Not Your Dad's Divorce

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  • Posted By: followthemoney111 @ 01/12/2009 9:38:51 AM

    This is an article to push for mandatory shared parenting to be legalized in states.
    Funny how no one mentioned that domestic violence perpetrators and child molesters are winning custody, and where are you getting your statistics.... maybe you should try reliable web sites like the judicial council for statistics instead of Fathers Rights web sites. As we see in this article anyone can write anything and some poor suckers are going to believe it. Dads are winning 70 percent of all contested custody cases, dads are alienating mothers from their children, and dads are abusing mothers and their children. When the mothers try to leave they are telling them "I'll take your children" and unfortunately Family court is allowing them to do it. I know this is so, have a friend whose husband put 26 stitches in her head with a crow bar and he got custody of their little girl. The bias in court against women, the GAL, Court appointed therapists, even Judges is very real, of course the whole world would rather believe moms a witch then that dad is abusing his kids. Where do you think all these sexually abused adults came from?????? Women are speaking out, most importantly Children are speaking out, look at the website Courageous Children, it???s full of kids who were taken away from a good parent and given to an abuser. If you want to know the truth you have to watch who you get your information from, don't be biased Newsweek, report on the bad side of all this father initiative money which is teaching abusers and pedophiles how to win in court, some fathers rights websites even use government money to help abusers with legal costs, and the kids and mothers suffer the most.

  • Posted By: tomporter764 @ 01/01/2009 1:50:49 AM

    I happen to be one of the embattled fathers and have been "living my case" for 12 yrs. I have 2 kids and live just outside Washington Dc . I don't see the happy, shiney change in society that is reported here. what I see are the ongoing and growing number of suicides of non custodial parents each year (a reported 18,000 in 2007) and I see the continued effort of the Bar assoc. to further complicate things so that they can continue to feed on the suffering of children and families. I'm not a PHD but you don't need to be one to go to any courthouse in the land and see the pain and the tears in the parents and childrens eyes. If you want the real stories contact me and I'll show you the facts and the victims. Istarted the group www.fairwindz.org to help these victims and to build support for change. The time has come for the judges and lawyers stop cleaning their golf clubs with the fabric of our society. Global change is needed now

    • Posted By: coldinNCA @ 01/11/2009 12:39:57 AM

      ColdinNCA: Thank you for your great contribution to our children and fathers. Your inspiration is felt.

  • Posted By: Deedra Hunter @ 12/23/2008 7:36:51 PM

    It took over 2 hours to carefully read all of your comments and the overwhelming pain and frustration emanating from the pages was palpable. As the co-author of Winning Custody I have been involved in the world of custody battles for over 7 years and I have a few thoughts to share.

    l. I never agreed with the title of my book as no one ???wins??? a custody battle-least of all our children.

    2. Custody battles are a BIG business. By the time the whole ordeal is over most of you have gone broke paying attorneys, guardian ad litems, parent coordinators,psychological evaluators, and expert witnesses.

    3. Judges and attorneys often don???t get it right or seem to care and the whole family court system feels abusive to most parents.

    4. If you are embroiled in a long contentious custody case than someone in the fight has an emotional problem that no court proceeding can fix. I have often noted these cases involve a parent who could be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. This type of disorder drives a person to fight to the death to prove he/she is right, to be in control, to make it all about them, and to not care at all what all the hatred and chaos is doing to their children. They blame everyone else for what is happening (never taking personal responsibility), and will keep firing professionals hoping to get a team that will always agree with her/him. They will go back to court forever and hold a grudge forever.

    5. There are a lot of wonderful dads who should absolutely be the primary parent. I have coached as many men as women and know the pain these men feel and their sense of helplessness.

    6. Please re-read posts by: dicedealer72@ 12/16/2008.6-01-00pm., shiori 181 @12/16/2008, 1:12:09pm., and tgunn2@12/15/2008 10:31:09.

    I will be posting a new article on Lifeworksgroup.org in February going into more detail on all of this. It will include interviews with judges, attorneys, paralegals, psychologists, and parent coordinators. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

    Deedra Hunter, M.S., LMHC

    • Posted By: coldinNCA @ 01/11/2009 12:33:44 AM

      ColdinNCA: Go sell your book. It will do our children GOOD, lol...

    • Posted By: coldinNCA @ 12/28/2008 3:30:48 PM

      ColdinCA: You wouldn't believe that my son was physically abused by his mother before 5 years old. I reported to CPS 3 times and the social worker interviewed my son. My son said he was hit by his mother and grandparents(they all came from mainland China). They use my son as the object for their anger, revenge and a tool to make huge financial gains on child support payment they receive. They all have money to buy big houses, Lexus SUV's, go to restaurants often, good clothes & shoes. They wouldn't spend the child support money on my son's clothes and shoes to go to his school. He wears worn out clothes and shoes to school on Mondays and Fridays from his mother's. He said his mother is too lazy to help him with school homework. So, I have to double up on helping his homework, love and care and fun with him. My son is 5 years old now. He has been telling that his mother tells him she hates him. She doesn't care about him he tells her when he feels cold. He cracked the back of his head his head with 3 staples put in the back of his head in emergency room at Kaiser when he was told to jump on a rocker and numerous cuts and bruises. Yet, I have to pay for her attorney & accountant fees during the divorce and every time I seek the custody modification. My son refuses to go his mother when I have to send him to his mother. He said I don't want to go to my mother and why do I have to go to my mother. He used to cry when he had to when he was younger. The judges don't know the issues inherent to a communist culture growing up there. Lying is the cultural norm and using their children as a tool for selfish gains is the norm. Our family court system plays into their prey. My horror ordeal imposed the family court is similar to yours except the added abuses to my son. My ex and her attorney lied on the I&E Declaration contrary to the accounts she has and the retainer fees she paid her attorney. Yet, she and her attorney didn't disclose her retainer fees paid to her attorney in order to seek Code Section 2030 attorney fees from me (to be continued...)

  • Posted By: DADZRITES @ 01/01/2009 9:01:22 AM

    There is no equal time. As a fathers' rights, childrens' rights and family rights advocate for over 25 years, I can tell you with complete assurance that there is NO equality in the family courts. Mothers still get custody or primary caretaker status in over 95% of all child custody cases. Where in society could you come up with those kind of winning odds? Surely not Vegas or Atlantic City. And, surely not in any state lottery. Divorce, child custody, child support and domestic violence are BIG business industries for the states. The Federal government is complicit in all this because they fund the states to contine breaking up marriages, extracting assets and monies from the main taxpayers (men) to perpetuate child support and domestic violence bureaucracies, and continually create child support and domestic violence hysterias where there are none. Case in point: The domestic violence propagandists scream that women are being killed at an alarming rate in domestic violence situations. A closer look at the numbers reveals that they are insignificant on the scale of overall murders, deaths, and suicides. In NJ for instance, there were 42 deaths due to domestic violence in the last 2 years. One-third of those were men being killed by women. What the domestic violence "scream queens" don't tell you is that men are victims in almost 50% of all cases, yet women get all the Federal and state funding for battered women's programs and shelters. Battered men don't get "one thin dime".
    As for child support, that is the biggest financial rip-off in history. Judges pensions and salaries are directly linked to Federal funding given to the states under Title 42 USC Section 658(a)-(f) based on how much child support is awarded, collected and enforced upon. The US Supreme Court has held that judges who have a financial interest in the outcome of cases before them, have a tendency to abuse their contempt powers to extract/extort as much as they can to pad their incomes and pensions. The Supreme Court went on to say that this is an unconstitutional conflict of interest and any orders made by these judges are null and void. Judges must then recuse themselves or face felony official misconduct charges and possible impeachment.
    Study after study shows that custody awards almost always go to women. A major study in New Jersey showed this very dramatically, so much so, that the NJ Supreme Court, which empanelled the study, called it off because the issue of discrimination would have been too embarrassing for the state.

    Bruce Eden, Civil Rights Director
    DADS (Dads Against Discrimination) --New Jersey & New York Chapters
    b_eden@verizon.net
    973-616-9558
    www.dadsamerica.org (click on NJ web page)

    • Posted By: coldinNCA @ 01/11/2009 12:28:59 AM

      ColdinNCA: Child support money received by mothers are tax-free to spend however they want. You know the rest when our government doesn't have oversight like the dire depression caused by non-oversight of our financial system.

    • Posted By: coldinNCA @ 01/11/2009 12:23:52 AM

      ColdinNCA: Thank you for your post. What a revelation in the light of injustice to our children. One on the repulsive family court orders is child support order. There's no oversight how the money is spent. Why is it called child support when most of the money is not spent on the children. IT SHOULD BE CHANGED TO MOTHER SUPPORT. What an exploit of children misused by our legal system. What a sham... In my case, my son's mother spent it on her new Lexus SUV, French Cognac, weekly fancy Chinese restaurants for her family, brand name clothes and shoes for herself, and on... Yet, my son has hand me down clothes and shoes from his cousins. He was not cared for by his mother instead he was cared for by his grandparents in their 80's who can barely care for themselves. They have been receive monthly SSI payment and medicare when they first immigrated to U.S. They never worked and paid any taxes in U.S. I quit my jobs to stay home to raise my son on my years of hard work and savings since his birth. If not for my care, my son would have been dead. He had head injury in the back of his head with 3 staples put in his head when he had to be taken into emergency room with blood soaked the back of his shirt crying the whole night while in emergency room. This was under his mother's custody/visitation. And, countless cuts and bruises not to mention flu , cough and runny nose, He was told by his mother "She hates him", "She doesn't care about him", "She will punch him and stuff him in garbage can and let the garbage truck take him away", "After his mother and his uncle and grandparents drink French Cognac, they surround him and hit him". His grandparents drink French Cognac every dinner. I can write more but I am too sick to write any further thinking about the whole injustice especially to our children.

    • Posted By: aformerabusedmom @ 01/09/2009 10:43:34 PM

      Wow Bruce you pop up everywhere.

  • Posted By: www.corruptioncentral.com @ 01/01/2009 11:28:10 AM

    Children are money makers for the divorce industry. Uncaring lawyers and anti- social workers make their living from exploiting children and causing conflict in the courts. Not much difference between these so-called professionals and phedophiles. www.corruptioncentral.com

    • Posted By: coldinNCA @ 01/10/2009 11:24:25 PM

      You are right about this. Our children are treated like pawns for our divorce and custody industry. Our society will pay for these corruptions when our children grow up to be unfit citizens as a result of abuses they suffer.

  • Posted By: Grandmother in Idaho @ 01/06/2009 1:32:04 AM

    Family courts and the judges who preside in them are a joke in this country. Women get away with false accusations of abuse and are never held responsible for the abuse they inflict on men. I'm a woman and I'm disgusted with what I witnessed in family court in Maricopa Co, AZ by Judge Coonts. She made an unjust ruling based on her own recent nasty divorce and did nothing but inflict damage on the children involved. They are supposed to be the important ones in a divorce but not in this case. Their mother is a mentally ill woman who still has the children and does everything she can to keep them from their father who is the only stable parent they have ever had. The judge and the money grubbing lawyers don't even care what the outcome is. They just continue to rule against good fathers and the children suffer. Our family court system is a sham and a failure. No wonder there is violence after some divorces involving men, women and children. Men are beaten to death in the courts and the beat goes on. Who cares!!!

    • Posted By: aformerabusedmom @ 01/09/2009 10:41:07 PM

      Grandmother In Idaho:

      Are you condoning violewnce against womena nd chidlren simply because fathers are supposedly screwed in a divorce? Are you saying that ALL women lie? Well I am a woman, I was abused, and I am not lying. The courts have chosen to ignore me. They will NOT ignore me after the child is 18. I will become their beiggest embarassment.

      • Posted By: coldinNCA @ 01/10/2009 11:18:17 PM

        coldinNCA: My experience has been that the judge didn't know how to protect the children and left it to the money grubbing attorneys. Ultimately, the children suffer from outright abuses by mothers. It doesn't take much to understand that most mothers have been awarded physical custody more than men. Yet, the abuses were ignored when reported by fathers who don't have physical or less custody/visitation. Even when reported by fathers and medical professionals and teachers, the CPS(Child Protective Services) are powerless when the court doesn't care about children and have biases towards men. Ultimately, these cases resulted in violence because justice is not served. It's a sad, sad, sad culture that our country care more about other countries than our own children. WHAT A DISGRACE TO WORLD...

  • Posted By: dicedealer72 @ 12/17/2008 5:53:25 PM

    I think we all must look at all sides, all three of them. Mom's, dad's, and the truth. A lot of people post that dad wants more custody to lower support, but if mom wants more custody it's in the childs best interest. If dad wants to have support lowered, then he's a deadbeat that doesn't want to support his children. If mom wants to increase support it's becasue she wants to raise her children's quality of life. Not all dad's want more custody because of money, and not all mom's want to raise support for their own reasons. But I think everyone needs to entertain that those issues are out there and not do what everyone here is, generalizing. i'm an optimist, I would like to believ that Dad wants more custody so he can be more active in his childs life, and mom wants more money to support the kids, but I also know that is not only the case. I think these discussions have gotten very personal very fast, and I undersatnd why. Parents who don't receive as much child support as they would like, or fell they deserve, if you have the mojority of custody I think maybe it's a trade off. You have more time with your child than the other parent, be thankfull for that. When I went for custody and was told the court would establish child support, then custody, my only response was "I don't want the money I just want my child." No matter what it costs to support him I was willing to do without help, just to have him. I truly believe if all you want is custody of your children and have no ulterior motives, then you would be willing to forego the money, and the question should be asked of any couple going through custody, "If the other parent were to never pay a dime of support, would you still want custody?" And if the answer is anything other than a loud and clear "YES!" , not "well they're supposed to, or the lids are entitled to it", then the courts should take a long hard look at the custody arrangement. My guess is that there are MANY fathers who would say yes a thousand times over, as well as mothers. I know I did.

    • Posted By: aformerabusedmom @ 12/17/2008 7:14:38 PM

      I would gladly give up all the money he has to give if only 2 things would happen.

      1. I had a decent paying job (right now I make 16000 a year before taxes and insurance).
      2. I would be allowed to protect this child and keep the abuse from happening to either one of us.

      I do not want this child to grow up and get into an abusive relationship. This child has already felt the need to shelter from me the stuff happening at dad's house (bad stuff, questionable behavior) and I know that it would continue when she gets old enough. She would suffer silently while being abused. I CANNOT let that happen. If we are NOT abused, then chances are good she will not grow up to be abused. But if she continues to witness me being abused and she is abused, then chances are she will be abused in relationships with men.

      • Posted By: dicedealer72 @ 12/17/2008 8:08:36 PM

        Have you tried DFS? Also it is hard to claim that the child may be endangered if you continue to allow visitation. If you caontinu to allow visitation and later claim abuse, MOST judges will ask the question if you suggested then you shouldn't have kept sending. They will assume that you didn't think it was bad enough to call DFS or to withhold visitation. After all your all she's got and it's your job to protect her. Also most police won't get invovled and force visitation, stating it is a civil matter and should be handled that way. If he does file contempet you are looking at a little time before you go to trial. I have known in some cases where it was necessary to hire an attorney, not a court appointed Guardian, in order to protect the child. you could also ask to offset these costs to dad. If your case of abuse is proven he may be responsible for the enitre amount. Also many states offer classes so you may represent yourself pro se. But if you suspect abuse of the child then you should definitely contact DFS, and don't give up. You and you alone have the power to change your life and hers. You may want to change jobs, it is scary and sometimes you have to sacrifice benefits for awhile, but in the end a better paying job would benefit you. I don't know your situation, but you are the only person that can change it. But continuing to fight with your ex means he is still controlling your life, and abusing you. We choose not to let our ex control our lives, only communicate when we must and discuss it no further than it needs to be, because it just starts to control us and effect our emotional way of life and the emotional way of life of our children who are witness to it. i have even gone as far as to make sure my other two children are not at home when custody changes hands, because of unexpected and erractic behavior. It is sometimes a struggle and inconvenience, but it is my job to protect them and nothing will stop me from it. Good luck and know that you alone can change your life, and it won't always be like this.

        • Posted By: aformerabusedmom @ 12/19/2008 3:50:39 AM

          Two things:

          First if I deny visitation (I have done so before based on abuse) I will get thrown in jail. The judge has even stated as such.

          2. I have notified DCF and others have notified DCF and nothing comes of it. Emaotional abuse is too hard to prove.

          • Posted By: Remorhaz101 @ 01/01/2009 7:05:51 AM

            Are you serious? If you deny visitation you'll get thrown in jail? Honestly give me one just one example where this has occurred! Mothers are NEVER punished for anything they do no matter how outrageous it is! They routinely deny visiation, skip out on child support (only men are dead beats), file false charges one after another (oh yes the three little words men love to hear... "He hit me"). You want to win your case? Simply pick up the phone, dial 911 and say "He hit me". Case closed. Instant win and you'll never be punished for it. I don't believe for a second that any judge anywhere has ever enforced a court order on a woman. Please.

            • Posted By: aformerabusedmom @ 01/09/2009 11:01:41 PM

              I WAS hit, I DID call police. What happened? He left before they arrived, they did not file charges (they filed a "report" and left it up to SA who refused to prosecute). He then returned home and 2 days later 'crank-called' 911. Same police officers showed up and what happened? He was passed out drunk and the cops left. A few days later he viciously attacked me, I was exhausted but too terrified to sleep. I faded in and out of sleep - waking at the slightest sound, sleeping with our child right by my side so he could not run off with her. The next day he called and told me I needed to straighten my act up or that night would be even worse than the previous. I instead chose to file for a RO. It was granted and that might very well have been my worst choice. Why do I say that? Had I stayed I might be dead right now but then I know for a fact that the child would never have to be abused by him. Even my abuse would have stopped.

              Now I go to court against the abuser, and the judge makes these types of comments:

              Judge: Did you know Mr. XXXXXX was abusive before you married him?
              Me: No your honor, I did not.
              Jusge: Was he abusive before you got pregnant?
              Me: Yes your honor, on one.....(judge interupts)
              Judge: Well since you now admit that he abused you before you got pregnant - you two share a child together and I don't care if he abuses you now or not, you just need to learn to deal with it.
              Me: Your Honor, I thought if a woman was abused she was taught to leave, to protect herself. DCF told me to protect our child and myself...create a asafety plan, how can I protect us when....(judge interupts again)
              Judge: Ms. XXXXXX this has already been handled. I am going to make my ruling now.

              This is what I deal with everytime I walk into court. I try to bring in new allegations of abuse (and these are ALL new) and some are dad against child....

              I am IGNORED!!!!!!

              I am resigned to my fate and that of my child. I will do my best to raise her ona limited income. I will forever (at least until the child is 18) be subjected to his paying when and if he feels like it.

              BUT!!!!!

              The day will come. I will leave the nasty woman-hating state I now live in when the child turns 18. They are free to come with me or not. I will disappear. I will no longer have any contact with this man. I will however contact every single reporter (tv, newspaper, etc) who runs a story about child custody, domestic violence, judicial corruption, law enforcement corruption, etc and SCREAM my story from the rooftops. The players in my case should hope that they are out of the legal arena as I will make sure everyone who is anyone knows about them. The judge? The GAL? The police involved? DCF? Individual caseworkers? Other family? ALL ARE FAIR GAME. ALL WILL BE INCLUDED IF THEY DID WRONG!!!!

    • Posted By: padmelupin @ 12/18/2008 1:21:50 PM

      "I don't want the money I just want my child."

      My husband and I have had full custody of my stepson since our wedding in March. We have not seen a dime of child support, nor do we expect to.

      It wasn't the point of getting custody. My husband did not pay child support before, since he and his ex had joint physical and equivalent pay levels. We filed for custody because the ex had dropped back into her meth habit.

      It truly was in the best interest of the child.

    • Posted By: padmelupin @ 12/18/2008 1:18:53 PM

      "I don't want the money I just want my child."

      My husband and I have had full custody of my stepson since our wedding in March. We have not seen a dime of child support, nor do we expect to.

      It wasn't the point of getting custody. My husband did not pay child support before getting full custody, as he and my stepson's mother had joint physical custody and similar pay rates. We got custody because the mother had gotten back on meth.

      There are good reasons for fathers to get custody.

    • Posted By: padmelupin @ 12/18/2008 1:18:08 PM

      "I don't want the money I just want my child."

      My husband and I have had full custody of my stepson since our wedding in March. We have not seen a dime of child support, nor do we expect to.

      It wasn't the point of getting custody. My husband did not pay child support before getting full custody, as he and my stepson's mother had joint physical custody and similar pay rates. We got custody because the mother had gotten back on meth.

      There are good reasons for fathers to get custody.

    • Posted By: padmelupin @ 12/18/2008 1:15:28 PM

      "I don't want the money I just want my child."

      My husband and I have had full custody of my stepson since our wedding in March. We have not seen a dime of child support, nor do we expect to.

      It wasn't the point of getting custody. My husband did not pay child support before getting full custody, as he and my stepson's mother had joint physical custody and similar pay rates. We got custody because the mother had gotten back on meth.

      There are good reasons for fathers to get custody.

  • Posted By: tz51w8 @ 01/09/2009 5:11:37 PM

    WRT to jeverstatdt comment:: Child support for a home large enough for the children.....what? every child needs thier own room? My mom was a secretary. When we lived together, she was able to manage her money so we didn't need child support. Vacations. College. You're bragging that one parent is unable to manage money, probably a home, and maybe the children should spend more time with the other parent.

  • Posted By: tz51w8 @ 01/09/2009 5:06:13 PM

    In my parents contested divorce, my siblings and I spent equal time with each parent. One parent was a secretary, the other was an electricain. No child support (financial) was ordered. Although the terms still exist, it was joint legal, joint physical. What a huge improvement over the typical court order. Unless you experience this option, you may never realize how bad other arraingments are. Child support should have a meaning tied with time and emotional bonds, not money. ..... Does Newsweek hate men or fathers?

  • Posted By: jeverstadt @ 01/09/2009 12:20:14 PM

    Even if a parent only has custody of a child 50 percent of the time, they still must live in a home large enough for themselves and the child. This is what damages lives when child support payments are reduced based on changes in visitation. The rent or mortgage payment doesn't decrease.

  • Posted By: Unsui13 @ 01/09/2009 2:24:25 AM

    I tried so hard to achieve this for my daughters. Little did I know until a couple years after the fact that my children and I were being blind-sided by an obssessed version of www.paskids.com
    I even tried to tell my daughters at the ages of 16 & 19 that this is what took place in their lives.
    www.paskids.com was the reality that showed how effective it's deceptions are, when my daughters accused me of wanting to just blame their other parent, and that it was them also who decided they did not want to be around me. Ironic that my daughters and I were extremely close when we lived in the same house, yet somehow in the first 6 months of divorce, they were given the adult decision making of not seeing their Dad until each of them were 18 (they were 8 and 11 at the time, yet even after this, the older daughter was forced by her live-in parent to work out visitation details, that she was brainwashed into and again away from.....and this is what a live-in parent is about?) Funny how their reasons for wanting to stay away from Dad were based on things that never happened. Yet spoken to them enough from where they lived, without being able to hear the other parent share another side, what esle could they grow up believing? Be very aware, www.paskids.com warns of how deep the brainwashing can go. Narcissism is quite dangerous, and the porr young kids may never be allowed to learn otherwise, once their minds are polluted. it blows me away how courts will force you to pay child support for children you also love, yet will not force the other parent to make sure you get time with those same kids, and that they aren't brainwashing their innocence away from them. It's all simply SICKENING!!!

  • Posted By: never get married @ 01/06/2009 11:27:37 AM

    I am father of two young daughters, my ex decided to have an affair while we were going to marriage counseling. She had ended it after years of personal counseling and anti-depressants(at one time she was on two at the same time she was taking ritalin). She accused me of all sorts of extremely twisted things and within two months after filing for divorce she moved our children in with her boyfriend.

    Because of the undue accusations the court simply put the proceedings on the slowest possible track. She has a personality disorder which blinds her to a seventeen year olds outlook. She is narcissistic in nature. Despite having twelve years in a professional job she decided she would bleed me for all she could. Despite moving in with her boyfriend she would not let me move back into the house. Despite the trauma and emotional challenges this brought to my children she employed her mother and father as well as a child psychologist in an attempt to dissuade the girls from wanting to visit me. Now I have half custody.

    I was unable to stop thinking about the safety of my girls, and would they be cared for in a manner that would allow them to mature into young adults. The magistrate decided I should give her 1/2 my take home pay. None of the other factors came into play. Her persistent underemployment, her living in her boyfriends house with our kids, her years of psychiatric counseling and multiple medications, none of it makes any sense.

    I could not focus on my extremely stressful career any longer and I screwed up. After years in a challenging field I was fired. Once the well dried up, I began getting regular visitation and now have the girls half time. I have lost my house, my career, and now I get the kids.

    The court has deer in the headlights syndrome. It is joke that any accusation is erred on the side of the courts safety. They merely covered their asses, and that's the way it is. Chicken feed courts protecting crazy lazy women.

  • Posted By: eeberg@verizon.net @ 01/02/2009 5:33:14 PM

    Why is it that Newsweek always assigns women to author articles on the family and divorce? Schrobsdorff own divorce confessional is not newsworthy but journalistic narcissism. If 50% of all marriages end in divorce, 80+% of them are filed by women and men only receive sole custody in 10% of the litigated cases -- no responsible, sober, solvent male who loves his children would ever get married. Marriage is riskier to a man's assets ( which include his children)_ than unprotected sex is to one's health. These facts need to be disseminated to all men.

  • Posted By: Catherina @ 01/02/2009 11:35:18 AM

    The real problem is that there is no cookie cutter answer that will ftt custodial issues and there never will be. There is such a broad range of individuals and an even broader ranger of how those people act during a divorce. Are there examples of great fathers who are wrongfully kept from their children or are wrongfully accused or have to pay too much child support - sure,of course there are.

    I divorced a guy that had become a drug addict, (prescription piils - which are ok to the courts btw) abusive to me (though thankfully not my children, they were very small). I fled in the middle of the night with nothing but the children because I was so afraid of him. I absolutely believe that too many men are wrongfully accused of abuse because the female judge that I had had no sympathy for me at all - her exact words were "well, did he ever hold a gun to your head and threaten to kill you?" No, he had not, but that doesn't mean he didn't beat me and wasn't controlling of everything I did, etc. Obviously her hardness came from hearing women say the things I was saying it all the time - often false and always "he said/she said." Even though my ex had a college degree and had been a teacher, he took a minimum wage job upon our separation and therefore was only made to pay $200 (as if that actually helps at all). He has since remained intentionally unemployed. In fact, he sells stuff on ebay and the like - while his new wife - an engineer, pays his $200 child support and basically has him as a "kept" man. He drives around in a Lexus and shows up to pick up the kids looking drugged up, unshowered and, wearing no shoes His cycle of abuse seems to have continued with his new wife, because a year after they married, she wrote me an email, afraid of him. Not sure why she is still with him, anyhow...

    That is my story - mine. Other people have different stories. All of the fathers on here that have written their stories - ok, those are their stories. They need to keep in mind they are not my story and not other peoples stories. All of the attorneys that say that they have seem blah blah - also, what do they REALLy know? Your client was "wrongfully accussed?" Maybe or maybe not. The truth often does not come out in nasty divorces, believe me. The ultimate point is that the idea that we can just "set a standard" for custody, etc. is absurd. Is this the way the law works - yes, this is the nature of our judicial system - for criminal and civil cases. Family law must branch out into something different. Not sure how this can be accomplished, since it is the nature of our structure and attornies are getting rich off of it. But ideally, there would be some other way - something that would allow for individualized plans of custody/visitation/support, etc. Something that would ACTUALLY put the children first instead of just pretend to.

  • Posted By: Honk for Fathers @ 01/01/2009 12:20:36 PM

    Excuse me, which Divorce court are you talking about?

    I have sat in on 100's of Divorce hearings in the courts and your story does not represent the current environment. What really happens is the total destruction of good Men's lives. 90% of the cases involve false allegations of Domestic Violence, abuse or some other fabricated allegation. The man is stripped of all his home, clothes and assets and is left homeless to wonder the streets as a tramp.

    Once status quo sets in (or the man is emotionally destroyed), the lawyers and judges move in and award custody of the children to the mother.

    Have you been to court to really observed what is going on? Not just one hearing but 20 or 30. Please do this and you'll see for yourself.

  • Posted By: outdoors @ 01/01/2009 10:55:57 AM

    this is but another fantasy on divorce by Susanna Schrobsdorff and newsweek and is irresponsible reporting regarding the true facts as to what happens to fathers and their children when the feminist controlled court system gets involved-these kind of articles continue to mis-inform or apropriately address the real facts as to what happens when MOST couples get a divorce.

    ""The truth is that the culture has, for over three decades promoted the false idea that divorce is consequence free. It may be for adults, but it's not for kids."--unknown

    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NWOFathers/?yguid=293515223

  • Posted By: MaMaBear1968 @ 12/17/2008 4:20:15 PM

    We all know that domestic violence is VERY real and regardless of "why" aformerabusedmom was abused for is really irrelevant and insulting. How dare you minimize the fight that abused women face when they have to go to court against the man who raped you and threatened your life and your children's life. Good for the "Super" dad who is willing to 'share' custody in a mature way. Family Court needs reform for exactly the reasons named previously Because EVERY stereotype of a abused woman is used against her. All the FR groups and "Sackophiles" and their outlandish postings just PROVE ALL the more how immature these men ARE and shouldn't be allowed ANY type of visitation because they are confrontational, irrational and more than likely dangerous.
    http://publik18.blogspot.com/2008/12/estranged-husband-shoots-wife-dead.html
    http://www.charlotteobserver.com/breaking/story/415754.html#Comments_Container
    I get google alerts ALL day about women and children being harmed by their former spouse or boyfriends. I get NOTHING for "estranged" mother kills husband and child. GET REAL!

    • Posted By: Remorhaz101 @ 01/01/2009 7:12:19 AM

      Absolute malarky. Women initiate violence in relationships more often than men and the guy is usually arrested in all cases regardless. How many times have we gotten to enjoy stories of women killing their husbands and walking free all because of a claim of domestic violence? Men do not as a rule get away with murder while women get to collect on juicy life insurance policies after serving little or no time. Domestic violence is an overhyped pack of nonsense and the folks that continue to parrot the insane lies about it have every reason in the book to continue. Womens shelters make a fortune on government grants perpetuating the myths surrounding DV. And fact is with all the lies, the huge financial incentives to be gained in divorce from lying about it, it is impossible to sort out the few cases (and they are VERY few) of genuinely abused women admidst the ocean of deceit. Women abuse men with these assine DV laws far more than men abuse women.

    • Posted By: roadkill1965 @ 12/18/2008 11:50:17 AM

      Sorry I couldn't send it to you via Google alert, but he's one of the most outlandish cases I've seen. Mary Winkler shoots her husband in cold blood, claims "abuse" with no corroboration from even her kids, gets slapped on ther wrist, now has her kids back. I'm not pointing this out to say all mothers are murderously violent, but to say that it does exist. www.cnn.com/2007/US/law/08/14/preacher.slain/index.html

  • Posted By: DanInNorCal @ 12/18/2008 6:20:26 PM

    My wife and I are on the brink of divorce and so I have done the math what I would have to pay in child support for our three kids here in California. The amount comes to slightly less than $4000 per month, not counting alimony. Including alimony, the amount comes to over $5000 per month, allowing my soon-to-be ex-wife to live a lavish lifestyle with a live-in maid and a 4-bedroom house and a SUV, while I would be left with approximately what a burger flipper makes at McDonalds and would struggle to even afford the $1000-plus rent for a studio apartment here in Northern California. My wife has announced that she plans to move to Southern California, which would leave me physically and financially unable the see my kids more than once a month. I'm going to let that sink in now: $5000 per month to be able to see the kids ONCE a month, for less than a full weekend.

    The conclusions I have drawn from this scenario are two-fold:
    First, I will try to avoid a divorce as long as I can, for the sake of my kids, even though I'm subjected to unbelievable verbal abuse by my Femi-Nazi SAHM wife on an ongoing, unrelenting basis
    and second, in the case of her filing for divorce I will simply leave the U.S. and start a new life in south-east Asia, where women still behave like women and not like Femi-Nazis.

    It helps that I am not a U.S. citizen, so there is no way anybody can force me to live and work in the U.S. ever again if I abandon my Green Card (there is an INS form specifically for that). What would the authorities do - force a new Green Card on me? Staple it to my forehead?

    Oh yes, I will always miss my kids, whom I love dearly, but $5000 per month - give me a break. That's not child support, that's government-sanctioned blackmail and I don't like being blackmailed.

    In conclusion, joint custody would probably work fine as long as the ex-wife doesn't plan to move to a different state or (as in my case) to the other end of the same state. Which my soon-to-be ex-wife, unfortunately, does.

    In my particular case however, being faced with EITHER paying more than $5000 per month (which adds up to more than a million dollars over the next two decades or so) to an abusive Femi-Nazi ex-wife OR retiring early and marrying a gorgeous South-East Asian woman some 20 years my junior, I won't pick the first option, thank you.

    • Posted By: remorhaz102 @ 01/01/2009 6:40:16 AM

      I am truly sorry for the decision you are contemplating but yes it is increasingly common. I am a U.S. citizen but will ditch the label and renounce before my passport expires. I too have had to leave the country and will never see my kids again. Understand though that you do you your children no good sitting in jail which is WHERE YOU WILL BE. The system makes it profitable for her to put you there so expect this. I would right now, before you do ANYTHING else, start setting aside large amounts of money NOT IN THE BANK. Bury it if you have too. Take anything of value (gold, stock certificates, whatever) you can and get it out of her reach. My divorce started when she cleaned out the bank accounts and moved all the valuables to her parents. I never got them back even precious family heirlooms were to complicated for the court to "disentangle" from her families possessions. I lost everything. If you are contemplating divorce understand that she is too and she will almost certainly strike first. You will get no warning. Set aside money now. This is for your escape. You will lose, there is no point in fighting it to be sure, but you can minimize the damage if you act fast. If you wait you will flee the U.S. and be penniless. You will miss your children and their absence in your life will rend your heart. In time, many years later, they will seek you out and be very angry with you because you abandoned them (and their mother will reinforce this notion ad nauseum). The truth will win them over in time. I am sorry you made the mistake of having children (and it was a mistake) in the United States. Such an act makes you a slave with no rights, and the constant threat of jail and punishment with no recourse. Slaves in the antebellum south had more rights than you do now. That is the fact and I am sorry for what you are about to go through. Your only possibility now is to try to cover your escape so that you can possibly make a new life for yourself overseas. Get your valuables together with someone you trust or in the ground somewhere. When she moves to steal everything (and her lawyer WILL TELL HER TO DO THIS) you will never see anything she takes, including your children, ever again. And of course once this happens you'll lose 70-80% of your paycheck to alimony and child support so you won't be able to save enough to get out then so work fast. Good luck and may GOD have mercy on you. I wish I had the sense to do what I just advised you to do, it would have been so much easier.

    • Posted By: Remorhaz101 @ 01/01/2009 6:36:30 AM

      I am truly sorry for the decision you are contemplating but yes it is increasingly common. I am a U.S. citizen but will ditch the label and renounce before my passport expires. I too have had to leave the country and will never see my kids again. Understand though that you do you your children no good sitting in jail which is WHERE YOU WILL BE. The system makes it profitable for her to put you there so expect this. I would right now, before you do ANYTHING else, start setting aside large amounts of money NOT IN THE BANK. Bury it if you have too. Take anything of value (gold, stock certificates, whatever) you can and get it out of her reach. My divorce started when she cleaned out the bank accounts and moved all the valuables to her parents. I never got them back even precious family heirlooms were to complicated for the court to "disentangle" from her families possessions. I lost everything. If you are contemplating divorce understand that she is too and she will almost certainly strike first. You will get no warning. Set aside money now. This is for your escape. You will lose, there is no point in fighting it to be sure, but you can minimize the damage if you act fast. If you wait you will flee the U.S. and be penniless. You will miss your children and their absence in your life will rend your heart. In time, many years later, they will seek you out and be very angry with you because you abandoned them (and their mother will reinforce this notion ad nauseum). The truth will win them over in time. I am sorry you made the mistake of having children (and it was a mistake) in the United States. Such an act makes you a slave with no rights, and the constant threat of jail and punishment with no recourse. Slaves in the antebellum south had more rights than you do now. That is the fact and I am sorry for what you are about to go through. Your only possibility now is to try to cover your escape so that you can possibly make a new life for yourself overseas. Get your valuables together with someone you trust or in the ground somewhere. When she moves to steal everything (and her lawyer WILL TELL HER TO DO THIS) you will never see anything she takes, including your children, ever again. And of course once this happens you'll lose 70-80% of your paycheck to alimony and child support so you won't be able to save enough to get out then so work fast. Good luck and may GOD have mercy on you. I wish I had the sense to do what I just advised you to do, it would have been so much easier.

    • Posted By: Remorhaz101 @ 01/01/2009 6:34:25 AM

      I am truly sorry for the decision you are contemplating but yes it is increasingly common. I am a U.S. citizen but will ditch the label and renounce before my passport expires. I too have had to leave the country and will never see my kids again. Understand though that you do you your children no good sitting in jail which is WHERE YOU WILL BE. The system makes it profitable for her to put you there so expect this. I would right now, before you do ANYTHING else, start setting aside large amounts of money NOT IN THE BANK. Bury it if you have too. Take anything of value (gold, stock certificates, whatever) you can and get it out of her reach. My divorce started when she cleaned out the bank accounts and moved all the valuables to her parents. I never got them back even precious family heirlooms were to complicated for the court to "disentangle" from her families possessions. I lost everything. If you are contemplating divorce understand that she is too and she will almost certainly strike first. You will get no warning. Set aside money now. This is for your escape. You will lose, there is no point in fighting it to be sure, but you can minimize the damage if you act fast. If you wait you will flee the U.S. and be penniless. You will miss your children and their absence in your life will rend your heart. In time, many years later, they will seek you out and be very angry with you because you abandoned them (and their mother will reinforce this notion ad nauseum). The truth will win them over in time. I am sorry you made the mistake of having children (and it was a mistake) in the United States. Such an act makes you a slave with no rights, and the constant threat of jail and punishment with no recourse. Slaves in the antebellum south had more rights than you do now. That is the fact and I am sorry for what you are about to go through. Your only possibility now is to try to cover your escape so that you can possibly make a new life for yourself overseas. Get your valuables together with someone you trust or in the ground somewhere. When she moves to steal everything (and her lawyer WILL TELL HER TO DO THIS) you will never see anything she takes, including your children, ever again. And of course once this happens you'll lose 70-80% of your paycheck to alimony and child support so you won't be able to save enough to get out then so work fast. Good luck and may GOD have mercy on you. I wish I had the sense to do what I just advised you to do, it would have been so much easier.

  • Posted By: allyson24 @ 12/17/2008 6:39:10 AM

    Many of the statistics bandied about here are not based on any real research.Fathers' rights groups are SO adamant and militant that they will report any opinion of theirs as fact. Is anyone asking kids how they feel about being tossed back and forth between parent to parent?Ask these fathers if they would agree to live at one house 50% of the time, then move to another house 50% of the time. It's not very fun, especially for a child growing up and needing a "home" base.The author was right on the money (no pun intended) when she suggested that much of the whining about "equal parenting" is so dads won't have to support their children. This is why MOST of these militant dads want this arrangement. Typically, the "involved dad" leaves most of the child-rearing to the stepmom or the grandparents. Most moms do NOT spend child support on "SUV's" and "plastic surgery". Most moms I know don't get a thing from the dads, or if they do it is a pittance. I also know many dads who use the kids as pawns to get back at moms.These dads will basically destroy kids' lives, take away their activities, let grades slide, and basically ruin the kids' quality of life, to get back at moms that they hate. Let's face it -- there are some good dads out there, but most of these honorable men don't belong to the militant fathers' rights groups and don't whine in news articles about not having equal time.Many of these whiners about equal time have a history of abuse, and terrorize their ex-spouses and kids -- therefore they have no right to expect to have 50% time. In addition, the woman (probably an enabling 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or 5th wife) who posted here, glorifying Richard Gardner, has posted some outright falsehoods.Gardner was NOT a clinical professor of psychiatry in the division of child psychiatry at Columbia University. See the obituary in the NY Times, where they had to print a retraction as they posted that misinformation. He was an unpaid voluntary faculty member, which is FAR from being an academically appointed professor, and basically that title means nothing.
    http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F05E0DB1539F93AA35755C0A9659C8B63
    This man also glorified pedophila:
    http://peace4missing.ning.com/profiles/blogs/the-author-of-parental
    http://pedophileophobia.com/Richard%20Gardner.htm
    http://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/gardnerresponds.htm
    Richard Gardner's concocted theories have ruined many lives. His fabricated "threat therapy", which has no basis in any scientific research, was used to return two abused boys to their father -- finally one of the boys committed suicide:http://www.post-gazette.com/custody/partone.asp So Gardner had the blood and tears of many children on his hands before he finally offed h imself. The statistics that most mothers get custody are also false. Dr. Holstein needs to look at real statistics and facts, as the AAML president did, before spouting off nonsensic

    • Posted By: svxr8dr @ 12/31/2008 5:11:51 AM

      Utterly pathetic generalizations about "most" or 'typical" men. I would willingly pay the same amount I pay now if I could just get more than 6 days a month. But you keep justifying injustice in your head.

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