They’re Baaack

When I left home at 18 aftrer a couple weeks I came back to visit. I asked "Hey wheres my bed?" my Moms responce "Oh we sold it." Message recieved Im not coming back except to visit. I worked hard, 3 part time jobs, put myself through school, lived in crappy housing, joined the military, made a few mistakes, had a few setbacks but those were mine to make, basically did what ever it took to become independant. Looking back I wouldnt have it any other way. These parents arent doing their kids any favors by letting them move back home (at least after college). Thats when they should be spreading their own wings and flying, creating their own lives. i just dont understand why anybody that age would want to move back home with Mommy & Daddy.

"I just graduated college and got full time jobs. I'm 23 still live at home b/c we just can't afford to move out and I know it for a fact. All my money goes toward our car, gas, student loans, cell phone payment, food, etc. i have just enough to pay that and thats it. and i make almost $40,000. I live paycheck to paycheck like most people i know. the only people i know that live one their own get financila help from their parents like for their car or rent. my parents cant afford to do that for me. My parents would never allow me to live in low budget housing with drug dealers and prostitues which is what you will find. nothing here is under $800-$900 a month unless you want to live with criminals. my parents would never put me in that kind of danger and i wouldn't put myself in that situation either. I don't want a roomate and besides everyone i know can't afford to move out either or already have roomates. I wish I could move out and beindependent but it's just not posible and doesn't look like it will be for a while."

Then move to another State. Move somewhere else. If you are 23 years old, and are man or woman enough to make your own bills, you are man or woman enough to pay them--ON YOUR OWN!

If you can't afford to live on $40K a year, you need to re-examine your priorities. Earn your own way. Your parents gave a lot of time, effort and love to raise you--don't pay them back by making them take care of you for the rest of your life.

falcon 3 is a good example of parents that have failed from getting theyre baby to leave their nest.
i think falcon 3 needs a internet ready cell fone for work to "have something to do" during lunch breaks. and as for the student loans she claims she has.. i think she really doesnt pay them , its just an added "excuse" to need to move in with her parents especially with her desire to have a nice new car, laptop, fancy cell fone she doesnt have her spending priorities sorted out .

Wow, my parents have helped me a lot, as a child and as an adult. But never, ever did I feel that their assistance was something I was owed because they were my parents. To falcon3, you seem to think that your entire life has to be comfortable. I think its sort of good to struggle along. I had a few cars that were older and reliable. You have to think before spending your money, you don't have to get an old car that needs a bunch of work, you can get an older car that doesn't require that much work. Any real job that needs for you to have an internet connection will provide it to you at work. I mean you need those connections at home? You should be running in the place if you HAVE to work from home. All you seem to think about are the things you can't live without, you can't get along with others, you can't have an older car, you can't live somewhere without the internet. No job only doling out 40k a year is going to absolutely require you to have an internet connection at home.

The idea of struggling to have some independence and to give your parents a break from you isn't far off. I've done it, I've struggled and have never moved back home. Your mistake is in only thinking of the things that you can't do, the things you can't give up, the things you can't live without. Those are the things that make you stronger, that make you better able to solve problems.

falcon 3,

You mean to tell me you've done everything your parents have ever advised you to do? Really? Or have you only taken the advice that has made YOUR life easier? Something tells me that you've only taken the advice that has made your life easier, even if it means mooching off of your parents. In fact if I had to guess I would say that if you followed all your parents advice in life you wouldn't have some crazy job that requires you to have an internet ready cell phone that you pay for.

This is ALL about putting on your big girl pants in life. You can sit around, whine and cry all you want, but you are nothing more then a 5 year old in their eyes. You should be asserting your independence. So many people on this discussion board have told you that they were able to make it on far less. Not everyone had to live in a criminal laden area as you seem to like to claim you would have to do to be an real adult. You are only full of excuses, those are the actions of a child, and adult makes a plan and gets things done. The plan not being "I'll mooch off my parents until I'm 52"

You have friends, you can't move in with these friends you say you have? You can move in with your sister? Every suggestion someone has you have a pretty weak response to. I know people who have brand spanking new cars with less of a car payment you claim to have. And there are very reliable older used cars out there. But you want the new car and you want the fancy phone, and those things are more important to you then being an indepedent adult.

You would end up with a drunk or a drug user simply because you don't know how to make adult decisions. Maybe people like you do need to live with your parents until you are 50, you probably couldn't make it on your own no matter how much money you have. I just feel sorry for your parents, they couldn't have known that by helping you they would be enabling you.

The problem with these adult children who have to move back with mommy and daddy is ,
after they first moved out they wanted to live the same middle class lifestyle as they did
when they were growing up. They want to drive a nice new car or truck,buy a house thats 150k+ in the
suburbs and to have costly weekend outings at bars, clubs. They dont want to live in a
Efficient apartment or trailer house,Or to buy a used car thats 10 yrs or older thats suitable for theyre income

These adult kids need to work harder and understand that the nice things theyre parents had
and got was from a lifetime of hard work.

These people shouldn't complain--they aren't being forced to take their grown children back in. My parents threw me out at 21--during the early 80's when the economy was just as bad--and I managed just fine. Those kids will never learn to take care of themselves if they're coddled by they're parents. Instead, these adults whine and complain because they have to "take care of they're children" again. Get real. I have two children of my own--I am a widow, with a part-time job, and my kids know that they will be expected to pay rent while living with me, (once out of high school), or they can get out. I bore them, raised them, and will not continue to devote my life to them once they are old enough to do so.

I left home when I was 16 and never looked back because I left behind a very dysfunctional family. I married when I was 33 and was down to one child at home, my daughter who is no problem. Now both of my adult sons have moved home after battling drug/alcohol addiction. My daughter cannot wait to go away to college and get away from her dysfunctional family...turns out history repeats itself. I wish I could go with her.

To, falcon3 @ 12/22/2008 1:45:00 AM

You make almost $40K a year and claim you can't live on your own?! Your entire post reeks of immature ignorance and self-centeredness. If you really think $800-$900 a month in rent is really too much then you are fool who will never live on his own. You need to grow up, get out of the house and get a reality check. There are entire families who make less then you that actually get by just fine and contrary to your perception they do not all live in run down neighborhoods full of drug dealers. Drop your over-inflated ego get a roomate and stop spending more then you make on frivilous crap that you probable don't need...learn the true value of the money you make, then you could afford to live on your own without Mommy and Daddy's help.

So I guess folks who are against intergenerational living won't be watching "Meet Me At St. Louis" this year, right?

Summer4077, I truly think you and some of the other commenters do not understand how difficult it is out there. By comparing your life pre-marriage to adults moving back, it seems you assume many of these returning kids did not also work through college, have roommates, behave frugally, etc. I did all those things when I left college at the beginning of the decade. It was still hard to pay my bills making $12,000 a year in Southern California. And yes, that was *after* college. A close friend of mine has been struggling for years, and she not only worked her way through college, but also paid off her student loans and also helped her parents with their own mortgage. Yet she is only eking by at 32, working two part-time jobs, still unable to afford a car, and not because she isn't working hard to find a good job.

Do you have any idea what kinds of loans even good students at state universities are asked to take out, on their education? Do you have any idea how much it costs to self-insure if you are only given part-time hours or work for a small business? (Try $400+, monthly). Or what rent costs in most American cities? There have been studies showing that only a few cities have housing stock affordable enough for nurses and police officers - people who should make up the backbone of the middle class - to buy their own homes. The cost of living in some areas (California, Seattle, Boston) is astronomical. My mother in law, a Bostonian, was shocked to learn how many more jobs are available proportionally, in towns like Houston and Atlanta, even for lawyers like her daughter. Working at Starbucks part time and at an office job is not enough for many of the people who make a patchwork living in these places. That's why folks like me and my husband, and thousands more, are moving to states like Texas, where the cost of living is lower - or they're making a go at intergenerational living. As it happens, that was one of the reasons so many young people flocked to California in the 1960s and 1970s.

how bout maybe affordable college costs....?????? i see that as the prime problem here cuz no a days you can't skip out on college unless you want to work in a skilled trade... and my field is marketable but since i have NO "REAL WORLD" experience I cannot find a job in my field. Unlike many of my peers I worked my butt off in college to have what I thought was experience and make a great resume for myself... I'm currently looking for a better job... not all of us can be accountants or stock brokers and the way things are going on wall st even those jobs might not be that profitable in the coming days.

sorry im stuck in the working middle class cuz my parents couldn't afford to pay for my tuition so i HAD no choice but to take out loans. this is a serious problem education costs are rising but nothing is being done for the famiiles who live paycheck to paycheck yet make too much money to send their kids to school.