Not Your Dad's Divorce

Ms. Schrobsdorff, you sure touched anerve with this one, Please use the negative feedback to write a true and just article next time. You need schooled on these issues.

I am a father of a 5 year old son in which his mother abandon him when he was 18 months old and left him with her great aunt and cousin. I have been fight with case in court every since the mother abandoned him and was told be the court that I have no rights to my son. The courts took the word of the Great Aunt and cousin without any proof that I had abandon my son even thou I was paying my child support and calling trying to see my son (they would not let me see him). The courts has given custody of my son to the Great Aunt and cousin despite the fact that I am and still fighting of custody. I was paying child support and the court was sending the support to the mother that did not have custody and when I inquired about the money going to the mother and not to my son I was told that they would have to petition the court to have it changed. The Great Aunt, cousin and myself spoke to a Juvenile Court counselors in 2005 and she advised them to go to court and have the support changed to come to them. It was not until 2008 when they finally went to court to request child support and the courts made the change but I did not receive any credit for the support at was sent to the mother even thou it was a matter of record that my son was not living with her and my payments were made through the courts. The Referee told me that I would have to get my money from the mother and started me in the arrearage with the Great Aunt and cousin 14,000. I have spent 27,000 in attorney's fees in the fight for my son and I still do not have custody nor anywhere has it been proven that I am unfit. Court ordered visitation is every other weekend and from school out to 8pm on wednesdays. If the holidays or birthdays don't fall on my visitation days then I can not see him, they do not allow me to be active with his school, church or anything else. I love my son very very much and can not understand how the courts could ignore my parental rights and allow his Great Great Aunt and cousin to control this situation. The court refuse to admit that they have made a mistake and then correct their mistake. Now they are trying to adopt him that's the battle that I am in now. Something must be done about the Courts and their ruling concerning fathers and their children relaionship. No father that wants to raise his child and have not be proven unfit, no criminal record, working a job, and have not cause any harm or danger to his child should be denied his parental right to raise his child. I could only wish that someone would review these cases and force the courts to make decision based on the law and not on how they feel when the wake up that morning. WE NEED HELP!!!

If I am reading this post by shebun20039 correctly, it says fathers do not deserve the right to get custody of their children. I am curious as to why I do not have the right.
In 1998 I was divorced and we had 1 daughter that was a year old at that time. I paid my child support as ordered, and I exercised my visitation rights, and even asked for more time. I still helped support her other daughter even though I was not legally obligated to.
In 2000 custody was modified and I was awarded custody. Since that time we have been to court 3 times for my ex-wife's failure to pay child support. She does not exercise her full visitation rights, has been to only a couple of her school functions, and has never been to a parent teacher conference.
I have been told by Child Support Enforcement that if the situation was reversed, they would have already arrested me, but they will not do anything to her. I was lucky enough this last time we were in court though. The Judge told her that if she did not start paying what she is supposed to, she would go to jail.
I guess my question for shebun is: What makes me less deserving than my ex-wife? I know a lot of men that have custody of their kids, and the mothers are the deadbeats. It is time for people to realize that gender has nothing to do with parenting skills.

I think that each family court case is unique. I, have gone through a divorce from a man that was physically and emotionally abusive to me. He had problems with drugs and alcohol. I tried to make it work for the sake of the children because children do need both the mother and the father. In reality, some people just can't get along, no matter what they do. If only one person make the effort it definitely isn't going to work. We decided that the children, when old enough, would know where they are comfortable. It has worked out fine for everyone.
My main reason for this post, however, is my current husband had been married to two horrible, controlling women that are two of the same. The first wife wanted him back and he didn't want it so she decided she would "teach him a lesson." In both divorces he has court-ordered visitation, which neither person allows unless it in under their terms. He has always paid his child support and kept in touch with the children. The mother's find every excuse to not allow him to speak or spend time with his own children, but they will complain about it all.
One has gone back to court, that doesn't hold any jurisdiction, and repuested a midification to three times more than she was receiving. The judge is directly related to her younger children that she receives no support for from their father, and he awarded her request. This left us with next to nothing to live on and we continue to struggle day-to-day. She fills the children full of nonsense and allows them to be disrespectful towards their father, she actually encourages it.
The second wife was physically abusive and worked the system by quitting her job and going back to school. She was awarded a "Nice" monthly support payment. She has also done the same as the first wife and filled their child full of nonsense and lies and tells her to call her dad names and allows her to cuss at him. She has since started working another job where she makes more than my husband. He has requested a modification and has not heard back yet.
We have had nothing but continued harassment from both women. They both have problems with lying and forging my husband's signature for certain things. They both think they are very important and if they think you don't fit in their "perfect" world then you are not worthy.
He is not able to obtain legal representation for financial reasons. Because more than half of his income goes to them they do have attorney's. Both judges for both cases were corrupt. He is still dealing with the court hearing's. His Civil Right's have been violated many times over with the current modification and the Judge actually had the nerve to say he has not violated any of his right's. I do know this Judge personally and he has no educational background to be in a courtroom, let alone in a robe.
I could go on and on, but I'm sure most of you can use our imagination and finish the rest.

oh, pleeeease. The entire court system is a joke. Court appointed guardian ad litums and fruitcake advocates in it for the money. The first words out their mouth is "here is my address so you can send your payment". In North Carolina, you can get judge Becky Tin to conduct an illegal trial, complete with all witnesses and testimony against you conducted in a private room with you not present.

yeah you stupid --------- judges and people that run this country a stupid idiot knows that a child need both parents they make people pay to see their kids two weekends a month good men and i mean good men! and these stupid people in our system oh welll maybe let's give the dad more time after you have screwed up a generation. hell i hope it happens to all these lawyers judges and everyone that fooled with nature! i did'nt have a dad and the courts took my children from me and did'nt even try to know who i was!! the system was flat ass broke but when they screw up only we pay for it! buissness as usual!

I am a single dad with custody of my 5 year old. Mom has been in out drinking vanilla extract, aressted DUI, stealing vanilla extract. In the divorce I supplied her share of the money, enough for her to buy a house, car and so on. We had shared custody for a year then she started drinking again, so i took full control. Now she is sober again and I monitor her when she visits our daugther. My ex is now taking me back to court to change the custody agreement, she is sober 90 days again. I also travel for work covering 10 states so i hired someone to care for my little girl while I travel two - three days per week. It seems like it never ends with the EX. I do invite her to functions as long as she is sober, but it dosent seem like much of a life. Doing all the shoping taking care of my daugther, baby sitting the EX and working. But it has to be done. God bless all the single parents.

I think u guys are great! Though difficult in splitting up, you actually plan to live near each other for the sake of your children. It is good that you prioritize your children before self. I don't see a lot of people, especially fathers, think like that. Even in splitting up, you and your ex show that you are good people inside. When my parents split up, there wasnt even an effort for my dad to see us, he didn't care

"I REALLY DO NOT THINK THAT THEY DESERVE THE RIGHT TO GET CUSTODY OF THEIR CHILDREN"

Shebun, you sound ignorant. It's people like you that have me back in school to become a Father's Rights Attorney.

OH Man! My ex thought she would lure me to Oklahoma, under the guise her grandmother needed help financially. My ex would act strange whenever she was on the computer, and since it was already rocky, I installed keystroke software got her email password, and found out she had planned to keep me in OK and serve me and force me to live there if I wanted to see the kids at all. this was the day after thanksgiving, I grabbed my kids drove to Arizona when she was out, and told her to return so she could get served, 30,000 dollars later after she forged a lease saying it was my intention to stay in OK, and all kinds of intimidation with police, the courts (thank God) and a kick ass attorney in AZ awarded me exact split custody. Oh man was she mad, a real heartless wench. So I offer her money to move to California, we try to reconcile, I couldnt take it so I moved out, I have a great house and my kids are totally happy with me their dad. She is so pissed because I am having a good time I make good money and she was only awarded 500 dollars per month for both kids because she was such a lying fool in front of the AZ judge, Anyway I made a music video about being a single divorced dad in Los Angeles, and she concocts a temporary restrainging oder here in Los Angeles alledging child porn and had my kids taken away by the police at my house, the judge dismaiised it out of hand once he saw the video and heard my testimony, and in particular after he watched her in action, she just wanted more custody so she could get more money, you can watch the vid at myspace.com/dontopenyoureyesmusic. It was crazy she is crazy and I gotta deal with her because she was the womb that carried my kids, to top it off three days after I won in court she calls me up crying, she wants me to go over to her place, I do because she is hot, and we are intimate, I leave because I am recording a record with nick oliveri from queens of the stone age, and she is livid, now she denies I was even there. What a nut bag...All I can say is if you are a good dad fight for it...I call it co-parenting and in California and Arizona it is worth it to go for half...so I have what is called 2 2 3...2 days with her two days with me, and then a weekend with her, then reverse and a weekend with me...I love it and I am free to make music without the gold digging, bipolar, shrew scrutinizing everything I do...DADS RIGHTS!!!!

OH Man! My ex thought she would lure me to Oklahoma, under the guise her grandmother needed help financially. My ex would act strange whenever she was on the computer, and since it was already rocky, I installed keystroke software got her email password, and found out she had planned to keep me in OK and serve me and force me to live there if I wanted to see the kids at all. this was the day after thanksgiving, I grabbed my kids drove to Arizona when she was out, and told her to return so she could get served, 30,000 dollars later after she forged a lease saying it was my intention to stay in OK, and all kinds of intimidation with police, the courts (thank God) and a kick ass attorney in AZ awarded me exact split custody. Oh man was she mad, a real heartless wench. So I offer her money to move to California, we try to reconcile, I couldnt take it so I moved out, I have a great house and my kids are totally happy with me their dad. She is so pissed because I am having a good time I make good money and she was only awarded 500 dollars per month for both kids because she was such a lying fool in front of the AZ judge, Anyway I made a music video about being a single divorced dad in Los Angeles, and she concocts a temporary restrainging oder here in Los Angeles alledging child porn and had my kids taken away by the police at my house, the judge dismaiised it out of hand once he saw the video and heard my testimony, and in particular after he watched her in action, she just wanted more custody so she could get more money, you can watch the vid at myspace.com/dontopenyoureyesmusic. It was crazy she is crazy and I gotta deal with her because she was the womb that carried my kids, to top it off three days after I won in court she calls me up crying, she wants me to go over to her place, I do because she is hot, and we are intimate, I leave because I am recording a record with nick oliveri from queens of the stone age, and she is livid, now she denies I was even there. What a nut bag...All I can say is if you are a good dad fight for it...I call it co-parenting and in California and Arizona it is worth it to go for half...so I have what is called 2 2 3...2 days with her two days with me, and then a weekend with her, then reverse and a weekend with me...I love it and I am free to make music without the gold digging, bipolar, shrew scrutinizing everything I do...DADS RIGHTS!!!!

iamomma says "Maybe a few dad's deserve more time then their kids are getting with them, but kids need stability. Living in one place provides that stability."

Are you kidding? It's not about the fathers who "deserve" more time. It's about the kids who deserve more time with their dads (as well as moms). My ex-wife and I divorced 6 years ago. Our four children spend Monday and Tuesday nights with mom, Wed and Thurs with dad, and we alternate the Fri/Sat/Sun weekends. The schedule ends up being 2 nights, 2 nights, 5 nights, 5 nights - a clean 50-50 split. On days that we switch, one parent will take the kids to school and the other will pick them up. After a few months of moving clothing, textbooks, and skateboards back and forth, we settled into a comfortable pattern. The kids know what to expect. They have not only "stability," but two households with two loving parents (who also get breaks from 24-hour single parenting). Life is great and they (the kids) say they wouldn't want it any other way.

I feel fortunate that I have never gone through this however I have watched my husband go through an unbelievably difficult child custody battle with his ex-wife. I have always explained that I am "in addition to" mom & dad however it is not an easy role to play. The divorce was simple for them and it seemed that the custody agreement was too. Then he met me. Once the Girls mother decided that she wanted to include my salary towards the calculation of support then the fireworks began. We have spent thousands to try and gain more time with the Girls - to no avail. In fact, the ex had a child born prior to their marriage. On the second time we took her to court she actually petiioned the court for child support for him based on the fact that he was listed in their divorce decree as "a child of the marriage"...the court granted it. My Husband received no increase in his custody and it has put a strain on the GIrls since they feel "guilty" if they express wanting more time with him so after five times going to court, we dont push anymore. If there is one thing I can say it is that the court system is neither fair nor just. The ex has several DUI's (2 with the Girls in the car) and has 2 pending lawsuits for employer theft. When presented with this information the Court promptly diregarded citing that one had nothing to do with another. No monetary challenge was too much as long as we continued to fight for the GIrls. That was 8 years ago. Both are now 16 and 14 and somehow, through it all, have blossomed into wonderful young ladies that we are proud of. In closing, it is about the children - not about you, your ex or the amount of support. You will go broke if you dont learn to see the forest through the trees and remember to just be a parent through it all

My ex and I divorced in 1998. We automatically agreed on joint custody. No child support. He made alittle more money than I did so he opted to pay day care. in 2000 we opened a joint check book and we both deposited money into it. It has worked really well. We have had disagreements, especially now that our girls are in there teens. It is always about the kids, not about the fact that we could not make it as a married couple. I feel that the court and child support often times create more problems trying to decide "who is the better parent". My children have been spliting the week since my youngest was 2. When we talk about it, they would not have it any other way. Thier father and I live about 30 minutes away so there is drive time stuff but it is worth it.
I also feel that parents are given permission by the court to act outrageous and inappropriate. By allowing parents to "fight it out" the victums (the children) continue to be caught in the middle. There is no healing from the loss they have endured.

I lived next door to a couple for 6 years before I realized they were divorced. The children stayed in the home and the parents rotated mother there with them one week, father there with them the next week. The kids never had to leave home, always slept in their own bed and had equal time with both parents (who both had apartments elsewhere). I commend them for putting their children first even though it was a financial hardship for them both.