Fighting On Two Fronts

Chip requested leave in February, just a few weeks after Sharlet's diagnosis, but he didn't get the OK. The colonel above him who made the decision encouraged him instead to wait until April when he'd be eligible for the regular two-week leave that's granted to anyone who has been deployed for six months. Chip, a calm, quiet man seemingly out of place in a war zone, politely explained that his wife was fighting cancer, and that regular leave was for rest and relaxation, which there would be little of in going home to help care for Sharlet.

The request was denied again and Chip decided not to pursue it any higher. (A military spokesman wouldn't comment on the decision of a particular officer, but said that members of the military who need to take leave in extraordinary circumstances are usually granted it.)

Telling Sharlet he couldn't be with her for this ordeal was the hardest part for Chip. "He denied me," Chip explained in February when he managed to get a rare call through.

Sharlet stayed silent for a moment, "So you'll be here in April?" she asked him.

"It'll have to be April, then home for good in September," he said.

Aiming to let Chip know that she was staying strong, Sharlet answered carefully: "Just come home when you can."

With even a brief visit out of the question, there was no getting around the fact that during some of the toughest moments for Sharlet, like when she fought chemo nausea and her hair began to thin, she couldn't have her husband at her side or hear his voice. So the two created some unconventional ways to keep in touch. Phone access is sparse in battle areas and the military often filters and delays e-mail messages for security reasons. But they found a free Web site run by a nonprofit group called Caring Bridge which allows loved ones to connect during an illness.

Caring Bridge estimates that almost 10 percent of its 130,000 personalized pages were created by military spouses as a way to keep in touch with loved ones abroad. Founder Sona Mehring started the site in 1997 to help a friend communicate during premature-birth complications. "Helping people go through any type of health condition or crisis is very powerful," Mehring said. "The last thing they want to worry about is keeping in touch with everyone." One military family used the service to keep in touch during a full-term pregnancy. Another stayed connected while several members recovered from a car accident.

The site allows a family administrator to post photos and write journal entries and messages; visitors can leave thoughts by signing a guest book. Chip says this was the primary way he kept up with how Sharlet was doing. And Sharlet took great comfort in the community she created with her personalized portal, which had more than 2,500 visits from friends. "I am so thankful your surgery has gone well," one friend wrote in late January. Two months later when her hair began to fall out, another visitor joshed, "I LOVE the new do!!!" At one point when Sharlet was unable, her sister took the reins of the site. "Sharlet is home and doing well," she told the community. "She is not in pain and is in good spirits."