Kids First

5. Communicate and coordinate with your children's other parent.
A brief e-mail, telephone message or conversation can insure that you don't duplicate presents or plan back-to-back feasts for stuffed and confused children. Ten minutes now can save days (or weeks) of fuming later. (If communicating with your ex takes more than 10 minutes, you probably are getting into issues better left for another time.)

6. Do the details.
Work out exactly where your children will be during what times—and when, where and how exchanges will take place. Your children will feel more secure, and all of you will avoid frustration and disappointment.

7. Celebrate with your children's other parent.
Consider celebrating part of the holidays together with your children's other parent, especially if your separation is fairly recent. Some people are shocked when divorced families celebrate holidays or birthdays together. Go ahead and shock them!

8. Set up a plan for next year now.
If you went through the agony of 11th-hour negotiations this year, set up a plan for next year now (or after New Year's). Everyone will be happier knowing what is coming, and avoiding conflict on the eve of the holidays.

9. Plan in advance with your extended family.
Work things out in advance with your own extended family, too, whether that means that you say no, spend the holidays a little differently than usual or ask for your family's understanding and help.

10. Establish traditions with your children.
Establish traditions with your children, even new ones that may be off-time or different from past rituals. Your kids may not remember the details of every year, but year-in, year-out traditions will stay with them for a lifetime.

© 2008