Not Your Dad's Divorce

What about fathers that have outragous child support obligations but never get to see the child because she takes off and the fathers has to hunt for months on end just to find the child?? My husband pays almost $700 a month in child support and we have not got to see his son in almost 2 years because we can not find him again. We have petitioned the courts to suppend his obligation until she provides the childs whereabouts and were told they can not do that. "Child support has nothing to do with visitation." When are they going to make the laws fair for fathers that support thier kids but never get to see them?

i've had custody of my son for 8 year's now and she hasn't payed support for 8 years now but when i was behind to her. the state of Ma. came at me like their wild horse to get the money they took my pay check. now that i'm asking them to get the back child support she owe's they won't do anything to get it .he want's to go to college now to. so pl. don't tell me that the court does it fair it's mostly fpr the women

My husband and I fought for almost three years. First she left with the children to another state, they were not divorced so she was legally able to do so. Then she refused to allow visitation for almost a year, and we could not get a court date, because every time we did get a date either her or the court neede to reschedule. My husband had no contact for almost a year with his children, because she made it impossible. When they finally got a court order she refused to follow and the police said they would not "force" her to allow visitation, saying it was a civil matter. In our state, MO, parents involved in a divorce are required to attend a parenting class, my husband did his, she never completed hers, and the court overlooked it. When there was no pending court date she started refusing to follow the court order, so we filed to amend based on that, once again it took almost two years to get a date, and the judge decided that since they were unable to agree on anything that she should get FULL custady, prior they had joint. Also her child support doubled because during that time she decided to change jobs and now works for cash, so her income, for tax purposes, is half it was when the original order went into effect and while tthey were married. We filed an appeal based on the laws which state that if you have ever made a certain amount of money you are held to that amount regardless, the basis for which is so people do not do exactly what she did. She does not communicate anything regarding the kids, we have not seen a repor t card or anything in 3 years. When I see an article that says courts are changing they way they rule on cases, it's a crock. My husband was stripped of all his fatherly rights, except support. Our gaurdian ad litem even said he thought my husband was the better parent, but he wouldn't testify to it in court. Our GAL and attorney said even if she was caught abusing them while turning tricks with a needle sticking out of her arm and smoking crack, the best we could hope for would be joint custody. She was even an hour late for our court date, they just started without her and gave her time to show up. We even had to file a motion to prove that we were current because MO had us in arrears, it cost $1000 and 8 months. We have paid every month even before there was aformal order. My ex sees our son whether he pays support or not, it is important for me that my son have a relationship with his father irregardless of the relationship he and I have, and no amount of money is worth my child suffering. Someone says that if your nat paying support you should not see your kids, I'm sorry that's horrible. And if you support that idea then you have to go both ways and say if somone refuses to allow visitation then they should not receive their support. You have to love your kids more than you hate the person you had them with, and a relationship with BOTH parents is what is best for your children no matter what you fee

Ok, my son pays his child support to two daughters in two differant states; and I in turn have to support him. His take home pay is 110.00 for two weeks. Which after he pays electric he has 100.00 per month. The mothers do not allow any contact with his daughters, nor the grandma; so I pay his phone (required by job for on call) and car insurance, he can't afford health insurance. The amount of money this mothers get now of days is wrong, and the child support should be link to contact of the children. He can't even afford to go to court, and I can't afford to help him anymore than I'm, I just pray that he doesn't get sick. He can't get food stamps he hunts and fish so he can eat, spends 40.00 on groc, 40 for gas that leaves 20 for extras. One ex got her job to show a large salary then quit her job 2 weeks after the divorce, had 2 other kids by other men, with on SSI for bi-polar; but she won't even allow phone calls. The other ex won't allow visits or phone calls either, the courts say he must hire a lawyer; but where does he find the money. He makes 10.00 an hour. His girls are 7 and 4. The courts and our law makers but make it easier for fathers to in force their rights and bring inline child support. I got along great on mine of only 100 per month and we had a great life, no my son didn't have the lateness computer or games; but he played ball, made A's and B's and did fine. He went into the Navy got out and married a girl who ended up pregant 3 months later. I'm in my middle 50's in bad health and know I'll have to support my son for the next 14 years and never get to see or speak to my grandchildren. I don't want to ever hear again about fathers should step up in be in their children's lives, they better start looking at the mothers. Mother's are over 50% of the problem they do not want the ex around and feel that their children are property.

Exactly - allegations! My husband's ex made up all of these allegations. He had to defend himself and thankfully he won. Even the psychologist that she picked said he was the better parent!!! If you ahve the $$$ keep going and finally someone will see the truth but it takes a lot of $. We spent over $36,000 for 2 cases over the last 4 years and this doesn't count the other 2 cases before I showed up. Thankfully she was found in contempt of court last year and I dare say the courts have had it with her tricks.

To jmd78 and others:
My husband too was screwed in his divorce./custody agreement. We live in the "great" state of Texas and it was mandated that my husband pay child support based on only his salary (hourly wages) and not accounting AT ALL for his ex-wife's six figure income. He also must provide the healthcare for the two children while also paying for 50% of the unpaid expenses ( he does not get healthcare at his job so he must buy it on the open insurance market) Then to add to the mess- he is NOT allowed to claim either child on his taxes as dependants or their childcare - only his ex-wife. The sheer economics shows that divorce favors WOMEN and gives father NO incentives to be a loving, on-the-scene dad!!!!! The original laws were created in the 50's when men were the primary income providers and women wer ethe stay-at-home homemakers. Times have changed but the laws have not- I challenge all the readers out there- PLEASE get involved!!! There are non-custodial parental rights groups all over - Join a group- Let your voice be heard!!!!

To Michelle09,
I am a stepmother and resent your comments. I promised my husband and his children that I would do my very best to be a mother to them in our household and out of it. I attend all of their activities and volunteer for their school/sport functions right along with their mother. We have a very open relationship and they know that there can never be too many people in the world who love them. Yes there are bad ex wives, ex husbands, stepmother and stepfathers. But don't label people you don't know and don't say that stepparents don't have anything to do with the children. They have everything to do with them if they are trying to provide a stable household for them.

My fiance too has gotten screwed in the raising of his children. His ex-wife just up and moved to another state without properly notifying him while they were in the process of a custody arragement. He has been trying to locate her for about 3 years now and just when we finally get a court hearing she ups and calls him out of the blue and informs him that he no longer has any rights and that her new husband had adopted their two children who are now 5 and 3. How is this possible? ? And all the judge where we live can tell us is that we have to go to Washington (where the adoption was finalized) to fight it. I don't get how this can be legal, he never gave up his rights, and he was never notified of the adoption. Im not familiar with adoption laws, but I just don't see how this can be legal. My fiance wants so desperately to be a father and part of his sons lives, and she wants him to have nothing to do with them, and she is getting away with this.

I live in Alaska, my ex in Montana. When we went through our divorce we both agreed to keep our feelings away from our children. When the courts considered the childsupport they took his total earnings, subtracted his total expenses and he was required to pay 27% of the remainder in monthly childsupport for two girls. All of my earnings went to support these girls. Yes I was very upset butI have never complained to my girls. Even though they haven't seen their father in over 15 years I still encourage them to communicate with him on a regular basis. I even asked the courts to grant him greater visitation than what was customary. He can't afford the airfare on what he makes but they have a close relationship none-the-less and I hope someday I will be able to send them down to visit him because that relationship is important. Comments here seem to be focused mainly on who got screwed financially. Children should have access to both their parents no matter who gets the money or who has to pay and adults need to keep their nasty comments and feelings to themselves and leave the children out of it. Child support requires a certain sense of responsibility that alot of parents don't have but it should never be a prerequisite to access. No one should have to pay to have access to their children.

My husband has no parental rights except for support. His two children have had many behavioral issues, from being asked to leave daycare because of sevral biting issues to outbursts at school, they also hit their mother which my husband has witnessed, and thrown things at her. She has full custaody and my husband is only allowed visits in the summer and on holidays because she moved to a different state, but she blames him for the behavioral issues. They are with her full time, my husband maybe gets one weekend a month and the summer. This past summer his 7 year old showed up only weighing 40 lbs with dark circles under his eyes, then at dinner one night he proceeded to tell us that if you touch the thing in the back of your throat you can throw up, his mommy taught him that, because he says she throws up when she eats. Pretty scary, but what do we do, all of these things are hard to prove. By the way when he went home he weighed almost 52 pounds, in three months, and he didn't eat junk and got plenty of exercise, pool everyday, beach and basketball.

I am a single Mom, and I have been on the other side with my now ex-husband and dealing with his ex, it's terrible how many people, mainly women, who use the kids to get back at the other parent, kids are not pawns!!!! They should never be put in the middle, and the scary part is the way the court systems allow it to happen. The best thing I can say is document everything!! We went to court with documentations for everytime the kids weren't allowed to come on his weekends, and the reasons that she gave why, all the phone calls and the child support that was being paid that she claimed she never got, and on, and on. Thankfully we had a judge who was willing to look at everything, but yes we hired a lawyer too. The best thing parent's can do is not discuss it in front of the kids, your feelings about the other parent are yours and should not be projected on the kids, they still love their parents BOTH OF THEM!!! You will lose in the end if you are using your children, when they are older and can see both sides, you are the one that will come out looking like a very bitter person, trust me I was married to him long enough to watch that happen, and I loved every minute of it!!! ( And no the kids didn't see me gloat!!!)

If we get rid of the windfall incentives given to women and insist that kids get to keep both parents there will be more incentives to try to work it out, I can't tell you how many single mothers I've dated that basically said that they divorced their ex because "it's not like it used to be, he doesn't take me dancing anymore..." no abuse, no infidelity, no addictions, just no fun. Why would anyone who feels they are entitled to be "happy" stay in a relation that is no longer "fun" when they know by getting out they get a healthy, tax-free payment each month, they get total control of the kids, they can easily "punish" the person who "made" them "unhappy", and they can go out and date "fun" guys like me who will be charming, flip the bill for a few weeks, and make them "happy"? Seems to make sense, no?