knew i wasn't exactly forced to take part in this behavior.

I'm not made fun of now fortunately. I had much fun reading this article, and happygolooney, I agree. Instead, people these days just seem to speak of the problem, why not something to actually SOLVE the problem?

Intteresting article. I was made fun all throughout elemenary and middle school. I had a rough childhood at home too. Mom and dad were always fighting. The thing i was teased for was because I liked to observe insects, and they used every method to kill them, even burning them with a magnifying glass. Over time, it began to get physical, kicking sand in my face, one student even pinned me down to the ground. Thanks to your article, I found out it wasn't just because I was different, it was also influenced by my tantum like crying. They even continued to taunt me even while the staff was watching, because they didn't do a thing about it. They just watched. The only thing i could do was spit at them, which, I got in trouble for, despite the fact, I wasn't the enemy.

Later on, in middle school, at Rincon, I was going through a vampire phobia. Some of the kids picked up on it, and used it to their advantage, At first, it was just a game, but when i started believing they wre actually vampires, it grew much worse. One of the girls tried to pin me down and started hising at me and another girl stratched me over the throat.

Another time, a bunch of boys triedto force me into the boys restroom, to this day at 20, i have no idea why.

However, there was one time, one rare time in middle school where I faked my emotions. A bunch of kids were calling me names, by this time, I had learned how to ignore the namecalling. A few then came up with an idea, which to my parents sounded quite cruel. They 'forced' me to eat a cookie from the ground. I knew I was daring enough to take on this challenge, though, I did know it was rather unsanitary and well aware that they were using this to prove their own dominance over me. I merely went along with it, pretending to cry, and i actually DID eat the cookie. My parents were very upset with the school for letting this happen, but i knew i wasn't exactly forced to take part in this behavior.

I'm not made fun of now fortunately. I had much fun reading this article!

I really don't think being bullied has to do with the aggressiveness of the child, but with the child seeming like a good target.

I don't know what I was like as a toddler, but I do know as an elementary student I was one of the youngest in my class, had glasses in kindergarten, was chubby, and was very smart. After my mother died when I was 9, the bullying became especially cruel. Other kids thought it was really fun to tell me everything wrong with me, to remind me that my mother was dead, and to make me cry. Nowadays we'd say I had childhood depression. An admistrator at my school became concerned enough to call my dad, and told them I needed help. After I'd been in counseling a while I switched schools, and it helped a lot.

I've had other family members who seemed like good targets at times, who experienced bullying. My oldest son wasn't an aggressive kid, but was bullied. It did help when I enrolled him in karate. My husband had multiple health problems as a kid, which caused him to pass out a lot, and bullies delighted in making him faint.

For me, that early pain helped me be more empathetic. But it didn't excuse those bullies.

How about, let us raise our children up not to become bullies? Solve the problem all together.

I was teased in 7th & 8th grade. I was the new kid in town, spoke with a funny accent living in red neck WI, was smarter (which everyone secretly resented). I use to get beaten up by my classmates once a week. Most of the school administrators either didn't care to find out what was going on, or blamed me for not getting along. The side effect was that I became a bully and am a hostile person 20 years later.

I was teased in 7th & 8th grade. I was the new kid in town, spoke with a funny accent living in red neck WI, was smarter (which everyone secretly resented). I use to get beaten up by my classmates once a week. Most of the school administrators either didn't care to find out what was going on, or blamed me for not getting along. The side effect was that I became a bully and am a hostile person 20 years later.

I was teased in 7th & 8th grade. I was the new kid in town, spoke with a funny accent living in red neck WI, was smarter (which everyone secretly resented). I use to get beaten up by my classmates once a week. Most of the school administrators either didn't care to find out what was going on, or blamed me for not getting along. The side effect was that I became a bully and am a hostile person 20 years later.

i was once bullied in 3rd grade by some new girl in my class. my mom said i was to nice. but yet at the same time i was taught fighting solves nothing. what i'm trying to say is sometimes bullies just want a friend; because in my case after i played with her for just 10 minutes up untill today me and her are friends.

One thing I noticed about this article is that it mentioned a correlation between bullies and agressive or low-income families. I wonder how much of this is also culture clash. In the area that I live in, most of the lower income families are hispanic. Hispanic people have a different social structure. One of the accepted pass-times is teasing. It is quite common for family and friends to tease eachother about everything. It's supposed to be fun for everyone, including those who are getting teased. Everyone has a good laugh. They teach you to be okay with your flaws by bringing them out into the open from a very early age. If your eyes are close together, or you walk funny, or you don't shower enough, talk funny, you will know it and be forced to accept it. It is your responsibility to know when something is not okay to joke about.

For example, I love to tease one of my friends about having a gay house mate. I know he's not gay, but he's single and it's a great excuse. I tease him about being overweight, and he can't dance. He makes fun of me for being flat chested, taking forever to graduate from school, and having lame boyfriends. But we know what we should not mention and we know to say something when someone hits a nerve. We have to be responsible for our own feelings.

Growing up with this way has shown me that the bad things in life that you can't change can be relieved with humor. People make jokes about bad politics, natural disasters, their own short-comings, etc. Our comedians do this for a living and people accept it.

However, when you mix cultures, sometimes you get problems. I know that some of my schoolmates had a really hard time understanding why I "felt the need" to put down other people. Some of my other schoolmates grew up the way I did and we had a good time. No one got hurt. We make fun of ourselves as long as someone is being made fun of.

Most of the time, if I do this with the wrong person, they will either try to play psychologist with me and find out "why I'm so angry". Or they will look for something that is clearly outside of joking just to say "you can give it but you can't take it." This is comparable to giving someone a little love tap to the arm and having them return it with a punch to the face and tell you "you shouldn't give it if you can't take it". One person is trying to play a game, and the other one is trying to prove he's a tough guy because he misperceived a threat.

Just a thought.

It really is sad to think that grown ups still to this day have that mentallity "They have to learn how to defend themselves" as a justification for the lack of responsibility they have as parents. I agree with Brett and Valeska there are consequences for those children who are bullies and parents must raise children with genuine love and care... Children will always be a direct reflection of what there parents are or what they lack to become!

This is so painful. My kids were bullied, and it hurt so bad not being able to help. But what really helped in both cases was finding a couple of friends, as well as going from grade school to middle school, where they were in a different mix of kids. They're successful adults now, in their mid-twenties, and those friends they made at the ages of 10-13 are still their very closest friends.

The only thing we did as parents that seemed to help was enroll them in karate lessons, where they learned not only self-defense, but were able to interact with kids in an environment where respect and courtesy were the absolute rule.

There's a song I just recently heard on this topic, called "Don't Laugh at Me" (a quick search on the title will find several versions of it online.)

This is so painful. My kids were bullied, and it hurt so bad not being able to help. But what really helped in both cases was finding a couple of friends, as well as going from grade school to middle school, where they were in a different mix of kids. They're successful adults now, in their mid-twenties, and those friends they made at the ages of 10-13 are still their very closest friends.

The only thing we did as parents that seemed to help was enroll them in karate lessons, where they learned not only self-defense, but were able to interact with kids in an environment where respect and courtesy were the absolute rule.

There's a song I just recently heard on this topic, called "Don't Laugh at Me" (a quick search on the title will find several versions of it online.)

It seems like the basis of this whole thing is insecurity. Any way you look at it, bullying and getting bullied comes down to different unhealthy ways that people "deal with" there insecurities. I put that in quotes because I don't consider it really confronting the issue. Perhaps "reacting to" would be a better way to say it. The point is, bullies generally have control issues that probably stem from feeling powerless. The bullied kids are easy targets because they look like they won't defend themselves.

Look at any attacker/victim scenerio. Let's say you're a sex offender looking for an easy target. Are you going for the confident looking woman with her head up that makes eye contact, or the timid looking one who looks like she's appologizing to the floor for walking on it. You're going for the one who looks like they won't put up a fight. It's the same thing with robbers. It's the same thing with high school meat-heads. It's the same thing with 4 year olds.

I think it's up to the parents to teach their kids to be secure. As for aggressive behavior in the bullied, I think anyone can intuitively see that the guy who lashes out all the time has "little dog syndrome". He's clearly insecure and is constantly trying to prove himself. This is a fun target for someone who likes to push buttons.

On the other hand, the bully kid has the exact same problem. This is the little boy who is insecure and needs to control his little world. It's the guy who says that anyone who does something he can't do (dance, draw, math, whatever) is a nerd or "gay". Girls do it by picking apart the social images of other girls and spreading rumors. Their parents should intervene. They need to be taught that they're okay. They can relax. They're not in danger and they can stop threatening everyone else.