I am 16 years old, with an interest in writing, philosophy and performing, composing music.
This is my 2nd day with the knowledge that I have Asperger's.
I match over 15 symptoms, as well as many traits of NLD.
All through my life up until 7th grade, I was a complete nerd, tight ponytail and glasses.
But I starved to be normal socially, so much that it became an obsession that took place over academics.
I got contacts, and started obsessing over my new hairstyle and clothes so much that I may as well been body-dysmorphic. I tried to hard to make friends and get out there, that even if I was careful about being reserved in my manner and appearance, some kids whispered that I was a slut.
I journaled scrupulously about my social trials and errors.
Over the years, I made many friendly acquaintances and became seemingly "self-actualized," but in the end can only count on one hand the number of ppl I can truly call best friends.
I have told my parents multiple times that I felt so different from normal people in social interaction, but they only scoffed and told me I was crazy for believing this. But I wasn't convinced. So in the wee hours of the morning yesterday, I snuck downstairs and started researching. I was blown away when I saw that my personality echoed Asperger's and NLD to a T.
I think I differ from most Aspies in that I have strengths in emotionally-driven subjects like literature, philosophy, and foreign languages, over the maths and sciences.
I live in an extremly rigid household, so my Asperger's is likely ENVIRONMENTALLY INDUCED.
I wish my parents would have believed me instead of going along with the traditional Asian belief that anything can be overcome through grit and stamina.
It simply can't.
I haven't told them, and don't plan to. On my own, I have handled my life up til now even without knowing I have Asperger's. I simply thought I was socially stupid, and idiot savant. So I self-improved. After 4 miserable years at the height of awkwardness I think I can get along better now, as normally as I can possibly. Asperger's doesn't have a cure, but self-efforts do work. I have never undergone a single session of psychotherapy, and don't plan to. I DON'T NEED IT. I have been my own psycologist.
More Than Just 'Quirky'
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Of course, it's not just different symptoms that stymie diagnosis—cultural conditioning may also play a role. What looks like pathological social awkwardness in a little boy can seem like mere bashfulness or just good old-fashioned manners in a little girl. "We tend to notice shyness in boys as 'off,'" says Loveland. "In girls, we can almost see it as a good trait." And while boys are often diagnosed when they begin expressing their frustration as aggression and find themselves in trouble at school, girls —even Aspie girls—learn to internalize their feelings, not to act out, which can make them more anxious and less noticeable at the same time.
But even as they effectively mask Asperger's in girls, social mores might also make the disorder more harrowing for them. As they approach adolescence, girls face greater pressure to be sympathetic and empathetic than boys do. "By the time girls reach junior high, their social networks have become extraordinarily complex, and Aspie girls can't keep up with all the nuances," says Janet Lainhart, a doctor at the University of Utah's Brain Institute. "Boys struggle socially as well, but their peers mature much slower so their inability to empathize is seen as more forgivable."
Not everyone is persuaded that the symptoms of Asperger's differ between boys and girls. Ami Klin, director of Yale's autism research group cautions that no Asperger's trait can be defined as gender-specific quite yet. "It's a possibility," he says. "But I don't know anyone who has tested it and I can think of many exceptions to any rule you come up with about what narrow interests or other traits each gender has."
What everyone does seem to agree on is that without diagnosis, girls are unlikely to get the support—including special education and behavioral therapy—that has proven so helpful to boys with Asperger's. Even worse, their desperation for human interaction—combined with their inability to gauge the intentions of those around them—can make girls with Asperger's easy prey for sexual predators. "That is a real distinction and my real concern for girls on the spectrum," says Klin. "That they will be more susceptible to rape, abuse and drug addiction because of their social deficiencies and because they aren't getting the right guidance."
Despite the urgent need for more research, Klin says that scientists who study ASDs have effectively orphaned this population. Because there are so few of them, girls are often yanked from studies altogether so that they don't muddy up the data. As a result, only a very small body of work addresses the Asperger's gender gap, even though such studies could lead to better diagnosis of both autism and Asperger's.
Preliminary genetic analyses suggest that autism may be caused by different genes in each gender; and at least one MRI study has found differences in the brain anatomy of boys and girls on the spectrum. Simon Baron-Cohen, a renowned autism researcher, has shown that high levels of fetal testosterone may also play a role. But that work has yet to be replicated, mainly, say Loveland and others, due to a lack of funding or interest. "A lot of people see Baron-Cohen's work as 'politically incorrect,'" says Loveland. "Any time you start talking about a biological basis of sex differences, you are looking at controversy."
Meanwhile, many schools and clinics that work with children on the spectrum have begun forming girls-only clubs in an effort to build better support systems for girls with Asperger's. Lainhart has created a group at her Utah practice. The first things her girls, who range in age from early teens to late 20s, wanted to know: how to plan a dinner party and how to hold a dance. "They really want to understand how to do these very-female things, they just need the guidance to get there," she says.
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