Shopaholics’ Dilemma

As it turns out, our faith in the American promise of mutual fund investment growth was false. We gave $400 a month through payroll deduction to a TSA( Tax sheltered anunity) program for 25 years. Thanks to our recent economic woes our "Guaranteed" promise of gain has resulted in a $30K "paper" loss from our total historical contributions. I know this loss seems small to many, but this was real hard earned money that we confidently gave as investment in our future. I guess I am to blame for listening to our advisors who continued to say that the values will return. I feel as though we have been robbed and experience bitterness to those who have used people like us to further their failed agendas with absolutely no accountability. We will spend the rest of our poor insignificant lives looking for the silver lining in this cloud. All the while there are many who walk away with their fortunes in protected investments. Now we will regulate after the activity that has been largely to blame for this, after the fact! My only hope is that this has taught something to my children and for their sake that my wife and I don't become too large of a burden to them as we grow old. The cynic in me thinks the Republicans have just gotten away with the largest tax increase ever, or the biggest crime ever perpetrated by a few people on a large segment of population. The sad part for all of us is now what I believe to be a nation that is no more secure, more likely less secure because of our weakened economy, Our infrastructure and our educational system is worse off and behind more now than before "No child left behind". I feel as though we have all been lead blindly to the slaughter by the leadership who still honestly believes it healthy for America to engage in wars, spend billions on smart weaponry and other welfare programs that prop up our defense industry. In the meantime we have sacrificed many lives devastating our military families, the health and welfare of our general population and created further havoc on our environment. If our country was ever ready for a change in leadership it is now.

Call it compulisive buying disorder, but you have to throw some responsibility to marketers and banking. In the documentary Maxed Out, a Harvard professer breaks down the any mystery there might be about greedy lenders and stupid consumers. If you don't feel like reading a book on something most of us know, watch Maxed Out.

When I was in college Citibank gave me an unemployed college student a credit card. It changed my life and spending habits. When I reached $900, I stopped using it and made sacrifices to pay off the card. Quickly I found my true friends, and I learned to enjoy the public library and conversation-deep dating and socializing without fanfare settings. I found great people and I paid off my debt. I wouldn't want to repeat that experience at my age now, but stops me even now in making a purchase.

Read "The Model Rules of Personal Finance for Professionals" published by the American Bar Association. It will give you a solid, step-by-step path to financial freedom.

I got a book and in these economic times I recommend it, "The Model Rules of Personal Finance for Professionals" published by the American Bar Association is a must-read for anyone who is financially clueless but wants a solid foundation.

I think it would send them into a depression or even to possibly shoplifting.

There is a 12 step program that addresses the problem of indebtednes and overspending. It is called debtor's anonymous and it has helped thousands of people to move beyond their financial problems. Many debtors are really unconscious of their financial dilemmas and have no true understanding of what money is and how it is to be used effectively. I grew up in a family where my dad borrowed from one credit account to pay another and almost went to jail for embezzlement when he was in a partnership business. There was never enough money and a lot of what there was went to purchse alcohol. Compulsive shoppers come from many different backgrounds, but that behavior can be changed. The firsr requirement is awareness of the problem.

savesnow

Who gives a ***?

Who gives a ***?

Once again, idiotic behavior is not the fault of the idiot. Thank god for liberalism

http://www.angrywhitedude.com

Once again, idiotic behavior is not the fault of the idiot. Thank god for liberalism.

http://www.angrywhitedude.com

A very effective preventative for this (as well as the vast majority of other social problems) would be if parents raised their children to be independent, self-reliant, self-respecting adults who have good impulse control.

Look around you, at how children are raised today. Seems like nearly every parent out there is more interested in raising either...

1) A slave - Treating the child as if s/he's completely incompetent while expecting the child to do all the domestic tasks the parents fancy themselves too important to do. The child tends to (rightly) resent this, and lashes out in all the ways they are able. (Tends to produce either angry, self-indulgent people who are more prone to criminal behavior than the general population, or people who would be that way if only they weren't already drugged zombies from the handful of psychoactive meds they take every day)

2) A mini-me - This is when the parent is absolutely determined to craft a miniature version of themselves in the child, and is narcissistic ego-padding at its finest. (You can usually tell who these parents are going to be before the child is even born... they're the ones who are saying "Oh, and my kid will be enrolled in this, and taking those sort of lessons, and talented in that, and ..." How nice of you, to pick your child's interests and hobbies FOR it, before it is even born.) The child is left with two choices: Either they can destroy everything about themselves (personality, interests, etc.) in order to please the parent, or they can continue to be who nature made them to be, thus denying the Mini-Me parent his/her source of narcissistic supply. I needn't point out how narcissists tend to react when they are denied their source of narcissistic supply... that kid will grow up in the middle of an in-house armageddon, no matter how polite, hardworking, considerate, or academically gifted s/he is. (Tends to produce either criminals, lifelong neurotics, or social conservatives, depending on whether or not the child gave in and the underlying temperament of the child.)

3) A lifelong dependent - This is a parent who does everything for the child, long past the time where the child should be doing that task for himself. All helicopter parenting creates in the end is insecure, overly sheltered children who have no faith in themselves or their own abilities. (Common outcomes: No impulse control, still living with mom long after they should have left the nest, no ability to budget money, life skills are slim to nonexistent.)

4) More than one of the above.

How else are children supposed to turn out, when they're raised like this? And it's only getting worse. I was born on the tail end of Generation X (I'm 32). It was already pretty bad when I was young, but unlike later generations at least some of us understood that families weren't supposed to be that way.

A very effective preventative for this (as well as the vast majority of other social problems) would be if parents raised their children to be independent, self-reliant, self-respecting adults who have good impulse control.

Look around you, at how children are raised today. Seems like nearly every parent out there is more interested in raising either...

1) A slave - Treating the child as if s/he's completely incompetent while expecting the child to do all the domestic tasks the parents fancy themselves too important to do. The child tends to (rightly) resent this, and lashes out in all the ways they are able. (Tends to produce either angry, self-indulgent people who are more prone to criminal behavior than the general population, or people who would be that way if only they weren't already drugged zombies from the handful of psychoactive meds they take every day)

2) A mini-me - This is when the parent is absolutely determined to craft a miniature version of themselves in the child, and is narcissistic ego-padding at its finest. (You can usually tell who these parents are going to be before the child is even born... they're the ones who are saying "Oh, and my kid will be enrolled in this, and taking those sort of lessons, and talented in that, and ..." How nice of you, to pick your child's interests and hobbies FOR it, before it is even born.) The child is left with two choices: Either they can destroy everything about themselves (personality, interests, etc.) in order to please the parent, or they can continue to be who nature made them to be, thus denying the Mini-Me parent his/her source of narcissistic supply. I needn't point out how narcissists tend to react when they are denied their source of narcissistic supply... that kid will grow up in the middle of an in-house armageddon, no matter how polite, hardworking, considerate, or academically gifted s/he is. (Tends to produce either criminals, lifelong neurotics, or social conservatives, depending on whether or not the child gave in and the underlying temperament of the child.)

3) A lifelong dependent - This is a parent who does everything for the child, long past the time where the child should be doing that task for himself. All helicopter parenting creates in the end is insecure, overly sheltered children who have no faith in themselves or their own abilities. (Common outcomes: No impulse control, still living with mom long after they should have left the nest, no ability to budget money, life skills are slim to nonexistent.)

4) More than one of the above.

How else are children supposed to turn out, when they're raised like this? And it's only getting worse. I was born on the tail end of Generation X (I'm 32). It was already pretty bad when I was young, but unlike later generations at least some of us understood that families weren't supposed to be that way.

Really think about this paragraph from the article:

"I have people carry around a shopping journal, and the minute the urge strikes, they need to write about the urge. How does their body know they want to shop? What thoughts, feelings, memories, ideas, impulses go along with this, and what do they think is triggering them? And then they need to ask: What's their heart saying? What will be good about shopping? What's their head saying? And then they make a decision. If they decide to shop, they've got to plan their purchases and do it in a mindful way."

If basic self-awareness is such a scarce commodity these days that people have to keep a journal to figure out even the most elementary causes of why they do what they do, there's no point in fearing for the future of our nation.

We're already living in ruins and ashes. :P

Woops, double post, my bad. Sorry.

In my 20's, long before I was in recovery for other addictions, I used shopping for a "high" of sorts. It never ceased to amaze me how good I could feel at the purchase, yet, when I got home, I would immediately become physically anxious...setting all the items out trying to decide which I could live with returning. I've always been a sale shopper, growing up in a lower-middle class family it was part of my physical makeup, but that can also be problematic as you just buy more with the justification you're getting so much more for your dollar. I've since gotten into recovery, had children, and my compulsions are fewer and farther in between. I am able to use the 12 steps of my recovery program and relate them to my shopping compulsions, too. I still have a hard time passing up anything over 70% off, though now my theory is if the store isnt losing money by my purchase, I won't even consider buying it Full price, what's that? And I figured this out long befor the recession.

I do recall through my 20's shopping for pleasure, always in search of amazing deals. I recall, too, having made multiple purchases (always clothing, shoes or accessories), bringing them home only to feeling tremendous guilt, laying the items on the bed and having a heck of a time trying to decide which I could live with being returned. In some ways, because I was a sale-shopaholic, it made it that much easier to justify my shopping sprees. Today, I live i a much more realistic world, and my clearance shopping has gotten to a point most stores lose money when I make a purchase, but I realize I still buy only to find a week later I really didn't "need" the item as much as I thought I did. Because I have children, most of my money goes to shopping for them, and rarely at clearance level (though Ebay helps me to afford higher end, lower price, items). Once I make a purchase for them, I almost never return it. For myself, about 50% of what I buy still goes back, even if the items are only $3 a piece. So, maybe I've matured a bit in my shopping habits, but I'm also a recovering alcoholic, and can use my AA program to help with my shopping issues. The article was absolutely right that compulsive shopping is all about the temporary high get, not the items you purchase.

I have found a website where I can shop comfortably without fear of breaking the bank. They specialize in home goods, collectibles and gifts, many under $20.00! My Xmas will be a no brainer this year. They deliver fast, accept major credit cards paypal or check. Someone told me about them 6 months ago, I have been shopping with them every since. Here is the site. www. Home Delites.com

It sometimes takes a complete disaster to bring about change. I was a compulsive buyer, largely motivated by an unhappy marriage and an unfulfilling job. Having lost both my job and my marriage, and now struggling just to survive, I can say without any doubt that I have no further desire to spend money on anything that I don't need. Even if this weren't such a terrible economic situation, and even if I had the money to spend, I feel that I've broken my addiction