They’re Baaack

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  • Posted By: sidthorat @ 12/22/2008 6:49:11 AM

    While reading this article,I felt a little bad,for everyone.I live alone in India,and miss my parents who stay far away.I wish i cud stay with them.Am a Manager with an American MNC with a transferable Job and a huge salary.This month i am renting out a larger apartment so my in 50's parents can visit whenever they want to and stay as long as they can.I miss them and i am sure if tommorrow something bad happens to me I will have a place to go back to.And whenever they feel lonley they will always have their son and his family.Its true that children should be responsible,but then I am their child and they are my parents..people whom i love more than any thing or anyone in world and i am sure its same for them.They have made me wat i am today and i am going to be there all my life for them just as they will be there all their lives.Bad times & good times happen to everyone,but if the family is there then they seem a little better.If the parents help the kids in bad times.I am sure wen the parents are old and infirm the kids will be there to take care of them

  • Posted By: spoiltbrat @ 12/22/2008 6:26:31 AM

    I have a different opinion from most . I think parenthood is for life. This to me means that should I wish to move back home my parents have little choice. i am the second youngerst and probably the most dysfunctional. I worked for ten years then quit the jobs because they were not up to my social standing. At age 30 i retired I could have lived in a modest place with my savings but forced my parents to purchase an appropriate condo so we jointly pay. They had suggested that I move back home I flatly refused even though they live in a mansion. I only join them at our holiday home when the rest of the family is also going to be there. I chose not to have kids and had a vesectomy years ago but have not told them. My view is that afterall they are going to leave their vast wealth to us . there is no reason why I should live like a pauper. of the seven of us they also support my brother with his four kids though exclusive private schools, the house he lives in etc. The rest are even more wealthy than my parents.

  • Posted By: startnmartn @ 12/22/2008 2:58:56 AM

    I would love for ouir kids to come back and live with the wife and me. The US is one of a few countries where the kids do move out on their own and not live as a family enclave. If my kids were home they could contribute to the finances and we could all live a better life. My boy and I could share tools and afford a bigger work space, and my daughter would benefit from the people at home (I'm retired) doing the wash and cooking and cleaning.
    Don't give me this BS about separated families. Adult kids living at home just makes good financial sense in these troubled times and besides --- I love them..

  • Posted By: max_alfera@hotmail.com @ 12/22/2008 2:04:59 AM

    There was a time when families helped one another through thick and thin....what kind of cramp will it put on their kids lifestyle when the parents need taking care of someday? We as a society have become so selfish and disconnected...it's all about ME, ME, ME! I think it is time to re-evalute the notion of "family". Boomers. X'ers. Y'ers and every other letter-listen up-it's time we stopped individually being the center of the universe and started re-establishing that our universe is affected by all around us. Reach out and embrace that we are all a part of one another and can in a healthy way establish boundaries while still taking care of one another. My God, it's the only way that most of us are going to survive this financial and societal crises, and those to come.

  • Posted By: Wolf2017 @ 12/22/2008 2:00:36 AM

    I hope to Heaven that I am never put into the position where I would have to move back in with my parents, although when I was downsized I came very close. I know my Boomer parents would have welcomed me with open arms through a TEMPORARY tenure at their home. Fortunately, I was taught to be frugal and had the financial means to get myself through the time between the downsize and the new job -- even if it wiped out my savings to get to that job in one of the most expensive cities in the U.S.
    I completely understand about people retrenching with family when disaster strikes (hurricane, divorce, abuse and the like) because that is what families do. However, I do take it as a point of pride that when my parents' friends moan about their ne'r'do'well children at home, my parents' get to look at each other, smile and think "Thank God our children are responsible enough to make it on their own."

  • Posted By: kellyusps @ 12/22/2008 1:33:25 AM

    oh my gosh...thankyou....thankyou for helping to valdate my exact feelings on this topic. Yes!!! I love my children. I have given so much to them for so long, and I would not have had it any other way. There needs to be some time for me. I have five children, three of them adults, they have come back and left each of them at several different times. They are 23, 24, and 26. Now I am left with my two youngest at home 16 and 17. and I am loving it!!! I am looking forward to the time when it will be just me. I will be alone, but I will NOT be lonely!!!! I am realistic though, I know through my experience with my older children that children are not all grown up and ready to go when they are 18 or 19......it is more like 22 or 23 or.....24. My house is never closed to my children.....I am here for them whatever they need, even if they need to move back in. But, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can breath.....kelly

  • Posted By: BarbarainMD @ 12/22/2008 1:10:12 AM

    I am single and my 38 year old son lives with me. I insisted that he go away to college, but he moved back in when he graduated. He helps with the household expenses and chores. He holds down a full time job. If he was 100% I would have kicked him out long ago, but he is handicapped and I figure he will need the money he is saving for his future. There are many cultures where all generations live together, so I don't understand why our American culture frowns on it so.

  • Posted By: crazylife1989 @ 12/22/2008 12:42:57 AM

    Well I graduated from high school when I was 18 and since I was 17 I got into the music business and I have decided that that is what I want to do with my life. I currently do not have a job but I consider my music to be my career and I have managed to accomplish a lot of things thus far. My dad and my mom are supportive of it and I even may get a major deal by this year. I told my parents that if I did not make it anywhere in the music biz by the time I turned 21 then I would go to college. They approved of that. So I believe that what I am doing makes my situation way different than my sisters. And on top of that my sister is 30 with a lazy husband and 6 kids. The other difference is they have NO aspirations to make anything of their life. Atleast if they were TRYING to get back on their feet or TRYING to reach a goal then it would be somewhat okay for them. But they aren't. I basically have to live in my room when I am at home because everything else is a disaster area or smells like baby *** and it is so loud and noisy! I know I have basically rambled on. But that's why my life at home feels like. a jumbled up rambling life of loud kids and messy house and no privacy. Can someone please give their take on the situation.

  • Posted By: crazylife1989 @ 12/22/2008 12:42:46 AM

    I have tried to talk to my mom about it but she always says "do you expect me to kick my own daughter out and have her kids live on the street?" - And so I guess I can see where my mom is stuck between a rock and a hard place. My mom has tried to have talks with him about changing some of the ways they live around the house but she either ends up apologizing for wanting change or they get mad at her and nothing gets done. My mom puts so much attention and focus on to them and gives them money whenever they need it and pays for EVERYTHING they want and need. She takes my sister and her boyfriend shopping every weekend and lets them spend as much as they want. Oh yeah, did I fail to mention that the only person in our household that has any income is my MOTHER'S BOYFRIEND?! - Well, you would think that by now my moms boyfriend would tell them to get a *** job but that hasn't happened. The man has no backbone whatsoever and he barely says 2 words to anyone in the house. My mom tells him that she will take care of everything and I guess he believes her or is just too dumb to do anything about it. Or both. My sisters 6 kids basically run everything around the house. The house originally has 4 bedrooms. One for my mom and her boyfriend, one for me, one for my sister and her boyfriend and one for their oldest son. But - my mom had to go as far as turning our whole living room into section off rooms with sheets to make more room for the kids. The living room has now turned into their jungle gym. They cannot manage to keep one thing clean and I guess it is sure enough to say that we have cockroaches from it. The 3 year old boy (about to be 4) still shits and pisses in his diaper because they are too lazy to teach him any better. The bad thing is, they don't mind. I have had many many talks with my mom and bless her for having a heart of gold for these lazy individuals. She knows that they are ungrateful and disrespectful but she doesn't know how to make them change. I guess we can start talking about me now. Well, since they moved in with us I got used to the fact that my needs as a 16 year old young female were neglected and my mom pretty much thought I was good to go because I never got in trouble and I always had good grades in school. continued..

  • Posted By: crazylife1989 @ 12/22/2008 12:42:11 AM

    I'm 19 years old and I live with my mother, her boyfriend,....and my 30 year old sister and boyfriend and their 6 kids! My sister and her boyfriend and their kids have been living with us since I was 16. They have no will to get a job and don't care to, they let their kids run wild and they destroy everything in the house! We moved into a different house when I was 17 going on 18 (a house that my mom and her boyfriend WERE remodeling). The house previous to this one was eventually destroyed from the time my sister/boyfriend/& kids started living with us to the time we moved out. My mom can't even finish remodeling this house because my sister and her family have no respect and make messes out of everything and destroy anything nice. When I was 16 my mom told me that I would have to accept some things would be different when they moved back in with us and i would have to change certain things that i am used to and that they would do the same for me. But, that has never been the case. It has got to the point now that my sister and her family run everything around the house but yet they are so lazy and don't do anything good. continued..

  • Posted By: anon34 @ 12/22/2008 12:06:18 AM

    I understand the necessity to move in with your parents if you fall on hard times provided you CONTRIBUTE to the household with various duties agreed upon in advance. I will always remember starting out after college with loans, no car, bills, and very little in savings. I also worked during college and found little out there in decent jobs (in the 90s) after graduation. But you swallow your pride and take whatever job you can find to work your way up and out to where you want to be in life. I have worked since the age of 13 and the only issue I see with adult children living in their parents home is the sense of entitlement like they want to be on the top of the ladder instead of working your way up. It was never suppose to be easy regardless of the economy and "how much things cost" It is all relative. Living on your own and making your own way was hard in any generation. It is SUPPOSED to be hard, it just makes it that much more worth when you earn it.
    Secondly, to the parents who took in your grown children, more power to you....I have a SIL (age 27) and BIL (age 24) both living at home, do not work at all!! and have children that need supported by...you guessed it grandma and grandpa. She has 3 children, he has 2, and both single, the grandkids have lived there on and off for SEVEN years, with the assumption that it was all temporary. HAHA Just remember it is hard to stop something once you have started. Oh, and the two "kids" living at home just do as they please and have no intention on making it on their own .Now, my only question is who will support them and their kids when their parents are gone? How are they supposed to learn to be self-sufficient.?Sometimes you can't will your children to become responsible and hope that someday they will wake up. Think about all that is being hurt.

  • Posted By: slopeboard @ 12/22/2008 12:06:08 AM

    What I did when my kids were teenagers was start telling them what would happen when they turned 18. When they graduated from high school, they had 3 months to find a job and move out and support themselves. If they didn't move out, they would be charged rent and pay for utilities. But I tried to teach my kids responsibility at an early age. That's what parents don't do nowadays.

  • Posted By: softie64 @ 12/21/2008 10:53:07 PM

    My adopted daughter has been a nightmare since she graduated high school. First of all, she started college, we tried to help her with funding, took out a student loan for $1600, she stayed in school 3 weeks, then quit without our knowledge, went to work, quit that job, got another job, quit that one, in fact she has had about 8 jobs and is now unemployed. She got in with the wrong crowd, moved out of the house, took all her clothes,etc. came back home but without her clothes, someone she said stole all her nice clothes. We bought her a car when she was 16, she went to a party, handed her keys to a total stranger, that stranger happen to have been wanted in another state for car theft, luckily we found the car in impound which cost us a fortune to get out but the girl was dealing drugs and got picked up by the police,they impiounded the car. Didn't even bother my daughter, then she parked the car somewhere that someone broke the window, that cost us to have it replaced. She stayed with us a while then moved out again, later came back bringing her boyfriend, got pregnant, now she, the boyfriend (now her husband), and baby still lives with us, we had a family discussion which she got angry and moved out again but is again back in our house, with the little family she brought home to impose on us, neither one will work, my husband gave them two weeks to find a job or they were out of the house again. It has been a nightmare with this daughter, none of our other children were this irresponsible but we could certainly use a little privacy which by the way we really enjoyed after the first time she left home, how do we make these kids responsible enough to move out, get a job and support their own little family?

    • Posted By: nytotulsa @ 12/21/2008 11:51:05 PM

      Sound like she feels somewhat entitled. As hard as it was to give them the ultimatum, it was much needed. I am guessing neither has any college education? At this point, the might do better on their own, and apply for grants, based on their lack of income and the dependant child. There are other social programs as well. Please check with your local churches to see what may be available. You do not have to do this alone. We have been through our share with our adopted daughter as well. Best wishes....

  • Posted By: madfly @ 12/18/2008 10:33:30 PM

    About 6 years ago, my wife and I bought the acre next door and built a house for my mother. We have 4 sons, two of them married and one of those have given us grandkids. Our oldest son and his family were preparing to buy a house but what was affordable would have been so remote to the rest of the family it would have made visiting difficult. So, to save more money, they moved back in with us and it is WONDERFUL. Two grandkids under the roof, my mother next door; four generations on the property ... almost un-American but very normal in Asia and even many places in Europe. We love it and do not feel cramped at all. Family should be there for family, should not be any other way.

    • Posted By: Moira of Alexlandria @ 12/21/2008 11:40:28 PM

      To you and many others here: "Don't should on me and I won't should on you." Think about it.

  • Posted By: CoolForSchool @ 12/18/2008 7:45:32 PM

    Sigh. You folks - both in the article and some of the commenters - have no idea how ridiculous we appear to the vast majority of the planet. Most people on the planet still live in some form of an extended family, or at minimum live close to their relatives and spend a lot of time with them. This happens every day in America, too - look no further than one of my husband's coworkers, who came with his family as a Vietnamese refugee. The family saves together, makes large purchases together (including cars) and takes care of one another. My friends in countries like Australia, Great Britain and Ireland think it is normal and not "leeching" for children to live at home, work outside the home, and help pay the mortgage/rent until they get married. Then when they get married, they usually travel back to see mum and dad often, or live close by.

    I'm afraid there's also a grain of truth here about baby boomers, because it was they who first pioneered the idea of turning your back on your family for a fresh start somewhere far, far away. Before that, most young people, whether they were immigrants from a new country or moving to a new state during the Depression or WWII, had their families' (and not solely their own) interest at heart. For example, one entire side of my family moved en masse - mother, adult sons and their wives, divorced adult daughter - to the same state to live in retirement together, all within a few miles of each other. They derived a lot of joy from being nearby one another.

    Boomers do deserve some of the blame, and I say that as a thirtysomething (today) who has boomer friends and colleagues. I do notice how much more frugal my dad (Depression era kid) was than most of my friends' parents. I see that boomers also had many more economic choices at their age then their younger Gen-X children, or the new "millenial generation", for instance, paying much less to go to college. Meanwhile, their insistence on not saving (just relying on Social Security as a someday-cash cow) or learning any of the strategies their parents and parents' parents taught them, has helped bring our economy down. Now we're all paying the price, and they're bitching that their kids need to split expenses while they pay off usurious student loans and try to get a career cobbled together. That figures.

    • Posted By: Moira of Alexlandria @ 12/21/2008 11:36:19 PM

      Who cares how ridiculous we appear to the rest of the planet? I'm surprised these people who can't make a move without their families can find someone to marry them. And while you're extolling the virtues of family, perhaps it would be wise to remember that the majority of women who are murdered are murdered by loved ones. Home is not necessarily the safe haven you prefer to think it.

  • Posted By: Thelesis @ 12/21/2008 11:28:41 PM

    I am living with my father through college, and for a few months after I get a job. I can't afford an apartment and school so my fiance pays for as much of my food as he can and my dad lets me stay rent free. My fiance and I know that one person can live on $10-12,000 a year and two can live on $20-24,000 a year if they actually bother to live within their means and we've made spreadsheets detailing our finances once we're married after college that have shown just when I can leave my career to be a housewife, and have us living off a $24,000+ salary he plans to find. If we stay in our home state it will be possible, so my dad is willing, if a bit grudgingly, to let me stay until after graduation.

  • Posted By: j_p_215 @ 12/21/2008 12:35:00 PM

    I graduated in May 08 and I'm still living at home. My loans are 600 and 180 a month and my parents aren't helping me pay them although they said they would when i was in college. now they dont have the money sure they are helping me out by letting me stay at home and use their car but i dont want to be burden on them much longer. but i have no choice since i make crap money and the economy is so horrible. maybe if students didnt have such excessive student loan payments like me we could move out and afford these things. my parents never really paid for things for me and now im back home and it doesnt look like im getting out of here anytime cuz after i pay my bills each month i only have 300 left over so its gonna take me a while to save money for a car,,,

    friends of mine who are well off and have "mommy and daddy" to buy them new cars and pay 900 a month for their brand new apartments with their lousy $8, $9 dollar an hour jobs just make me furious. I know its bad but I cant help but be jealous. I thought I would be out of my house by now and have freedom. I do work around my house, clean, and pay rent. It just sucks being stuck at home and not making any money when my friends are getting things handed to them but that's life i guess. pray i get a well paying job soon so i can afford my loan payments(which I postponed until april=[....) and move ouT!

    • Posted By: CCbike @ 12/21/2008 1:33:16 PM

      Stop complaining and start being responsible for yourself.
      How about looking at the job market when selecting a major? And not taking out max student loans? Your parents are not obligated to help you out.

      Over and over, I see my peers going to college for a major that is extremely unlikely to land a job after graduation. All the while taking out max student loans to support the lifestyle they think they deserve. Then, after graduation, they are just shocked to find out the only job they are qualified for is just slightly above minimum wage.

      You made your bed, now lay in it.

      Me, I considered the job market when selecting a major. I also worked my way through school to decrease the amount of student loans I needed. Before I graduated, I had secured a job and I had my loans paid off within 3 years.

      • Posted By: Moira of Alexlandria @ 12/21/2008 11:27:26 PM

        wonderful for you, but I would never advise anyone to see where the jobs are and then get the degree that fits it. I think it's good for people to follow their passion, as long as they realize that it might or might not lead them to as comfortable a life as they envision.

    • Posted By: aka no name @ 12/21/2008 10:55:10 PM

      That's why having a job in school and internships are important...to get a jump start. A degree is great but you need experience and a degree for a job...not something people warn you about. They make you believe that all you need is a degree...NOPE! You need experience. There are a lot of places you can get an internship with (local DA's office, Social services, rape crisis centers, FBI) these place pay very well after you have your degree, and even if you cannot get an internship they have volunteer programs that can be used as experience. It's where i started, just last year. Now i am about to have my degree with a ton of experience and the recruiters are contacting me daily regarding job offers.
      Times change, first it was high school education that was required, then associates, the BA degree now it's a BA degree plus experience even masters in some cases. You have to look at the market, throw your resume out there and see what kind of responses you are getting to know what to expect and do, so you can better prepare.

    • Posted By: CCbike @ 12/21/2008 1:26:18 PM

      How about going to college for something marketable? And not taking out maximum student loans? Over and over, I see my peers going to college for something that will be extremely unlikely to land a job come graduation. All the while taking out the max student loans to continue the standard of living they think the deserve. I have very little sympathy for you and other in your situation. Your parents are not obligated to help you out just because your friends have parents that do.

      You made your bed, now lay in it.

      Me, I went to college for something I could land a good paying job at after graduation. I considered the job market when selecting a major. My parents didn't give me dime through school. And I paid off my student loans in 3 years after graduation.

    • Posted By: CCbike @ 12/21/2008 1:26:03 PM

      How about going to college for something marketable? And not taking out maximum student loans? Over and over, I see my peers going to college for something that will be extremely unlikely to land a job come graduation. All the while taking out the max student loans to continue the standard of living they think the deserve. I have very little sympathy for you and other in your situation. Your parents are not obligated to help you out just because your friends have parents that do.

      You made your bed, now lay in it.

      Me, I went to college for something I could land a good paying job at after graduation. I considered the job market when selecting a major. My parents didn't give me dime through school. And I paid off my student loans in 3 years after graduation.

  • Posted By: Simonemesina @ 12/21/2008 1:40:34 PM

    After reading both this article and the comments post to date; I am amazed how....strange most of these comments seem to me. I never fully realized that my family is part of a vast minority. I am 31 years old and live at home. Yes, I have lived quite sucessfully on my own for 12 years. I left home for the military at 18....did my time in the service and got out. I worked full time, supported myself quite well. When I made the choice to return to school for my nursing degree, my family fought (Yes, FOUGHT) over who I would live with while I was in school. My grandparents wanted me. My mother and stepfather wanted me. My father and stepmother wanted me. The ground rules are I work, go to school, do chores at home, take my turn cooking dinner for the house, and pay my bills (which include tutition, books, car ins, cell phone, and extra activites I might want to partake in). I do not contribute to the rent/mortgage, utiliies, or food bill (at my parents insistance). Yes living at home again is an adjustment but it's not the be all, end all that most are making it seem. My parents take trips on a regular basis and leave me at home...they don't feel the need to cater to my schedule and vice versa. I am an adult and am treated as such. If yhou truely belive that your role as a parent ends at 18 they why have children in the first place......Having family around during the good time and the bad is part of being a FAMILY. I wouldn't trade the closeness I have with my parents now after living at home with them for the bit I've been here. Relationships truely change as people get older. If your children are still acting like children at 25 or 51 then, YES, you might have done something to deserve stains on your new furniture....but if your children were taught to be mature, responsible, considerate people then having extra hands at home should be a blessing!

    • Posted By: ellegrl @ 12/21/2008 5:30:48 PM

      amen sister!

      • Posted By: Moira of Alexlandria @ 12/21/2008 11:19:04 PM

        And some people would like a little privacy and time to themselves. It's wonderful that everyone was "fighting" to have you move back, but it's also obvious that it's for a set period of time I would not make an assumption that just because someone does not want the kids moving back home means that they have no family feeling; it might mean that as much as they love their children, they want to have their lives to themselves again.

  • Posted By: Greg L @ 12/21/2008 3:13:38 PM

    When I left home at 18 after a couple weeks I came back to visit. I asked "Hey wheres my bed?" my Moms response "Oh we sold it." Message recieved Im not coming back except to visit. I worked hard, held 3 part time jobs, put myself through school, lived in crappy housing, joined the military, made a few mistakes, had a few setbacks but those were mine to make, basically did what ever it took to become independant. Looking back I wouldnt have it any other way. These parents arent doing their kids any favors by letting them move back home (at least after college). Thats when they should be spreading their own wings and flying, creating their own lives. I just dont understand why anybody that age would want to move back home with Mommy & Daddy.

    • Posted By: falcon3 @ 12/21/2008 11:10:03 PM

      I just graduated college and got full time jobs. I'm 23 still live at home b/c we just can't afford to move out and I know it for a fact. All my money goes toward our car, gas, student loans, cell phone payment, food, etc. i have just enough to pay that and thats it. and i make almost $40,000. I live paycheck to paycheck like most people i know. the only people i know that live one their own get financila help from their parents like for their car or rent. my parents cant afford to do that for me. My parents would never allow me to live in low budget housing with drug dealers and prostitues which is what you will find. nothing here is under $800-$900 a month unless you want to live with criminals. my parents would never put me in that kind of danger and i wouldn't put myself in that situation either. I don't want a roomate and besides everyone i know can't afford to move out either or already have roomates. I wish I could move out and beindependent but it's just not posible and doesn't look like it will be for a while.

  • Posted By: aka no name @ 12/21/2008 11:01:05 PM

    softie64...your name already tells you the reason...you re too soft on her. Don't take her back. MAKE them care for themselfs. She has no respect for what she is given because she doesn't have to. She gets without earning. The differnece is maybe you trated her like she was "special" and let her get away with far too much. Time to stop enabling it and make her fend for hersef., i'm sure they will figure out a way to survive.

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