My 37 yr old son, along with his 49 yr old wife and their 2 daughters aged 14 and 3, and their 2 dogs, a 75 lb Rottweiler and a 135 lb English Mastiff,moved in with us in April of 2008. They were going to only stay for 6 weeks, until they found their own place to rent. There have been MANY homes available within their price range however, they are still here after 10 months. They have given us some money at times, but not on a regular basis. The aount of money they have given us equates to about $150.00/month. They have also bought food once in a whle, but they eat a LOT more than my husband and I do. They are very messy people, my home looks like a pig pen since they have been there. They don't seem to care if the house is clean or not and frankly, I'm tired of being the maid.The 3 year old sleeps with her parents, and the 14 yr old has a bedroom in our dining roo, which is open to the living room. My son has a very good job which he has been at for 15 years. They don't seem to understand that our grocery bill has tripled, along with the utilities. My husband (not my kids father) makes a good living for the 2 of us, but we are going broke trying to pay the mortgage, keep up with the bills and trying to keep us all fed. We have tried to talk to these people and explain the situation, but can;t get any help on a regular basis. Every time I ask if they have found a place or if they have the money if they did find a place, they get very defensive, and really won't hare any information with us. My husband and I feel like we are being used and we have become VERY resentful of them being here. I love them all very much, but we WANT OUR HOME BACK! Does anyone have a suggestion on how we can tactfully get these folks out of our house?
- 1
- 2
They’re Baaack
Email To A Friend
Please fill in the following information and we'll email this link.
Spouses should set guidelines for their boomerang kids, Lichtman and Goldberg say. Hold family meetings to determine how they'll share the home's chores and responsibilities and how they're planning to eventually be independent again. Otherwise, parents run the risk of feeling betrayed and used, which could further strain their relationship with their kids and each other.
And if you can afford it, buy yourself some privacy. After her children left for college, Benita Staadecker, 61, and her husband gave up their five-acre property outside Seattle for a condo in the city. Being able to focus on each other instead of soccer games and football practice was "glorious," she says; she and her husband could schedule dates and spend money on themselves without worrying about whether the kids were going to be home for dinner, and "the whole sex thing is phenomenal."
When their son moved back to Seattle for a few months, Staadecker says, they opted to rent him an apartment instead of having him join them in the condo. It was expensive, but it was money well spent. "You give so much to your children for so many years," she says. "There has to be a time when you say, 'We've raised you, we've paid for your education. Now it's our turn.'"
Parents and professionals note that fundamentally unhappy marriages won't necessarily be improved by the children's absence: In many cases, once the distraction of childrearing disappears, spouses are forced to recognize that they have little in common. Sometimes, that means boomerang kids are actually a boon. "The move back may keep the marriage going, because one of the marriage partners allies with the adult child to do such activities as shop or go to games and thereby reduces the strain on the marriage," Gladdings says.
That wasn't the case for Collier. She recently approached her husband about going to Washington, D.C., for Barack Obama's inauguration in January. It's a trip they could've taken if the kids weren't home. Now, she says, he asked what was going to happen to their son and daughter while they were gone, even though both kids are now adults. "You want your kids to be happy and healthy—somewhere else," she says. "My husband and I had been married for 25 years. At that point, it was just nice to come home and talk about something that didn't involve them."
© 2008
- 1
- 2
Discuss