REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH

Agonizing Dilemma

A psychologist on the complicated reasons couples are reluctant to donate or destroy stored embryos after their fertility treatments end.

By Karen Springen | Newsweek Web Exclusive
Dec 4, 2008

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  • Posted By: orezinlv @ 12/04/2008 6:16:55 PM

    This is messed up logic. A woman who decides to have this assistance to conceive is ordering these embryos to be created. She goes into this knowing the very likely possibility that there will be more then one embryo. Then she would rather have the others destroyed then put to use for research because it would be immoral to do so? She ordered them in the first place in an attempt to defy her own God given reproductive abilities but later decides to follow her religion and have them destroyed in a ceremony or on ice until she dies to avoid the decision all together. Its so hypocritical. If she feels life begins at conception and the embryos are already too sacred to be used to help others then she needs to adopt and not create them in the first place!

    • Posted By: monkeybeans @ 01/02/2009 7:08:36 PM

      RIGHT ON OREZINIV If you can't have kids, YOU CAN'T HAVE KIDS! We are not here to dictate such things, we're here to accept them, move on and try and make things better for the next person down the line that's suffering. And right now, in 2009, there are plenty of unwanted, un-aborted babies suffering and WAITING for someone to stand up, STOP BEING SELFISH and adopt them. SELFISH, that's all this is, another act of humans saying "I can so I will" -grow up people. We have this (infertility)in our genetic makeup to help keep a sustained population, stop playing God! IVF should be illegal in my mind, I don't have a LICK of sympathy for infertile people, I think they're all a bunch of whiny, selfish, cowards. ADOPTION people, you want a baby, adopt one.

      • Posted By: inlove @ 01/27/2009 3:39:57 PM

        Monkeybeans - I have to wonder if you actually know ayone that has had problems conceiving and whether you understand how heartwrenching it is to be unable to do the one thing that is supposed to be biological and a god given right! My husband and I tried for 6 yrs to conceive our own child both unassisted and with the help of a fertility doctor. We are now expecting our first child in June as the result of IVF via embryo adoption. As far as post-birth adoption goes it is extremely difficult, costly and time consuming. Adopting a caucasion baby in the U.S. can run upwards of 15-20k and can take upwards of 7 yrs. I am guessing that since you have no sympathy for those of us who have to endure torture to get pregnant, you yourself have had no problems obtaining a pregnancy. I am happy that you haven't had to go thru the months and months of pure and utter hell that it takes to get pregnant via IUI, IVF and fertility drugs. I can honestly say that when I was a little girl dreaming of becoming a mother, this isn't how I pictured it happening, but it is the way that it turned out. I am extremely excited about the thought of becoming a mother and can't wait to hold my baby girl for the first time. She will know what her biological parents did for us and how much we appreciate her. I will forever be indebted to the lovely couple that decided to donate their embryo's to a childless couple, rather than toss them to the wayside like garbage.

    • Posted By: monkeybeans @ 01/02/2009 7:06:42 PM

      RIGHT ON OREZINIV If you can't have kids, YOU CAN'T HAVE KIDS! We are not here to dictate such things, we're here to accept them, move on and try and make things better for the next person down the line that's suffering. And right now, in 2009, there are plenty of unwanted, un-aborted babies suffering and WAITING for someone to stand up, STOP BEING SELFISH and adopt them. SELFISH, that's all this is, another act of humans saying "I can so I will" -grow up people. We have this (infertility)in our genetic makeup to help keep a sustained population, stop playing God! IVF should be illegal in my mind, I don't have a LICK of sympathy for infertile people, I think they're all a bunch of whiny, selfish, cowards. ADOPTION people, you want a baby, adopt one.

      • Posted By: ajkriv @ 01/13/2009 8:36:56 PM

        I have 2 beautiful children from an IVF procedure. This in no way makes me "selfish". Adoption is a long, difficult and expensive process you obviously know nothing about. How about you do some research before you spout off next time. And do all of us a favor and go get sterilized so you cannot reproduce, we have enough of your kind already.

    • Posted By: wittish @ 12/09/2008 11:43:37 PM

      I guess if orezinlv was so unfortunate as to be diangosed with cancer or some other disease he/she would decline treatment since that would be defying his/her God-given health.

    • Posted By: wittish @ 12/09/2008 11:36:04 PM

      I guess if Orezinlv was diagnosed with cancer he/she would probably decline treatment because that would be defying his/her God-given health. Just who do you think you are?

    • Posted By: snookcatcher149 @ 12/04/2008 7:08:00 PM

      In the Bible, an embryo appears to be "dust of the ground" into which God breathes the "breath of life", at which time man becomes "a living soul." (Genesis 2:7). So life does not begin at conception, but at the first breath. Of course, an embryo is very special "dust", containing the potential to become a human being. But it is also just a step beyond a sperm and an ovum, which are discarded regularly. I see no need of a ceremony to dispose of an embryo, any more than there should be a ceremony for a menstrual cycle. I can see why those who produce an embryo would be concerned about what happens to it provided it does become a "living soul" in the care of someone else. It contains their genetic material and would be a biological son or daughter, similar to one given up for adoption. But I see no reason for concern about an embryo which is discarded or used for research. This is not a human being any more than an acorn is an oak.

  • Posted By: AZ536 @ 12/04/2008 1:02:33 AM

    Ms. Leiblum is misinformed on her understanding of Embryo Adoption programs. It is true that in many Embryo DONATION programs, the donating parents do not have input in to who is chosen to receive the embryos. However, in Embryo ADOPTION programs, which are structured like traditional adoption (there are two adoption agencies and multiple medical clinics that facilitate these kinds of programs), the placing parents can have as much input in to the process as they would like. They can set general criteria or choose the specific recipient parents. They also have the option in many of these programs of maintaining contact with the adoptive parents and/or the children born from the embryos.

    There may be a lot of reasons that parents with remaining embryos do not place them with another couple, but this fear does not need to be one of them because there are so many programs that eliminate that unknown and allow the genetic parents to be very actively involved.

    • Posted By: ajkriv @ 01/13/2009 8:40:21 PM

      I cannot think of giving up an embryo to another couple. That is my genetic child and I would want it if it was born. I can conceive of just letting them go, they are cells, they cannot be a "baby " without me or another human incubator. (I did not have left over embryos after my IVF procedure)

  • Posted By: Layla13 @ 12/17/2008 12:31:49 PM

    My "even a stillbirth" has a name it is JOSEPH...and he is my SON

  • Posted By: Layla13 @ 12/17/2008 12:30:32 PM

    "even when you have a stillbirth???" Guess what, I had one and he was a full term baby, every bit a human being as this so called mental health professional who likens him to an embryo...he weighed 10 lbs and had long, thick black hair, how dare she???!!! A place and a name is the least he deserved!!

  • Posted By: just breathe @ 12/09/2008 3:37:05 AM

    quote:"Embryos are fertilized eggs, which are BABIES! The only thing they need is nourishment and more time, just like you or I do."

    No, it most certainly is not that simple. Embryos are unique living cells with incredible potential, but they are absolutely NOT "babies". Some embryos become babies for sure, however, not all embryos will become "babies" even if they are given the chance. I can assure you completely that after transferring many embryos through IVF that not a single one of them has become a "baby" for me, despite them all being given "nourishment" and "time". So spare me the rhetoric about embryos being actual "babies", they are not. According to some statistics up to 70% of all embryos are not viable regardless of if they are created the old fashioned way or with the assistance of IVF.

    What people in this situation choose to do with any embryos remaining after they complete their family (or choose to discounting treatment) is up to them. All the choices around infertility, medical treatment and what to do with extra embryos including donation, destruction, or research are difficult personal choices that should not be judged by anyone, especially those who have not experienced it.

  • Posted By: jsmith290 @ 12/08/2008 5:54:42 PM

    Snook-
    So, if I am in an accident and the doctors need to remove a rib from my chest, should I save that rib forever in case I need to form a new wife out of it? In genesis, two stories of creation are offered. In one, God made man out of mud and blew the breath of life into him, then made woman out of a rib in his chest. Alternately, god said let there be man, and there was man. So, by your reasoning, just talking about having a child is blasphemy. Where does it end? Why dont you mind your own business and let these people have families

  • Posted By: acushla712 @ 12/08/2008 3:20:49 PM

    To: snookcatcher149
    What do you think the Lord MEANT when he said "breath of life?" He meant LIVING! And embryos ARE living. That comparison that you made between acorns and embryos makes me wonder if maybe you might be a little more related to the acorn family than the embryo family.
    Embryos are fertilized eggs, which are BABIES! The only thing they need is nourishment and more time, just like you or I do. I bet you had NO trouble at all believing that tadpoles grew up to be frogs when you were little, even though they were tiny little dots in jelly in the beginning. And when cats' tummies stick out, we know it's kittens in there, not tissue mass or whatever nonsense Planned Parenthood tries to tell us we have in OUR tummies when they try to convince us to murder our defenseless BABIES!
    Open your eyes! These are little PEOPLE we're talking about.

    To: orezinlv
    You're right...she should never have done that in the first place if she couldn't follow through and make a decision about what to do with the remaining embryos. However, I don't agree that she should EVER just offer up the extra embryos for research, because they are still BABIES. Adoption would be a much better alternative, IMHO, and I think "Adopt an Embryo" (mentioned by Adpacqueen) is an EXCELLENT idea! Destroying an embryo, whether it be through burial or research is still just plain murder.

    Re: Using Embryos For Research
    I know that for some reason, many of you have it in your heads that it is NOBLE to use embryos for research, but the fact of the matter is: that is NONSENSE! Embryonic stem cell research is a dead end. Scientists have even come to the same conclusion. After decades of research, (and the research has been EXTENSIVE, especially overseas) they have found ZERO cures and treatments with EMBRYONIC stem cell research, but with ADULT stem cell research, they have found at least 69 cures and treatments. Not only that, but with embryonic stem cell research, some scientists want to harvest them using the questionable process called "nuclear transfer," which is just another name for "human cloning." Obama, naturally, voted AGAINST the bill that called for a ban on human cloning and he was the ONLY dissenter after 57 years! He CLAIMS he "hit the wrong button" (after everybody made a fuss and he got CAUGHT!) so there you have it.

  • Posted By: Chaotician @ 12/06/2008 10:32:22 AM

    Good grief, get a life...haha! This has less complications than disposing unwanted animals; more like disposing of the condom filled with that messy essence of live! How ignornat peoples can create such a straw man is incredible.

  • Posted By: Ron Paul For Pope @ 12/04/2008 10:11:06 PM

    All the boy embryos should be married to the girl embryos, and given dog embryos as pets.

  • Posted By: Adpacqueen @ 12/04/2008 2:02:31 PM

    I fine it interesting that people would either have a ceremony to dispose of a life or to donate to research which ultimately is still distroying life. There is an organization called "Adopt an Embryo" that works with family to adopt frozen embroyos. Give this child life and have a chance to live. The families can still screen who their unborn child goes to. If they value life that much let another infertile couple have a chance to have a baby. The costs of adopting an embryo is much cheaper then adoping a child. Life is valuved and the bible never said there wouldn't be suffering. Jesus would never sacrifice one life to preserve another life. I don't know where people get that idea. We had a couple with a 5 year old daughter who had been a frozen embryo for many years. If she'd been donated to research she wouldn't be alive and the parents would be without a child.

  • Posted By: techie22 @ 12/04/2008 1:29:40 PM

    Are we living in the middle ages ?

    For those people who would rather destroy the embyos rather than
    allow scientists to cure disease, I feel sorry for them.

    They've allowed their church to scare them into a narrow view of life.
    A true Christian would want to do all that's possible to minimize
    suffering for as many as possible.

    Shame they've been talked into being self centered and intolerant.

  • Posted By: Lashel @ 12/04/2008 1:16:55 PM

    It seems to me that how we go about creating a family is a very personal decision. When faced with infertility, couples should feel free to make decisions that are right for them, whether that be adoption from the U.S, adoption from another country, embryo adoption, or maybe even surrogacy. What amazes me is how judgemental people can be when infertile couple choose a certain path.

  • Posted By: loberant @ 12/04/2008 1:02:59 PM

    Its just amazing, with all the real orphans out there in the world we need to make new ones. Its sad that some people cannot have children naturally (i'm one of those people) but its tragic that the need to have perfect blond haired blue eyed children (even if they are not genetically yours) trumps adopting an already born child needing a home whose only fault is that he or she doesn't fit the aryan ideal.

  • Posted By: Woodcutter @ 12/04/2008 12:49:27 PM

    After giving birth to a beautiful baby girl 11 years ago, our daughter has heartbroken to find out she could never conceive again. After years of tests confirmed this fact, she and her husband decided to adopt. In the process, they discivered they could adopt embryos. They went through the same quilification process any adoptive is required to go through. Long story short - 4 years ago she gave birth to the two most wonderful little angels. It was a miricle. They are perfect in every way and could not be loved more, nor could they love their mommy and daddy and big sister any more. I pray that more embryo parents will consider this gift to others. Grandpa in PA

  • Posted By: kapauldo @ 12/04/2008 7:22:22 AM

    (linkback) A or B? Unused frozen embryos: A) dontate to other people B) destroy [VOTE] - http://www.thriveorfail.com/be8fb

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