They’re Baaack

Just because kids come home does not mean you have to cater to them. They can do their own cooking, laundry, whatever else. Have them make you dinner and clean the kitchen. If they are coming home to save money, they can help with household activities.

i hate to say it. but a lot of this the parents brought upon themselves. they raised a bunch of materialistic kids. this last generation has resulted in many selfish irresponsible young adults who want everything right now. the parents gave it to them when they were *** and teenagers. they gave it to them when they were in college but somehow the kids still manage to max out their credit cards and take out maximum student loans. and now that they graduated it is no surprise that they still want their parents to help them out with their car, cell, tv, computer, clothes, $ for going out, and a place to live.

I graduated in May 08 and I'm still living at home. My loans are 600 and 180 a month and my parents aren't helping me pay them although they said they would when i was in college. now they dont have the money sure they are helping me out by letting me stay at home and use their car but i dont want to be burden on them much longer. but i have no choice since i make crap money and the economy is so horrible. maybe if students didnt have such excessive student loan payments like me we could move out and afford these things. my parents never really paid for things for me and now im back home and it doesnt look like im getting out of here anytime cuz after i pay my bills each month i only have 300 left over so its gonna take me a while to save money for a car,,,

friends of mine who are well off and have "mommy and daddy" to buy them new cars and pay 900 a month for their brand new apartments with their lousy $8, $9 dollar an hour jobs just make me furious. I know its bad but I cant help but be jealous. I thought I would be out of my house by now and have freedom. I do work around my house, clean, and pay rent. It just sucks being stuck at home and not making any money when my friends are getting things handed to them but that's life i guess. pray i get a well paying job soon so i can afford my loan payments(which I postponed until april=[....) and move ouT!

I'm on the opposite side of the story. I've been forced, due to financial reasons, to move home with my mother. I'm 46, she's 72, but I feel like I'm 12 years old again. I have to account for every moment I'm out of the house, she listens to my phone conversations (small house and nowhere to hide), and dating? Forget about it! I have no privacy whatsoever. I'm paying my half of everything and caring for her since her health isn't that great. All of her friends think I'm wonderful for moving back in to take care of her (and run all of their errands, too), but the truth is, its the pits!

I don't understand why you people don't set firm deadlines for the adult children to be out of the house, and stick by it. Surely you remember how it was when you were that age. Yeah, you might have lived in a really crappy place, with multiple roommates and minimal creature comforts, but think of what it taught you...

1) How to budget your money.
2) How to take responsibility for the outcome of your choices.
3) How little you really need expensive toys.
4) Self-control.
5) Self-reliance.

Where would you be today, if you hadn't learned those lessons?

Are you really doing your adult children any favors?

My honey & I are just shy of 30 years -we have 4 adult offspring still at home, all but one show no signs of going anywhere any time soon The issue becomes an issue in economic hard times we are self employed still have a large MTG & receive very little $$$$ from our darlings we should toss em --but we don't ---still love them all , but would like to love from a distance

My wife & I are just shy of our 30th anniversary we have 4 adult children living at home -all but one show no signs of going anywhere - so just as your article indicates Ya love em but may want love from a distance

I have 2 adult children who moved back in after being out on their own for a few years - both to finish school and make ends meet. One came home with a child and boyfriend! I wonder what they would say if we suggested they all move in with each other to make ends meet, instead of with us. On a happier note, it seems they both will be leaving the nest (again) after Christmas.

I agree with the couple in the article that you have to have very clear expectations when adult children return home. They seem to try anf fall back into that role where they are dependent and that is not healthy for anyone involved. Comunication is very important to not have resentment frm anyone.

My boomarang daughter recently told me that when I get really old, I need to have enought money to pay for a nursing home because "you are never going to live at MY house." This was after her and her teenager and 9 month old insisted on staying here for part of the summer after a fight with her boyfriend.

I am well aware that it is hard to make it these days. My 28 yr old son moved back home twice: once for 6 months after he finished college, and then again for 6 months (to save up) when he decided to move out of state. I had no problem helping him because we set the ground rules first. We agreed on household responsibilities and amount of board he would pay, BEFORE he moved in. He kept his part of the bargain and I kept mine. Plus, as a single mom, it was nice to have someone else to run errands or cok now and then, which he gladly did.

Now my youngest is in college. When she graduates, she will probably move back home for 6-12 months, just long enough to find a suitable job and get some of the student loan balances reduced. We will have the same arrangement. I don't consider this as keeping your adult children babies. I consider it a helping hand as they chart their paths in life. I have raised my children to respect people and to make consideration for others a top priority. This is the way they treat me, as well as each other.

In short, the only advice I could give is to set the ground rules, establishing responsibilities, amount of board, lexpected length of stay, and set up a way for the people involved to easily bring up an issue when one feels the other isn't keeping with the "deal".

A helping hand is not a hand out. If we don't help our families, do you think they would learn the lesson that it is appropriate to help others in time of need? I know NO ONE that hasn't needed a hand from time to time. And in return, I get the confort of knowing that those who will eventually choose my elder care (should I beome unable to do so) will do it lovingly and with care.

My mom raised 9 kids on her own after Dad died in his late 30's. We never had much, but our needs were asways met. We all started working by 14 yrs. old and we all earned successful careers through college, military, or trade schools. Mom's house had a revolving door - at some point, most were back for periods of time, usually with children, because of divorce or economic problems. It was all temporary and, eventually, Mom lived out her life at a sisters house. What goes around, comes around.

I now have a 25 yr old married daughter (who didn't marry well) with 2 kids and is in constant need of help and a 28 yr old married son with 3 kids who does quite well for himself, but still has needed our help. Last year, we had our daughters family (including the deadbeat husband) here for 10 months and almost immediately had our sons family here for 2 months. The first couldn't afford to live, the second was in between houses.

My husband and I were thrilled when we finally got our empty nest (4 yrs. ago) and could "get into each other" again, but life happens and things change. It was difficult at times with the kids back, but I wouldn't trade the intimate time spent with all 5 of my grandchildren for anything. I suspect that eventually my daughter will be back with the kids and without the deadbeat - and it will be OK, because it will be temporary, it will be a labor of love, and she will find her own way. I also know that there may come a time when I will need their assistance and it will be given without reservation and with love...and that, my friends, is what really matters. What goes around, comes around.

I have a GREAT time with my kids! My 22 y.o. daughter is a Jr. in a local college and also works full time. My 24 y.o. son just graduated in May and is job hunting and looking into grad school. They can stay as long as they like. They pay minimal rent, car insurance, cell phones & the "deluxe" part of the cable bill. I provide a roof, heat, water, and will pay for food if they do the grocery shopping and cook it.
It never occured to me that my role as a parent would cease when they turned 18. Or when they graduated from college. After they're LAUNCHED into the world and have their own places I'm sure it will be difficult for THEM to come back home
I am a 52 y.o., disabled, single woman. My laundry is taken care of, the yardwork is done, the house is generally straightened up. My linens are changed regularly and I have rides to Dr.'s appointments and social occasions.
Our children are our future! We need to invest time in them so that they are prepared to raise their own families.

As the mother of five adult sons; I would relish having them come back home. After the sudden death of my husband; the quiet in this huge house, is deafening. They are educated and independent; but home should always, always, be a place that you can return to. The rest of the world has it right; Americans really don't understand the concept of family. The increasing numbers of elderly, thrown into isolation, speaks for itself.