Not Your Dad's Divorce

My ex-husband and I have a similar agreement. I have them from Thursday evening to the Friday morning of the next week, then he has them from Friday evening to Thursday morning of the next week. It has worked out wonderfully for both of our children and we have tried very hard to keep our opinions about each other to ourselves. It took some adjusting, and I miss my children terribly when they're gone, but both children know that they are loved by both parents and we are still both raising them together, but in different houses. We also maintain an online calendar with all homework assignments, sports events, birthday parties, etc., so that we each know about any/all upcoming events.

My husband has AL:WAYS wanted his daughter from a previous relationship....he went to court and told the truth from day 1 while she went there and lied to the courts faces. My husband went above and beyond spending time with his daughter and everytime he went to pick her up he was told, by his daughter, that her mom said this or that about him or me. 2 times the mother gave up the daughter to my husband and when he enrolled her at a school by his house and got her setteled he decided to make it legal and when she was approached by him about doing so she got upset and turned around and took her back. When my husband took her to court to fight for his daughter, both times, the courts awarded her custody because she was a stay at home mom. 6 years later she started having problems with her husband and when they seperated and got back together my husband's daughter started acting out BIG TIME so the mom couldn't take it anymore and she called my husband and said that he could have her. She signed, willfully, the court papers and has seen her in the last 4 months twice! My step-daughter does not want to visit her for more than she has to and has done a complete 180 from where she once was. It all worked out in the end for my husband and we couldn't be happier.

My husband has AL:WAYS wanted his daughter from a previous relationship....he went to court and told the truth from day 1 while she went there and lied to the courts faces. My husband went above and beyond spending time with his daughter and everytime he went to pick her up he was told, by his daughter, that her mom said this or that about him or me. 2 times the mother gave up the daughter to my husband and when he enrolled her at a school by his house and got her setteled he decided to make it legal and when she was approached by him about doing so she got upset and turned around and took her back. When my husband took her to court to fight for his daughter, both times, the courts awarded her custody because she was a stay at home mom. 6 years later she started having problems with her husband and when they seperated and got back together my husband's daughter started acting out BIG TIME so the mom couldn't take it anymore and she called my husband and said that he could have her. She signed, willfully, the court papers and has seen her in the last 4 months twice! My step-daughter does not want to visit her for more than she has to and has done a complete 180 from where she once was. It all worked out in the end for my husband and we couldn't be happier.

My husband has a child that was born right after his high school graduation (the mother was older than him). He worked two jobs and got an apartment for his new family. The relationship ended badly when the child was around 18 months. They both moved back home and my husband paid child support from month number one and had the money order receipts to prove it. Many attempts on his part were made to see his child were met with arguments and drama from not only the child's mother but the grandmother as well. He continued to pay child support, as well as money when other things came up as he should have. The mother of his child turned him to child support services and and wanted the payment quadrupled and back child support for when the case was not being handled through the department. He took his receipts to the appointment and was told that those payments did not matter. The payment was tripled and when my husband asked about making an arrangement to see his child, he was told it was his problem. Every attempt to see his child was met with the mother screaming and cussing and his child crying in horror at the scene that was made. As she got older we attempted to contact the child directly and tried to include her as much as possible and as she entered her teen years, she was completely uninterested in seeing my husband. Sadly, she is now 27 and still wants nothing to do with her father or her paternal grandmother that doted on her and took her everywhere. I am glad there may finally be changes made in this badly broken system. All noncustodial parents should pay child support and the custodial parent should encourage a relationship with the noncustodial parent (of course, abusive or addicted parents are excluded from this statement).

I am a divorced father with custody of my two children 50% of the time. It works well and my kids are very well adjusted. It's a shame however, that I was forced into debt during a long custody battle with my ex. Moms are still urged by lawyers to fight for all they can get (including custody) even when there are no grounds for a divorce to begin with. My ex's lawyer even advertises with a young blond standing next to a BMW. The liscence plate says "was his". Study after stuty has shown that children who have both parents in thier lives do better in school, have few problems and are less prone to sexual abuse. It's time our legal system recognized that.

American husbands are highly prized by women around the world - everyplace but in the USA. I would advise any man who has been deprived of family contact by an avenging wife, to start a new family with a beautiful devoted woman from around the Pacific rim. If you don't know where to look, contact me.

I am a child of divorcees and I recommend to anyone who is going to be divorced, MAKE YOUR OWN CUSTODY ARRANGEMENT!!!!!!!!! My parents fought over my brother and I like baggage at an airline and the court decided to make a schedule for us. It was the stupidest, most assnine thing that I have ever seen. As I got older I made it clear to my parents that my school activities and things could not adhere to that and they were understanding enough to let me do as I wanted to.
Parents, another note: DO NOT Screw over your kids, they will not forgive you if you chose your new boyfriend/girlfriend over them. If you do not make time for them, they will not make time for you either.

I am for joint custody if both parents put the child???s well being first. Children should not be used for the sake of getting child support reduced. For a year and a half I tried to work out financial arrangements with my son???s father without using the court system. For a year and a half he gave me the finger & the most he saw his son was 6 to 7 times a year. I lived less than 5 min???s from him in order for him to have a relationship with his son and he still rarely visited.

Finally I filed for child support and to his surprise they actually awarded my son more money than I requested from him. He went through different phases of I am going to show you by quitting his job, taking me to court every 6 weeks etc, to coming by once a month (for 3 months) in hopes that I would drop child support.

He called my job and threatened to harm me and my son if I didn???t drop the child support. Unknown to me his new fiancée was two months away from giving birth to his daughter. That was his choice to go and have additional children knowing it was already financially difficult to support the existing child. I filed a restraining order against him because I was truly scared that this man had snapped. Please also note a month prior to him threatening me I agreed to have his child support reduced by $87 a week. I also encouraged him to see his son on a regular basis & develop a relationship with him.

During the court appearance (RO) he lied to the judge that he saw our son every week and that he wanted overnight visitation. After the judge questioned his motivation it was apparent to the judge what I already knew. He wanted my son overnight to get his child support reduced even more.

That is what scares me. That people who genuinely have no desire to spend time with these children will get joint custody to reduce the amt paid in child support. That leaves children to be mentally and physically abused.

Another draconian feature of our out-of-date domestic courts is the OBLIGATION of husbands to support children who have been proven to be fathered by another man during the period of the marriage. That fact alone should be sufficient evidence for a divorce in favor of the father whose wife cheated on him, but thats not the case. Compare that policy with the treatment of fathers who have been unfaithful to their wives. Get out the rack and the branding iron!!!

I'm the "Primary Residential Parent" in a joint custody divorce approaching the 3 year mark - and I'm the father. She voluntarly signed it because of her haste to marry her boyfriend. I feel I was lucky because a friend of mine went through the exact situation in prior years - but he lost custody (southern state) and now he only gets to see his son once a month, at her convenience. I think it's a tragedy fathers "loose" their children when many times the reality is they are the best parent- even if they "win" up to 50% of the time (according to your stats). Regardless, I still believe my children (all children) need to be with both parents equally (lucky for my ex). I shutter to think my chances were only 50% (likely lower in my southern state).

Good Article. I've been through 3 custody trials and 2 homestudies in the past 5 years trying to just get half custody of my son. He is now 5 and I have joint custody and I am the custodial parent as he lives with me while he goes to school which is 70 percent custody. As a father i had to go above and beyond to show the courts that i am capable of raising my son. I kept fighting and fighting and finally got things in front of a judge and he agreed with me. So, to all you fathers..........DON'T GIVE UP ON FIGHTING FOR YOUR KIDS! IT'S WORTH EVERY PENNY SPENT! Get a good lawyer, take all the parenting classes you can, and write everything down. Just a little advice from a Dad that will be in his son's life forever.